Miss Abernathy's Concise Slave Training Manual (6 page)

"No, I refuse to speak badly of the Mistress in public." "No, I cannot serve you in any way that endangers my ability to earn a living or that compromises my physical and emotional safety." "No, I will not engage in behavior that my Owner has forbidden me, even though I know he'll never find out."

Truthfulness

A prerequisite to honor is truthfulness. Truthfulness is the ability to be honest with oneself and with others about one's feelings and motivations and to communicate these as accurately as possible.

This quality includes the ability to say, "I don't know how I feel about that yet. Please give me some time to think about it," or "My feelings about that have changed. Here's where I stand now." If a submissive is not truthful, she cannot give informed consent, or more accurately; the dominant cannot be held responsible if, after complying with the submissive's expressed desires, the submissive complains. If she communicates a change in her feelings or perceptions - "I thought I'd like being put in a cage and ignored, but I found out I hated it" that is one thing. That is being truthful. But complaints such as "You should have known not to call me a slut!" when no such boundary had been communicated are unacceptable. Any sentence that begins with "you should have known" indicates a lack of communication or of truthfulness.

Humility

Humility, like modesty; has an undeserved bad reputation. By humility I do not mean rampant self-deprecation or -hatred. I do mean a realistic perception of one's abilities and desires. This includes the ability to say to oneself and others, "I was wrong," or "I made a mistake," or "I misjudged my ability to do that for you." Likewise, a humble person will accept constructive criticism eagerly; finding in it the nugget of truth that is the key to self-betterment. Often our desire to please is so great that we undertake task for which we are not sufficiently prepared. There is nothing dishonorable about striving for a goal; what is dishonorable is the refusal to admit not being able to achieve that goal right now.

Accomplishment

Submissives, like knights, need to acquire special skills. A lady’s maid will need extensive knowledge of make-up techniques and grooming, while a cook may want to attend a culinary school.

The most famous courtly lover, Tristan, spoke many languages, played several instruments, was adept at hunting and dressing game, was an excellent fighter and statesman, and played a mean game of chess to boot. Self-betterment in one's chosen arts befits a submissive as well as it does a chivalrous knight.

Courtesy

We speak of the uncommon quality of common courtesy. Courtesy is, at base, a matter of respect. If we respect another person's time, personal space, and rights, then we will naturally act in a way that expresses that respect. If we respect their time, we will not arrive late to appointments. If we respect their personal space, we will not scatter our things around their home nor will we touch the person without invitation. We will allow them privacy. If we respect their rights, we will allow them to say "no” to us, to maintain their property; and to make decisions regarding their own health and welfare.

One must also be willing to extend such courtesy to oneself. We must, in all humility; respect our own needs for food, rest, privacy; recreation and the like. It is a discourtesy to others to be discourteous to oneself, in that denying our own human needs makes us all the more likely to disappoint our friend by being incapable or exhausted or otherwise unprepared for service.

Fidelity

Fidelity is a much-neglected virtue among submissives. As a group, submissives are infected with a scarcity mentality; which tells them that there are far too many bottoms and far too few tops.

They feel this gives them permission to speak badly of a former partner in hopes of winning a new one, or to act as if a friend is only a friend as long as he does not stand in the way of a relationship with a desirable dominant. Yet, an honorable submissive can only gain from a refusal to compromise existing, valued friendships.

Goodness (Integrity)

Integrity implies probity; a view of the self as a rounded and consistent whole. When a submissive strives to be "good," he is striving after integrity; the sense of security that comes from living in right relation to himself, the dominant, and the world.

The essence of goodness, of personal integrity; is compassion, a willingness to look into ones own heart and the hearts of others and be witness to human suffering. A compassionate submissive is one who will look beyond his own good and that of his master, to the greater goods of family and community. A slaves acts of kindness reflect upon the dominant as well as upon the slave himself.

The willingness to undertake an action simply because it is right marks a submissive as superior; indeed he may be on the road to perfection.

Support for Submissives

As blissful as slavehood may be for those called to it, submissives run the risk of extreme isolation. It is vital that slaves maintain friendships outside of their dominant/submissive relationship. Particularly with other slaves. Dominants should encourage such friendships and any person who isolates a submissive from all other human contact is not dominant, but misguided. I encourage you to seek out BDSM organizations and publications that portray slavehood positively.

Some of these organizations and publications are listed in the resource guide at the end of this book
Taxonmny of Slavehood

The roles a submissive may play in the life of a dominant are as varied as that dominants needs and her submissive's desires and skills. While many people envision slavehood according to the
Story of O
model, for a some submissives, genital sex is of secondary or even negligible importance.

Such submissives find true satisfaction in the simple act of service and are therefore known as service oriented submissives. What type of services can a submissive provide? Any and all!

Houseslaves

Imagine yourself in the home of a wealthy nineteenth century British family. If you've seen reruns of "Upstairs, Downstairs" or "Brideshead Revisited" on PBS, you'll know exactly what I'm referring to - the place is crawling with servants.

When you arrived at your friends’ home, you might first be met
footman
who would help you out of your carriage or, if you arrived on horseback, would see that your steed was taken safely to the stables. (The modern equivalent, of course, is the
chauffeur.
)
At the door, the
butler
would greet you. The role of the butler or in exceptionally wealthy households, the
steward
- is as the dignified head of the serving hordes. He - though in our day and age, a female butler is perfectly acceptable -

sees to it that the household runs smoothly, that servants are generally neither seen nor heard, and that guests and family members are attended to. In general, he answers to no one but the master or mistress of the house. (You may have noticed that in novels butlers are often called by their last names; in the nineteenth century, this was a mark of rank in service.) The butler often occupies a

“middle” position - he is subordinate to his employers, but in charge of all the other servants. A dominant who has a number of slaves may elect a more experienced submissive to act as a butler or major domo in supervising the other slaves. The primary qualities of a good butler are loyalty and a strong sense of decorum. Submissives who feel called to the role of butler are often fastidious and detail-oriented and are comfortable juggling many tasks at once. They are the image of grace under pressure.

