Make-Believe Marriage (9 page)

-You didn't have to be so
convincing. -She said still gasping.

-You agreed to let me make
the decisions. -Antônio recalled smiling fondly.

All right! I will try not
to forget this – she answered yet unsure if she had made the right choice. As
the magic was over, the two continued to dance until Amanda asked to leave,
because she was tired and with a thousand thoughts in her head. They went again
by Breno's table but he did not seem so courteous this time, as before. Amanda
could guess the reason.

When they were going home
Amanda looked furtively to the driver. Antônio was very seductive that night. Although
they had been friends for a long time they hardly ever had moments of very
intimate contact, except for a kiss on the cheek when he arrived at her store. This
could be the reason for her to be feeling bad about that sudden closeness
between them. Upon arrival, Antônio was going to get out of the car to open the
door for her when Amanda stopped him.

- Don't bother, Antônio,
I’ll do it myself — she mentioned by pressing the button. – Thank you for a
lovely evening, we did a great job, worthy of professional actors. -She had
hated herself for saying such words, but knew she would not think of something
better after everything that had happened.

-You’re welcome. - it was
the only word he said in a low tone before she left and closed the door behind
her giving him a slight bye.

 Amanda disappeared
through the door. Antônio stood for a moment staring in the direction she had
gone and his thoughts took him to Amanda’s apartment. He wondered how she would
be reacting to that situation. He convinced himself that he was nothing more
than a guarantee to achieve her freedom, or she, just like him, felt confused
and eager to go a little further? Antônio wouldn't know the answer, not now. Starting
the car he took leave of that magical moment and fled full of internal
conflicts.

Amanda opened the door of
her apartment automatically. Her brain worked tirelessly seeking for response
to what had happened earlier between her and Antonio. Those caresses that
seemed necessary to his purposes were misaligning her mind. It wouldn't be easy
to fake a relationship the way she was doing. The proximity was too much for
her. The touches did not go unnoticed even if she wanted to. She would have to
try harder to fulfill their agreement without creating any kind of carnal
illusion with Antônio. Whenever possible she would need to remind her body that
that man was not hers and never could relieve her anxiety and stress between
four walls with him.  

Absentminded, she took
long to realize that someone was knocking on her door. Believing it to be
Antônio, who had forgotten to say something, Amanda opened without being sure
of whom it was.

– Breno! -She said
surprised. She had seen him at the restaurant before they left and seemed
willing to turn the night there. -What brings you here at this hour? she wanted
to know.

-I want to talk to you –
he said getting in and closing the door. Breno seemed upset about something,
but his pride was so huge that he attempted to disguise it at all cost, keeping
his structure almost as impenetrable ice.

-Couldn’t we talk in the
morning? – She asked realizing he was more agitated than she had imagined.

-What do you think you're
doing? – Breno said roughly. -You're taking this game very seriously, don't you
think? “What gives him the right to interfere in her life with such authority,
as if she were his property”, Amanda thought in silence, observing Breno’s
sullen face.

-Of which joke are you
talking about Breno? I don't know what you mean. -Amanda didn't understand what
all the fuss was about. But she imagined the reason.

-That little scene in the
restaurant just a while back. – He explained without diverting his eyes from
her.

-I didn't see anything out
of the ordinary there. I'm a single woman and I'm going to marry that man you
saw today – she answered drily, because she had nothing to tell him.

-You know that I want you
back and that's why you're playing this little game with me. Want to get back
at me for cheating on you. “Innocent”, she thought. “The only thing that she
wanted in doing such an agreement was to get rid of that man who once had been
her husband and that now meant nothing more to her.”, Amanda completed to
herself listening to Breno’s drama.

- I don’t know where you
got this idea that I am playing games and that I intend to get even with you. She
said. I have no time to lose with ungrounded stuff and I am surprised to see
that you really don’t believe that I grant you such an importance. Amanda’s
voice was so calm and sure that not even she could believe the sound she heard.
Her wish was to expel him out the door along with his huge self-sufficiency and
that superiority air that she once admired, to think it was something positive.

– You know that I am
sorry, that I won’t live without you. – “Even making such a statement, his
voice was harsh and cold like ice. How could she not have seen this before?”
she asked herself, looking at that man who looked increasingly strange to her.

- Our story ended years
ago Breno; there is no way for us to get back together; time heals almost
everything, but it does not delete memories. – And she knew that these memories
were quite alive in her mind, all the pains he had caused her, but this no
longer mattered; she had left everything behind, including him.

– I don’t believe in
anything you say! – he exclaimed confident. – How do you expect me to believe
you will get married if a few days ago you did not even have a boy friend? –
Amanda was surprised, but already expected he had news from her; after all,
there were relatives of his in town. – During all this time, you had nobody and
now that I am back you kiss and make up with a guy anywhere. You have never
been a flirt to me as you were to him today. – Amanda was agape hearing him say
that. She would have acted as he said or was Breno only creating this in his
sick mind?

- Feel free to think what
you want - said Amanda upset by having to live with that annoying situation of
having an ex-husband bothering you all the time.

- If you had been that way
with me when we were together, maybe I would have never betrayed you. That
woman I saw today exuding sensuality was not you, it was an actress trying to
please her audience. - He joked. - Well, you managed to convince me, now I'm
even more interested in taking back what belongs to me. - Amanda laughed a
laugh worthy of charging for her performance. This is because in reality she
did not feel like it.

