Nameless (27 page)

Bending forward
as much as she could, she parted her legs enough for him to find her entrance.

He used his
hand to position himself, and then he thrust forward.

Erin had
already felt a lot of pelvic pressure, so the penetration made her gasp.

Seth froze,
halfway in. “All right?”

“Yeah.” She
breathed deeply to relax again.

He sank in a
little deeper. Then held himself still inside her.

The position
didn’t allow for very deep penetration, so when she straightened up again,
pressing backward against Seth’s chest, her body adjusted until she felt both
aroused and mostly comfortable.

Seth was still
breathing rapidly. He spoke against the skin just beside her ear. “Erin, how is
it?”

“It’s good.” She
squirmed a little, making him grunt. “It’s good. You can get going.”

He pulled back
slightly and then pushed forward, sliding easily inside her.

She focused on
breathing deeply, so she wouldn’t tense up or get nervous. Tried to concentrate
only on the feel of him moving.

He wasn’t
thrusting quickly or roughly. Just tight little pumps that generated lush
shivers, spiraling out from the friction.

Then his hand
slid forward, fumbling below her belly until he could reach her clit. He rubbed
it gently, and Erin gasped in response.

She rocked back
into him, meeting the press of his next thrust.

He huffed out a
strange sound, his fingers losing the location of her clit.

She slid her
own hand down past her belly. Found Seth’s hand. Covered it with her own. Pressed
into his fingers, guiding the pressure and speed of his massage.

“Erin, how is
it?”

“Good.” Her
body felt strangely tight and full and tense and sensitive, from so many things
happening to it at once. The weight of her belly rested on the mattress, and
she tucked her knees up even closer to it, instinctively giving Seth better
access. “God, it’s so good.”

He grunted in
response, his fingers trapped between her clit and her hand, his pelvis rocking
into hers.

Her eyes were
still closed, but she could feel his face very close to hers. Suddenly she got
a little worried.

“Seth,” she
gasped, pumping her hips as much as she could to match his thrusts. “Seth, is
it good for you too?”

“Yes,” he
hissed, ducking his head to mouth her shoulder. “It’s good.”

“Good. Good.” She
pressed down on his hand a little harder, feeling the pressure of an orgasm
coalesce.

“Erin, baby,
can you come?” Seth’s voice was thick and guttural, and he’d started to pant
more loudly as he thrust forward in rhythm.

“Uh huh,” she
mumbled, the rocking of her hips beginning to accelerate, intensify, as the
deep, familiar pleasure built up between her legs. “Uh huh.”

He hissed
again—wordlessly this time, and he was so tense behind her that he seemed to be
shaking with it. He bit down gently on her shoulder. Murmured over her skin,
“Yes, baby, come. Come for me.”

She was
definitely going to come. The muscles of her thighs and pelvis had clenched,
and she almost writhed with anticipation it approached.

The tension
became so deep that her free hand flew out to clutch at whatever of the bedding
she could reach. Her other hand pressed into Seth’s, not so much to guide his caress
as to feel him even more completely in the connection of their hands.

He was grunting
now, just behind her line of sight. The noises he made were soft, helpless,
primal. Suddenly she wanted to see him too. Wanted to look into his eyes. Wanted
to feel that this wasn’t just an obligation for him.

Wanted to know
they were truly together in this.

Her body was
tensing up in preparation for climax, but she turned her head as far back as
she could. “Seth. Seth...” She tried to put into words what she wanted. Couldn’t.
Couldn’t possibly.

She was feeling
too much. Too deep, too tight, too full, too stretched. Too much.

“Erin.” Seth pulled
up his shoulders until his weight rested on his bent elbow. From this position,
he leaned over to where she was trying to look over her shoulder at him.

He was able to
capture her lips in a kiss.

It wasn’t a
skillful or a controlled kiss. Erin was far beyond concentrating, and she
couldn’t do more than press her lips against his and gasp into his mouth.

His lips clung
to hers hungrily, though, when her pleasure finally peaked. And he was still
kissing her when she shook through her orgasm.

