My Sweetest Escape (25 page)

“Fine. But you’re no fun.”

“Why don’t you find your own guy?

What about Brett?”

I’d never met the kid, but he was the

first guy she’d even mentioned, so that had

to count for something. Hannah made a

frustrated sound.

“I told you—it’s ancient history.”

“History has a way of repeating itself.” I

was big on being the devil’s advocate

tonight.

“Whatever, girl. You’ve got much more

going on than I do, since I’ve got nothing

going on.”

I walked her up the stairs and said

goodbye before I went back to pick up the

rest of my books from the living room.

Hunter was the only one still up and he

was rubbing his eyes and blinking them

over and over.

“Where’s Dusty?”

“Oh, he had to go. Said to tell you

good-night.” Why did I feel like something

more had gone on while I was downstairs

with Hannah? I stared at Hunter, but I knew

that he was a good liar, at least about stuff

like this.

“Did he say anything about me?” The

words were out before I could grab them

and shove them back in my mouth and

pretend they hadn’t happened.

“Like what?” Play it cool.

“Oh, I don’t know. He was just being

weird in the kitchen.” Hunter looked

genuinely confused.

“Weird, how?” If he was lying, give this

kid an Oscar.

“He didn’t say
anything
to you?” He

shook his head and he looked a little

concerned.

“Do you need to talk to me about

something?”

I shook my head quickly. “No, no. He just

made a joke, and I took it the wrong way.

It’s fine. No big deal, seriously.

I swear. Cross my heart.” I smiled and

held my books to my chest.

“Okay. If you’re sure.”

“Yeah, no big. Good night.”

“Night.”

I hoped Hunter bought my semiterrible

explanation and didn’t ask Dusty, because

clearly Dusty hadn’t said anything to Hunter

about what had happened in the kitchen.

Maybe it was because everyone was

around. Jesus H. Christ, why was this so

confusing?

Dusty wasn’t around the next day, or

the next, and I knew it had everything to do

with me. I tried to ask where he was

without acting like I cared too much about

it, because

I didn’t want anyone to be suspicious.

Hunter just said that he’d picked up some

extra hours at Bull Moose. We were still all

going to the party on Saturday, and I

decided that I needed to talk to him and

know what the hell was up, because I

couldn’t take the suspense. Also, Hannah

had been driving me so crazy I kind of

wanted to kill her, or talk to him just so I

could shut her up.

Despite being so distracted about Dusty,

I did manage to at least make a good

impression on Brett at the interview on

Friday. The offices were on the first floor of

the Union, and I’d walked by and peeked in

a few times since the door was made of

glass. I’d always been kind of fascinated by

it, if I was being honest.

Brett had asked me to bring in some

more writing samples, and he went over

them with me, explaining how an article

should be written in something called

“inverted pyramid style.” It was all a little

confusing, but he gave me a handout on it

and some articles to read online. By the end

of the hour, he had given me a desk and

filled out paperwork to put me on the

payroll. I was still giddy when I got home,

but I didn’t say anything to anyone, except

Hannah, of course. My first day would be

next Tuesday, since they had production

nights on Wednesdays and Sundays. It was

good I had the Dusty thing to worry about

already, so the new-job thing was pushed

aside.

Dusty and I still hadn’t exchanged

numbers, so I had to do some stealthy

eavesdropping to find out when exactly

he’d be at work so I could talk to him, and I

found my perfect opportunity on Saturday.

I walked in hesitantly. I had the whole

thing planned out.

I was looking for Christina Perri, Muse

and The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. I had a

script and everything. It wasn’t John Hughes

material, but I thought it was pretty good.

I walked into the store and went right

for the Christina Perri, since it was easiest

to find in the Pop section. I’d been back a

few times since the first time, and the

employees had continued to leave me

alone.

“Welcome to Bull Moose. How may I be

of assistance?”

It was much better to just sort of expect

him to always be lurking behind me. Like a

tall shadow. With great abs and a killer

smile.

“Well, I was, like, looking for some cool

music. Because all the music I thought was

cool is cool now, and I like things before

they’re cool, so those things aren’t cool

anymore. I need something that is precool.”

I pretended to toss my hair.

He laughed as if he was surprised.

“What?” I said, dropping the annoying

voice I’d been using and going back to my

normal one.

“Nothing. I wasn’t expecting you to

come here anymore.”

I played dumb. “Why not?”

“Well, after…” He cleared his throat.

Huh. This must be Dusty when he was

nervous. It was kind of adorable. I gave

myself a mental slap. Get your head in the

game, Jos.

“Nothing, nothing,” he said, shaking his

head and chuckling. “Is there anything I can

help you with, Red?”

I struggled to remember the script. I

wished I had one of those people who

stood in the wings of the theater and I

could just yell “line!” and they’d feed it to

me.

“Actually, I did come to talk to you

about that. Should we maybe go

somewhere else?” The other employees

had definitely stopped what they were

doing, and I could hear them all listening to

us. I wondered what else Dusty had told

them about me. Did I really want to know?

Probably not.

“Sure. Come on.” He nodded to one of

the guys at the register and pointed to the

door that said Employees Only.

The guy nodded back, and Dusty opened

the door for me.

