Nameless (24 page)

She inhaled
with exaggerated outrage. “Of course not. Food is serious business. Now hurry
up.”

He got out and
went into the store, moving at a brisk, determined pace.

Food
was
serious business to her now. No question about that.

But she was
also having a little fun with Seth at the same time.

“But she’s a week late already,”
Erin said, trying not to let her fatigue sound in her voice.

She was still
waiting for the baby to be born, and at the moment it felt like it was never
going to happen.

Occasionally,
in her impatience during the last two weeks, Erin would get the random, irrational
urge to just push her daughter out with her hands, since she didn’t want to
come out on her own.

Dr. Warren
smiled at her sympathetically. She was a quiet, efficient woman in her late
thirties, and Erin liked her very much—but at present was really tired of
seeing the woman so often. “I know it’s frustrating, but only a small
percentage of babies are born on their due dates. And first-time mothers are
nearly always several days late.”

“But everything
is fine?” Seth asked coolly. He’d been leaning against a wall in the
examination room, but now he moved over to stand beside Erin.

“Yes. Erin and
the baby are perfectly healthy. So far, everything is going exactly as it
should. She just hasn’t gone into labor yet.”

“But I will
soon?” She pushed her hair back from her damp face. She was overly warm—but
that was normal for her now. She felt tired and bloated and annoyed with
everything and like she was about to pop.

But thus far no
popping had occurred.

“Up to two
weeks after the due date is considered normal,” the doctor responded, glancing
down at the file she held. “So next Monday would be the earliest I would
consider taking any further steps.”

Seth rubbed a
hand over his hair. He was dressed in his normal business suit—since he’d left
work in order to pick her up from her apartment and drive her to the doctor’s
office—and his face was calm. Most people would think he was perfectly composed
and disinterested.

But Erin knew
him by now, and she could feel the tight frustration simmering below his
polished façade.

He continued,
explaining to the doctor what he and Erin had been worrying about for the last
week, “I’m going out of town on Thursday. We’d counted on my being present for
the birth. What if Thursday arrives and she still hasn’t had the baby?”

The doctor’s
face twisted, in reflection and reluctance. “That does make it difficult. I
know there’s been a trend of convenience inductions, but there are potential
complications with medically inducing labor unnecessarily that I believe it’s
better to avoid. So, unless there are health concerns that would warrant it, I
don’t consider it until two weeks after the due date.” When she registered
their frustrated expressions, she added, “If Erin’s not in labor by Wednesday,
my best advice would be for you to reschedule your trip.”

Seth didn’t
answer. He simply looked away.

Watching him,
she wondered again how he was really dealing with all of this. She knew the
mild, agreeable behavior he’d shown her for the last few months couldn’t really
reflect all of his true feelings.

He was a
complex man, and he’d been alone all his life. Plus, he had lived a certain
lifestyle for the last fifteen years that might not easily intersect with
having a child.

This couldn’t
be easy for him. No matter what he was trying to pretend.

Turning back to
the doctor, Erin released a shuddering sigh. “So that’s it? We just wait?”

 “I’m afraid
so. There’s nothing for you to be worried about, but I understand it’s
frustrating, since you’d hoped to have your baby by now.”

That was for
sure. Erin had counted on it. She’d known, of course, that first pregnancies—
all
pregnancies—were often late. She’d just never considered it happening to her.

With Seth going
out of town in three days, Erin had rarely wanted anything as desperately as
she wanted to get the labor over with.

She wanted to have
her daughter and try to settle into her new life.

With this in
mind, she asked, “What are your thoughts on natural ways of inducing labor?”

 “Ah yes. That
question tends to come up at this stage. None of the methods have concrete
scientific evidence to support them, but many of them wouldn’t hurt if you’d
like to actively do something. At the very least, it would make you feel like
you’re not just sitting around doing nothing. I’m sure you’ve heard of many of
the most common methods.”

“Some aren’t
recommended, I understand?” Seth said.

Dr. Warren
nodded. “Castor oil, for instance. Please don’t try that.”

