Nameless (28 page)

Erin was right,
of course.

She went into
labor seventeen hours later.

Erin had been lying on her bed
with her laptop when she felt the first contraction.

At first, she
wasn’t sure if it was the real thing. She’d been having Braxton Hicks
contractions on and off for the last few weeks, but something about this one
felt different. Made her sit up and take notice.

It wasn’t very
painful, however, and it didn’t last long, so she simply kept writing an email
and waited to see what would happen.

An hour later,
she got off the bed and padded into the living room to tell her father that she
was pretty sure she was in labor. The contractions were coming regularly, and she
could tell they were gradually progressing.

Liz had been
working on a story for her paper outside of Atlanta and hadn’t been sure she’d
get back tonight, so her father had volunteered to stay the night. He was
currently sitting on the couch, watching a cable sports channel, and leisurely
sipping a beer.

Erin stood at
the entrance to the living area, watching her father take another swallow. She
gulped, feeling kind of emotional and really glad he was there.

Finally, he
glanced up and noticed her standing in the hallway. He immediately straightened
up and put down his can. “Baby?”

She wasn’t sure
if that had been an endearment posed as a question or a concise inquiry about
the impending arrival of his granddaughter.

It didn’t
really matter. “Yep. I think things have finally started.”

He jumped to
his feet. “Do we need to go to the hospital?”

Erin smiled. She
wasn’t in too much pain at the moment, and she had enough time between
contractions to adjust to them fairly easily. “No need to panic. It’s only just
started. We’ve got a long time before we need to leave.”

“Right. How
often are the contractions?”

“Every eight or
nine minutes, I think. And they're not bad. We need to wait until—”

“They come
every five minutes for an hour,” her father interrupted. “I know. You’re doing
okay? Can I get you anything?”

Erin shrugged
and let him guide her over to the couch. “I’m fine.”

She
was
fine. It was happening the way she’d learned in childbirth class. She felt
fairly relaxed, not very anxious—just a slight acceleration of her breathing
and heartbeat. In fact, it seemed a little anti-climactic.

She sucked in a
breath as she felt another contraction, an ache in her pelvis that felt a
little like a bad menstrual cramp, although it was mostly indescribable. It
wasn’t very severe, though, and she managed to meet her father’s eyes and smile
during the discomfort.

“I’ll go get
the stopwatch,” he said, looking pleased to have something to do. “We should
start timing them on and off so we’ll know when to get moving.”

Erin smiled
again and leaned back on her couch. She knew this would last for hours, so
there was no sense in getting worked up about it yet. She'd been told that
average labor for first time mothers lasted fifteen hours—often even longer
than that. And she wasn’t even positive that she was technically in labor yet.

She couldn’t
believe she was finally having this baby.

Her dad
returned with the stopwatch and perched on the edge of an easy chair with his
thumb poised over the start button.

Erin couldn’t
help but chuckle. “It’ll be a few more minutes before the next one comes.”

“I know,” he
replied, his expression responding to her amusement. He was full of coiled
energy, and his eagerness helped Erin feel a little more excited herself. It
wasn’t just that she had hours of excruciating pain to look forward to now.

She also had
her pumpkin to look forward to.

“Do you want to
walk some?” her father asked, obviously trying to rehearse all of what he’d
learned as his daughter was preparing for childbirth. “Or take a shower? Or—”

“Dad,” Erin
interrupted. “It’s only just beginning. I actually feel pretty good right now. No
need to drag out all the emergency measures yet.”

“Right. Well,
what do you want to do?”

Erin swallowed
again, feeling a tight ache in her chest that she tried to ignore. “Um, I guess
I want to call Seth.”

His face
softened.  “Of course. Why don’t I take your bags to the car?” Before she could
object, he added, “I know we won’t be going anywhere for a long time, but it
won’t hurt to be prepared.”

She knew he
didn’t really need to take her stuff to the car at the moment. He just wanted
to give her some privacy. “Thanks, Dad.”

He just smiled
at her cheerfully and went puttering off to get the bag she'd had packed for a
month.