- I had no intention to
please you – she added with a slight smile on her lips - I was there to please
my escort and it was not you - she explained.

- I know you well and you
have never allowed yourself to be kissed like that in public. Am I wrong? - He
asked.

- The problem was not the
place or me, it was you who generalized all and any act of affection - Amanda
replied. - You never knew how to share a feeling without making it dirty let
alone learned to treat me with the respect with which I was treated today by
Antônio.

- Respect! - he mocked. -
The guy stroked your neck and kissed you like a whore! You still want to put
him at a higher level than mine, let’s face it Amanda! You must be out of your
mind. "Who was he to talk about reasoning," she thought.

- I do not think that our
conversation will be useful to either one of us. - She completed, tired.

- I say all this because I
want you to see how foolish you have been acting. You do not have to behave
this way to draw my attention my dear, I'm back. - "It is even impossible
not to be angry and at the same time sorry for this man," concluded Amanda
in her mind.

- I do not know where you
took all that from, but believe me Breno, I do not give a damn what you think. I
have not been interested in you for quite some time and you need to realize
that or you are the one who will start acting like a fool if you do not change
your attitudes and accept that our marriage ended since that day I saw you with
another at your parents’ home. - She said calmly, because she would not end her
night as he had wanted to see her, bitterly.

– Really? - He kept the
same countenance. - We shall see, because I know in the end you will be mine
again or lose our son - saying that he kissed her on the lips and left.

Amanda leaned back on the
couch and thought about the kiss she had exchanged with Antônio. It was not so
ordinary a kiss as she preferred to believe, there was desire and it was not
just on her part; he had also reciprocated. Antônio was a handsome man and
since she had never seen him with a woman, like her, maybe he needed affection,
which made them equal to react that way to a kiss exchanged and it would
certainly not have that intensity if they are less needy. Certain of this
conclusion, Amanda went to her room for some rest. All that would go away once
they got used to perform in front of people.

On Sunday, Amanda stayed
home all day. She had given up going out with Antônio, she did need some rest
and to review all about that arranged marriage, which, although it helped her a
lot could also be a big problem for one of the parties or even both.

At the end of the
afternoon, Amanda had called her son to talk a little bit with him, but she
mentioned nothing about his father and the child did not either, which made her
feel relieved, since she did not want to sound hurt in her voice while talking
about him to her son. And it would be hard to avoid that feeling toward Breno.
So Lucas not mentioning his father was perfect for the moment; she thus protected
her son from future heartaches. Because she was certain it had been difficult
for the child when his father had abandoned him for months, as if he were not
important in his life.

Chapter
VI

– I don’t believe he said
that! – snapped Carol when Amanda told her what had happened.

- Breno believes I'm
making him jealous and that sooner or later I’ll go back to him or have to live
without my son - said Amanda as upset as at the time her ex-husband had given
her the news.

- Poor fellow! I feel
sorry for men who use this type of despicable behavior to win a woman. That guy
is really a jerk. - The girl seemed as upset as Amanda was. - When he knows
that this relationship can gear up and turn into a beautiful wedding, he’ll
have a surprise. - Carol said vindictively.

- What? - Amanda asked
raising her eyebrow. Then, after a little smile she chose to ignore her
employee. It would be better that way! – I don’t know if I should do that – unburdened
Amanda. – And if one of us fell in love during this scheme, what will happen? –
she asked herself, undecided.

– I think you should take
that chance. – “Her assistant seemed crazier each day”, thought Amanda looking
at the girl’s pretty face. And it won’t do you any good keep looking at me that
way. – said Carol noticing that Amanda criticized her with her eyes.

– I am not ready to
surrender to a man. Although my body complains, my minds tells me to wait
longer.

– Amanda, no one has the
right to stop her life on account an ill-fated relationship. You don’t deserve
it; your life has been at a standstill for months - insisted Carol.

– I haven’t had time to
think about my love life. – She complained fearing to even think about it.

– Of course you do. You
have just made up that excuse and will take it to the last consequences -
scolded Carol.

– You are being cruel to
me – complained Amanda.

– A friend is never cruel
if she means to take the friend from the bottom of a hole. – Those words did
not agree with the girl Amanda new. – Sometimes we need to bury someone’s head,
not to hurt her, as many might think, but rather to help this person build a
ramp or a hill so that she can climb out of the hole where she is. – Amanda
noticed her friend’s tenderness while she spoke. Carol looked at her very fondly.

– Do you think I am in a
hole? – asked Amanda touched by that revelation.

 – You are not in a hole,
dear, but you have started building one for quite some time now. - Amanda knew
that Carol was sincere, so she asked the question that she herself could
answer.

– Day before yesterday, I felt
weird when he touched me. Even knowing that it was an act, I didn’t know what
to think. You know I have not been with a man for some time now. – She let out
absorbing everything she had heard.

- So enjoy all you can and
live a little, so you end with that abstinence and stop looking at this
relationship only as a temporary game – said Carol softly, as she had been hard
enough. - Believe Amanda! This physical frailty will only be in the way of your
story. If you cure the hunger of your body, your reasoning will work better and
may not create illusions where there are none - once again advised her
confidant and employee.