She shuddered
so much with pleasure that their lips broke apart, and her head fell back to
the pillow.

“Fuck,” Seth
rasped, his hips suddenly starting to jerk against her ass. “Fuck.”

Then she heard
him hiss out, “Yes.” And then she felt his cock pulsing inside her.

He froze as he
came, his hot gasping on her neck the only audible sign of his release.

She was still
rocking slightly against him, and after a moment, he rocked with her again. They
moved together rhythmically, almost imperceptibly.

Erin’s body was
relaxing, and she could feel that Seth’s was too. He felt warm and pliant
against her, and their gentle, sustained rocking gave Erin an entirely
different kind of pleasure.

He didn’t pull
away, even as his cock started to soften inside her. His hand had moved away
from her clit, and was once more stroking up and down, from her breasts to the
curve of her belly.

Looking down, Erin
realized that her nipples had leaked a little more. But not very much. She
couldn’t bring herself to care as much as she had before.

They both
waited silently, and Erin focused on the sensations in her pelvis, searching
for any sign of contraction, other than the contractions from her orgasm.

Finally, she
asked, “Is it supposed to happen right away?”

Her question
had been vague, but Seth knew exactly what she meant. “I don’t know. I think
so. But maybe it takes a little while.”

She exhaled
deeply. “And maybe it won’t work at all.”

“But maybe it
will.”

Erin didn’t
respond. Just lay with him, tucked into his body. Their skin was hot and damp where
it was pressed together, but Erin kind of liked how it felt. Her back was
hurting a little, but for the most part she was comfortable.

Seth’s hand had
stopped caressing and had ended up on the crest of her stomach. He kept it
there, cupping the highest part of the curve. And, even when their daughter
shifted inside her again, he didn’t pull his hand away.

She tried to
catch her breath and snuggled back against him, enjoying the feel of his
embrace.

It felt almost
like he was treasuring her.

She knew he’d
connected emotionally with his daughter. Knew he would want to treasure
her
.
But this didn’t feel like it was only about their baby.

Seth must care
about Erin too. He must. She didn’t know how to understand his behavior, his
touch, his presence, in any other way.

She’d known
that he liked her—just as she liked him. They enjoyed each other’s company and
complimented each other in a lot of ways.

But Erin had
been feeling even more than that lately, and Seth must be too. She could sense
it in the way he pressed into her from behind, the way his hand curved over her
belly, the way his lips occasionally brushed against her skin.

It wasn’t
anything romantic. Erin knew they weren’t in love. That wasn't what they'd ever
been about, and they weren’t going to live happily ever after in some cozy
little love story.

He had his
strongholds too, and she knew she wasn’t the most important thing in his life. She’d
never thought she would be. But he cared about his daughter, and he must care
about Erin too.

She felt the same
way. Couldn’t really define the feeling between them but recognized its
nameless presence.

For the first
time, Erin didn’t try to fight it. Didn’t try to convince herself it didn’t
matter or didn’t exist.

She was allowed
to care for Seth because he cared for her too. He cared for both her and their
daughter. And maybe she didn’t always have to fear that at any moment he would
snatch that care away.

“Was there
something you wanted to say?” Seth asked softly, obviously recognizing that
she’d come to some sort of revelation.

She released a
sigh. Felt almost happy. “No. Not really. But I don’t think it worked.”

 “It’s still
early in the evening. Let’s just wait and see. I’ll stay here tonight, if you
don’t mind.”

“I don’t mind. Wait.
What time is it?”

Seth lifted his
head to look at the bedside clock. “Going on seven-thirty.”

“Liz will be
here in a half-hour.” Liz had been coming over to spend most nights so that Erin
would have someone with her if she went into labor. “I better call her and tell
her she doesn’t have to come.”

With a little
groan, Seth rolled off the bed. “I’ll go clean up some.”

Erin reached
for the phone without having to shift positions. Dialed up Liz.

Only then
realized she’d have to try to explain to Liz how and why Seth was going to spend
the night with her.

***

Seth had to leave at 4:30 the
following morning.

