Authors: Karoyln Huddleston
After giving my wife a long hot bath with a massage. We went downstairs for a late dinner I made her favorite, steak and shrimp complete with an expensive bottle of white wine. We sat across from each other looking into one another's eyes. I use to love looking into her deep dark eyes, so beautiful and full. As I look deeper, I see hurt and I just want to repair all the damage done by me. As the night progressed, I felt even more comfortable and I wanted to open up and tell her about Jay… but I know this wouldn't be a good time we're enjoying each other too much and I don't want to ruin the mood. Yet at this moment it's hard not to share my situation with her. I remember when we first got together she was like my best friend. But that kind of faded the longer we were together and that's why I have so much fear about telling her the truth.
In the beginning I didn't want to tell her because I was ashamed of being gay but now I don't want to tell her because I'm scared to break her heart completely. And I'm scared to lose her even though I know I'd be happier with Jay. I don't know why I can’t stop thinking about him…I keep telling myself just enjoy the night.
As the night went on things got even better, the slow songs playing in the back ground got us in the mood to slow wine. And as Sade played we enjoyed dancing together, even though we were laughing the whole while because she's never been good at slow dancing. She never wants to let me lead, but tonight I led, and we enjoyed every second of our dance. Alexis told me that she misses times like these and I told her so did I. Next thing I know we’re kissing and it feels so passionate, I’m so hard and ready to feel her. I laid her on the couch and I kissed her like never before, her body squirmed for me. I could tell she needed me and I too needed her…I made love to her all night. I wanted her to feel just how much I wanted her, the deeper I stroked the wetter she became I forgot how good she felt.
I licked her and tasted every drop of juice that came from her body… as she also tasted mine. I remember in the beginning of our relationship we use to be super freaks we did everything to one another, we made love constantly and now here we are back at it again. As I stroked her harder and deeper…I began thinking about Jay and how good he felt to me too. But I can’t ruin the mood I must focus on her beautiful face, the passion in her face is pulling at my heart… but so is Jay. Dam it doesn't matter I'm going to make her feel good she will enjoy every second of tonight because it's time for me to tell her the truth.
After we finished making love we lay in bed just talking and holding one another. Why the fuck my mind kept going back to Jay, his face is eating at me. He had texted me several times and I ignored him. I felt bad about it but I knew what he was doing and honestly the shit was working. As Alexis and I laughed and talked she asked me out of the blue was there anything I wanted to talk about with her…
It’s time to man up
Tristan and I made love all night. And let me tell you… it has been so long that I got really emotional afterwards. I began to cry, I mean I just sobbed like a baby. He had to help me pull it together, he’s been holding me in his big strong arms and kissing me gently all over my face. And he is constantly assuring me that everything is okay. It feels so good to be back in his arms again making love like we used to when we were first together. But as we lay here having pillow talk I can’t help but wonder about his previous behavior.
As the night turns to morning, I am truly enjoying my husband as we lay here laughing and talking. But images of another woman keep haunting my mind. I still have so many questions… so I’m just going to ask him right up front. I looked him in his eyes and asked him was there anything that he wanted to talk to me about?
He got really quite and looked as if he’d seen a ghost. I let him know that he could tell me whatever was on his mind and I would not judge him. I told him I would understand, and that he was my husband and I want no secrets between us. Please be honest with me and tell me if there's something that you need me to know. He hesitated and every time he went to speak he’d get quiet again. I just want to know the truth, talk to me Tristan I love you and I promise to understand just don't leave me in the dark anymore. Please tell me what's on your mind is there another woman are you out of love with me? Baby please trust me… and just as he opened his mouth to speak, my heart began to beat harder like a bass drum, I was terrified of what he was about to say. His mouth was open as if he was about to speak, but no words came out I could see the fear in my husband's face whatever he is holding back is very serious.
Tristan (The Horse’s Mouth)
I lay there with my wife in my arms, the truth on the tip of my tongue. I looked over at her… deep into her eyes.. she looks so sweet, beautiful and understanding. It’s my time to tell her everything… I know I can trust her to understand but when I open my mouth the words just wouldn't come out. I started to say, honey I've been wanting to tell you this for a long time. But as much as I love you I find it hard to say that I am not in love with you and I've been living on the down low since we've been together. But when my voice finally came out that's the exact opposite of what I said. I told her that everything was fine, there was no need for worry which couldn't be further from the truth but I just couldn't bring myself to tell her. Yeah I know the opportunity was open, but I just couldn't destroy her…not just yet. She’s so tender right now, she even cried as I made love to her. I know she's not going to take this well and as bad as I feel I just can't say the truth. Honestly in the back of my mind I just keep seeing her losing control, taking my money and running away. Or suing me for everything that I have and exposing me. I am such a coward! And all while I'm laying here holding her, Jay is calling constantly I know he's upset with me.
On my way to Jay's house he was blowing my phone up, I already knew he was pissed because he had been calling me since last night. But I couldn't talk because I already knew he was going to be yelling and cussing, so I decided to wait until I got there to talk to him in person. Plus I couldn't take the chance on Alexis over hearing me argue with him and I don’t want him anymore upset than what he already was.
But the minute I pull up he comes running outside cursing and yelling at me. He must’ve seen me pull up from his living room window, and came running out here acting a damn fool.
