My Sweetest Escape (28 page)

man cave for you,”

Taylor said, the first to think of a way to

extricate herself from the room.

“I’ll…help,” Hunter said, hurrying after

her.

“I should clean up the kitchen,” Darah

said. Mase just got up and followed her

without a word.

“Well, I know how to clear a room,” I

said, drinking again for something else to do

with my mouth, other than putting my foot

in it.

“Dude, I’m sorry I brought it up,”

Hannah said.

“No, it’s not your fault,” I said.

Dusty still hadn’t said a word, but he’d

been watching me. I knew he was watching

me like I knew exactly how he was sitting

without having to look at him. Like how I

knew when he was behind me, even though

he was so quiet. He was always in my mind,

even when he wasn’t here. He was always

with me, and that scared me like hell.

“You’re probably about my size,” Renee

said to Hannah.

“You can borrow some pj’s of mine.”

“Great, thanks,” Hannah said, setting

her beer bottle down on a coaster and

following Paul upstairs.

“Jos?” Renee got up and sat next to me.

“Yeah?” I looked up from the bottle to

see that worried look on her face that I’d

seen on so many faces, so many times

before.

“Are you happy here?” Dusty shifted in

my peripheral vision.

“Maybe I should go…be somewhere

else,” he said quietly.

“No, it’s okay,” I found myself saying. I

didn’t mind having him here.

“Are you sure, Jos?” He said my name so

soft, like a caress, as if he was afraid to

break it. I closed my eyes and tried to block

out the image that had risen to the front of

my mind of how close we’d been to kissing

earlier.

“Yeah. You can stay.” I meant for now,

but somehow it sounded like I was talking

about a longer period of time.

I set the bottle down on a coaster.

“You just seem so…lost,” Renee said.

“You were so happy before.” I wasn’t. I was

just really good at pretending.

I shook my head.

“That girl…that girl that I was, she

wasn’t happy, Renee.

She was just really good at pretending. I

even believed myself sometimes. Just

because I looked happy and together, it

didn’t mean that I was.”

“I don’t understand,” she said, shaking

her head. I wasn’t sure if I could ever really

explain it.

“You never met that girl,” I said, turning

to Dusty. “You would have hated her, I bet.

She was stuck-up and uptight, and she

dressed like Hillary Clinton.”

That comment earned me a little smile.

“I could never hate you, Red. Not even if

you wore an ugly pantsuit.”

For some reason talking about pantsuits

made me start to laugh, and then I started

to cry.

“She would have avoided you like you

were going to get mud on her pumps,

buddy.” This only made me laugh and cry

harder, and once I started, I couldn’t stop.

Renee looked lost, like she had no idea

what to make of me.

“I think I need to see evidence of these

pumps. You wouldn’t by any chance have

some still, would you?” Was he flirting with

me? In front of my sister? He seemed to

realize what he’d said a second later and

coughed.

“No, they’re all boxed up with the rest

of my former life at my mom’s house. That

girl is gone, and she’s not coming back. This

is who I am now.” I shrugged.

My laughter stopped, and I wiped my

eyes with the back of my hand.

Dusty got up, dashed out of the room

and was back in a flash, handing me a paper

towel.

“Thanks,” I said, wiping my face and my

nose. The towel came away with smears of

makeup. I realized too late that I was

wearing it. I never would have forgotten

before.

“What happened, Jos? Sometimes…”

Renee ran her hands through her hair.

“Sometimes I just want to pin you down

and get you to tell me, like when we were

kids and you used to try and keep secrets

from me.” She always got it out of me back

then. Renee was always good at finding out

about what she wanted to know.

“I’m not a kid anymore, Ne,” I said,

balling up the paper towel and putting it

next to my beer.

“I know. That’s what makes this so

frustrating. I just want you to talk to me.”

I was about to answer when Hannah and

Paul came down the stairs. Hannah had a

tank top and shorts that I recognized as

Renee’s. They must have been lurking up

there, worrying about interrupting. Darah

and Mase had also been pretty quiet in the

kitchen. I also hadn’t heard a peep from

downstairs.

“I feel like we should all get to bed. This

has been a very exciting night,” I said. “Plus,

I forgot how hard it is to breathe in a dress.

So I’m going to go change.” I got up and

went downstairs, finding Taylor and Hunter

watching something on the giant television.

“What are you watching?” They both

looked up as if they were shocked to see

me. I no doubt looked like a mess anyway.

“Are you crying?” Taylor said, getting up.

“I’m fine.” Hannah opened the door and

came down the stairs behind me. “I’m just

really ready to go to bed.”

Exhaustion hit me like a sledgehammer,

and I realized how long of a day it had been

and how much I wanted it to be over.

“Yeah, sure,” Taylor said, taking Hunter’s

hand and leading him up the stairs. “Night!”

“Have a good night, ladies. Take care of

that hand, Killer,”

Hunter said, giving Hannah a wink.

“I’m going to change and wash my face,”

I said, going to my room. I stripped off the

dress and let my skin breathe for a minute. I

found some loose pajamas and put them on

before I went and washed my face and

avoided the mirror so I wouldn’t see how

blotched my face was.

If I was one of the girls from the movies,

I would have been able to cry and look

gorgeous doing it. But this was real life,

where my eyes puffed up and my face

blotched and my nose ran all over the

place. I took my hair out and gave it a quick

brush.

When I came out to the living room, I

found Dusty talking to Hannah.

“Hey,” I said. “I thought you would have

gone home.”

