Miracles in Disguise (The Trampled Rose Series) (21 page)

Unable to stand it any longer, even for the sake of Barbara, she pulled from their arms. Drying her eyes, she looked up to find Nathan staring at her. It reminded her of the way he used to try to dissect her with his eyes when they first met. She had squirmed under it in the past. Now she would give anything to have him see the depths of her heart and how much she loved him. Turning from him, she said, "Well, I better get going.”

They all rose at the same time, and amid both Nathan and Kristina’s concern, Barbara assured them she would not shut herself away for weeks again.

After Barbara closed the door, Kristina turned down the sidewalk and began walking back home. She hadn’t gone far, when Nathan stopped her.

“Kristina, hold up,” he said as he turned from the door of his truck and headed her way.

Pausing, she took a steadying breath and then turned his way.

“I was thinking . . .” Nathan began, but paused a moment.

Kristina’s heart raced as she thought he might ask her for coffee. Even if his motive was to talk about his concern for Barbara, she would have loved to spend a few more moments with him.

“Do you mind if we take turns calling her?” he asked, and Kristina’s heart plummeted into her stomach.

“That would be a really great idea,” she said with a barely held-together smile. Without even realizing she was doing it, she slipped back into the old habit of using big words to hide her emotions, as she said, “Especially in her tumultuous state. She is going to experience a multiplicity of emotions, and we should be there to help pray her through this plight and remind her to lean on God.”

“Sounds good,” he said, “I’ll take tonight and we can alternate."

Not missing the coolness in his voice, she just nodded lamely. Unable to suppress the tears that were threatening to come to the surface any longer, she turned and said a quick goodbye as she walked away. She turned her head toward the houses as he drove by, not wanting him to see the tears that were now coursing down her face unchecked.

A few moments later, she was curled up on her bed, sobbing as she prayed,
God, my heart is breaking.
I need you to help me through this, because I realize how much I love him. I miss him, I miss hearing his laughter, and feeling his love.

“God, you gave me someone so sweet, so loving…” Her words disintegrated into sobs, and after her tears were spent, she whispered, “Lord, I need your strength and comfort, because I don’t think I’ll ever have his love again.”

Across town, Nathan was pulling up in his driveway. These past few months he had despised pulling up to his house more and more. Before he met Kristina, he longed to find someone to share his house and his life. But the more time he spent with her, the more he had begun to believe she would be the one. He dreamed of the love and laughter they would share, and now that dream was just as dark as the inside of his house.

Unlocking the door, he greeted David, rubbing him fondly behind his ears. Nathan tossed his keys on the kitchen counter and walked into the living room, David following closely on his heels. Plopping down on the sofa, he turned on the TV. David rested his head on Nathan’s knee, and Nathan looked down at his dog.

“If she feels more comfortable behind that wall, then let her stay there.” Nathan said to the dog, who made a low whimpering sound in the back of his throat.

Nathan’s own words tore through his heart, even as he said them. After a few moments, he clicked the TV off again. With his elbows on his knees, he rested his head in his hands.

“God,” he prayed, “I don’t know what to do. On one hand, I'm thrilled to see that she has truly let You into her life. I’m amazed by what she said, and I truly believe she believes it. But the truth is, I’m being selfish,” he said, his voice catching as he spoke. “Even though I let her go into Your hands, I thought she’d come back to me after You healed her. I’m angry . . . I don’t know if I'm angry with myself, for thinking she would return, or what. But I need Your help. Help me sort out these emotions. Help me get to the place where I can just rejoice with her. Help me to get to the place where I’m okay with the fact that when I let her go, it wasn’t Your will for her to come back.”

David nudged his owner’s hands, as if offering his own comfort. Nathan stayed in that position for some time, seeking shelter in the loving arms of God.

Chapter Twenty-Five

Kristina stood on the courthouse steps, watching as Barbara and her father walked to their car. Crossing her arms over her chest, she silently said a prayer of thanks that justice had been served today and that Bobby was going to be held accountable for his actions. But at the same time, her heart hurt as she remembered the seething anger and hatred that engulfed him as the verdict was read. She had seen that anger and hatred in David, and it led to his demise. It saddened her that Bobby was going to be destined for the same future, unless he allowed Jesus into his life.

“Are you okay?” Nathan asked, seeing the look on her face.

“Yes,” she answered softly, and then turning to him, she let him know what she had been thinking.

“As the saying goes, ‘You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t force it to drink.’” Nathan said with a shrug.

Kristina wondered if that was also directed at her, but she refused to dwell on it. Smiling up at him, she said, “I guess we just have to do our best to be what God has called us to be, wherever and whenever.”

Looking down at her, with the sun causing her mahogany curls to shine brilliantly and her eyes sparkling with a peace that warmed his heart, he longed to gather her in his arms and kiss her softly. He longed to grab her hand and say come out with me, let’s spend the afternoon together. Instead, he stood lamely by her side, his hands in pockets instead of wrapped around hers.

“Well . . .” he let his words trail off. The last thing he wanted to do now was walk away from her.

Kristina’s thoughts echoed his own, and she knew he was about to leave. But everything within her cried out that she couldn’t let him walk away from her again. She also knew that any effort had to come from her. She had done the pushing away and she would have to do the reaching out.

“I was going to go home and get changed, and then go for a walk in the park.” She said, her voice trembling with nervousness. She paused, praying that he wouldn’t reject her offer.

“Well, I’ll let you get to it then . . .” He said with a wave, turning dejectedly toward the street. He walked only a few steps when she stopped him.

“No!” She cried, a little too loud. She blushed as several others turner her way. Bridging the distance between them, she asked, “I mean, I was wondering if you'd like to join me?”

Looking down at her, her cheeks still stained with embarrassment, he said cautiously, “Sure.”