This is the first time he's been this uncontrollable and I didn’t know what to do with him. So I'm trying to take him in the house as I explain to him that I'm going to need his help telling Alexis about us. But he's going so crazy that I can’t get a word in. He was crying and screaming about how tired he was and that he was leaving if I didn’t tell Alexis tonight. I am not as comfortable with my homosexuality as Jay is. So I was totally at a loss because people were gathering around looking and whispering.
So I grabbed him and pulled him in the house, at the same time trying not to hurt him but still being forceful. Jay knows he is way out of line he's never been this bad before.
I sat him down and explained to him that I am on the verge of telling everything. I got a lot on my mind because I’ve got a lot to lose at this point. But all Jay can see is that he wants me to himself. And I’m trying to explain the consequences that leaving Alexis could have on he and I both. Like what will we do if I lose everything? How on
earth would we survive? But Jay is distraught and going wild… he started hitting me and just basically going crazy. So I grabbed him, kissed him rough and deep. He tried to fight me but I slammed him on the couch and fell right on top of him. Damn I’m so hard that my dick aches, I can’t wait to feel the inside of Jay. He’s always so tight and wet and he loves when I first stick my dick inside of him. Fucking him deep and slow as I talk dirty to him…oh dam! I can never leave this man. Just then Jay turns me over on my back… and sucks my dick so good. Deep and fast… shiiit…he is such a freak and just before I cum in his throat he jumps on my dick and rides it. My frustration level was full and I fucked him right back, making it painful to him. And he knew why, oh dam Tristan you feel so good…I didn’t say a word I just kept banging him until I bust hot nut all over his sexy ass.
Oh shit what else could I do I missed him so much and even though I enjoyed being with my wife last night it's not nothing like being with the man I love. He is everything to me, we made love all morning and had breakfast in bed and I loved every minute of us being together. After eating we just relaxed and begin to talk about us, I listened as he opened up about everything. After hearing his feelings, I promised him that I would tell Alexis tonight and I'm still scared but I have to do what I have to do. I can no longer live a lie, I want to be with the man that I love it's been too long and life is not meant to live like this. So if I lose my company then I'll just have to start over doing something else. But I refuse to live a lie anymore, Ronnie will be hurt but if we can work this out together we can still function well. I know Alexis is going to be mad but she has to know the truth. It's not fair to continue to leave her in the dark, not to mention that even though things didn't work out I still have love for my wife.
Kandi…I can hear you
So I decided to follow Tristan today and just as I thought his first stop was Jay’s house. Those two hang way too much for me. They asses don’t do nothing but be at that damn gym or Jays place…wait…what the hell is Jay doing? He just came running outside yelling at Tristan. The two of them are arguing about something and Jay is really mad. Oh my goodness! Tristan just snatched Jay up like a bitch. I can’t hear what they’re arguing about but they are all into it. Whatever it is. Oh my goodness… people are beginning to gather around laughing and pointing at them. Maybe I should ride by and try to hear what they are so heated about. And it’s weird to see them arguing like girlfriend and boyfriend. So I slowly ride by and I can hear Jay yelling something about leaving Tristan the fuck alone. And that’s when Tristan snatched Jay up and pulled him into the apartment building. At this point I’m totally lost, I know this ain’t what I think it is…are they together?! So I get out of my car to see what this is really about. Because I swear the two of them are arguing about being together, but I need to be sure before I tell this to Alexis. I can hear the two arguing as I creep down the stairs to Jay’s bottom floor apartment. And I hear Jay say, “I love you but I can’t keep being your secret.”
Then Tristan says, “don’t you think this is just as hard for me. I’m scared to tell Alexis about us what if I lose my company or she sues me for everything I got!” I hear some rumbling, then the two go on and on until Jay starts yelling and hitting Tristan. I can hear them fighting…like wrestling or something. Then complete silence, then there’s moaning. Oh my God, I hear moaning. I swear I almost fainted. Those two are in love…ain’t no other woman. Tristan is Jay’s lover…they
are gay and living on the down low!
Kandi & Alexis
I pulled up at Alexis’s house feeling all types of emotions. On the way here I wanted to call and tell her everything so bad, but now that I'm here I feel kind of messed up that I have to tell her that Tristan is gay. HER FUCKIN HUSBAND IS GAY!!
But I think she should know, and it may be best coming from me. As soon as I walk in the house she’s looking at me with an attitude, so I tell her I got some terrible news about Tristan. She immediately starts going off on me.. yelling, whatever it is she doesn’t want to hear it. I told her, please just listen. “Come here Alexis and have a seat so we can talk because this is really serious”, I practically begged.
Finally when she sits down and I tell her flat out, I don't hold back at all. I come right out with it… So you've been wondering about what your husband been doing? She tried to stop me, but I told her you need to know this, it’s very important. “Tristan is gay Alexis”!
“He is in love with Jay that's why he's gone all the time… he's not with another woman. He’s not at work, he's with Jay”! I seen the two of them earlier outside fighting. And I overheard them arguing about their relationship and Tristan not telling you is a problem for them. Girl, they were in the apartment together after the fight and I listened at the door… I heard everything. Jay and Tristan are madly in love and apparently have been for some time. Alexis do you understand that your husband is gay? He has been living on the down low, I don't know for how long but he and Jay are a couple. Honey you need to know this. I'm sorry I had to be the one to tell you but I'm your girl and I'm going to help you get through this. Girl he could have exposed you to AIDS you don't even know, but I’m here for you.
(Silence fills the room
What are you thinking Alexis…I see the wheels turning in your head. My girl looked at me with a face full of anger and eyes of fire and said, “Take me over there right fuckin now!”