“Eating spicy
food?” Erin suggested. That seemed one of the more harmless of the methods
she’d read about, and she liked spicy food.

“It won’t hurt,
but I highly doubt it would do any good. And, if you happen to go into labor
afterwards, you’d have a stomach full of spicy food to contend with, which
might reappear in a less appetizing way.”

“Sex?”

The question
had been Seth’s, but it had been on Erin’s mind as well. In fact, it was the method
she’d thought of first.

“That’s always
the most popular,” Dr. Warren answered calmly. “Since Erin’s perfectly healthy,
it wouldn’t hurt, as long as you’re careful and as long as her water hasn’t
broken.”

“How is sex
supposed to induce labor?” Seth pursued, not looking remotely self-conscious by
the nature of the conversation. “Is it the contractions from the woman’s
orgasm?”

“In part. The
orgasm releases oxytocin. Plus ejaculate contains small amounts of
prostaglandins, which are hormones which help to ripen the cervix. We use a
prostaglandin gel when we medically induce labor. There is no clinical evidence
that sex actually causes labor contractions, but women for generations have
sworn that it does.” She looked intently at Erin. “If you’re comfortable having
sex, it wouldn’t hurt to try, but don’t put too much faith in it, since there’s
no guarantee of it working.”

Seth seemed to
be avoiding looking at Erin. His eyes shifted from the wall across the room to
the doctor’s face, but refused to focus on Erin beside him.

Maybe his
avoidance was just in her imagination, though.

He asked, his
voice slightly gravelly, “So semen is the key element?”

“One of them, yes.
But there’s such an insignificant amount of prostaglandins in human semen that
it has no verifiable effect.” She moved her eyes between the two of them, and Erin
briefly wondered what the doctor thought of them. She and Seth certainly
weren’t the standard-issue couple.

Without
betraying any reaction or giving any hint of her assessment of them, Dr. Warren
continued, “If you’d like to try, make sure Erin is comfortable. Don’t move too
quickly or do anything too rough. Take it easy and don’t stress out about it.”

Erin just
stared at the doctor blankly. The last thing she felt like doing right now was
have sex—with Seth or anyone else.

“Walking is
often something that’s suggested,” the doctor continued, when she saw they had
no more questions about the previous topic. “Again, as long as you don’t wear
yourself out or try anything too strenuous, it can’t hurt. And some people say
that it will help the baby settle better into position, although that's
debatable too.”

“I take walks
every day,” Erin mumbled, sighing in frustration. “I have throughout my whole
pregnancy. It sure hasn’t helped so far.”

“It’s a good
thing you’ve stayed in such good shape. You’ll be glad you did later. Some
people say walking up stairs does the trick. Some say driving on a bumpy road
can get things going, although I’d be careful about that too.”

Erin groaned,
“So, in other words, it’s all just speculation.”

“I’m afraid so.
Do your best to relax and rest up. And then wait until she’s ready to be born. We’ll
keep a close eye on things, but—if everything stays the same—we can talk about
induction after Monday.”

Erin wanted to
scream, but she just smiled at Dr. Warren as sincerely as she could. It wasn’t
her doctor’s fault that her pumpkin didn’t want to come out.

She was
constantly uncomfortable and very impatient and really tired of being pregnant,
but she wouldn’t have been in such a hurry if Seth hadn’t been going out of
town in three days.

They’d known
about his trip all along, of course, but neither had thought it would conflict
with the baby’s being born.  Erin should have known better. Things never went
exactly as she hoped.

Last week,
she’d asked Seth if his trip could possibly be postponed.

The answer had
been no.

Erin hadn’t asked
again.

Seth hadn’t
said anything for a while, but Erin could feel his presence beside her in the
doctor’s office. Wondered what he was thinking. He still seemed rather restless
beneath his cool demeanor, but the specifics of what was going through his mind
were beyond her comprehension.

She wondered if
he was expecting them to have sex when they got home.

