Lovely Shadows (23 page)

“Luke, I've tried calling Levi nonstop since this morning. I can't get a hold of him, and he doesn't know where I am. I have no clue what he's up to.”

“What a damn mess,” Luke sighed. I wanted to reach across the distance and hug him. When I left, I never factored Luke into the equation. I knew Grandpa would come down hard, but not like this.

“Listen, there's just something I have to do. When I'm finished, I'll be home. I already promised Billie that I'd come home tomorrow whether I finish or not.”

“Oh, that's another thing: I don't like my girlfriend keeping secrets from me. Really hard to build an honest relationship if you don't tell each other stuff.”

“I think our seventeen-year friendship overrides your two week relationship,” I argued hotly.

“We've been together longer...”

“Schematics. I'm not arguing with you, okay? I'll be home soon, I promise.”

“Jessa, whatever you're doing, be safe please.”

“I will. I love you.”

“Love you, too.”

Great, now Levi was AWOL. That I didn't understand. What was he up to? Something must have possessed him to extract his life's savings. I truly hoped he wasn't on some wayward mission to find me. I had one too many people looking for me as it was; I didn't need another.

I tried his phone several more times. No answer. I couldn't stay in that room another minute. I hurried out to my car and drove to Aidan's house. If I had to, I'd sit there all night. Laura had to come home at some point, didn't she? I'd talk to her, tell her about Aidan and his death; I'd tell her my suspicions about Darren and Andy. She could do what she wanted with the information. After that, I was leaving Blue Rapids and putting it behind me. If I never saw this place again it'd be too soon.

So, that solved the dilemma of Laura, but where did that leave Aidan? I couldn't doom him to purgatory, but I didn't know how else to help him. In some ways, I really liked the prospect that he couldn't crossover. I could honestly build a life with him. I had no problems sacrificing motherhood for life with Aidan. Of course I wouldn't have a wedding, but I didn't mind that either. If I could have Aidan for the rest of my life, I'd give anything.

I knew this line of thinking was dangerous but as I waited for Laura I couldn't help but let my mind wander. No one but Billie would be able to see him, yet he'd attend every family function. He'd sit next to me at church, hold my hand during a storm, huddle with me under the blankets in the winter. We could have a normal life without all the trappings of where to spend the holidays and whose turn it is to take out the trash. I didn't need a paper to declare I was married. Marriage was a state of mind anyway. I could change my name to Summers without explanation. Sure, people might think I've gone crazy but I wouldn't care.

Only one glaring obstacle remained: Levi. What would I do with my flesh-and-blood boyfriend? If I dumped him for someone else—someone who was actually alive—I might catch some heat but for the most part, people would get over it. However, dumping him to live a life of seeming solitude, that might not go over well. Yet, I couldn't stop picturing my life with Aidan. I liked the way life looked with him—free from all the complications that came with ordinary relationships. Nothing would ever be ordinary about my relationship with Aidan.

At some point Laura or someone must have come home because when I finally snapped out of my reverie, a green car sat in the driveway. I didn't see anyone milling around so I went up to the front door and anxiously rang the bell. A short girl with curly brown hair and ice blue eyes answered.

“Hello?” she asked, peering at me through the screen window.

“Um, is Laura here?”

“No. Who are you?”

“Someone from college. Do you know when she'll be back?”

The girl shrugged. “Who knows? She left a few days ago. I think she's with a boy.”

“What makes you say that?”

“She packed her essentials...you know, for staying with a boy.”

“Oh, you mean...?”

“Right.”

“Okay. Do you know who the guy is?”

“Dunno. Laura's been pretty secretive these days. Don't know what's bugging her.”

I could think of a few things. “Well, thanks anyway.” I turned to leave but she called out, “What's your name?”

“It isn't important.”

With a sigh of relief I got back in my car and drove away. If Laura was with a boyfriend then at least she was safe. I breathed a little easier as I made my way back to the motel.

Aidan was back, completely unperturbed by my absence. In fact, he looked calm, almost too calm.

“Hey,” I greeted him, tossing my keys on the end table that was still next to the door.

“Hello, beautiful,” he replied, opening his arms to me. I fell into him, the mattress bouncing lightly. “How was your day?”

“Freaky and unproductive. Yours?”

“Unproductive. Explain the freaky part.”

So I told him in as few details as possible about the mini-car chase. His eyes darkened as I explained but he remained calm.

“You're certain this car was following you?”

“Turn for turn, Aidan. Too coincidental.”

“Did he follow you here?”

“No. I made sure before I came back. I do have some news, though. Laura apparently has a boyfriend. Mary was kind enough to tell me.”

“You went to my house?”

“I didn't know what else to do.”

“Did she say who this boyfriend was?”

“No. I guess no one else even knows she has a boyfriend. But this is good; at least she's not alone.”

“Or this is bad if Darren finds out. Now we have to worry about keeping two people alive.”

I groaned and rolled away from him. “I finally thought I had a reason to be optimistic.”

“You do, but we need to be realistic as well. If Darren hates Laura enough—if your suspicions are correct—he'd do anything to get back at her.”

“So we're still assuming that wherever Laura is, Darren is also?”

“Yes.”

“I guess there's only one thing to do.”

He nodded. “Let's go.”

18.

I called Laura. She answered on the first ring.

“Please don't hang up,” I said quickly before she ever said hello. “Just hear me out.”

“Look, I told you not to call,” she huffed, irritated.

“I know but please, please listen to me. I think you're in danger...”

“Right, of Darren Foster.”

“Yes. Would you please meet with me, just once? Listen to what I have to say. After that, I'll leave you alone. I promise.”

