Matt Fargo (31 page)

Authors: Dirty Japanese: Everyday Slang From "What's Up?" to "F*%# Off!"

BOOK: Matt Fargo

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You couldn’t pick a better language to fart in than Japanese. This is because Japanese has a lot of onomatopoeia—words that represent sounds. But before we get to the action fart sounds, let’s get the basics down:

Who farted!
onara shita no wa doitsu da

I just cut the cheese.
he koichimatta de

Why do I so relish the smell of my own farts?
jibun no onara no nioi ga kon’nanimo konomashī no wa
naze de arō

Somebody must have let one slip.
dareka ga morashitanda na

Damn, you’re like a suicide bomber with your gas today!
yabē omae kyō wa jibaku tero no yō na onara da na

< SPECIALTY FARTS

Somebody was pulling some nasty one-cheek sneaks during that meeting.

dareka ga kaigichū ni yabē sukashippe o morashiteta

The word sukashippe

literally means “transparent fart,” and roughly corresponds to the English “silent-but-violent” or “one-cheek sneak.” The lady next to you on the airplane is an expert at them.

And for your present I got you… a cup of tea!
hai kimi no purezento wa nigirippe dā

An integral part of Japanese etiquette, the nigirippe

involves farting into your hand and then carrying the fart into the proximity of a friend’s nose before unfurling your fingers and asking, in a smarmy British accept, “Cup o’ tea, gov’ner?”

Somebody just pulled a drive-by on us!
aitsu ni he no morashinige sarechimatta

This is pretty self-explanatory. Also known as a “hit-and-run,” this is when you fart right before getting off an elevator or leaving a room. The sheer cowardice of the act leaves a sour enough smell in the air.

Below are several examples of classic Japanese fart noises. Each of these words has its own unique meaning and lyrical value. Try saying them out loud in order to really
feel what kinds of fart they stand for. Then feel kind of weird for farting with your mouth.

I just let…
. . .tte onara shita

. . .a healthy, bubbly fart
buri buri. . .

. . .a fluffier, loofah fart
bufu. . .

. . .the classic, enunciated fart
pū. . .

< BUSUN

bu is the sound of the initial pop, while sun portrays the subsequent hiss. So it’s like the dike breaks, and then the water flows out.

< BUĪ

Pronounced “bwweee,” it’s one of those farts where you try to play it off like a stomach-whistle but then you realize that you’ve totally fumed the room.

< SUKĀ