My Stupid Girl (54 page)

“I want us to figure out how to take care of
ourselves...” I was desperately trying to figure out how to say this the right
way.

“What?” She glared at me, offended.
Shocker.

But I closed my eyes so her long lashes
didn’t put me into one of those love-sick stupors and make me completely forget
what I was trying to say. This mattered; it was key to us being able to make it
last. It had to be said, no matter how much the spoiled, gorgeous girl next to
me hated to hear it.

“Lucy, you need to get a job.” Her face
opened up in pure rage. HA! I kept going, quickly, before she could cut me off.

“You need to not completely depend on your
parents to get you out of this. We need to do as much of this as we can
ourselves. And first step is working our butts off. Which means working.”

There, said. Let the storm commence.

“Excuse me? Who do--” I cut her off. I was
on a roll. This was kind of fun, actually. I wondered, briefly, how many times
anyone had ever dared to say this kind of thing to Lucy Peterson.

“I love your parents. You know I do; your
dad is like my own father. And I know they would give their lives for you, for
us. But I think it would be good for all of us, including Lydia, if you and me
supported ourselves instead of depending on others.”

Lucy’s face was, once again, a mix of
confusion. This looked like a foreign concept to her. Maybe she had never even
considered it. I couldn’t really blame her. I had taken care of myself my whole
life. For Lucy, this was going to be a lot more of a transition.

“So you just want me to--” I cut her off
again. 

“I’m not saying you have to move out. I’m
not saying you need to refuse their help.” Her face relaxed a tiny bit.

“What I’m saying, Luce, is that I don’t
want to expect it. I especially don’t ever want to get to a point where we
demand it. Lydia is yours, Luce, not your parents’.” Her eyes filled with
tears. I hurried on, trying to take the sting out of that. Truth: it was a
rebuke. But it had to be said. Lydia needed a mom she could rely on.

“Lucy, I want you to be able to take care
of her. And I want to do that with you. I want her to be ours.” Finally, I was
done. I took a deep breath, then Lucy did. I had just run her through a gamut
of emotions, and she looked like she was trying to overcome her knee-jerk
reaction. Her face was serious, considering, before she spoke.

“David. I don’t know how to do that.” She
wasn’t pouting or whining. She was being honest and I loved her so much for it.
I leaned in, kissing her eyes.

“We will figure it out. Together.” My heart
almost burst with pride. Again the tears started to form in my eyes. I was
terrified Isaiah would find out about this. He would have a field day.

“I’m scared.” Lucy pulled back to look me
in the face. Her worried eyes seared mine. Her lips quivered slightly.

“Me too. Terrified, actually.” I pulled the
covers up to our shoulders.

I had a flashback to the first time we
shared a hospital bed. I had been terrified then, too, but for a very different
reason.

“Listen, Lucy, I have some money saved. I
own a house. I’m starting college next semester to work on becoming a social
worker.” She just looked at me, waiting for a point.

“In the meantime, Sean has been selling my
tattoos like hotcakes. I don’t know who he knows or how he’s doing it, but I’m
making money.” I was done. I wasn’t really sure what my point was, but it was
in there, somewhere. Maybe just to let her know that I was not just full of hot
air – I was doing what I was asking her to do. I was walking the walk, as she
once accused me of doing.

“Amazing. You will be an incredible social
worker, David.”

She wasn’t fooling me. I detected
deflection. That was my job; I was the king of deflecting. I wanted my title
back.

“What about you, Lucy. What do you want to
be?”

“I have no idea, David.” She tensed,
becoming a stick in my arms.

“No idea at all?” I spoke gently. Again, I
wondered if she had ever given this any real thought.

“What am I good at?! Nothing!” Her arms
flew up in frustration.

“You mean, besides being incredible
friendly? Making everyone around you feel comfortable and happy? Being
confident, charming, loving? I could go on...”

“I don’t even remember that person.” Her
hard exterior deflated to mush and my heart broke for her. It was true, she had
changed so much in the last year. She was more serious, definitely not as quick
to laugh or joke. But the old Lucy was still here, she had just been weathered
and shaped.

