My Body-Mine (15 page)

“
So are you ready to admit I was right?”

“
Absolutely, but don’t you think I should do so while your cock is in my mouth?”

“
That’s funny but how will I be able to hear you then?”

“
I’ll pull you out between sucks and say, ‘You were right, you were right!’ ”

“
I might have to take you up on that.”

“
Good.”

“
I have to get going in a minute. My mother has an eye appointment and then I’m taking her to lunch.”

“
Please say hello for me, and tell her I’m looking forward to meeting her.”

“
Will do. Love you and have a wonderful day.”

“
You too. Bye.”

“
Ciao.”

I freshened up in the bathroom and wandered into the kitchen. The staff never came to the house unless Marcello stayed in residence and for the first time I had been left alone in our eerily quiet home. Janice had mentioned that Marcello had a study off of his bedroom but I had never seen it. As for snooping, I’d learned my lesson with Luke and wouldn’t be exploring Marcello’s office during his absence.
A man needs his man cave
, I thought.

I decided to cook some eggs instead of my usual yogurt breakfast. I couldn’t help but think of Luke. Big into breakfast, he also liked making it for me. Two eggs over medium and a slice of toast would do the trick.

Returning to my room, breakfast plate in hand, I booted up my computer. As I ate, I checked my email and found one from Claudia with the countersigned contract. She said she’d have the edited novel to me in two weeks. Giddy, I glanced over at the current novel I was reading for a possible distraction and then back at the computer screen. Rolling my eyes at myself, I loaded Facebook.

Not finding Sandy online, I did have to acknowledge the green dot lined up next to Chase’s name.
You will not IM him first
, I chided myself.

Minimizing the webpage, I loaded up my journal. I wrote about getting published and my fear around sharing my story. My pen name offered some anonymity but my friends would know the truth. Then I recalled the feelings I experienced at the beach house and what it meant for me to have a key again. I had stored it in the zipper compartment of an old black purse I had hanging in the closet. My feelings for Marcello filled up a couple of paragraphs and the sex scene with Janice, a few pages.

I truly hoped we could resolve our differences and that she’d give up whatever craziness she planned to execute in the restaurant. What Luke had once told me about Janice kept running through my mind. She’d keep pushing and pushing until he’d punish her. Is that what she hoped for from Marcello? To get his attention in any way she could? My drama-free existence had come to an abrupt end. I hoped we could reinstate it but I still had my doubts.

Facebook alerted me to a message.

Chase:
Will it always be this way?

Jane:
What way?

Chase:
Me having to chase you? IM you first?

Jane:
It is your name …

Chase:
Fine!

Jane:
LMAO, I knew it!

Chase:
Knew what?

Jane:
It
is
your favorite word. LOL!

Chase: :P

Jane:
Oh, very nice.

Chase:
I’d moon you if I could.

Jane:
I’d like to see that.

Chase:
Would you now?

Jane:
BTW, I’m never always anything.

Chase:
Good to know and I see how you’ve cleverly changed the topic.

Jane:
That’s me. Horribly clever.

Chase:
Another thing that’s good to know. Note to self, don’t mess with the clever girl.

Jane:
Woman.

Chase:
Picky too. WOMAN.

Jane: :P

Chase:
I now see how it is.


Jane:
LOL.

Chase:
So other than harassing me, what are your plans for today?

Jane:
Undecided.

Chase:
Maybe I can help you decide.

Jane:
Doubtful.

Chase:
So now we are reduced to one word answers?

Jane:
Nope.

Chase:
lol. Seriously though, have you gone for your run yet? We could meet at the beach.

Jane:
I don’t see that as being a good idea.

Chase:
Pray tell, why is that?

Jane:
You strike me as an intelligent guy. Figure it out.

Chase:
I completely respect your boundaries and I know you’re involved.

Jane:
I think your parents knew what they were doing when they named you.

Chase:
I forbid you to hold my name against me!

Jane:
Forbid? LOL. Good luck with that.

Chase:
Someone needs a spanking.

I blushed over his words. Already worked up over our banter, I knew that going for a run, appealing or not, was a bad idea.

Jane:
I’m sure Marcello would concur. Most especially after this conversation.

Chase:
Why don’t you ask him? He might be fine with it.

Jane:
Having you give me a spanking? OMG.

Chase:
No, the run, silly.

Jane:
Have you ever considered that I don’t want to?

Chase:
Of course not. Because you do.

Jane: :P

Chase:
Is that an admission?

Jane:
You will see me tomorrow night.

Chase:
No time like the present.

Jane:
Maybe another time.

Chase:
I’ll take what I can get.

Jane:
See you tomorrow?

Chase:
Signing off already? Did I run you off so quickly?

Jane:

Maybe. Thanks for the chat.

Chase:
You too. Amusing as always.

Jane:
Bye.

I quickly shut my laptop before I changed my mind and continued to engage with him. Laugher bubbled in my throat as our silly badinage ran back through my mind.
Spanking indeed!

I threw on my workout clothes and opted to run in the neighborhood. With food still digesting, I decided to do run/walk intervals. I selected Breaking Benjamin on my iPod and set out.

The intensity of last night’s session with Marcello and Janice coupled with the titillation of my recent chats with Marcello and Chase had me all hot and bothered. The tightrope walk of friendship with Chase intrigued and stimulated but also scared me. I’d never, ever cheat on Marcello or break my word to him but I couldn’t ignore the fact that my guard against Chase
had slipped just slightly
. I enjoyed the flirting and friendship and knew I wouldn’t let it go any further but I still felt guilty that
our friendship marked a
betray
al of
Marcello. Chase did offer me an outside view of my crazy living situation and I just had to remember to keep it all in perspective.

