Love, Unwanted (Discovering Love #3) (9 page)

I don’t see him out front, but I can hear his voice coming from the alleyway. “I don’t want to hear it, Mick. I’m not doing any out-of-town shows until we find out who’s threatening Caroline.”

My heart aches with guilt. The last thing I want is for him to have to put his career or his life on hold because of me; another reason I kept this from him. There’s a long pause before I hear him say, “Yeah, well, we’ll just see about that.”

I’m wondering if I should stay hidden for a while longer, let him get his anger under control, but I figure it’s better to just get this conversation over with. I have no clue if he’s mad at me for hiding the note from him, but right now all I want to do is go home and climb into bed.

“Is everything okay?”

He whips around to face me when he hears my voice. In an instant, all the anger vanishes.

“Yeah, baby, everything is fine. Are you done answering questions?”

“Yeah. They said they’d let me know if they found anything out. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Babe, I’m fine.” He laughs it off and walks toward me. “It’s you I’m worried about.”

“I’m fine, Phoenix. I mean, well, that’s not true. This is my library, a place I’ve worked hard for, but everything is replaceable. I’m just glad no one was there and no one got hurt. Right now I’m just so tired, I feel like I could sleep for days.”

“Then let’s go so you can get some rest.”

“You don’t have to drive me. Violet’s still down at the pub. I was just going to call her and have her give me a ride to my house. I’m sure you have other things to do.”

“One, there isn’t anything more important than making sure you’re okay and safe. Two, I’m your boyfriend. This is what I’m supposed to be doing, this is what I want to do. Three, we’re not going to your house.”

So much about what he just said has my mind spinning, I don’t even know where to begin. “Wait…boyfriend?”

“Hell yeah I’m your boyfriend! What do you think we’re doing here?” He laughs but then gets a very serious look. “Unless you got someone else?”

“What? No!” I blurt loudly.

“I’m just kidding, babe.” I roll my eyes when he laughs.

“I’m not going home?”

“Nope.” He grabs my hand and starts pulling me toward his bike. “We’re going to your house long enough to grab Bubbles and a change of clothes, but then you’re coming to my place.”

He had me until the part about me staying at his place. Then he lost me. I yank my hand from his. “I’m not moving in with you.”

“No one said you were. You’re staying at my place until I can get someone to your house and the library to put in a security system.”

“That’s not nec—”

“Yeah, I know, sweetheart. It’s not necessary. Nothing ever is with you, but right now you don’t get a choice. I don’t play when it comes to your safety, so I’m going to go over there and give the officer my address so he knows where he can find you if you have any questions. You have until I get back to accept it.”

A hard kiss to my forehead and he’s gone. I’m left wondering what the heck just happened.

Chapter Twelve

Cleaning Out His Closet

We left the library hours ago. I was surprised when we pulled up to a fancy hotel. Phoenix filled me in that this has been where he’s been living since coming back to Lishoy.

I don’t know what I expected, maybe a mansion or something, but definitely not a hotel suite. Oh, but don’t get me wrong…this is the biggest suite I’ve seen in my entire life. I don’t even want to know how much it costs a night for this room.

It’s like a mini house. It has everything—a living room, two bedrooms, two bathrooms, a kitchen, and a full bar with a private infinity pool. This hotel is better than my tiny suburban house in every single way.

Now it’s night time and we just got done consuming a delicious dinner. For some reason, out of everything that’s happened today, I can’t get what Violet told me out of my mind.

I was being real when I told her it wouldn’t matter if he was an alcoholic. I would stand by him, I would help in any way I could, whether it was as his girlfriend or just his friend, but I just need to know the truth.

“Can I ask you something?”

I thought I asked my question very nonchalantly, but I realize I failed when he gives me a cautious look. “This doesn’t sound good,” he finally says after wiping his mouth with a napkin and sitting back in his kitchen chair.

“It’s not bad,” I say.
At least I hope it’s not.

“Okay…shoot.”

I spent the past hour or so going over how to ask this. I have to tread carefully. I can’t just blurt out, “Are you an alcoholic.” That would be bad, right? Yes, I’m just going to work my way up to that question.

“Are you an alcoholic?” I blurt.
Wait! What? No. No, words! Come back, words!
I know I’ve made a grave mistake when I see his face morph from curious to furious. “I mean, I’ve just heard some things—” I try and back talk, but I’m cut off.

“Jesus Christ!” he hisses. He stands up so fast, the chair he was sitting in screeches back, and then falls to the floor. By that reaction, I know instantly that exactly what I didn’t want to happen, happened. I offended him.

I stay seated at the table and try to plot out my next move when he storms into the kitchen. My stomach is in knots and I’m fighting the urge to lock myself in his spare room for the rest of the night. When it becomes painfully clear that he’s not coming back to the table, I take a big breath and go to him.

