Love, Unwanted (Discovering Love #3) (11 page)

Chapter Fourteen

Meet Mick

One Month Later

“Hi, Miss Caroline.”

I look up from my computer and smile when I hear Annie come into the library. “Good afternoon, Annie. How are you?”

“I’m great! Did you get it?”

I laugh at her impatience. I can’t blame her. Annie had me order her a book two months ago and she’s been in here almost every day to see if it finally came.

I mask my face in fake sadness while secretly reaching under my desk. “I’m sorry, Annie, but…it came!”

I laugh when I see her face go from disappointment to excitement in two point five seconds.

“Yes!” She cheers. “I’ve been waiting my whole life for this book!”

I laugh at her eleven-year-old dramatics.

“I loved this book when I was your age,” I tell her as I walk her to the library door.

“I can’t wait to read it.” Just as she finishes saying this, we hear her dad honk his horn.

“Let me know how you like it.”

“I will. Bye, Miss Caroline.”

After Annie leaves, I grab my purse and shut off the lights. Then I set the alarm and leave for the night. Since the night Phoenix showed up at my house because he couldn’t sleep without me, my life has once again become about routine…an absolutely amazing routine.

Since I live close to the library and in an actual house, Phoenix has started spending every night with me. There wasn’t any kind of discussion about this. He just showed up the second night and declared this is how it’s going to be. I wasn’t about to argue with him.

Other than that, nothing has changed. Things are still amazing between us. Phoenix hasn’t traveled anywhere for shows, but he still has shows here in Lishoy. He has a big show this weekend he’s been rehearsing for every day.

I’m bothered that he’s never invited me to hear him sing. I, of course, heard him the night at the pub, the night we first met, and I’ve heard him just messing around or rehearsing, but he’s never invited me to one of his shows.

I’ve wracked my brain trying to figure out all the possible reasons for him maybe not wanting me there, but the only one I can come up with is it’s just me. It’s not a secret I’m the complete opposite of any kind of woman from Phoenix’s world. Maybe he’s embarrassed about me? Maybe he just wants to keep me separate from his rock star life?

I love Phoenix. I haven’t told him yet because honestly I’m still coming to terms with my feelings for him, but there’s no point in denying it anymore. I love him, and I want to be involved in every part of his life. To think he could be embarrassed about me makes my heartache, which is why I’ve come to the decision to ignore the entire thing and act like it’s not bothering me.

As soon as I step out of the library, the same creepy feeling overcomes me. The past month, every time I’ve left the house or work or just anytime I’m alone, I’ve felt like I’m being watched.

I don’t want to say anything to Phoenix because I know how serious he takes my safety. I’m sure if I did say anything, he’d make sure I had a police escort with me everywhere I go, so talking to him is not an option at the moment. I told Violet about the creepy feelings and she thinks I’m just letting all the threats get to me; that I’m getting paranoid because of them.

I suppose she could be right, but I haven’t received any more threats since the library was broken into. I have just assumed whoever did it got bored and moved on to harass someone else. I don’t know what to think anymore.

I’m just climbing into the back of my cab when my phone beeps with a text:

Phoenix: Hey, babe, rehearsal was pushed back until tonight. Since you don’t have to work tomorrow, I figured we could stay at my place. I already picked up Bubbles. See you soon.

“Where to, Miss?” I smile and give the cabbie the name of the hotel.

***

“Phoenix? You here?” I call into the seemingly empty hotel suite. I stood outside knocking for a good minute, waiting for him to answer before I realized he gave me a room key three weeks ago.

“Maybe he already went to rehearsal?” I surmise when I still don’t get an answer.

I decide since he’s not here and I don’t have anything else to keep me busy, I’ll make him dinner. Or at least that was the plan until I walked into the living room and found a man standing at the bar. Who the hell is he? And why didn’t he answer when he heard me knocking and calling Phoenix’s name?

“Oh…hi.”

Finally, after the stranger throws back the rest of his scotch, he turns around. I get a whole different kind of icky feeling when he looks my body up and down and mumbles, “I can see why he’s obsessed with you.”

“Excuse me?” I can’t possibly have heard what I just think I heard. While I wait for the jerk to pour himself another drink, I take a second to size him up. He’s not much taller than me and about two-hundred pounds heavier. His face is clean-shaven and what little hair he has left on his head is groomed into an awful comb over.