Erin still
hadn’t gone into labor, so evidently the surefire, traditional method hadn’t
worked for them.

Which meant Seth
would leave town today, before Erin had the baby.

She woke up
when he slid out of bed just after 4:00, and she felt a heavy sinking in her
gut as she heard him moving around in the bathroom.

He came back
over to the bed, fully dressed, before he left. Knelt down beside her. Saw that
she was awake in the light shining into the dark bedroom from the bathroom.

“I’m sorry, Erin,”
he murmured, one hand on the mattress beside her. “I have to go.”

“I know.” She
smiled at him determinedly. It was kind of a fake smile, but she thought it
might possibly be convincing.

 “There’s no
way I can reschedule this. It’s the court’s schedule—not mine.”

“It’s fine.” Her
head was still on the pillow, and she didn’t bother to pull herself up. “We’ll
be fine. Have a safe trip.”

“I’ll be back
sometime after midnight tomorrow night. As soon as I possibly can.”

“I know.” Her
throat, and chest, and belly ached, but she kept smiling at him relentlessly. “Stop
stressing about it, Seth. I’ll be sorry if you have to miss out on the birth,
but don’t worry about it on my account. You better go. You’ll be late.”

His face
twisted briefly. “Try to hold out until Saturday now.”

She snorted. “Poor
pumpkin. We’ve been pressuring her to get moving for two weeks, and now we’re telling
her to wait.” She patted her belly. “She doesn’t seem to be in a hurry, so you
probably won’t miss out on anything.”

She said that,
but she didn’t believe it.

Seth reached
out and put a hand on her stomach. Then leaned forward a little—as if he were
going to hug or kiss her.

Erin even
raised herself up a little, responding instinctively to him.

But he just
removed his hand and stood up. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.” He stood there
for a minute without moving.

“Seth,” Erin
chided at last. “You can’t come back if you never leave.” Her words were
supposed to be teasing, but something about them suddenly struck her as
poignant.

So poignant her
voice broke on the last word.

She cleared her
throat. “I’ll let you know if anything happens, and I’ll see you when you get
back.”

He hesitated
only a moment longer. Gave her one last look that she couldn’t really
understand. “Okay. Take care of yourself. And of her.”

“Of course.” She
swallowed hard. Stretched her mouth into one more smile. “Bye, Seth.”

“Goodbye. I’ll
see you early on Saturday morning.”

She stared at
him, feeling dazed and achy and like her face might break in two.

And she saw him
turn around and walk out of her bedroom. Heard him moving through her
apartment. Heard the front door close behind him.

He’d left.

He’d actually
left.

She’d known, of
course, that he was going to leave, but she’d never been able to convince
herself that it would really happen.

She felt like
she should cry, but she didn’t have it in her. She just slumped down under the
covers and hugged herself gently.

It wasn’t that
big of a deal. Yes, she’d wanted Seth to be at the birth. Yes, his support, his
presence, would have meant a lot to her.

But she’d be
perfectly fine on her own.

“Well, it looks
like it’s just you and me, pumpkin,” Erin said out loud in the dim light of the
room. “But we’ll have your Grandpa and Aunt Liz with us. We’ll be fine, won’t
we?”

She released a
sigh. Resigned herself to having this baby without Seth.

It wasn’t certain,
of course. It was possible she wouldn’t go into labor for the next two days.

But Erin knew
she would.
Knew
it. That was the way the world worked. She could have
gone into labor at any time during the last three weeks, but she hadn’t. Would
instead give birth on one of the two days Seth couldn’t be present.

The world was
shaped by ironies, and there was no sense in whining or complaining about them.
You accepted them. Made do.

The world was
what it was.

Erin almost
laughed—only slightly bitter—as she thought about how her life had changed in
nine months.

How it would
change in the next two days.

It was only a
question of whether her daughter would come today or Friday. Probably today, so
there would be absolutely no chance of Seth’s making it to even the tail end of
the labor experience.

It would be
purest of ironies, and so naturally she assumed it would happen.