I shook her to try and snap her out of her
bout of self-pity and brought my lips to her ear.

“I remember that person! Whatever she did
this last year doesn’t wipe out who you are. It makes you better, stronger, if
you let it. Make it work for you, for us, Lucy. Use what happened to become
better.”

I was pleading so hard for that girl to
come back. I wanted Lucy, an older, wiser Lucy than I had left so many months
ago. She could do it if she would just try.

After a few minutes of silence and a few
quiet sobs her little voice squeaked out.

“Okay.”

“Okay? Like, okay David, I agree with
everything you’re saying and you are a life-coaching genius? Or, okay David, I
just gave birth and I’m tired of this conversation – get your pompous butt out
and never come back?” She smiled, but didn’t laugh. Her brows were knit into a
little (adorable) frown.

“I guess I’m good with people. Maybe my
parents can watch Lydia when I work…” She looked up at me and her face was hard
with irritation. “If it’s, you know, convenient for them.”

Sarcasm. She was back.

“Oh my gosh; I love you!” She was so cute;
I couldn’t help it. Admitting I was right and admitting she was super-spoiled
was killing her. 

“So, Lucy Peterson: marry me, please.” I
felt my face get hot, but not from embarrassment. Pure excitement coursed
through me.

“David, I would love to be your wife.”

Not going to lie, my face exploded with
even more blushing when I thought of everything that statement implied.

Then I felt a reminder that kicked me and
my hormones in the pants.

“That ring, Lucy Peterson, is your new
purity ring.”

She looked down at her engagement ring and
sighed. It wasn’t a sigh for me. It was a sigh for the last year, for the old
ring.

“It kills me to say it, believe me, but
your dad is the first man who ever put me in charge of anything, who gave me
any kind of responsibility. I’m going to honor that and see it through, even if
it kills me.” It just might too. This girl and her new milk jugs were freaking
me out. I was already coming up with elaborate ways to not be distracted by
them.

Lucy’s eyes were locked on her knuckle and
the little engagement ring. I put my thumb over it then kissed it like I used
to when she wore her little pearl one. We both spent a quiet moment in silence.

I heard a fake sob and felt a chill go
through my body.

Isaiah, Evelyn, Michelle, Johnny, Jennika,
Rachel, Sean, Lucy’s parents, my birth father, and a couple of nurses were
standing at the door, all craning over each other.

“Are you kidding me?! How long have you
guys been there?” I asked, rushing to extract myself from the bed. As I stood
up, my legs felt wobbly. They all noticed and they all laughed. Traitors.

“Ask her.” Isaiah pointed to Lucy, who
looked guilty but unapologetic. Jennika walked past me with Lydia tucked into
one arm, ruffling my hair as she passed.

“Congratulations, son.” Lucy’s father was
giving me a hug that told me he had heard at least that last part and he was
doing back flips inside. I felt embarrassed, especially considering where my
mind had been during the last few minutes. I hoped that didn’t come through too
terribly much. But whatever, he was married. He knew.

I looked over at the hospital bed and saw a
sight that I instantly wanted to draw and use it as wall paper for my whole
house.

Johnny and Jennika were on Lucy’s left
side. Isaiah and Evelyn sat on her right. Michelle and Sean and the foot. All
of them were, somehow, smooshed together on the same bed. Isaiah cradled Lydia
in his arms, his normally smirking face open with delight. She looked miniscule
against his freakishly long torso.

Best day ever? I think yes!
　

* * *

I stood in front of a long mirror in a
small, stuffy room at the back of our church. I was evaluating my reflection,
feeling so excited I was actually giddy. I pondered the light eyeliner around
my lids. It felt like it had to be there.

Earlier, I had asked Lucy if she cared that
I wore makeup. Her only request had been that I wear less than her.

Rachel was responsible for Lucy’s hair and
makeup, so I was sure I was safe with a little bit of eyeliner. I kept my
eyebrow ring in. That never really left. But my hair was shorter than it had
ever been. It still hung in layers around my face but it didn’t go down past
the bottom of my neck.