Despite all that, you can tell just by looking at him and smelling him that he’s trying to give off the impression he has money. A gold chain hangs on his meaty neck and there are gold rings on all of his fingers. I’m surprised I didn’t smell his incredibly strong cologne the moment I walked through the door.

“I’m Mick,” he announces when he turns back to me.
Mick. Where have I heard that name? Right, he’s Phoenix’s manager. Guess it doesn’t matter if I like him or not. He isn’t going anywhere.

Faced with that reality, I paint on a bright smile and stick out my hand. “Oh, hi, Mick. Phoenix has told me so much about you. I’m Caroline.”

My bright smile fades when Mick ignores my hand and throws back the rest of his drink.

“I know who you are,” he says. He walks across the living room to the big window that overlooks the city. “And I know what you’re trying to do.”

“What I’m trying to do?” I mimic his question with confusion laced in my voice. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

I jump when he releases a big belly laugh before turning to face me once again. “I’m not stupid, little girl. You may have Phoenix fooled with your goodie-two-shoes attitude. You can fool everybody around you with that innocent act, but me? I know what you are. I’ve been in this business a long time. I’ve seen numerous women try and weasel their way into a musician’s wallet any way they can. I will say, though, you do sell this innocent act quite well. One of the best I’ve ever witnessed.”

It takes a minute for me to process what he’s actually accusing me of, but when it does register, I see red. “I’m not sure what I’ve done to make you think that I’m only interested in Phoenix’s money, or his fame, for that matter, but I really don’t appreciate you insinuating I’m some kind of gold digger who is putting on some show. I care about him.”

“You care about what’s in his wallet.”

“That’s a lie!” I yell. It doesn’t matter what I say to this man. None of it is getting through to him and I’m just so sick of defending my feelings or relationship with Phoenix to everybody.

I think Mick is surprised at my outburst. For the longest time, he doesn’t respond. He just looks at me like he’s trying to figure out what his next move should be. I can see when he figures it out, and I know it’s not going to be good by the grimy smile he gives me.

“Okay, sweetheart.” My skin crawls at his use of that pet name. “Let’s say you are this sweet, innocent girl that you claim to be. What happens in a few months from now?”

This whole situation is just confusing to me. I’ve never met Mick in my life. I’ve heard things about him. Yes, I have the impression he isn’t the greatest guy just from how hard he works Phoenix despite how many times Phoenix has asked for a break, but I just can’t comprehend why Mick seems to hate me so much.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, right now you’re a shiny new toy to Phoenix. He’s calling off shows, not showing up to rehearsals because all of his attention is wrapped up in you, and you love it, but it’ll wear off. He’s got to go back on tour sometime. He’ll be reintroduced to his old life, a life full of money, booze, and women, a life that he loves. What do you think he’s going to do when he gets a glimpse of his old life and remembers how glorious it was? He’s gonna drop Miss Innocent so fast. My advice to you, kid. Leave now. Save yourself the heartache.”

My heart is beating out of my chest and my body is shaking uncontrollably. Everything he’s just said to me isn’t anything I haven’t thought about before, but I tried to ignore it and live in the moment with Phoenix. That’s hard to do when all the negatives get shoved in my face like this.

Part of me wants to run out of this room and from this situation. I also want to fight. I want to tell Mick he has no idea what could happen. He’s never seen Phoenix and I together. He doesn’t know what our relationship is like.

No one can predict the future. All I can do is act on what I know and I know that I love Phoenix. I know I’ve waited my whole life to have a love like this. If I’m not going to let some anonymous letters drive me away from this love, then I sure as hell am not going to let Mick.

“Babe! You here?” Mick and I break eye contact when we hear Phoenix call for me from the front door.

“In here,” I call back.

I take a step toward Mick and lower my voice. I have something to say to him, and something tells me that this is probably the only chance I’ll have to say it.

“You’re wrong. You don’t know me and you don’t know Phoenix, but I do know you. You don’t care about Phoenix. You care about yourself and the money he gives you. That’s why you still make him do show after show, party after party, even knowing his struggles. I threaten you because I show Phoenix it’s possible to have people in his life who care about him for him, not for the fame or the money. He knows if you stripped all that away, I would still be here. You wouldn’t.”

“Mick, what are you doing here?” Phoenix asks just as I finish speaking. My eyes don’t leave Mick and his don’t leave mine. I’m waiting on baited breath to see if he’s going to tell Phoenix about our conversation.