“Great!” she squeaked, her voice breaking. Clearing her throat, she said, “How about we meet near the fountain in about thirty minutes?"

He saw her hand tremble as she brushed an errant curl from her face. Was she still wary of him, or was she nervous of asking him to the park? “Sure thing.”

Fifteen minutes later, Kristina sat on the park bench, waiting for Nathan to arrive. Doubt wriggled in her heart, whispering that he wasn’t going to show. Silencing the doubt, she reminded herself she was early. She had rushed home and nearly twisted her ankle in a rush to get back to the park. Now she sat, staring at the now vacant spot where the church’s nativity display had been last Thanksgiving. Memories of that night came flooding back, his gentleness with Alyssa, the warmth and caring in his smile, and the love that shone in his eyes.

As Kristina was lost in thought, Nathan stood several feet away from her, taking in her beauty. He remembered how she looked a little over a year ago, brandishing her pepper spray. Now, she sat with a soft smile gracing her stunning face, relaxed and at peace. He had seen over the past few weeks the depth of her faith and how it had grown. He had been blessed to see her encourage and edify Barbara. Nathan chuckled. There were quite a few times she reminded
him
of how great God was.

At that moment, David, who had been calmly sitting beside him, caught sight of Kristina and bounded toward her, barking excitedly. She smiled and bent down to pet the dog affectionately.

“I’m so glad you brought David,” Kristina said as Nathan walked up to her, “I have missed him.”

Please say you’ve missed me,
he thought. With a laugh, he said, “I think he’s missed you, too.”

An awkward silence filled the space between them as both longed to say what was on their hearts, but not knowing where to begin.

Kristina was the first to speak as she stood next to him. “Well, I’m glad the trial is over. Barbara can put that behind her now.”

“Yeah,” he said, falling into step beside her as she began to walk. “Has she told you what she plans to do about the baby?"

Shaking her head, she answered, “No, she said that at her next appointment she would be able to find out what the sex was. But she hasn’t decided if she was going to."

Nathan nodded silently, “You were such a blessing to her these past few weeks. I don’t know what she would have done without you.”

“She is a strong girl, and she has a strong faith.” Pausing, she looked at him and said, “Besides, just like you once told me, sometimes we let our circumstances shape us, instead of God. When we stare at our circumstances for too long, they appear bigger than our God. Barbara just needed to refocus.”

Nathan smiled at her words, and said, “You know, you have come a long way in your walk with God. It’s good to see.”

Kristina hesitated, knowing this was the opening she was looking for, but now that it was here, it was frightening to go through. Well, she had rejected him cruelly, and if that was what he would do to her now, then so be it. She would never know if there could be more unless she tried.

Taking a deep breath, she said, “I have you to thank for that.”

“What do you mean?”

“When you stood up that one Sunday and asked us all to vow to leave our fears at the Cross, I realized I had been dragging my baggage around – even though I didn't need to.” She stopped walking and turned to him. “I’m sorry Nathan; I know I hurt you deeply."

“I wasn’t talking about you in that sermon,” he said, concerned that she thought he used the pulpit as a way to scold her for how she spurned him.

“You might not have been talking about me, but God was talking to me,” she replied. “That day I went home and decided to truly leave everything at the Cross. I vowed to not look at my circumstances, but to look to my God.”

With a shrug she continued, “It hasn’t been easy. Watching Barb go through the trial, and the struggle with her decision regarding the baby . . . you don’t know how many times I have wanted to ask God, ‘Why?’ A day doesn’t go by when I don’t wish that I could go back and reclaim what I shoved away in fear.”

At his raised eyebrow, she said, “Ever since my car died on the road to Hamilton, I have been asking God to send me a miracle. And He kept sending me one. But I never recognized it until it was too late.” Take a deep breath, she said, “I didn’t realize that miracle was you, and I just let it go.”

Her words gripped his heart, and for a second he just stood there, unable to move for fear he was just dreaming. That this moment wasn't really happening.

Kristina mistook his silence, and began to look away from him so he couldn’t see the tears that were forming in her eyes.

Recovering from his shock, Nathan cupped her face in his hands. “Kristina, I never went anywhere.” He kissed her then. The sweetness of his touch, the gentleness of his kiss sent tears down her cheeks. Brushing the tears from her face, he explained, “God was dealing with me, too. That sermon was born out of the realization that I needed to let you go, and let God heal you. I’ve been trying to save you, and God reminded me that only He can.”

It was his turn to laugh as he confessed, “The problem was, when I let you go, my heart broke. I was so angry with God because I thought He’d heal you and then bring you back to me. And as the weeks passed, I saw you changing, but you were still so far from me.”

She smiled up at him as she said sweetly, “But I’m not anymore.”

With a smile, he said, “No you are most definitely not.”

His head bent down and their lips met in a sweet and wonderful kiss.

“Nathan,” she said after they parted, “I love you, and I’m so sorry it took me this long to let go of the past.”

Silencing her words with a swift kiss, he said, “I’m not.”

At her perplexed look, he continued, “Though it was painful to go through, I like the fact that you are now in the center of God’s will.” After another kiss, he added, “And you have never looked more beautiful.”

This time Kristina grasped his head and brought it down to hers in a deep and loving kiss. It wasn’t until David nosed his way between the couple that they parted, though reluctantly. Nathan and Kristina laughed and bent to give the dog some attention, which he reveled in.

Not far off in the park, Barbara sat on a bench, watching the couple. With the trial over, she was ready to focus on the next big decision she had to make. She had come to the park to get some time alone with God, knowing He would guide her. Placing a hand on her belly, she said, “I don't know what you have planned for me and this little one, Lord. But it looks like you have already brought about a miracle through this mess. And I thank You.”