Erin picked up
her phone and stared at it for a minute. It would be a few hours earlier in Seattle,
so he may still be working. Probably was. Or else he was having dinner. Maybe
she shouldn’t interrupt him.

Then she
shrugged. He would want to be interrupted for this. In fact, he’d probably be
furious if she didn’t.

So she dialed
his number and listened to it ring.

On the fourth
ring, she realized that he probably wouldn’t answer, so she began to compose a
voice mail message in her head—trying to work out the calmest and most
reasonable way to break the news.

She hadn’t yet
finished mentally composing her message when Seth picked up.

“Erin?” His
voice was brusque, urgent.

She was
startled and befuddled by his abrupt answer. She’d been expecting the voice
mail, and so she wasn’t prepared to actually talk to him. “Um, hi,” she said
awkwardly, trying to switch gears again. “It’s me. Erin.”

“Erin, what is
it? Is everything all right?”

She felt
another little tightening in her chest at his words—the same question he asked
at the beginning of every conversation with her. “Yeah. Everything's fine. Sorry
to startle you. Did I interrupt anything important?”

“What’s going
on?”

Erin just blurted
it out. “I’m going into labor.”

There was a
brief pause. “Right now?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you on
your way to the hospital?”

His terse
inquiry actually made her relax a little. “You’re just like my dad. No. I’m not
going yet. It’s not anywhere close to time. The contractions aren’t—” She
paused as she felt another contraction develop but managed to talk through it. “They
aren’t that frequent yet.”

“Did you just
have one?” His voice sounded odd now. Thick and a little unnatural.

“Yeah,” she
replied, breathing easier once the contraction had passed. “They're not bad at
the moment. Thank God. Apparently, some women’s early contractions are really
painful. If I didn’t want to jinx things, I’d say that things are starting off
pretty well for me, other than being two weeks late. Hopefully, it will
continue that way.”

“I’m sure
everything will be fine. Is Liz there with you?”

“No. She was
getting in late tonight, so my dad came over. He’s here now.”

“Good. He knows
what to do?”

 “Yes. Of
course. Both he and Liz are as educated about this as I am. We’ve got it all
together. Liz really got into the childbirth class. She’s been like a drill
sergeant with those stupid breathing exercises. Every time she sees me, she
makes me practice.”

Erin paused for
a moment. She’d asked Liz to take the childbirth class with her instead of Seth—because,
at the time, she hadn’t been certain whether Seth would even want to
participate in the delivery. It had turned out to be a good choice, given that he
wasn’t here now, but she occasionally wondered if Seth had been hurt or
offended by her not asking him.

Pushing past
that uncertainty, she added, “Not to mention the other exercises.”

“Other
exercises?” Seth’s voice sounded dry. Normal again.

“Pelvic floor
exercises. She’s been making me squeeze the muscles of my, er, privates at
every opportunity, since that’s supposed to help in childbirth and afterwards. She’s
even been doing them with me. Says she hopes it will improve her love life.”

Seth laughed
softly. “I think that’s more than I wanted to know.”

Erin found
herself smiling at the sound of his laugh and feeling kind of sad at the same
time. Then she ruthlessly told herself that she had no reason to feel sorry for
herself.

It was
perfectly all right that Seth wasn’t here.

“So how long do
you think it will be before you go to the hospital?” he asked.

 “Who knows? But
I don’t want to go any sooner than I have to. My dad’s all excited about timing
the contractions, so we’ll go when they come every five minutes for an hour,
just like Dr. Warren said.” Erin sighed. “Apparently, it might take eight hours
or so before that happens. It's going to be a long night.”

“Right.” There
was an awkward pause, and Erin wasn’t entirely sure why conversation had
suddenly died. Then he continued, “When you get to the hospital, make sure you
don’t let them push you around.”

“I won’t.”

“And make sure
they don’t try to hook you up to monitors all the time or an IV, unless it’s
absolutely necessary. You need to be able to move around.”