Finally, Mick looks away. A fake smile shows on his face. “Yeah, I just stopped by to see if I could talk you into doing that show in England next month.”

I put on a smile and walk over to Phoenix, who is looking back and forth between us, almost like he senses that something is wrong. He pulls me to his side and kisses me. “Hey, baby. Everything okay?”

“Yeah, everything is fine,” I say cheerfully. He gives me a warm smile and another chaste kiss. Then he turns his attention to Mick. .

“I told you, no out-of-town shows.”

“I thought I’d ask again. Can’t blame a guy for trying.” He laughs. “Well, at least I finally got to meet this lovely lady you can’t stop talking about. I better get going. Call me after rehearsal?”

He’s walking toward the door before he’s even finished talking. Phoenix only gives him a nod as an answer. No more is said before Mick walks out of the suite.

Phoenix stares at the door Mick exited through for a while before turning back to me. “Are you sure you’re all right?”

“Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Just wondering. How was your day, babe?

“It was good. Busy, but good. I thought I might make us dinner tonight?” He wraps his arm around me and starts to walk us to the kitchen.

“Better make it dinner for three.”

Nick, the drummer in Phoenix’s band, is standing in the kitchen.

“Hey, beautiful!” he smiles. I met Nick a few weeks ago and instantly liked him, along with all the other bandmates. They’re all funny and so nice.

“Hi, Nick. How are you?”

“I’m great. You cooking?”

That’s another thing I’ve learned about Nick. He loves food. You wouldn’t be able to tell by looking at him, though. He’s just as fit as Phoenix, only with long blonde hair and bright blue eyes.

“Yes.” I giggle.

“Fantastic!” He cheers, then looks at Phoenix. “You got a keeper, bro.”

“Don’t I know it,” he says instantly while looking my body up and down, causing my face to heat.

“You coming to the show this weekend?”

Just like that, all my happiness evaporates at Nick’s question. I’m about to tell him no because I wasn’t invited, but I’m interrupted by Phoenix.

“She’ll be there.” My eyes snap to him and he shoots me a wink.

“I’ll be there.” I smile.

Chapter Fifteen

Make Me Sandra D

“You sure you don’t mind driving to the show with Emily and Liz?” Phoenix asks me for the millionth time today.

“Yes, I’m sure. It’ll be fine. Go!” I laugh, but I stop when he cups my face between his palms.

“You make me so happy,” he whispers before his lips touch mine. I swear the things this man can do to me! That’s why I’m going out of my mind that he won’t make me his in every way.

Yes, I wasn’t sure if I was ready before, but these past few months with him have solidified this is what I want. I want everything from Phoenix. I want to give him all of me. Even if it doesn’t work out between us, even if he goes back to the road and realizes a relationship with me isn’t what he wants, I won’t regret giving myself to him.

“I’ll see you tonight, birdie. I’ll be the one singing.”

He gives me one more earth-shattering kiss before he leaves the suite.

With nothing else to do and only an hour left to get ready, I go to the bathroom. I start curling my short blonde hair into loose waves, then apply the same minimal makeup I do every day: light mascara, a little lip gloss, and some blush.

I pull out my knee length, floral, flowing skirt and my gray sweater from my suitcase. After getting dressed, I look in the mirror. Mick wasn’t far off. Everything about me screams innocent. I’ve worn this outfit and many like this a hundred times. I look like I’m going to church, not to a concert. I look like I’m part of the choir, not the lead singer’s girlfriend.

No wonder Phoenix thinks he has to handle me with care and slow things down between us to a snail’s pace. I’ve been giving him all the correct signs…or at least I think I have. I’m ready for him to make love to me. More than ready. In fact, if he makes me wait any longer, I may combust. The man is a tease, even when he isn’t trying.

I sigh and give up when I hear Liz and Emily knocking at the door.
Guess this will just have to do.

As soon as I open the door, the girls bombard me. “Hi!” they both say. That’s the only thing I understand before they start chattering about how excited they are to go out with me. I met these girls a couple weeks ago and I can see why Nick and Shaun like them.

They are both tall and slim and look like they just walked off a runway in Mulan. Liz has long blonde hair with blue eyes and Emily has short red hair with green eyes.

They are the opposite in every way from any kind of girls I’ve been friends with before. They’re plastic, meaning they have fake boobs, fake noses, fake tan, but they are genuinely nice. Since the moment I met them, they made me feel like part of the group, like I belong, and they will never understand how much I appreciate that.