“I was just saying good-night.” He got up

and walked toward me, his eyes sweeping

from my just-brushed hair that fell loose on

my shoulders to my baggy Coldplay T-shirt

to the shorts that had definitely seen better

days, and hung from my hips because the

elastic was worn out.

I hadn’t planned on wearing this outfit in

front of anyone but members of the house

and Hannah. I didn’t care about them

seeing me dressed this way. But Dusty was

another story entirely… . It didn’t matter

that he’d seen more of my skin earlier when

I’d been wearing the dress. I felt completely

and utterly exposed.

And yes, I wasn’t wearing a bra, either.

And yes, his eyes were resting quite

heavily on that particular area. I fought the

urge to cross my arms and tell him to look

at my damn eyes instead of my chest.

“So, um, good night. Red.” His eyes

finally worked their way up to my face, and

his voice had that soft quality again.

I was acutely aware that Hannah was

there and pretending that she wasn’t by

being really quiet, but I could see her head

peering over the top of the couch and

watching us.

“Thanks for…thanks for coming.” Lame,

Jos. Super lame.

Why couldn’t I ever say goodbye to him

in a cool way? Or at least a normal way?

“Thanks for…for not being mad at me

for earlier.”

“Oh, I’m still a little mad.”

“Could you tell me what you’re

specifically mad about so I can figure out

what I can do to make up for it? Like, will

bringing you Skittles and M&M’s cut it, or

will I have to make the jump to flowers or

chocolates or elaborate picnics with string

quartets and candles?”

I gaped at him for a second. Was he for

serious?

Hannah made a squeaking noise that

she couldn’t suppress and jumped up from

the couch.

“Before you go any further, dude, I think

I’m going to excuse myself, because I feel

very inappropriate being here.

And also like a creeper. So, yeah. I’ll be

lurking in the living room.” She skipped up

the stairs and shut the door loudly.

“I…I’m lost, to be honest,” I said, going

to the couch and sitting down, grabbing a

blanket off the back so I could cover my

boobs without making it obvious that’s

what I was doing.

“Well, I was just wondering what part,

specifically, made you mad. Was it because

of what I said? Or what I did? Or didn’t do?”

I really wasn’t mad, exactly.
Frustrated

was a much better term for it. And

honestly, not all of it was his fault. I could

blame myself for a lot of it.

“I don’t know, Dusty.” He sat down with

plenty of space between us. “I’ve never had

to work this hard, at something like this.”

Whatever
this
was.

“I’m not trying to make it hard on you,

Jos. Shit,” he said, leaning back. “I’ve never

worked this hard. I usually don’t have to.”

That made me snort.

“Cocky much?”

“I don’t mean to be. I only went with

girls who pursued me. Made it easier that

way. Plus, I didn’t get hurt when it ended,

because I’d never really wanted it in the

first place.”

He shrugged as if it didn’t really matter.

“That’s kind of a dick thing to say about

other girls, Dusty.”

He nodded and half smiled. “I was kind

of a dick.”

“Kind of?”

“I told you, Red. I was a different guy.

Like you were a different girl. I don’t judge

you now based on that person you were

that I didn’t even know.” He had a good

point.

“Fine, but I still think you were a dick.”

“You have every right to think that.”

Neither of us seemed to know what to

say next, so we just sat and stared at each

other. Any minute now the soft music

would start to play, and he would lean in

and we would share our first sweet kiss. If

my life had been written by John Hughes,

that would have been what happened.

What actually happened was a little

different.

“Fuck it,” Dusty said and lunged across

the couch at me, and I was caught so off

guard that it took me a second to realize he

was pretty much on top of me. “I can’t take

it anymore,” he said, holding my face

between his hands. “I’ve wanted to taste

you since that first night, and now I’m going

to.”

I opened my mouth to respond and he

seized his moment and kissed me.

He made a sound that was halfway

between a growl and a moan, and I let

myself go. Stopped thinking about if it was

right or wrong, if I should or shouldn’t. This

wasn’t a movie, and I didn’t know what my

next lines would be. This was life. This was

living.

I touched my tongue to his and he took

the invitation, and we moved, our lips

dancing together for the first time.

It was a little rough as we tried to figure

things out. It wasn’t perfect, but it was so,

so, so good.

He tasted a little like beer, and his

mouth was gentle, yet firm. His hands dived

into my hair, using it to pull my mouth

closer. At this point, he was completely on

top of me, with only the blanket between

us. That didn’t stop me from feeling just

how much he was enjoying the kiss.

This was only a completely different

planet compared to all the other kisses I’d

had before. Those had been…adequate.

Serviceable. Good enough. Kissing Dusty

was like…quenching a thirst I’d been living

with my entire life. And once I got one drop,

one taste, I knew I wanted more. I kissed

him like I was drinking him in, taking him

and making him a part of me. This was a

life-altering kiss.

I did things I could never imagine myself

doing. Like trying to pull his shirt off. Or

wrapping my legs around him. Or moaning

when he sucked on my bottom lip. I now

understood why people had sex. Got

carried away. This was why.

“I want you so bad, Red,” he said into

my mouth.

“I want you, too,” I said, shoving my

hands under his shirt to finally get them on

those abs. Yep, they were everything I

thought they would be. And more.

He kissed my cheeks and under my ear

and down my neck. Shit, this was

happening. This was really happening.

“Oh, fuck, Joscelyn.”

“Dusty,” I said. Well, it was more of a

moan. I didn’t seem to be able to say