“You've got to be kidding me!” she shouted. “You and that other chick have been calling me nonstop for the last week. No, absolutely not.”

“Then do it for Aidan if you won't do it for yourself.” I hated playing that card but desperate times...

“How do you know Aidan? I mean, who are you anyway?”

I sighed and looked to Aidan for support. He nodded encouragingly.

“My name is Jessa Grace. I know—knew—Aidan well. I've been looking into his death, and something doesn't seem right.”

“Like what?”

“If you would just meet with me, I can explain everything. You can even bring your boyfriend, if you'd like.”

“How did you know I have a boyfriend?” Her voice was surprisingly frightened.

“Mary told me. I stopped by your house...”

“Mary knows?” I heard a muffled voice in the background. “What exactly did she say?”

I found it odd this was more pressing than the fact I stalked her family.

“She said she thought you had a boyfriend. No one knows who it is or why you're acting weird about it.” Not verbatim, but close enough.

“Oh,” she said, sounding relieved. “So, she has no clue who my boyfriend is?”

“I guess not.” I looked at Aidan who looked as confused as I felt.

“Look, I'll meet with you but after that, I want you to leave me and my family alone, okay? No more of this Darren Foster nonsense.”

“It isn't nonsense,” I pointed out.

“Whatever. Tomorrow at ten-thirty at the Republican River access. I'll answer your questions, and listen to you. That is as far as my patience goes.”

“Fine.” I would take whatever I could get. I hung up with her and turned to Aidan. His perplexed expression struck me as hilarious. Obviously, I was cracking up from the pressure. What made it even more funny was he started laughing too. So there on the bed in Room 236 of the Red Roof Motel, my ghost boyfriend and I dissolved into hysterics.

It felt good to laugh. Knowing Laura would at least listen to me took a huge weight off my shoulders. After tomorrow, I really would be done with this mission. I couldn't solve Aidan's death; I'd failed at that much. Maybe saving Laura would be my redemption; maybe it would be enough for Aidan to crossover. The thought immediately sobered me. In a few short days, Aidan might be gone. That would be the end of my fairy tale. Sure, I'd still have Levi but what good was Paris when you've tasted Romeo? Such an unfair comparison but it was stuck in my head.

I caught his hand and held it to my cheek. Sensing the change in the atmosphere, he quieted and held my gaze. I reached out and traced every plane and line of his face. Sadness overwhelmed me as I comprehended the idea that this might be the last night we had together. Tomorrow offered no guarantees. He might just vanish and I'd never see him again. He wasn't gone yet, and I already missed him with a fierceness that consumed me.

“Jessa, don't cry,” he said running his finger down my cheek.

Until he mentioned it I hadn't realized tears were coursing down my face. Using my palms, I rubbed my eyes dry.

“Sorry,” I sniffed.

“Don't be.” He pulled me against him. “Everything will work out.”

“How can it if you're not here?”

“Because I'm here.” He pointed at my chest. “As long as I'm in your heart, I'm always here.”

“But I won't see you, touch you, hear you...It won't be the same.”

“No, it won't but you'll have a good life. Levi will give you a great life.”

I pushed away from him. “I don't want Levi's life; I want yours!”

For the first time since I was seven, I wanted to lay on the floor and have an epic temper tantrum. I wanted what I wanted when I wanted it. Right now, more than anything, I wanted a life with Aidan.

“Stay with me.”

“What?” He looked stunned. I
felt
stunned.

“Stay with me. Don't cross over. I don't need kids or anything else. I'll live in a tiny shack on a hill. The local kids will tell tales of the crazy lady who lost her mind and abandoned her family. They'll be afraid to come within a hundred feet of my door for fear I might hex them.”

“Jessa...”

“Think about it Aidan. We could be together...forever. No one would ever bother us. Only Billie would see you. Everyone else will assume I'm nuts, and I'm fine with that. Just, please stay here with me. Don't leave me.”

“You know we can't Jessa. I can't do that to you. You deserve a life, one filled with children and grandchildren, and graduations and weddings. You deserve a big wedding of your own. I cannot give you those things. It kills me that I can't...”

“I don't need those things,” I insisted stubbornly.

“You don't think so now, Jessa, but one day, you will. Hell, one day I'd like those things. I know they're not going to happen for me, though. Jessa, don't shut out the world of opportunity before you've even seen it.”

Why did he need to be reasonable? Everything in me fought to disagree with him, but I knew he was right. My life, full of promise, stretched out before me like an open road. I could convince myself now that I didn't want college or kids or any of the other things he mentioned. That didn't mean I wouldn't regret my choices later on in life. Still, not having Aidan seemed such a high price to pay.

“Let's not fight,” I said, pushing him against the bed. “I don't want to talk about this anymore.”

“I don't want to fight with you, either, not when this might be the last night we have together.”

“Good, at least we're on the same page.” I climbed over him and stared down into his perfect face. “In fact, let's not talk at all. Let's just
be—
be in love, be carefree. Aidan, I need you.”

“I'm yours.”

I kissed him, moving from his lips down his throat to his chest. He pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it on the floor. I followed his example. His eyes grazed over my body. Ordinarily I might have felt self-conscious, but tonight, nothing fazed me.

“Tonight, it's just you and me,” I whispered before he swept me away in a sea of bliss.

We didn't make love that night but we came so close it was breathtaking. I woke up happy and disoriented. Parts of me felt disjointed from the rest of my body. Aidan slept peacefully, his mouth curled into a half-smile. Both of us were naked, our clothes strewn everywhere across the floor. We kissed and touched and explored each other until the early morning hours. Neither of us felt the need to “hit a home run”, as Billie would say. We were content with just being together any way we could.