My Best Friend's Bucket List: Volume One (16 page)

“
Jenga
!!!” I shouted. The gunshot
rang out against my head. Dick's
Jenga
blocks went tumbling over.
Blood poured from my wrist, my head screamed. Nothing went dark
like usual. I felt the blood pumping from the puncture in the
vein.

I looked up. The two Rednecks had dropped to
the floor, the rifle across the room also on the floor, Milton lie
in the corner with blood spurting from his right knee.

The Rednecks screamed and pleaded, “Please
don't kill us! Please!”

I looked at the doorway. Nico Saucony stood
in the doorway, a gun drawn, Next to him was the big man Johnny
Basil. Johnny held a smoking revolver. I was never happier to see
those two cats in my life. Nico ran to my side.

“
Tuck! Here wrap this around your wrist.” He handed me a white
handkerchief.

“
How in the hell-” I attempted.

“
All in good time. What do you want us to do with these guys?
The Feeb in probably on there way.” Nico said in a rush.

“
Nah. The FBI stopped investigating The Johnson Family months
ago. I just wanna go home and sleep, Nico.” I said.

“
You alright?” Johnny asked. I looked up at him.

“
Yeh, I'm good Johnny.”

“
What do you want to do with EMT boy?” Johnny
asked.

“
I just really want out of here. I don't care.” I said. Nico
and Johnny undid the handcuffs and helped me to my feet.

“
TUCK! CALL THESE GUYS OFF MAN.” Milton yelled. “Tuck, come on
man. Save some lives!”

“
Please. Please. Please, Tuck.” I heard the Rednecks cry
out.

Nico led me slowly out the door, the air was
cool and crisp. Johnny shut the cabin door behind us. I was now in
the woods, just the sounds of crickets, cold breeze. Before I
ducked into the back seat of Nico's car I heard several gunshots
from inside the cabin.

Minutes the later the cabin was ablaze and
Me, Nico, and Johnny were on our way back down toward society.

Several stitches and ice packs later Nico
told me the tale of how Lorrie Lovitt accidentally saved my life.
After I turned her away at the apartment she went to Johnny Basil's
Pizza to get drunk. She told Nico the whole story. He left work
early to see if I was O.K.

Pulling into the lot of my apartment
building he saw three men carrying my unconscious body to their
trunk. He followed them. Memorized the location. Rushed to get
Johnny Basil and a couple pistols. The rest is history.

The next few days I played video games and
drank German imported beer. The Bucket List was lingering. I looked
over it, it made me nervous. I wanted the comfort of my home. The
outside world was just horrible.

Lorrie had been by Milton's place a few
times. I heard her knocking on his door. She even left him notes.
She was heart broken. Meanwhile, I had quit my job. Meanwhile, I
could taste Lorrie's kiss. Life was grand.

One fine afternoon, I was
in the middle of beating my high score on
Marvel Vs Capcom 2
for
X-Box.
It was only 2p.m.
But I was almost drunk. My doorbell rang.

“
I don't want to worship Jesus or Jehovah.” I yelled.
Silence.

“
Tuck.” I heard a soft voice. It was Lorrie Lovitt. I wanted
to puke and shit acid at the same time. I checked the peep hole, as
part of my new ritual. Sure enough it was the angel.

I opened the door. She came in. She looked
bad. Like she had been crying for days.

“
I know you don't want to see me, but-” Lorrie cried. “He's
out, Tuck.”

“
What? Who?” I was on a new level of confused and trying to
force myself to sober up.

“
Darren Winchester
. The nineteen year
old that killed Dick. He's out of jail. In a home or something
under the care of a conservator. I'm not clear on the details. But
he's free to do what he pleases and eat what he wants and breathe
fresh air.” Lorrie cried hard. I held her and felt rage about it
all.

Lorrie slept on the couch and I took to my
bed. Though I didn't sleep. I thought of the kid that single
handedly destroyed my best friends life. Then I thought of Johnny
Basil. He seemed to not have a problem handling things. But then I
didn't think much more of it as I slipped into sleep.

The next morning I awoke to the familiar
smell of frying bacon and cooking eggs. Both were more familiar
when Lorrie lived there, but I was grateful for it anyway. I
dressed, vomited in the sink due to nerves, brushed my teeth and
joined Lorrie at the table.

She served green tea and toast with the eggs
and bacon.

“
I'm training for a marathon next month.” Lorrie said as we
ate.

“
You run marathons?” I asked through a mouthful of
food.

“
Yeah. Not as much as I used too, but I'm getting back into
it.” She said.

“
What are you trying to prove?” I asked. “Or what are you
insecure about?”

“
What do you mean?” Lorrie asked.

“
Well-” I started to say but was interrupted by the door bell.
I went to the door and checked the peep hole per usual. The woman
on the other side of the door was Cynthia Garcia. My ex. The first
woman to ever truly destroy me.

I hadn't seen her in almost seven months.
She had led me to her house under false pretenses when I was upset
and we had amazing sex. Later she revealed to me that she was
engaged and could never see me again. Yet here she was.

I opened the door and the first thing I
noticed was her stomach. She had a baby bump.

“
Hello, Tucker. My fiancee left me, you wanna take a wild
guess why?” Was all she said.

CHAPTER 12

An Epic Pool
Party

(Number 8
On The Bucket List)

(I throw a
Rager)

Sometimes I would rather die then feel this
way. That's what I was thinking as Lorrie Lovitt served eggs to a
pregnant Cynthia Garcia. My ex girlfriend, that I had unprotected
sex with seven months ago, whose fiancee had left her. She was a
real piece of work and had a lot of moxie showing up at my
place.