“I’m sorry I even asked. It wasn’t my place, and I understand you maybe not wanting to talk about it.”

Silence. I get nothing from him. I can’t see the expression on his face because he’s at the sink and his back is toward me, but I can tell that not even an ounce of his anger has dissipated by the way his back muscles are bulging because of how hard he’s scrubbing the already clean plate in his hands.

When the silence continues, I decide the best course of action is to busy myself while he calms down. Which is what I’m about to do when he turns around. “You’re right.”

“I’m sorry?” I ask. I’m confused by what he means by that, but the hostility in his voice doesn’t give me hopes that this conversation is going to be dropped anytime soon.

“You’re right. It wasn’t any of your business.” I flinch involuntarily at his words and the desire to run and hide grows stronger. “But now you brought it up, I guess we’ll talk about it. Yes, I had a drinking problem, but it’s fine now. It’s all under control, so you don’t have to worry about my fucked up problems tarnishing your perfect life.”

“I didn’t think that at all!” I can feel my own anger growing. Why would he even think that was a thought in my head? I’m nearly blinded with irritation. “My life has nothing to do with me bringing this up. I was only worried about you—”

“Well, thanks, but I don’t need you to worry about me. Just worry about yourself.”

I can’t decide if I want to throw something at him or just cry. Honestly, I don’t know what happened between earlier and now.

“That’s fine. I’ll worry about myself and you can worry about you,” I snap, turn on my heels, and storm out of the kitchen, heading toward the room I saw him put my bags in.

“Where are you going?”

“Home!” I yell over my shoulder.

“The hell you are! Not until I get that security system put in!”

Before I can prevent it, a bitter laugh escapes me and I turn around to face him. He stops walking and gets a, dare I say, scared look when he sees me stomp toward him.

I don’t even know what came over me. I just know that today, my library was broken into and vandalized, I was threatened twice in the matter of a few days, and now Phoenix, a man who has always been nothing but nice to me, is telling me, in so many words, to bug off!

“Listen here, bub!” I hiss and poke him in the shoulder. “You may think because you’re massive, covered in tats, and gorgeous that you can talk to me however you want. You may be used to ordering people around and seeing them scatter to please you, but that’s not going to happen with me! You ruining what you may see as my perfect life was not a thought to me, and the fact you would even suggest that quite frankly makes you an ass. I was asking because I was concerned and wanted to see if you wanted to talk about it. It’s not like I was looking for this information on you. It fell into my lap. I was trying to do the adult thing and come to you and ask you about it instead of just assuming this and that. My mistake. I now know not to do that again. Right now, I’m doing as you said and worrying about myself and my home. If or when I get a security system is my worry, not yours, so I’m grabbing my bags and my fish and leaving!”

I make my way to the bedroom.

“Just wait, please,” he pleads in a much softer voice then he was using earlier. Too bad it’s a little late. I’m still irate and now embarrassed about how I went off. All I want is to climb into my own bed and go to sleep, maybe wake up tomorrow and find all of this was just a dream.

“Please, baby. Let’s just talk about this. You know it’s not safe to go back to your house right now. I swear, just hear me out and then if you still don’t want to be anywhere near me, you can sleep in the other room and I won’t bother you again.”

“The time to talk was twenty minutes ago.”

I try to hold on to my anger because I know as long as I’m angry, I won’t be sad, but I’m holding on in vain. The sadness comes anyway. I know he can hear the tears in my voice.

When I shove the last of my belongings into my suitcase, I grab Bubbles off the nightstand and walk to the door. This is the furthest I can go, though, because Phoenix is blocking the doorway.

“Excuse me,” I snap. He reluctantly moves to the side.

“I was depressed.”

I was almost there, almost to the exit. I would be out of this hotel and away from this fight. Then he had to say that and stop me in place.

“You know what my life is like, how I am craving something different. I wanted a break and I wasn’t getting it. We were always traveling and I just kept sinking deeper and deeper. Drinking was how I handled it, but if I’m being honest, the drinking wasn’t even the worst of it.”

With each word he says his voice keeps getting closer and closer. When he’s standing in front of me, I finally look him in the eyes and the rest of my anger vanishes. I can see it written all over his face. He hates that he has to tell me this. He’s ashamed of it.

“It isn’t a secret that I have a temper. Hell, you just saw it. Well, when I drink, it’s out of control. It was getting to the point that I was fighting every night. A guy would just look at me weird and I would use it as an excuse to lay him out. I lost count of how many times I woke up with a bruised and busted up face and couldn’t, for the life of me, remember what happened. Mick and the band would yell and scream, threaten to leave, and tell me that I was wasting my life and ruining my career. I didn’t give a shit because at that point, I wasn’t sure I even wanted that life anymore.”