“You better get ready, girl. We’re going to be late,” Emily says to me. I look down at my outfit before looking back at the girls.

“Erm, I am ready,” I say slowly and almost shamefully. I watch as Liz and Emily look at each other, both looking perplexed before their eyes come back to me.

“You look great!”

“You really do!”

Lies. It’s all lies. I know that they’re just trying to be nice, but the truth is I look like a nun, especially compared to them. Emily has on a neon pink, skintight dress, and Liz has on an almost matching dress except hers is green. They look like they’re going to a concert. I look like I’m about to meet my grandma for tea.

“You don’t have to lie. I know I look like I just walked out of a church social.”

“Not at all!” Liz rushes out. I hate this. I’m not ugly. I just wish I was a little more daring. I wish I was like Sandy on
Grease.
At the end of the movie, she shows up at the carnival looking like a total badass to win her man back.

“Are you okay?” Emily asks, pulling me from my thoughts. I’m about to say yes, but I stop myself. If I want Phoenix to realize he doesn’t need to take things slow anymore, if I want to make him see that I’m ready for him to have me in every way, I’m going to have to show him. I believe I know just the way to do that.

“You guys ever see that movie,
Grease
?”

Confusion masks their faces. I can only imagine what they’re thinking, but they nod their heads in answer anyway.

“Can you make me Sandra D?”

They pause, but I know the instant they understand my question because they both get matching smiles.

“Sweetheart, we can make you better then Sandra D. Em, call the guys and tell them we may be running a bit late. We have to make a stop at our place first.”

***

Bloody hell.

Oh bloody hell.

That isn’t me. That can’t be me. Bloody hell.

“What do you think?” Liz asks as she comes to stand behind me. I don’t take my eyes off my reflection in her mirror and I don’t answer her right away. I’m still trying to convince myself that is me.

I’m unrecognizable. They left my hair down, but curled it into tighter ringlets before putting a black flower with some feathers attached behind my right ear. My makeup is dramatic with smoky eyes and bright red lips. I didn’t know makeup could look like this or that simple eye shadow could make my eyes pop.

I skim my reflection until I’m looking at the dress I’m in.
Holy. Shit. What a dress it is.
It’s by far the raciest one I’ve ever worn. It’s simple, but so sexy—a deep red, mid-thigh club dress. It’s silk and strapless with a sweetheart neckline. Emily let me borrow her black leather jacket to wear over it along with her ankle high black heels.

“I can’t believe this is me.”

“Believe it, girl! It’s you and you are one sexy bitch. Phoenix isn’t going to know what hit him.” Liz laughs.

“I wish I could hire you guys to come over and do my hair and makeup every day. Bet Phoenix would be more than willing to take it to the next level if I looked like this every day.”

I laugh to cover up my embarrassment. I didn’t mean to be so honest about my motives for this sudden brazen change.

“Hey!” Emily grabs my shoulders and turns me away from the mirror to look at her. “You don’t need to change anything. You’re beautiful, babe.” I roll my eyes and snort. “I’m serious! You are gorgeous, and if you are ready to rock Phoenix’s world, then you tell him.”

“Uh, that’s not something I can just come out and say.” I laugh.

“Not with your mouth, with your body. It’s all about confidence. You show him you’re ready with your body.”

“Um, and how do I do that?”

Liz walks over and slings her arm around my shoulders. “Stick with us, babe. We’ll show you everything you need to know.” I laugh when she wiggles her eyebrows for good measure.

“Ready, ladies?” Emily asks once we hear the taxi honk its horn. The nerves set in when I realize I actually have to leave the house like this. I feel like I may throw up when I think about the fact that Phoenix is going to see me in this dress.

I take a deep breath. “Ready as I’ll ever be.”

The cab ride took thirty minutes and I spent all of it trying to talk myself out of yelling at the cab driver to turn around. “We’re here,” Liz announces.
Too late to turn back now.

The bar where they are performing is a brick building. I begin to worry when I see a line of people waiting to go inside so long that it wraps around the building and goes into the alley.

“Where are you going?” I hear Em ask when I start to walk away.

“To get in line.”

“Babe, you’re dating the lead singer. We don’t have to wait in line.”

“Oh.”

“Come on.” She laughs while grabbing my hand and pulling me to the very big, very intimidating bouncer standing at the front entrance.