She felt hot
and huge and sweaty and not sexy at all. The thought of having sex with him in
this condition was almost embarrassing. In fact, she had horrified visions of
his not even being able to get aroused by her ungainly body. The more she
imagined it, the worse the visions became, until Erin almost shuddered at the
thought.

They concluded
with the doctor and slowly made their way back out to Seth’s car. Erin felt so
tired and enormous that she was even clumsier than usual. She stumbled on the
step leading out from the building, and Seth had to steady her.

It was all
stupid and embarrassing.

When they got
in the car and Seth started the ignition, Erin turned to him and asked bluntly,
before she lost her nerve, “Did you want to have sex?”

He jerked his
head in her direction. “Only if it’s something you’d like to try. It’s up to
you.”

“I don’t know. I
really enjoyed our previous times together. But now...I don’t know. I think I’d
feel weird.”

Seth nodded
slowly, his eyes on the road. “Of course. From what the doctor said, it wasn’t
likely to work anyway.”

“We still have
a few days.” Erin tried to think optimistically and was relieved that Seth
wasn’t pushing the sex thing. “The pumpkin will probably make an appearance
before you leave town.”

“Very likely.”

She wasn’t sure
he believed his own words. In spite of his mild voice and behavior, he still
looked kind of tense.

“I know you’ve
been planning to be there,” she continued, feeling increasingly strange,
emotional, and antsy, although she couldn’t quite figure out why. “But you
don’t have to worry about us while you’re gone. We'll both be fine.” She patted
her stomach idly as she spoke.

He made a left
turn and didn’t reply until the car had straightened out again. “We’ve been
planning on my being there.”

“I know. But
maybe it’s just as well—if you have to be out of town. You’d probably not have
a very good time suffering through the delivery anyway.”

This caused Seth
to shoot her a look. “What does that mean?”

Erin shrugged. She
shouldn’t have brought this up at all, but—now that she had—she couldn’t seem
to let it go.

She heard
herself rambling, “I don’t mean you couldn’t handle it, but are you sure you
even
want
to? It’s not going to be pretty.”

He almost
rolled his eyes. “You think I’m expecting it to be a pleasant, peaceful experience?”

“Uh, no. I’m
sure you know better than that. But, really, it’s going to be pretty bad. And
not just all the pain I’ll be in, although I’m sure I won’t be a fun person to
be around. But all kinds of gross things happen in the delivery room.” She was
babbling now, mostly because she was suddenly nervous about everything—about
going into labor, about having a baby, about Seth, about how her life was
irrevocably altered. “The baby part is wonderful and miraculous, I’m sure, but
the other stuff...” She made a face, thinking about everything she’d learned
about labor over the last months.

Things she’d
never even imagined before.

“Other stuff?” Seth
prompted dryly.

“Yeah. Other
stuff that's
not
so wonderful. Like I might...I might poop during
delivery. Right there, on the bed. In front of everyone." Erin rubbed her
face with her hands. Shuddered a little.

Seth had
stopped the car at a red light, and at her words he turned to stare at her
speechlessly.

Responding to
his expression, she nodded her head. “Yep. A lot of women do. Apparently, it’s
perfectly normal, although I've never heard anyone talk about it. And, if you
were there, you’d have to...experience it.”

She was trying
to speak lightly, casually, but she didn’t feel that way. Of all the things she
feared about labor, this was one of the worst. As trivial as the worry might
be, she couldn’t seem to shake it.

And the worst
was the idea that Seth might be there to witness it.

But she tried
to hide her anxiety as she continued, “It happens all the time. You’re pushing
in the same way, you know. So, if anything’s there to come out—”

“I’ve done my
research as well,” Seth said, his voice unusually cold. “I know what to expect
in the delivery room.”

Erin talked
herself back into relative calm by rehearsing all of what she’d learned over
the last months. Even if it happened, she’d likely be thinking about far
different things at the time. It was silly to be worried about something so
insignificant.

All that really
mattered was her daughter's being born.

She’d almost
convinced herself when Seth changed the direction of her thoughts entirely. He
said thickly, “Unless this is a way to discourage me from being there. Have you
decided you’d rather I not be present?”