“I know,” she
replied patiently, feeling both annoyed and fond at his concern. “That’s all in
the birth plan.”

“And make sure
they don’t try to do anything outdated.”

“I know. We’ve
already worked that out.”

“And make sure
you get an appropriate room in the hospital. It should be all arranged. You’re
supposed to get a suite in the maternity center. If you don’t, or if you don’t
like it for some reason, make sure you call me. I’ll take care of it.”

Erin had no
doubt that he would. “I’m sure the room will be wonderful.”

“And make sure—”

“Seth,” she
interrupted. “Everything is fine.”

“Right.” He
sounded calm and matter-of-fact, but with just an edge of
something
underlying it.

Erin wasn’t
sure what to say next. “How are things going there?”

“Fine.”

That was all he
said.

She paused
again, feeling both uncomfortable and emotional. She knew why. She needed to
say something. Something that had been building inside her for the last eight
months—and that finally needed to come out. So she might as well say it now.

“Seth?”

“Yes?” His
voice had changed, had gotten a little more breathy.

“I wanted to...I
mean, I needed to say...” She trailed off, trying to find both the words and
the courage. Wished opening up like this to him didn't always feel like such a
risk.

“Erin?” he
asked softly, urgently. “What is it?”

She cleared her
throat again. “It’s just that... You know what I said when I first told you I
was pregnant? About how, if I'd had a choice, I wouldn't have chosen you as the
father?”

There was a
long pause on the other end of the call, until he finally murmured, “I
remember.”

She couldn’t read
anything in his voice, but she tried not to let the uncertainty about his
reaction distract her. “I just wanted to… Even though you’re bossy and arrogant
and occasionally overbearing, and even though you’re so closed-mouthed it makes
me want to scream sometimes, and even though things might always be weird and
complicated in this, and even though you had that stupid trip to Seattle at
exactly the wrong time...” She had to pause to inhale. Recognized a strangely
tense silence from Seth’s end of the call.

She concluded
in a rush, “I don’t think the same thing now that I did then. I mean, I’m
really glad her father is you.”

Her cheeks burned,
and she felt too vulnerable, too earnest for her own peace of mind. Cynical,
no-nonsense people shouldn't have to admit such things. It made them too
uncomfortable.

“Thanks.”

Just the one
gruff word. Nothing more.

Erin hadn’t
really expected anything else. “Well, I think I’ll hang up. I feel another
contraction coming on.”

“All right. Take
care of yourself, and let me know how things are going.”

“We will. Hope your
work stuff goes well.”

Erin
disconnected the call with a sigh. She felt a little glum but forced that
feeling away.

She was having
her baby at last, and she was going to be excited about it.

It was
perfectly fine that Seth couldn’t be here when it happened.

Her dad returned
then. “Did you reach him?”

“Yeah,” she
said, forcing herself to grin. Then she sucked in a breath and exhaled slowly
as she felt another contraction begin.

He ran for the
stopwatch.

When the contraction
passed, Erin smiled fondly at her dad. He was happily watching the seconds run,
waiting to time the contractions. “We’ve still got a long way to go, you know.”

“I know. What
do you want to do to pass the time until we go to the hospital?”

 “I don’t know.
They say I should try to relax and rest up, but I’m not sure how I'm supposed
to sleep. I’m starting to feel all jittery.”

“You’re not
nearly as jittery as I am. How’s Seth?”

The abrupt
change of subject caught her off guard. “He’s fine.”

Her father came
over to sit beside her on the couch. Patted her knee. “I’m sorry he’s not
here.”

“Don’t be
silly. I’ve got you, don’t I?”

He gave her a
sympathetic smile that made her throat knot up again. “Yeah. Of course you do,
but I don’t think being with your old dad is exactly the same.”

His understanding
made her feel ridiculously emotional again, but she clamped down over the
feeling. “It’s better. I’m so glad you’re here, Dad.”

“I know,” he
said, putting his arm around her. “But it’s still not the same.”

***

Nine hours later, Erin could
barely register Seth’s existence in the world. At least, in this particular
moment.