My Best Friend's Bucket List: Volume One (17 page)

“
Well,” Tommy looked at me, smiled. “ Your basic pool party is
good and fun. But a Rager is epic and unforgettable. Something
always goes wrong, but you never regret it. Like in the episode
of
The O.C.
Where
they throw a birthday party for Trey, but it turns into a Rager and
Holly OD's in the pool and Trey takes the wrap for selling drugs
when he really didn't.”

“
O.K. I'll do that one.” I got up to go have a
Rager.

“
Whoa, Tuck, slow down. A Rager won't happen over night. This
isn't TV. This is reality. If it was TV or a book, it was have to
be broken up into two parts. If it were TV it would definitely end
with the words: To Be Continued...”

“
So you'll help me?”

“
Only if I can attend?”

“
Of course, the more the angrier or whatever the hell goes on
at these things.” I said.

“
Dude, this sounds crazy and not at all very safe.” Dick said.
He was waiting for me by the car. He didn't look happy and he bled
from his wounds.

“
Relax, it's just going to be a party. Rager is just a word
people use to make it sound cooler.” I said. I got in the Zephyr
and started it up. We drove to Johnny Basil's Pizza. I was hungry
now that the ladies were gone.

Inside the pizzeria. I ordered a slice and a
Jack and Coke Zero. I thought about the notion of raising a child
with Cynthia. It was obviously too late to abort that mission. But
she wanted to know whether or not I was going to be her baby's
daddy.

The slice was hot and cheesy. The Jack and
Coke was cold and perfect. If I had a kid surely it would interrupt
moments like this. I had a lot of thinking to do. Cynthia couldn't
be dodged forever. Lorrie would eventually give up on me if I
continued to give her mixed signals. The party I was planning had
to be epic. I knew nothing of epic.

I finished my slice and had three or five
more Jack and Cokes. Nico and Johnny were off so I was stuck with
the other staff. The ones I don't think could speak English. The
door opened and two guys were having a gossipy and low
conversation.

“
I haven't seen him. He just stopped coming to
work.”

“
I heard he fucking disappeared into thin air.”

From the corner of my eye I could make out
the uniforms. They were both EMT's. For some reason a silent bell
went off in my head, but I ignored it. They sat a few stools down
from me at the bar. Their conversation continued.

“
Those guys were asking deep questions, they were fucking
pissed. The shift supervisor almost shit himself.”

“
I heard that part. I don't know who they are, but they are
into some serious shit, I heard they were like foreign or some
shit.”

“
Fucking Russian. They were all suited up and shit. Godfather
type of guys.
Mafioso's.
”

“
Scary shit. This world is fucked up.”

The two EMT's talked on. Little pieces of
their conversation set off bells in my head, but for some reason I
had no idea why. Then I remembered why I hated eating in public.
Other peoples conversations.

Annoying as fuck.

I stood on the red carpeted floor. The heat
from the heater lamps radiated on my face. The smell the in the air
was amazing. My stomach growled fiercely. Steam raised off the
piping hot food behind the glass. The glass barrier was held by
gold poles with faded gold lining.

The Chinese food place was made up to look
like some set up in a Chinese and if the place didn't look like it
was constructed in the seventies, I would have believed I was in an
actual palace.

The girl with the pink hair behind the
counter, the one that also sported too much black eyeliner, the one
that was also covered in scary tattoos...Her. Well she was just
fantastic. When I looked at her my penis jumped a bit. She looked
the way a girl would look if maybe she kept razor blades in her
pussy, in case some unlucky chap wanted to stick it in her.

If that were the case and if she'd given me
an opportunity, my cock would be a bloody stump. Men will do almost
anything for a woman if one look makes their dick jump.

It was my turn to approach the steamy glass
as the soccer mom and her million kids had placed their order.

“Welcome to Ching Chong's
Chinese Food.” said the pink haired one. Her tone was that of
depression and near suicide. I felt the name of the restaurant
could be interpreted as racist or even offensive. But regardless
this was where my Uncle Tommy recommended I came to get food if I
wanted to get some for the Rager.

DISCLAIMER: My best friends bucket list would
like to let you know that according to Urban Dictionary a Rager is
described as:

A larger gathering usually
of high school or college students where massive amounts of alcohol
are consumed.
Well, in our case, also
ridiculous amounts of drugs. But let's not jump ahead of ourselves.
I didn't know anybody that was in high school or college but number
8 on my best friend's bucket list was to have an epic pool party,
but my Uncle Tommy convinced me to have an epic Rager
instead.

“
Hi, I'm throwing an epic
Rager, I need food for, I don't know, say twenty people. What do
you recommend?” I said to Pinky.

“
I don't fucking care what
you're doing. But I recommend the Ching Chong Platter, it's a
hundred bucks.”

“
Oh, well-” I tried to
say.

“
You don't have a hundred
bucks do you? Figures.” Pinky said. Her small breasts rose and fell
with a sigh. Her pouty pierced lower lip, her porcelain green
eyes.

“
I have money, if you'd
stop being a bitch and let me pay you.”

“
Don't fucking talk to me
like that, we have to refuse asshole-”

“
Lower your voice, bitch,
when was the last time a guy really took his time and sucked on
your pussy, that's the problem.”

“
You fucking faggot, I
don't know who the fuck who think you're talking too.” Pinky's hair
went well with her red face and throat. She was pissed off and I
was full of adrenaline. The soccer mom and her kids looked
scared.

There was a dead silence for a few beats.
Then Pinky spoke.

“
I have a break in fifteen
minutes. My car is out back. A blue Jetta.”