After stretching and showering, I reread what I wrote earlier, refusing to add Chase to my journal. It would make him far more real than I was properly prepared to deal with. I wondered what had happened so far between Janice and the Dom who had borrowed her and if she was having a good time. Grateful for being spared those types of activities, I still felt curious. Hopefully she’d come home thoroughly used and satisfied and eager to talk, certain her experiences could make a terrific short story.

Not knowing what to do with myself and not in the mood for any more reading or writing, I took a nap.

* * * *

I dreamt of the beach house again.

The cloudless sky shone sunny, warm and bright. The French doors stood open and the crystal blue pool looked inviting. People I didn’t recognize occupied several chairs and chaise lounges. Chase came out, carrying a tray of martini glasses, a pitcher of clear liquid, and a small bowl of green olives.

“
What’re you doing here?” I asked, my hands on my hips. “And who are all these people?”

“
What do you mean? They’re our friends, Jane.” He hurriedly placed the tray on the side table near him and clasped my hands. “Are you feeling okay? Are you having one of your episodes?”

“
Episodes?” I said, jerking my hands free. I scanned the outdoor deck and couldn’t find one person I knew. “Where are Parker and Andre?”

“
On their honeymoon … you know that. Darling, you really should sit down. Let me get you some water. Maybe you’re dehydrated?” He seemed incredibly concerned for me. I couldn’t process why he and all the other people occupied my home. Why he called me “darling” left me baffled and uncomfortable.

I sat down and when he returned I asked, “Where is Luke? Are Marcello and Janice here?”

“
Have you been taking your meds?” he said in a stern voice.

“
Huh?”

“
Darling—”

“
Please don’t call me that.”

“
Okay, Jane, I’m losing patience with this. We have company and I need you to get it together,” he growled. Peering around anxiously and then softening his voice to a whisper, he said, “We agreed you wouldn’t mention ‘those’ people again.”

I stared at Chase, but the man before me didn’t look like him anymore. He had morphed into someone else entirely. His narrowed eyes caused my breath to catch. I jumped up and ran through the house to my writing room, locking myself in. Breathing heavily, I leaned against the door, took out my cellphone, and texted Marcello: “Where are you?”

Waiting for a response, I examined all the pictures and pieces of paper taped to the walls. Not recognizing the faces in the photos, I wondered if they represented characters in my newest novel. I felt lost. Why couldn’t I remember anything? One small red piece of paper caught my eye and I crossed the room to read what it said. In dark bold black text it read, “I have to cause you pain for me to love you.” My heart seized with a jolt of agony as another quote drew me to it. “Only sluts have nipples like yours.” I dropped to the ground as if the words themselves had dealt an electric shock.

What’s happening to me
? I thought. Just then a text came through. “You made your choice, Jane,” the text read.

“
Please, I need your help,” I texted back.

“
I can no longer help you,” he replied. “Please don’t text me again.”

Totally desolate, I didn’t know what to do, what to believe.

“
Open this door,” a voice shouted, followed by pounding on the door.

“
Luke?” I said.

“
Yes, Jane. Open up.”

I sprang to my feet and raced to the door, flipping the lock.

* * * *

I awoke with a start, sat up in bed, and clasped my head in my hands, trying to shake off the remnants of the dream. Maybe going to the beach house hadn’t been the greatest idea. Sometimes my subconscious mind confounded me and left me wondering what it
was
attempt
ing
to sort out.

Then I did something I hadn’t done for ages; I shuffled with my pillow and blanket into Janice’s room and switched on the TV. I needed the distraction. Flipping through Janice’s DVD collection, I selected
Easy A
and slid it into the player. I proceeded to laugh my ass off. The film paid homage to the John Hughes movies I loved in my youth.
Easy A
did the trick and I crashed in Janice’s bed knowing that only one day stood between me seeing Chase again and two days between Marcello’s return. I thought about the two men in my life and, as I fell asleep, fantasized about how it all might play out.

I
won’t bore you with all the details of how I passed my time on Saturday until the main event. Suffice it to say, it took enormous willpower not to hop onto Facebook for more banter with Chase.

I shaved and showered and let my hair dry naturally, parting it to the side. Staring in the mirror
,
I debated over applying makeup. Deciding to forgo lipstick, I opted for some chocolate brown mascara to highlight my green eyes.

I’d checked for a dress code on the jazz club website and found only two restrictions—no sneakers or tattered jeans. Not much help to me. I stood in front of my closet as if something would jump out and dress me.
Mr. Closet, please pick something for me.
I laughed at myself to chase away the nervousness.

I vacillated between a sundress with a sweater cover-up or jeans and a long sleeved green top that showed some cleavage. I finally reached for the multi-colored sundress and slipped it over my head. The dress stopped just above my knees and shimmied as I walked. The tight bodice forced my breasts up, flattering my figure by making my waist appear narrower. I reached into the closet and brought down a blue knitted sweater in case I found the club overly air-conditioned.

Because some of the flowers in the dress were black, I slipped on my black strappy sandals with a low heel. Finally, I selected the only black purse hanging at the end of the closet. I gathered my keys, cellphone and lip moisturizer from the bathroom and dropped them into my bag. Checking my image in the mirror, I shook out my hair one last time and felt satisfied with my appearance.