He clenches his hand. “One night, though, I fucked up. I picked a fight with the wrong punk, the mayor’s son. Beat him so bad that doctors weren’t sure if he was even going to wake up. Thankfully, he did, but the damage was done. I was thrown in the county jail, hit with so many fines I was nearly put in debt. Judge sent me to a six-month rehab, but that wasn’t shit to what I was doing to myself. I fucked up, but at the same time, it was the best thing that could have happened. I honestly don’t know if I would be here if it hadn’t happened. I’m sorry I snapped at you, but you are the last person I wanted to know about this. I didn’t want my demons to touch you. It’s selfish, but you see me so differently than everyone else and I didn’t want to lose that. I didn’t ever want you to see me for the scum I truly am.”

I’m speechless. There’s a lot to take in, a lot to process, but out of everything he’s said, what sticks out the most is the how little he thinks of himself. It’s all bad, and if I didn’t know Phoenix like I do, I can’t honestly say I would still be here after being told all that, but I do know him.

I know the real him. I believe I know the Phoenix Castle that the world doesn’t see. He’s kind, caring, compassionate, protective, a little bossy, and strong. I’m not talking about the strength that comes from his ripped body. I’m talking about his inner strength. To be able to climb his way back up from rock bottom is inspiring, and to see how he sees himself is heartbreaking.

“I’m sorry, but you’re blind.”

I almost laugh at how wide his eyes get at my words. I know out of all the things I could have said in this moment, that was the last thing he expected.

“If you can go through all that you went through, come back stronger after hitting rock bottom, and still see yourself as anything less than amazing, you’re blind.”

He tries to fight it, but he smiles anyway. “I’m sorry for snapping at you. I should have told you all of this from the start.”

“I understand why you didn’t. I’m sorry I yelled too and poked you and called you bub.”

“You’re pretty fucking sexy when you’re feisty.” I laugh when he wiggles his eyebrows. Leave it to him to turn this fight into something sexual.

“Shut up.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

I barely register his words before his lips are on mine. Just when I think I’ve learned all the ways this man can kiss me, I feel a whole new wave of passions.

Our tongues touch and I swear my mind explodes. Everything about this man drives me crazy. His touch, his smell, the way he looks at me. It’s too much, but at the same time not enough. I want more, and I have a feeling tonight I’m about to get it.

I didn’t even realize we were moving until my back hit the hallway wall. All too soon, he pulls his lips away from mine. “Every time I’m around you, baby, this is all I can think about. Having you in my arms, tasting you on my lips, and one day soon feeling your sweet body wrapped around me.”

His words have me teetering on the edge of blissful abyss. Never has a man said anything even close to this to me. Not even the heroes in my books could make me swoon like this.

My body is wound tight. I’m desperate, in need of some kind of release. I feel like just one more touch from Phoenix and I’ll no longer be teetering; I’ll be free falling.

My eyes close on their own accord when he grabs both of my wrists and lifts my arms above my head, where he keeps them with one of his hands. He caresses the apple of my cheek, making my eyes flutter open.

The piercing, lustful look in his eyes is enough to bring me to my knees. I’m certain that’s where I’d be if it wasn’t for his body pinning me to this wall. “You want that, don’t you, birdie? You want to feel me inside you. You want me to make you come.”

Yes! Yes, I very much want that!
It is true, I want to feel him, but my heart isn’t sure I’m ready for sex. Phoenix’s questions seem to be rhetorical, though, because he doesn’t wait for an answer. He releases my hands, then grabs me behind my thighs and lifts me up. I immediately wrap my legs around his waist.

My stomach is a ball of nerves, butterflies, and anxiety when I see he’s heading for the master suite. Before we even reach the doorway, I’ve made up my mind. I may not be one hundred percent ready to go all the way with him, but I’m going to anyway.

Only taking a second to toss the blankets out of the way, he lays me down in the center of the bed. I’ve spent tons of time with Phoenix since that first night in the storage closet, and in that time, I’ve seen him without a shirt. Just like every other time he takes off his shirt, I’m mesmerized by how beautiful he is.

It’s not just his build, though that’s definitely a plus. It’s his tattoos. He’s covered in them, and they are all beautiful. You can tell every one means something to him. Each one tells a story. It’s picturesque.

I gulp when his hands go to the button on his jeans. I know that I won’t be able to hide my facial expressions so, at the risk of embarrassing myself, I decide to distract myself, but the only thing I can come up with is to begin undressing myself. I decided to wear a dress today so that shouldn’t take long.
Way to think ahead, Caroline!