An hour later I sucked on a mouthful of
breath mints, her pussy didn't taste bad by any means and there
were no razor blades, but I was on my way to drop off food to
Cynthia. And word on the beak is that showing up with food for your
pregnant ex girlfriend with the smell of goth pussy on your breathe
isn't just wrong, it's also bad karma.

I also had to deal with the fact that I had
been avoiding the “talk” between the two of us. Though she was
unclear about what said “talk” was about, I was under the
impression that the conversation was in fact about whether or not I
was going to be a father to her, and I guess, my child.

The taste of Pinky lingered and so did my
massive erection. That was the problem with just giving, it left
you hard with no means of release. I thought of how large Cynthia's
tits had become and how her ass had really rounded out. The
pregnancy bug was doing wonders to her body. Then a curious thought
struck me. Could I count on her for physical release? A BJ? A HJ?
Maybe even a TF?

It was worth a try and after all, was I not
bringing her food? I deserved something in return, if even flash of
her milk filled mammarie's. I probably should've taken up Pinky's
offer on a blow job, but I was in somewhat of a hurry and the Rager
was tonight.

My Uncle Tommy promised to handle the booze
and D.J. He even said he would get us a good crowd of people. The
Rager was to be thrown at his buddy Murrey's place. Murrey was out
of town and Tommy was feeding his fish. He had a key to the place
and Murrey had a large swimming pool in the back.

The plan was fool proof.

“
I don't know about this,
dude.” Dick said. He was suddenly riding shot gun. He bled from his
throat and stomach wounds.

“
What's your damage on this
plan? It was on your bucket list?” I asked.

“
Something about it, dude,
seems shady. I meant an old school type of pool party. With
lemonade and beer and mini sandwich appetizers.” Dick
said.

“
Well how
the hell am I supposed to interpret that with just the
words,
epic pool
party
. I can't read that much between the
lines.”

“
I know, dude, I just feel
like this will end badly.” Dick said. Now I was pissed.

“
You can't feel anything,
you are fucking dead! And a figment of my imagination!” I screamed.
Then Dick disappeared. And I was at Cynthia's house. She lived
three houses down from Uncle Tommy's place.

It appeared only she was home. The erection
I had was wearing thin, pun intended. To my surprise it was not
Cynthia that answered the door, but her much more petite sister,
Maria. For a petite chick Maria had a firm ass and prominent
hips.

Maria scowled at me.

“
What the FUCK do you
want?” She asked with acid in her tone. I was certainly popular
with the ladies today, I thought.

“
Hello to you too. Delivery
for the pregger in the house.” I said smoothly as possible. In case
I would have to try to convince Maria to get me off.

“
She's in her room resting.
What the fuck took you so long? She's had dumpling cravings for
hours.”

“
Traffic.” I
said.

“
Yeah right. You smell like
pussy.”

“
That's weird, because so
do you! Crazy, right?” I said and walked past her to Cynthia's
room. I ignored the fact that even though I wanted to shove my
tongue up her asshole that Maria has always hated me. I guess that
was part of the reason my mouth longed to explore her
rectum.

Men often wonder the flavor of the rectum of
women that they find attractive, that in reality hate them. It's
true. Ask around.

Cynthia was propped up in
her bed watching
Teen Mom.
She looked miserable. Unlike her happy-go-lucky
self from yesterday at the park. She saw me and perked up a
bit.

“
Hey! You made it. You have my food?” Cynthia asked. Because I
held a plastic bag containing a Styrofoam container containing a
medley of dumplings, orange chicken, chow mein, fried rice, BBQ
pork, etc. Pregnant women could eat.

“
Here ya go.” I said, handing her the bag. She tore it open
and dug in. She smiled while she chewed some pork and noodles. My
stomach still growled.

“
You can change it.” Cynthia said as she ate. I channel surfed
not paying attention. I stopped at the news, then stared off into
space.

I tried to imagine what it would be like to
wake up to an infant in a crib, Cynthia cooking breakfast, dressing
for work. My space no longer being my space, but our space. I
couldn't imagine it.

The news anchor on screen went on about some
random shit:

“
The F.B.I. Has officially stepped in. Though there are no
statements being made, the whole Inland Empire is convinced the
Russian Mob is here and active. Many believe they are behind these
mysterious break in's and the mysterious disappearance of this man,
Milton Johnson-”

I clicked the
Off
button on the
remote. News was really boring and I still needed to ask Cynthia
whether or not she would help me with gratification. She put away
the food like a garbage disposal. Between one of her bites I
asked.

“
We still need to have that talk?”

“
Yeah. It's important.” She said with oil and noodles on her
lips. And she was right. It was important. It was time for me to
figure out what I wanted to do. In that moment I wanted to
ejaculate all over her tits.

“
Well, what do you want me to do?” I said.

“
It's not up to me, Tuck. But I would want you to call him and
explain to him the truth, by lying, I guess.” Cynthia confused
me.

“
Huh? Call who?”

“
My ex fiancee,
Julio
. He thinks I cheated on him
and made a baby. If you can explain to him that we never had sex,
then maybe he'll listen to you.” Cynthia said. And it all made
sense in that moment. She never wanted me to be the daddy, just
help her get her ex back.

“
How'd he find out?”

“
Our neighbor, Nosy Rosy, saw you leaving that night and
spread rumors throughout the neighborhood. He was suspicious and
paranoid after that. Then I became pregnant from his seed but he
couldn't believe it. He was told by a specialist he was
sterile.”

“
So I'm the father?” I asked with a dry mouth.

“
No, Julio is the father, and he always will be. You're just
an ex that stopped by for lemonade.” Cynthia said. Even though she
said it with obvious ominous intentions, the conclusion was clear.
I was no father. Just a sperm donor. And that was fine with
me.