Authors: Karoyln Huddleston
That was one reason I could never understand why she and Kandi were so cool. Kandi is everything drama and dark. She can’t help herself. She always rubbed me the wrong way. Now that I know she and Alexis were messing around it really shows me why she hated me so much. She was involved with my fuckin wife, I should’ve been watching over Jay better to. Just as I wanted snap on Alexis. Jay’s mother walks in the room and walks over to me and hugs me like she knew that I was dying inside. “Hello ma”,
I said to her. I’ve been a part of Jay’s family since I was younger, so his mom was just like my mom. I hugged her tight and in spite of the pain throughout my body I held on to her for dear life. And the words poured from my mouth without filter, “I loved him so much. Mom we just came out and decided to live our lives together and now this.” His mother gently spoke, “yes my love I know the love you two shared. And I know that it was deep and real.” As she spoke I began to release her from my tight grip and look at her in shock. “You knew?” She backed away and folded her hands in front of her, as she gently smiled at me with tears streaming down her hurt face. Mrs. Lowe was always so sweet and that’s why Jay was so beautiful he got it from his mom. She smiled through her tears and said, “Yes baby, I knew something when you and Jay were younger. But he finally came out to me a few years ago. He loved you so much and I know you loved him. I never held it against either of you because I personally believe you can’t help who you love.” I began to sob worse. “Mom I’m so sorry that I didn’t protect him better.” She just continued to comfort me.
How will I ever make it through this horrific day? My husband came out to me today, and to my surprise he has had a male lover our entire marriage.
Then my lover who unexpectedly outed us to my husband and his lover, shoots my husband and his lover. Now here I stand with my back against the wall. My husband is crushed…and rightfully so. Kandi my best friend and lover is in jail and will probably never see the light of day again. So I lost everything in one day, not to mention that I still have to explain everything to Ronnie. She’s on her way right now…how am I to tell her that her dad is gay and her Uncle Jay is his boyfriend..who by the way is dead…shot and killed by her Aunt Kandi? My baby is 13 and very bright for her age…but this is a lot to deal with. As I stand here in my husband’s hospital room listening to him talk to Jays mom, it’s so deep to me that she was the only person outside of Tristan and Jay that knew everything.
Jay must’ve really felt comfortable to tell his mom his deepest secret, but Mrs. Lowe is a very sweet woman and has been every since I first met her. My soul feels so dark and gloomy for her and my husband. They both lost someone really special, and all because I was fucking a psycho. I never thought Kandi would lose it like that. What was she thinking? I know that she was very concerned with me and I appreciated her caring for me and Ronnie, but this wasn’t the way to deal with things. Kandi and I became lovers because I was so emotional and vulnerable when Tristan was gone all the time. And one night she and I had a little too much to drink and a kissed turned into sex. It felt good being with her and we continued to mess around but even though the sex was nice I could never get my mind off of Tristan. It was all a mistake. I knew that Kandi had gotten a little obsessive when it came to her and I but damn! I never thought she’d go out like this…trying to kill my husband? My life will never be the same again.
Kandi is Lost
So I guess I’m the fuckin villain? How? When all I wanted to do was help. Alexis and I have been lovers for years and all of a sudden she wants to act brand new. I told her the first time we made love, that she was mine. And she agreed to leave Tristan if he didn’t get his shit together soon. And yet she continued to let him dog her and disrespect everything their marriage stood for. When the whole while I was her shoulder and the one to discover that Tristan was gay…what a bitch. I don’t care about him or his bitch ass lover I tried to kill both they asses. Should’ve shot twice…dam gun jammed. Alexis was screaming and crying over this man who has been cheating, lying and sneaking around they whole damn marriage. And I just got pissed…I should’ve shot that bitch to…but I love her and that pussy way too much for that. And if I ever get out I’m coming for her again. I loved her with all my heart, but she only used me and fucked me because her gay ass husband wasn’t around. I hate shit like that. The point of me telling her about Tristan and Jay was so she would see him for what he truly was…no good. But it seems like she fell even deeper in love with him. I don’t know. Right now my life is so fucked up…I wish I was dead right now.