Both women and men may act very well as
maids.
(The special case of the transvestite or "sissy maid" will be discussed below.) Maids' duties include all aspects of household maintenance, such as cleaning, laundry, shopping, and other errands. In some cases, an experienced maid, the
housekeeper,
may also supervise other servants. Some maids may serve in the kitchen, or a dominant may make use of a cook. If the dominant is so inclined, maids can be trained in special sorts of service as, for example, tea service or serving at formal dinner parties. Older editions of etiquette manuals can provide a wealth of useful information for luncheon, tea, and dinner service for maids of more traditionally minded dominants.

Similar to the maid is the
houseboy.
This term is used for a servant of general usefulness who may do all that maids do in the home, but who is often employed at odd jobs - gardening, driving, carpentry and the like - in accordance with his training.

Related to the butler is the
valet.
Generally thought of in service to a dominant man, the valet acts as personal assistant in dressing and grooming. In certain periods, the valet was simply referred to as the master's "man." (Readers familiar with Dorothy Sayers's Lord Peter Wimsey mysteries will no doubt remember the inimitable Bunter.) The valet may also act in his master's stead, delivering messages, arranging schedules, and generally acting as a guy/gal friday.

The feminine (although not necessarily female!) counterpart to the valet is the
ladys maid.
Just as the valet is concerned with the master's wardrobe, so the lady's maid acts as hair stylist, costume consultant, and general companion to a dominant woman. A lady's maid is often on more intimate terms with her mistress, acting as confidante and counselor. In the nineteenth century, the lady's maid was given her mistress's old dresses and sewing scraps to keep or to sell. Such are the traditional appointments for household servants.

Sex Slaves

Many submissives' fantasies contain a distinctly erotic tone; indeed, most people engage in D/S

play for the simple reason that it excites them. (And, in fact, no other reason is needed!) For some submissives, sexual servitude lies at the center of their erotic-emotional life. These submissives are best suited to be
sex slaves
or
sex toys.
In such arrangements, the sex slave exists for no other reason than the physical pleasure of the dominant. Often the slave's dress - or lack of it - will be designed to enhance her availability. While at the Chateau, O and her fellow slaves were required to wear elaborate dresses that exposed their breasts and genitals to all the company. When in, the mundane world, Rene required O to go without panties, to seat herself with her bare rump flush against the seat, to keep her lips slightly parted to suggest openness to invasion, to wear blouses that allowed him access to her nipples, and so on. And just as a was initiated into anal sex by Sir Stephen, sex slaves should be trained in the specific sexual arts that please the dominant.

Of course, a slave of any type may also be used as a sex slave, if that is his desire and that of the dominant.

Cross-Dressers

I have mentioned the
sissy maid
or panty slave. The subject of a whole sub-gene of erotic literature, the sissy maid is generally a man whose fantasy is to serve a lady while he is cross-dressed. The cross-dressing may be hidden (when the dominant orders the man to wear women's panties or stockings under his clothes) or transformational. In the latter case, the submissive strives to look as feminine as possible. He may wear a "gaff," a garment designed to hold the penis and testicles tucked under the body to give the illusion of a feminine shape under panties. Sissy maids are often employed for formal affairs or tea service. They may eroticize service in and of itself, or they may desire to be the object of the company's attention. Elaborate maid's costumes are available for these submissives, and the outfits range from the traditional short-skirted black and white dress to downright tatty red affairs.

Slave Without a Master: Ronin

What about a person who feels called to slavehood and yet has no master or who has lost his master? Such a submissive is sometimes called "ronin," the name for a "rogue" samurai warrior.

Submissives can certainly undertake general training by themselves; many of the techniques I discuss here can be adapted to create an individual training program. If slavehood is indeed your calling, patience is in order. Cultivate yourself as if you
were
already serving your ideal master.

There is no more effective way to attract him.

Types of Arrangements: The D/S Relationship

Perhaps you have examined yourself closely, and know who you are and what you want.

Perhaps you have even found the slave of your dreams. Now what? How do you make those dreams come true in our waking reality?

Starting Slow: The Part-Time D/S Relationship

I believe the phrase "casual dominant/submissive relationship" to be a contradiction in terms. I hold that effective and satisfying D/S relationships depend on genuine affection and intimacy between the partners, and affection and intimacy do not develop during a ten minute negotiation at an S/M play party. Certainly dominant and submissive elements are an integral part of many S/M

scenes, but the sort of service-oriented submission that I am discussing here does not lend itself to casual encounters.

This does not mean, however, that short-term or occasional D/S arrangements do not exist; in fact, they are quite common. The slave who cleans his Mistress's house once a month; the submissive carpenter who builds bondage equipment for her dominatrix friend in exchange for a session; two men who live 3,000 miles away from each other and negotiate a weekend-long contract once a year: all of these can be considered "casual," and yet clearly dominant/submissive, relationships. Indeed, many regular clients of professional dominants fall into this category. Over time, trust and a certain level of intimacy develop between client and dominant, and lifestyle dominants take the training of a sincere client very seriously. Acquaintances that begin as "casual" or occasional may well develop into long-term relationships.

Telephone, Computer, and Postal Training

In our jet-set world, it is often impossible for a dominant and her slave to spend as much time together as they like. Even live-in slaves must sometimes be separated from their owners by business trips and family obligations. Luckily; it is not difficult to maintain contact across the miles.