Cynthia chewed her eggs happily. Lorrie
sipped green tea viciously, if such a thing were possible. She
scowled at Cynthia, from the corner of her eye, which was made
difficult due to the fact that they sat side by side. I was on the
opposite side of the bar style counter.

I sipped green tea calmly and pretended to
be into reading Dick's bucket list in hopes that maybe it will drop
the worlds largest hint and both women will disappear.

I hadn't masturbated in a good month and the
goo was building up. Of course these two could never understand a
thing like that. Though I'm sure Cynthia may have heard the advice
about masturbating while preggers. Something about it being good
for you or the baby or the midwife.

The facts were unclear to me.

“
Dick at work?” Cynthia asked, breaking the silence. The
silence actually shattered in that moment when Lorrie's tea glass
collided with the floor. She had dropped it in obvious shock. “What
did I say?” Cynthia asked.

“
Dick was killed a while ago.” I said. “I didn't call to
inform you because you were supposed to be married.”

“
Oh my god, Tuck, I am so sorry.” Cynthia said, tears in her
eyes, then she broke down into level three crying. I was irritated
because I knew it was the hormones. Then something even worse
happened. Lorrie joined her.

The two cried and I stared unsure what to
do.

“
Dude, get them out of the apartment.” I heard Dick say. Then
he was standing next to me, bleeding from his throat and stomach.
Eternal wounds.

Where the hell could I take the woman I was
in love with and my pregnant ex girlfriend that is neutral
ground?

“
The park, dude.” Dick said. And my dead best friend was
right. The park was neutral and full of underprivileged families.
It really put the world into perspective.

“
Alright ladies, let's all relax. We're going to the park.” I
said with gentle authority.

“
Can we stop for a churro? Dipped in pretzel mustard?” Cynthia
asked, still bawling.

“
Of course.” I said.

“
And deep fried pickles with three scoops of vanilla ice cream
on top?” Cynthia continued.

“
I wouldn't even know where to get that.” I said. Lorrie had
stopped crying and went back to scowling at Cynthia.

“
I need to throw up.” Lorrie said and ran off to the bathroom
holding her stomach.

“
Period cramps.” Cynthia said with confidence.

“
Gross.” I said and poured out what was left of my green tea.
I suddenly didn't want anything in my stomach.

The day was warm and slightly cloudy. The
good kind of cloudy. Post card cloudy. The large blue sea above us
known as the sky complimented the greenery and various other colors
of the park. To my left was Cynthia. To my right Lorrie Lovitt.

Lorrie sipped a diet seven up I bought her
for her stomach. Cynthia ate her churro smothered in spicy mustard.
That required two stops. I fought the urge to put my arm around
Lorrie.

Occasionally, me and Lorrie's hands would
touch from the swinging that our arms did while walking. Each touch
was like small shocks of electricity running up my arm. The sun
beamed off of Lorrie's face turning her chestnut eyes a fine
chocolate brown. So many nights I lie awake thinking of her
eyes.

“
Are you feeling better?” I asked. Lorrie nodded. I patted her
lightly on her upper back.

“
That's good. If you need anything let me know.” I said and
realized I was whispering. Cynthia was lost in the sugary cinnamon
deep fried world of her Hispanic snack. She smiled at the sky,
watched the children that were frolicking at the playground. I had
never seen her so happy in all the years I'd know her.

Just when I though Dick's plan to bring them
to the park was fool proof, things went sour.

“
We still need to have a talk, Tuck.” Cynthia said, staring
off into the distance.

“
I know.” I said.

“
Do you? Do you really know?” Cynthia asked.

“
Yeah.” I said.

“
We don't have a lot of time. I'm seven months pregnant here.
I need your decision on this. I know what you're thinking, it's my
body right? Well, it does take two to tango or swing dance and what
we did that night was very dirty.”

“
We can talk tonight. But I have some planning to do. So this
park trip will have to be short.” I said, letting urgency creep
into my voice.

“
What do you have to plan?” Cynthia asked.

“
Yeah, what's up?” Lorrie asked.

“
Well,” I pulled the bucket list from my back pocket. “Number
19 on Dick's bucket list”

“
What is it?” Lorrie asked, concern in her voice.

8.
THROW AN EPIC POOL PARTY

“
What do you know about throwing parties? You hate people and
you REALLY hate parties.” Cynthia said. Very interesting
fact.

“
Hate is a strong word. Despise is better suited. I can't not
do it, it's on Dick's bucket list.” I said.

“
You're going to need help.” Lorrie said.

“
I know it. I have a small idea for a plan. Unfortunately
neither of you are involved. So if I may now please drive you all
back to your places of living.” I said.

After I dropped Lorrie and Cynthia off at
their cars, ignoring their scowls, I pulled onto the main street
and headed toward my Uncle Tommy's place. He was retired as a night
hospital janitor. He knew more about the way humans should behave
than anyone. The reason was because he spent his retirement
watching TV shows on DVD.

I parked in Tommy's
driveway behind his Mustang. I let myself into the house. On his
ginormous flat screen HD TV the show
Friends
played. I sat down on the
love seat next to his La-Z-Boy chair. Tommy sipped a can of Miller
Lite. His eyes were glued to the giant picture.

“
Tommy, I'm back.” I said.

“
What now?” He asked. On the screen Chandler tried explaining
something with a lot of hand gestures.

“
I need to throw an epic pool party. I don't know
how.”

“
You want to throw an epic pool party? Or an
epic unforgettable Rager
?” Tommy asked, enthusiasm creeping into his
voice.

“
Which one should I?” I asked.