Never Be Lied to Again (10 page)

It Was an Accident. Really!

This is a great strategy because it makes him feel that it would be a good thing to have you know exactly what happened. He did something wrong, true, but that is no longer your concern. You shift the focus of your concern to his intentions, not his actions. This makes it easy for him to confess to his behaviour and "make it okay" with the explanation that it was unintentional. He feels that you care about his motivation. In other words, you let him know that the source of your concern is not
what
he's done, but
why
he's done it.

Sample question formation:
"I can understand that maybe you didn't plan on its happening. Things just got out of control and you acted without thinking. I'm fine with that—an accident, right? But if you did this on purpose, I don't think that I could ever forgive you. You need to tell me that you didn't do it intentionally. Please."

S I L V E R B U L L E T 3

The Boomerang

Firing this bullet really throws a psychological curveball.

With this example you tell him that he did something good, not bad. He's completely thrown off by this.

Scenario A

You suspect that Richard is stealing from the company. You want to find out if this is true, and if so, how long it's been going on.

Sample question formation:
"Hey, Richard, I think you and I can become very wealthy partners. It seems that you've been cutting in on my action a little bit. But that's okay. We can work together, you old devil." You want to seem glad that you know what he's doing.

Scenario B

You suspect that your spouse may be having an affair.

Sample question formation:
"You know, John, while I'm not thrilled about what was going on behind my back

[this phrase is said to gain credibility; starting off with an honest statement makes what follows more believable], you should have said something. I could have saved you a lot of sneaking around. Maybe all three of us could get together.

It might be fun. All this sneaking around is silly."

Wow, he's blown away. He has an incentive for telling the truth that's better than what he was doing on the sly. In other words, he thinks that by coming clean, he'll have more fun doing what he's been doing. If he's not cheating on you, he'll think you're nuts, but you will nonetheless have the truth.

Scenario C

You want to see if your interviewee has lied on her resume.

Sample question formation:
"As we both know, everybody pads his resume just a bit. Personally, I think it shows guts. It tells me that the person isn't afraid to take on new responsibilities. Which parts were you most creative with on this resume?"

S I L V E R B U L L E T 4

Truth or Consequences

With this bullet you force your antagonist to work with you or you both end up with nothing. This is the exact opposite of the boomerang. Here the person has nothing unless he cooperates with you. Since you have nothing anyway (meaning you don't have the truth), it's a good trade-off for you. The following parable illustrates this point nicely.

A greedy and evil watermelon farmer realizes that someone has been stealing one watermelon from him each night.

Try as he might, he cannot catch the thief. Frustrated and annoyed, one afternoon he goes into his vast watermelon patch and injects one of the melons with a lethal poison. Not to be totally cruel, he posts a sign that reads, "To the person who is stealing from me: I have poisoned one of the watermelons. Steal from me, and you will be risking your life."

The next morning he goes out, and while he is pleased to see that the thief has not struck, he finds a note left for him.

"Dear Farmer: Tonight I too have poisoned one of your watermelons. Now we can either work together or they will all rot."

Scenario A

You suspect that your housekeeper has stolen from you.

Sample question formation:
"I'd rather hear it from you first. I can live with what you did/what happened, but not with your lying to me about it. If you don't tell me, then it's over. If you tell me the truth, things can go back to how they were. But if you don't, then we have no chance here, and you'll have nothing."

You can't let the person benefit from his action unless he tells you about it. Now the only way he can set things straight is by confessing and cooperating with you.

This bullet allows him to confess to his wrongdoing with less anxiety. You want to convey that anything that he's done pales in comparison to his lying to about it: "Doing what you did is one thing—we can get past that—but lying about it is something that I cannot deal with. Just be honest and we'll be able to put this whole thing behind us. Until you come clean, it won't be possible for you to continue here."

S I L V E R B U L L E T 5

Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace

Plumbers know that the time to negotiate a price is when the basement is flooded. Obviously, the motivation for the homeowner to act is highest when the problem is most intense. And when might the pilots' union go on strike? Right before holidays, the peak days of the year for airline travel.

The name of the game is leverage.

Deadlines produce results. How fast do you think you would get your taxes in if there was no deadline? Or if there was a deadline but no penalty was attached to it? How fast would you get a project done at work if your boss told you that the results had to be on his desk before you retired?

Would you ever get around to using those coupons if they had no expiration date? We have deadlines with penalties attached in almost every area of our life.

Human beings place a premium on that which is scarce.

Simply put, rare equals good. You can dramatically increase your leverage by conveying that this is the only time that you will discuss this. Let him know that (a) this is his last chance he'll have for explaining himself, and (b) you can get what you need from someone else. Try increasing the rate of your speech as well. The faster you speak, the less time he has to process the information, and it conveys a stronger sense of urgency.

Give a deadline with a penalty for not meeting it. Deadlines force action. If the guilty party thinks that he can always come clean, then he will take a wait-and-see approach before tipping his hand. Let the person know that you already know and have proof of his action. And admitting his sins now will give him the opportunity to explain his side.

Sample question formation I:
"I want to hear it from you now. After tomorrow, anything you say won't make a difference to me."

Sample question formation II:
"I know what happened/

what you did. I was hoping I would hear it from you first.

It would mean a lot to me to hear your side of it. I know there are two sides to every story, and before I decide what to do, I want to hear yours."

Hearing this gives him the feeling he still has a chance if he confesses. After all, what really happened can't be as bad as what you heard. Confessing now is a way of cutting his losses.