It was what looked like a break room

with a huge folding table, some

mismatched lawn chairs, a fridge,

microwave and coffeepot. Dusty cleared a

bag of half-eaten chips out of the way and

pulled a chair out for me. I wondered if he

was conscious of stuff like that, or if he just

did it without thinking. If he was trying to

impress me or if it was just a reflex he had

when a woman was in his presence. I kind

of hoped it was the first.

“Okay, so you haven’t been back at the

house and I just wanted to make sure it

wasn’t because of me,” I said in a rush.

In my script, I had said the lines

perfectly. I guess I should have rehearsed

more.

He turned a chair backward and

slouched on it. Too cool for school, that

boy.

“Why would it be because of you?” He

had a smile on his face, but I was beginning

to learn the many smiles of Dusty Sharp,

and this one said that he was putting on an

act. The smile was just a little too wide, his

eyes just a little too bright.

Ha, caught in the act. It was time for my

next line.

“Um, because maybe I called you out on

the fact that you never give me a straight

answer about anything and then…you

almost…” Ugh, the words wouldn’t come

out, even though I’d said them over and

over. Stupid words, being so hard to say.

“We almost what? Because from where I

was standing,
you
were the one who

grabbed
me.
”

Oh, that’s how he wanted to play it?

“As I remember it, I was trying to stop

you from leaving and you, well, you…threw

yourself against me.”

“I was caught off balance and I

underestimated your strength.” Yeah, and I

was the secret love child of Paul, George,

Ringo and John.

“Really? That’s what you’re going with?”

I said, giving him a look.

He looked down and his smile faltered.

“It sounded much better in my head.”

Story of my life.

“We should be able to talk about this.

We’re both rational adults. This doesn’t

have to be a big deal.” Yup, I was officially

off book.

He looked up and shook his head as if he

couldn’t believe what I’d just said. “Oh, Red.

It’s been a big deal for a long time.”

“H-how long?” I leaned forward in my

chair without meaning to, and he leaned

over the back of his so our faces were close

and at the same level.

“Long, long. Since that first time I saw

you messing with the vending machine. I

almost didn’t want you to turn around, and

then you did. I’d heard about you, but I had

no idea you were…you. Shit, I’m really

screwing this up.”

“It’s okay. I’m not really good at the

whole talking thing, either.”

“I guess that makes two of us.”

He leaned, and I leaned and we leaned

and my head was spinning and I was afraid I

was going to go off balance, but I was falling

just as much into his eyes… .

The door opened and a surprised voice

invaded our space.

“Whoa, sorry, man. Just came in to get a

soda, but I’ll get one later. Sorry.” I didn’t

even turn to see the guy. My eyeballs were

otherwise occupied.

Dusty and I were frozen, with those last

few inches of air between us. How was it

that air, so insubstantial most of the time,

could suddenly be so…substantial?

“I don’t know what I’m doing here, Red.

You are a complication that took me

completely by surprise.” His breath moved

across the space between us.

“Ditto,” I said, and he closed his eyes,

but that didn’t break the spell.

“We can’t do this,” he said, not opening

his eyes, but not pulling back.

“Do what?” I didn’t even know what he

was suggesting.

We weren’t even friends. Did he mean

kissing?

He made a frustrated sound and threw

himself to his feet, as if it took every ounce

of strength he had, which was considerable,

and went to the farthest corner of the

room.

“A year ago, I would have kissed you in

the kitchen. Hell, I would have kissed you

the second you first looked at me.

But I’m not that guy anymore. The guy

who takes what he wants and doesn’t give a

shit who it hurts. I would have taken you

and broken you, and I can’t do that. I can’t

do that to you. So I’m saying we can’t do

this. The answer is no.”

I was confused by so much of what he

said it took a moment for me to even

formulate my first of many questions.

“What do you mean, a year ago? What

happened?” I hoped his candor would be

more than a onetime thing. I knew so little

about him and I wanted to know more. He

was such an enigma.

“I lost someone that I loved, and it put

things in perspective.”

“I lost someone, too,” I said. It was the

first time I’d really said it out loud. “That’s

why I changed. Because the things that

used to matter didn’t anymore. I spent my

whole life worrying about the wrong things,

like grades and getting ahead. So I stopped

worrying about that and tried to focus on

the things that mattered.”

“Like what?” Our eyes finally met again.

“Well, I screwed it up a lot at first. That’s

why my parents sent me here. I was

partying and skipping class. I thought living

for the day meant doing whatever I wanted

and worrying about the consequences

tomorrow. Or never.” I laughed a little.

“And then I realized it wasn’t about that. It

was about finding something you were

passionate about.”

“What are you passionate about?”

I pointed to the store behind us.

“Music.”

“Yeah, that’s pretty obvious. I should

have guessed.” We both sort of laughed to

break up the intensity in the room.

“Why? What did you think it was?” The

mind reeled.

“I think I will keep that to myself.”

“Oh, come on. You’re Mr. Cryptic all the

time. How about some transparency? I’ve

been honest with you.”

“I didn’t ask you to.” He went from

joking to almost hostile. “Shit, Jos. What are

you doing to me?” He groaned and started

pacing the room. “I really should get back to

work.

They’re probably taking bets on if we’ve

hooked up yet.”

Uh, what?

“For real?” I looked toward the door. I

did not want to go out there.

“I can set them straight, if you want.”

“If I want? I definitely
don’t
want your

coworkers thinking we had a quickie in the