Young Ronnie…Grows up
My daddy and my Uncle Jay got shot today. I can’t believe this, I also heard that my Dad is gay and he and Uncle Jay are…or were a couple. I’m not surprised because long time ago I overheard my dad talking to Uncle Jay on the phone. I think they were arguing about time and my dad kept saying “but you know I have a family, please just give me more time.” I was coming down the hall and heard him, my mom was gone. I continued to listen as I heard my dad say that he loved him and that this would be all over soon. I’ve seen my dad and Uncle Jay staring at one another when my mom would leave the room, or they’d have a whispering session whenever they’d be alone. I’ve always just kind of walked up on these things and even though I figured it out long time ago…he is my dad. And nothing will or can ever change that. My cousin Tina came and picked me up from school and took me straight to the hospital to see my dad. The minute I stepped in the hospital I felt sick. What if my dad die? Why him? Why did my Aunt Kandi do this to our family? I finally pulled myself together and asked the front desk nurse for Tristan Harris’s room number. She was taking forever to look it up... I just wanted to see my dad. I don't care about nothing but seeing him. 272b, west wing, I was already running towards the closing elevator before she said west. By the time I got to the room my tears we're blinding me and my heart was so heavy. Seeing my dad laying there with bandages, tubes and tears pouring down his face made me cry even harder. I hugged my mom first and told her how much I loved her...because I know her heart is broken to. My mom wouldn't have ever knowingly allowed this to happen. My cousin briefed me on the details and more on our way to the hospital. Plus, I knew a lot because of my cousin’s texting me when everything first went down. Our community is small and word travels fast. My Uncle Jays mom was comforting my dad when I walked in the room, so I hugged her next. But I couldn't wait to hug my daddy. He looked so sad and he was hooked to so many tubes and cords. I hugged him as gentle as I could and I just burst into tears again. My words came endlessly and honestly. “Daddy I love you so much and I've known... or should I say I had a pretty good idea some time ago that you and Uncle Jay were more than friends. But it never made me love either of you any less. Daddy I am so sorry that this happened to you...I love you regardless of you being gay. That never mattered to me when it came to you, you've always been my dad and always will be” I sobbed as I finished telling him how I felt. But there was one more thing I had to do. And that was give my mom some love because she remained with my dad up to this very point and it doesn't matter to me about her and Aunt Kandi. My mom was and is hurting so very bad.
And all this chaos and confusion is the fault of both parents not one. So I walk over to her, and I tell her what a great mom she is and she totally breaks down. But I have to finish telling her how I feel. “Mom you are so very strong... you held us together even though I could see you were hurting. Every day when dad would be gone, in spite of your pain you always kept home together for all of us and I just want to thank you. I need to tell you, great job as a mom and a friend to me and dad.” The room was quite, except for the crying. Both my parents, my cousin and Mrs. Lowe were crying. This day is the worst but for once... Everything is in the open.
Hello lover…I was awakened by the voice of my lover Jay. He stood there looking just as fine as the day he left us. Hello baby, I'm so sorry that...shhhh he said as he looked deep into my soul through my eyes like only he could. I love you with all that is in me...I'd give anything to be with you. But God had other plans for you and I. Tristan I don't want you to ever live alone. I need you to be OK, loved and looked after. “But Jay I only want to be with you I can't love another like I love you”, I spoke through my tears. As I reached for him he fell into my arms and we held each other in complete silence... and it felt good. I never want this moment to end. And all of a sudden Alexis was waking me up to eat and take my meds. I confusingly looked up at her. And as I looked around there was no sign of Jay. It was all a dream, yet it felt so real I could even smell the scent of his cologne. I looked at my wife, and felt so much pain for all I’d put her through. She and I both had been through so much, especially today...hell these few years. As she fixed my plate and organized my forks and spoons I just lay there looking at her. After everything, my wife was still right here...her love was and has always been very deep and unconditional. As hurt as I am…I can’t be mad at my wife. I’ve always loved her, and now without Jay my world has ended. She lost her lover and best friend just like I did. I glanced over at her pampering me and just basically being Alexis, my wife and my helper as always. Her eyes tell me that she is so sorry for everything that has happened and so am I. Yet I’m so happy to no longer be in the closet about my sexuality. I am a gay black man and I am proud to be so.
My words are so few, Tristan needs someone to look after him. I mean I know that he will be ok but what will his life hold now, I told him he is more than welcome to come home with me and Ronnie and we can sort things out when he feels better. He said he’d like that, and honestly so would I. I will stand by him and help in in any way possible, regardless of what, he is still my husband and my friend and at this time we definitely need one another.
If you like this book you’ll love….
Dark Erotic Sessions
Kato’s Collection also includes…
So Flawed…Yet So Beautiful
Poetic Memoirs of a Black Diva
Black to Light Poetry
All available on Amazon & Kindle