Authors: Karoyln Huddleston
So I ask her again and this time she yells at me, “I’m so tired of you lying to me, I act as if everything is okay (sniff) I listen to your lies day in and day out!”
I looked at her sideways and said, “What the hell do you mean, what lies?”
“I’m tired of the disrespect Tristan, who is she” Alexis hissed?
“I love you more than life itself but the lies and cheating can’t continue, this is hurting much too bad… I did not marry you to be angry and upset all the time. I married you because I loved you and I wanted a great life with you.”
When she says these words I'm caught off guard, I’m thinking in all honesty most men don't understand women anyway. We try to act like we do… but we don't. One minute she's happy, the next minute she's upset, or she loves me, next minute she saying that she didn't sign up for this hell. I'm confused so I sit down because I am concerned, even though I don't feel like hearing this. I've had a busy day, a hectic week, I just want to relax it's the weekend but now I gotta listen to this. But she's my wife and I love her, so I asked her to please explain to me what exactly the problem is? She looks at me with tears in her eyes and she asked me was I sleeping with someone else? I asked her, why would you think such a thing? And if I know my wife, she’s been influenced by the all-time Queen of gossip Kandi.
This isn't the first time she’s mentioned it, but I assure her that there are no other women. I even put it on my mother and my father I swear on their lives that I'm not seeing another woman. Alexis looks me deep in my eyes and she says that I seem distant from her even though we laugh, talk and sometimes even eat together.
It still seems like there is a void between us and she is not sure exactly why or where it's coming from, but it's definitely affecting our relationship. I take her by her hand and even though I feel frustrated I love my wife. I pull her close and I hug her tight. I kissed her and assured her that everything was fine. As soon as I get her calmed down we have dinner together and small talk but now something's in my head and I don't know what to do with it.
She was right, there is a void that needs to be filled for me but she can't do it. My life is beautiful on the outside but there's so much going on in the inside. When I first married Alexis I loved her very much but I didn't know if I really wanted to spend my life with her. But I figured if we got married and lived like a regular couple that eventually the bond would be sealed between us. That couldn't have been further from the truth.
I wonder how crazy must I sound? I have the best wife in the world, but yet I'm empty inside and I don't know how to express my feelings. I don't know how I should deal with this situation or how much longer can we go on living a lie. Ronnie is the best thing to happen to me out of this relationship and I feel so guilty because her mother did absolutely nothing to me. But unfortunately my heart doesn't beat for her, the way hers beats for me.
Tristan & Jay
The minute I walked into the gym Tristan was playing basketball already. So I got warmed up and hit the wood to show him up right quick. He had the moves and always played better than me, but I didn’t care he looked good playing. As soon as he made the shot, I went over and kissed him dead on his soft lips. He hated when I showed affection in public, but I couldn’t resist him. Well now you know, the cat is out of the bag. Tristan isn’t just my best friend…he’s my lover, and has been since we were teens. Our relationship started out pretty experimental and grew from there. I am also on the down low just like he is, but if he wanted to come out I would in an instant. I understand that he needs to remain low key because of his family and his career but true love is true love. And that is what he and I have and always will. Even though he is married to Alexis, and he loves her, he isn’t in love with her.
He assures me of that almost every day. But with the pressures of society and his paranoia, he married her just for a front. And in the process he fell in love with Ronnie. He never had children and she is to him everything he ever wanted. She is his daughter… it never mattered to him if the blood wasn’t the same. She is another reason he continues to remain on the down low. He doesn’t want to hurt or destroy Ronnies outlook of him. I’ve explained to him a million times that we have got to stop living a lie. But does he listen to me? No.
“Stop kissing me in public fruity booty” he laughingly said. He always called me that because he says, I’m sooo gay. But I tell him he isn’t gay enough.
If I had my way I would jump on the first plane with him and we would go to another country. Get married and live happily ever after somewhere where people aren’t so homophobic and judgmental. I just want to live my life with the man that I love. However at the rate things are going we're gonna remain stuck here for a while. Living this constant lie, this has been going on for so many years and I'm tired. But at the same time, I love him dearly. I could never set him free because he forever has my heart. What am I supposed to do? My life is continuously on hold... he gets so jealous if I see anybody else. Yet he has a wife and at one time he had a side chick…yes honey, he doesn't think I know. But I do, I remember her well. I had to put a bug in that bitch ear and get rid of her ASAP. Either way I'm going to stick by him, I don't know what he’d do if I left him anyway. I'm all that he has on this side of the world, no one else knows his secret. And if I left him he would be destroyed, so because my heart cares I have to sacrifice and stay with the man that I truly love. He walks over and throws the ball to me. I miss it on purpose, just so I can grab him around his neck and kiss him deeply…he kisses me back and it's so beautiful. The magnetic chemistry between us is like fire. This wasn’t planned. We weren’t supposed to be this way, it just happened. My lover and friend, he touches something so deep within me that I could never let him go. One night after making love, we lay together having pillow talk and he told me that he only feels whole when he’s with me. He went on to say that I was his world, and he can’t live without me in it. He made me cry that night, tears of joy and happiness. As we played around we heard people coming so we hurried up and regained our composure and played basketball like two straight men… I hate living this life that I have to hide all the time. Fuck!