S I L V E R B U L L E T 6

Reverse Course

This sequence provides the person with an unforeseen and unexpected incentive to tell the truth. You convey to him that what happened or what he did was a good thing insofar as it allows you and he to establish an even better relationship—personal or professional. You give him an opportunity to explain why he took that choice. You also blame yourself. Here's how it works.

Sample question formation:
"I understand why you would have done that. Clearly you wouldn't have unless you had a good reason. You were probably treated unfairly or something was lacking. What can I do to help so that it doesn't happen again?" This is an assumptive question—

you take for granted you are right in your assertion that he acted in this way. When he begins to tell you his griev-ances, it paves the way for him to justify his previous actions—his misdeeds—to you. Keep interjecting the following phrases: "I take full responsibility for your actions. Let's work together to see how we can avoid this happening again. I understand completely. You were right to do what you did."

S I L V E R B U L L E T 7

I Hate to Do This But You

Leave me No Choice

This is the only strategy that involves threat. The other bullets make it comfortable for the person to reveal his true self. This one turns up the heat a little. You let him become aware that there are going to be greater ramifications and repercussions than just lying to you—things that he never thought about.

In this bullet you up the ante, but you rely on his imagination to set the terms of the damage that you can inflict.

His mind will race through every possible scenario as his own fears turn against him. You create a larger problem and then offer a solution. The deceiver made his choice to deceive based upon a gain/loss ratio that he deemed to be to his benefit. Letting him know that the ramifications are much greater than he ever considered helps to re-establish the risk/reward ratio in your favour.

Sample question formation I:
"I didn't want to have to do this, but you leave me no choice." This will inevitably propel him to respond: "Do what?" At this point he's waiting to see what the trade-off will be. But do not commit yourself to an action. Let him create in his own mind scenarios of what you will do unless he confesses.

Sample question formation II:
"You know what I can do, and I'll do it. If you don't want to tell me now, don't.

I'll just do what I have to do."

After this statement pay close attention to his response.

If he focuses on what you will do to him, the odds lean more toward guilty. However, if he reasserts that he's done nothing, he may in fact be innocent of your accusation. This is because the guilty person needs to know the penalty to determine if it makes sense for him to stick to his story. Only the guilty have the option of confessing. They are the ones who have to make a decision. The innocent has no such choice to make, and therefore nothing to consider.

S I L V E R B U L L E T 8

I Guess You're Not Allowed

Never underestimate the power of appealing to a person's ego. Sometimes you want to inflate it, and other times you want to attack it. And as you may have guessed, this bullet is for attacking.

It's truly saddening how fragile some people's egos are—

but for these people this bullet works very well. It really gets under their skin. A friend of mine who is a police detective loves this technique. The following is a generic example of how it is used.

"We picked up this guy for beating up on a couple of homeless guys. We were getting absolutely nowhere with him. Finally, after half an hour, we were thinking we had to let him walk. We had no case because one of the homeless men disappeared and the other was too afraid. So I looked at this jackass and said, 'Oh, okay, I get it. You're afraid that Niko [a drug runner he has worked with before] is gonna kick the crap out of you. That's it, isn't it? You can't go to court over this because he owns you. You're his little slave." After the suspect hurled a few expletives he shouted,

"Nobody owns me." He became indignant. And to prove his point, he did what he had to: he confessed, proudly.

Sample question formation I:
"I think I know what it is—you're not allowed to tell me. Somebody else is pulling the strings and you'll get in trouble."

Sample question formation II:
"Okay, I think I know what it is. You'd tell me the truth if you could, but you don't have the power to. You're not able to and you probably feel as bad as I do about it."

S I L V E R B U L L E T 9

Higher Authority

If the situation is right, this bullet will work exceptionally well. An acquaintance of mine who works in the human resources department of a large financial firm loves this one.

She tells me that it's her greatest tool for weeding out undesirable candidates for employment.

As long as the person believes that you are on his side, he'll take the bait. All you have to do is let him know that anything he's lied about can now be cleared up in seconds.

However, if anyone else finds out about it later, it's too late.

Scenario A

You think an interviewee has lied on his resume.

Sample question formation:
"I'm going to do something nice for you because I think you'd be great for this job.

They're going to want to verify everything on the resume.

Even the slightest exaggeration will prevent you from being hired. So let's clean it up now. What specifically needs to be revised so that it's perfectly accurate?"

Scenario B

You want to know if your secretary leaves early when you're out of the office.

Sample question formation:
"The vice president from corporate is coming in today. He's asked about your hours, so I'm going to tell him that you come in early on the days that you leave early. Do you remember what days last month you finished up early and took off?"

Do you see how disarming this is? You're not yelling at her or demanding answers. It's us against them, and you're here to help. Plus the phrase "finished up early" implies that she's done all her work—and efficiently at that. You're on her side, and you're going to work together to smooth things over.

S I L V E R B U L L E T 10

The Great Unknown

For most people it is next to impossible to see anything or understand any concept by itself. This means that when a new situation arises we have an inherent need to compare and contrast it with something familiar. But what if there was no category for it fall into? This can be a very frightening experience.

If you want the truth and the penalty for lying is clear, then the suspect knows the up side and the down side for confessing and he can weigh his options. It stands to reason that in instances where the penalty for lying is not severe enough, you will have difficulty getting the truth. So you need to remove the penalty from the
known
and put it where it's uncomfortable:
the unknown.