“Names,” he asks without removing his eyes from his clipboard. We tell him our names and, without another word, he unlatches the rope and lets us through. We walk through the door to the sounds of the people in the line complaining.

The inside of the bar is dark and smoky, but much bigger than it looks on the outside. The first thing we see is the huge stage in the back with a big dance floor in front of it. To the right is a long bar with chairs lining it, and on the right is a section roped off for the tables and chairs.

The place is packed. There is no way all the people waiting in line are going to be able to get in here. “Let’s go get a drink before it starts,” Liz yells over the noise of people talking and the music the deejay is playing.

We have to push our way through the crowd to get a spot at the bar. There are tons of people around us trying to get the bartender’s attention, but he’s too busy talking up a busty brunette to notice. “He seems distracted,” I note.

“Psh, not for long,” Liz says before pushing up her own double D’s and leaning on the bar.

“Could I get a drink, please?” The bartender doesn’t spare the woman he was talking to another glance. He just turns and heads toward us. I can barely contain my laughter.

“What can I get you beautiful ladies?”

“I’ll take a Sex on the Beach,” Emily responds.

“Oh, that sounds good. I’ll have one too. How about you, Caroline?”

“I’ll just have water.” Liz raises her eyebrow at me as if she’s wondering if I’m serious before getting a small smile on her lips and turning back to the bartender.

“Three Sex on the Beaches, please.” I’m about to argue, but I stop myself. Tonight is about stepping out of my comfort zone, trying new things and living more dangerously than I ever have. So, hell yes, I’ll take a Sex on the Beach!

“We should get up there before the guys start,” Emily says. She grabs my hand and pulls me through the horde of people on the dance floor until we reach the center of the front row.

I know Phoenix is talented. I knew that from the moment I heard his voice the first night I met him, but I never expected this. The bar is full of hundreds of people. Not even the pub was this packed.

Despite the fact that my nerves are high, I’m happy to be here. I feel like his singing and his life that comes with it was the one thing Phoenix has kept separate from me. The fact that I’m here and he wants me here means everything to me.

My stomach turns with anxiety when the deejay announces Phoenix’s band and the guys come out on stage. I can see him searching the crowd for me as soon as he reaches the mic. His eyes have scanned over me at least three times, and I almost want to laugh at the fact that he doesn’t seem to recognize me.

It’s not until he starts talking to the crowd, introducing the guys, and Liz and Emily go crazy with cheering that his eyes connect with mine. The main lights in the bar are off, leaving only the stage to provide any light. Even so, I can still see the shock register on his face. I can see him blinking, almost as if to make sure he’s actually seeing me dressed like this.

The only problem is I have no way of being able to tell if he likes the change or not. I don’t know whether to take it as a good sign that he’s completely stopped talking. He’s now just standing on the stage staring at me staring back at him.

Finally, after what seems like hours, he whispers, “Holy hell.”

Well…he tries to whisper it, but he forgets he is holding the microphone in his hand, so his whisper carries throughout the bar, which causes some laughs.

“Uh, dude?” Nick finally breaks in on a mic of his own. “Are you just going to stare at your girl all night or are we gonna give these people one hell of a motherfucking show!”

At the roar of the crowd, Phoenix finally snaps out of his daze and starts talking to the crowd. His eyes come to me every few minutes. It’s by the third song that I realize that he’s just as amazing as I thought he was.

His voice is smooth and raspy at the same time. It warms and draws all of my attention, but hearing him from the storage closet or his rehearsal is completely different than seeing him perform in front of a crowd. His heart is in it right now.

He’s amazing. The way he works the crowd and engages with them, it’s so easy to see why they love him so much; the women a little too much, so much so that a big boobed redhead in the front calls his name before lifting up her shirt and flashing him.

Just like that, all my good vibes are thrown to smithereens. I react on my first instinct and look away. My eyes connect with Emily’s sympathetic ones. This is my first concert. She’s been with Shaun for years. I’m sure she’s been through this and worse.

“How do you stand it?” I ask.

She gives me a smile, throws her arm around my shoulders, and turns me back to the stage. “Look at Phoenix.” I really don’t want to, but I do as she asks and look at him.

Relief sweeps through me when I see that his eyes aren’t glued to the naked tits of the random chick in the front row, but they’re on me. “These girls may have all their eyes on your man, but he only has eyes for you,” Emily says in my ear. “Don’t get me wrong, I still want to choke women with their own tits when they look at Shaun, but it helps knowing that he loves me and only me.”