Alexis & Kandi
The shit is about to hit the fan. That’s if I have my way. Things are way out of hand. When my home girl is constantly crying, something is really wrong. Alexis is definitely aware that something is wrong between her and Tristan. She just can’t put her finger on it. She thinks it may be another woman in the picture, I told her she should hire a private investigator just to see. I assured her that there is nothing wrong with being two steps ahead. She also confided in me that she and Tristan had a deep heart-to-heart talk and he promised her that there was nobody else. He claimed that his job was taking a lot of his time but he loved her just as much today as he did yesterday, if not more. But looking at my friend I knew that she didn’t believe him, her eyes were swollen and red, she was stressing so bad. Honestly I truly understood, this was the love of her life, her husband. I can't stand a liar myself and that's exactly what Tristan is, amongst other things.
So we decided to have a girl’s night out, get a couple drinks and have some fun. My mission was to get her mind off this situation that she's in, at least for a little while. I just hate to see my friend hurting so badly.
(Later that night
So tonight we’re headed out to Roxy’s Bar & Lounge and it should be fun, it’s been a while since we’ve actually went out Alexis is running behind as usual...but hey we’re in no rush I’ll just have a drink while I’m waiting.
Finally she comes downstairs looking like a breath of fresh air. Everything about her was on point, as usual… she's stunning.
Ain’t that crazy? Tristan has it all, a beautiful, professional, educated wife. Yet he leaves her alone all the time to sneak around with some tramp. That’s just why I’m single.
Woman seem to go through so much heartache with these men, and it has to be even worse if it’s your husband. But with Alexis what I don't understand is why she can't see her own worth. When we go out the guys are all over her, their basically falling over themselves just to speak. But no matter what they’re going through, she won’t betray him with another man. Even though she believes that he is in betrayal of their vows and commitments. She says she doesn't want to jump the gun just yet, she wants to give him a chance. Which I say is total bullshit he's had plenty of chances. Tristan has been running around forever and he blames it on the same thing each time… work! Yeah right! I just bet work. I might do a little private investigating myself.
Tristan’s ready to talk
Man! My wife is all over me! I don't know what to say or to do for her… she is beginning to suspect something. And I'm not ready to share. I have been in a relationship with Jay since we were young teens and I love him very much. He's actually my soulmate, when I married Alexis it was a definite cover-up. But at the same time I cared for her a great deal and Ronisha, really sealed the deal. I've always wanted to have a child but my lifestyle never allowed it. Yet here we are, a typical family. My wife is sexy, freaky and educated. And I know for a fact she’ll do anything to make me happy. She’s been down with me since we met, not once has she ever let me down. And even though I love men, she’s a damn good lover to. Yet my heart lies somewhere else. My love for Jay is deeper than any love I've ever felt before. He makes me happy and I don't know what he or I would do without one another. I know the day is fast approaching that I'm going to have to tell Alexis the whole truth. Keep in mind, I don't know how I'm going to tell her that I'm a gay male that’s madly in love with he’s best friend. How do you tell your wife these truths? I can see myself walking in the house like, hey honey I’m home and by the way I love men more than I've ever loved women. Oh yeah and I've been this way since I was a child. Dammit! How? And what about Ronnie? She’d be destroyed. In my heart I feel sick because I know that it's not just my life at stake. But three other people who mean the world to me. I gotta figure it out soon because Alexis is all over me and she wants to know what's going on, she’s not giving me a chance to breathe. Lately every time I come home we’re into it. And that nosey ass friend of hers Kandi, she forever in our business, instigating and adding to the problems. She's a lonely bitch and I can't stand her. I swear I seen your following me the other day, if I find out Alexis got her following me it's going to be some real problems. She need to take her lonely ass home and find a man. Maybe she'd be happy if she had somebody, that way she could stay out of our business. That’s another thing I hate, Alexis tells Kandi all of our business. Knowing that Kandi is already negative and to make matters worse she’s never liked me…but I guess it is what it is.
Something is wrong. My mom is hurting and I really don't understand why. My dad is a really good man, even though he’s not my real dad. I considered him my daddy because he always took care of me and my mom. But lately I've been noticing that they don't laugh and talk like they used to. My dad stays gone and my Mom stays to herself more. The house just feels crazy, maybe I'll have a talk with him when he comes home. I love him so much he’s the best thing that ever happened to our lives. When he met us, we were living in a small one-bedroom apartment and Mom could barely make ends meet. My real dad left us all alone, never to return. My mom was trying to get her business started and she wasn't making a lot of money at her regular job. Therefore we didn't have the things that we have now. We’ve got more now than we ever had and it's all because of my dad. And even though she works, he provides mostly everything. He is a good man and he takes good care of me. I'm going to text my dad and let him know just how much I love him, and ask him when he’s coming home. I’ll be honest, I miss my dad, I miss him being here like he use to. I overheard my mom talking to my Aunt Kandi and she thinks my dad might be seeing somebody else. My Aunt Kandi is something different, she talks a lot of stuff, and I know she doesn’t like my dad. But sometimes she needs to stay in her own business because I don't think my dad would be seeing anybody else. I think he’s just really busy like he told my mom. I don't know I’m 13 and I just want to go to school and have a good life with my family. But I don't want my mom to be unhappy either and I definitely don't want us to lose my dad.
Ronnie & Tristan
I got a call from my baby girl tonight. She wanted to know when I was coming home. She's worried about me and her mom, and I don't like that. She's my princess and I need her to be safe and happy… damn that's just what I was talking about. How am I going to ever get away from this situation? I can't leave my baby girl, but I love Jay so much and he also means the world to me. However I’m tired of putting him on the back burner of my life and at the same time Ronnie needs me more than ever. My original plan was to at least get her into college before I divorced her mother. But things are getting very hectic and I’m worried about the outcome. I am so tired of sneaking around, it’s just a matter of time before someone finds out that I’m gay. The pressure is on.