My scar stood out when I paid attention to
it, but I hardly noticed it anymore. I felt like Lucy knew me, and that’s all
that mattered.

As I took one of the last looks, Isaiah was
throwing out snide remarks about what a princess I was and how I forgot my
wedding dress at home. I was loving them. They meant I was marrying my Lucy, the
most amazing girl that ever lived.

“
We
already took the pictures, stop staring at yourself!” Isaiah threw a crumpled
up program at me to get my attention.

“
My
tie is all crooked!” I pulled on it as I spoke, which ultimately made it worse.

“
I
don’t think anyone is going to be looking at your tie after they see our rad
shoes!” Johnny pointed at his bright red Converse shoes that peeked out from
the bottom of his traditional black tuxedo. I looked down at my own pair and
smiled.

Lucy was so cool. The whole thing was her
idea. Jennika couldn’t believe she was having to wear sneakers with her
sage-green bridesmaid dress (that matched our sage green ties), but of course
she did it.

“
Come
here.” Anthony spoke from across the room. I walked over to him, still fiddling
with my tie. My dad was almost a whole inch shorter than me now, but his legs
were longer so his arms were at a perfect length to undo my tie and start it
over again.

“
So,
how do you feel?” he asked.

“
Like
I’m going to pee my pants.”

“
Good,
then you’re feeling like a normal man on his wedding day!”

“
What
if she runs away half way down the aisle?”

“
Then
we will all know she’s come to her senses,” Isaiah piped up, grinning wickedly.

“
Not
going to happen!” Jennika sang as she walked in, inspecting us. She flitted
over to Johnny and kissed him. Evelyn filed in after her, with Rachel right
behind.

“
Dadn!”
I heard Lydia squeak the name she had made up for me. I turned to see that my
daughter was riding on Rachel’s hip. For some reason, the kid loved Rachel.
Whenever the ice queen was in the room, Lydia would throw a fit if she wasn’t
picked up immediately. Rachel never seemed to care; she would carry Lydia
around everywhere, looking almost approachable.

“
Hey
beautiful.” I held out my arms for Lydia to climb into. She wore a dark yellow
satin dress with a sage green sash around her baby-tummy. Her brown curls stood
up on her little head like a mini-helmet. Her fat little fist clung to the hair
on the back of my scalp as she laid her head on my shoulder. She was already
exhausted from the day’s events.

Lydia was thirteen months old, and was
already such a firecracker I couldn’t believe it. The girl had everyone around
her wrapped around her little finger, just like her mom. The two of them were a
dynamic, explosive duo. I loved being with them and discovering the
never-ending wonders of two women who could take over the world, if they wanted
to.

“
Lucy
is doing hot laps in the next room.” Jennika laughed as she spoke, rolling her
eyes then coming over to make sure I was properly assembled. Evelyn already had
Isaiah pinned against the wall, straightening his tie. His face was the
standard disgusted, resigned look, but he had his chin up, letting her invade
his personal bubble. I also noticed he had a hand on one of her bent elbows as
she fiddled with his collar. Then he whispered something to her that made her
look up at him. He winked, she bit her lip, and then she continued to fix his
already perfect tuxedo.

Johnny and Sean came in to tell us it was
time. Johnny looked like he wanted to flap his hands and start screaming with
the girls next door.

At their words, everyone started scrambling
around. Rachel snatched Lydia back from me and fixed a stray piece of my hair
before leaving the room. Three men stood in front of me, all looking like they
were ready to say “weeee!” and join hands to play ring around the rosy. They
were scuffling around and shoving each other for space.

“
This
is it. You ready?” My dad smiled at me and opened the door for us to walk out.

We had it all planned out. The boys went
out first, escorting the women down the aisle. I walked my birth mother, my
stepmother, and my soon-to-be mother-in-law behind them.

I felt my heart become torn between
complete joy and sadness. Joy because as the boy who never had any kind of
mother growing up walked three of them down the aisle at his wedding. But I
felt sad because my grandmother wasn’t here to be a part of it. She, of all of
them, deserved a place of honor on a day like this.