Never Be Lied to Again (9 page)

If you don't get the answer you're looking for, continue
to the next stage.

Stage 3. Last call.
"Okay. But are you sure?" At this point any hesitation is likely to be sign of guilt because he's quickly trying to weigh his options.

If you don't get the answer you're looking for, continue
to phase three.

A T T A C K S E Q U E N C E 9

The Chain Reaction

In this sequence you create a chain reaction that originates in the person's own deceitful actions. In other words, the only way he can take advantage of a new opportunity presented to him is to admit his previous actions. The sequence is based on the assumption that the wrongdoing took place and brings the conversation past that. Whenever you want a confession, you're far better off moving the conversation past his actions. Otherwise he's likely to lie or become defensive. Both reactions do you little good. However, if the focus of your discussion is not on what he has already done, then you're likely to get him to admit to his actions, as he assumes that you already have proof of them.

Scenario

You suspect several employees in your store of stealing money.

Stage 1. Setting the scene.
In a one-on-one meeting with the employee, let him know that you're looking for someone to be in charge of a new internal theft program for the entire company.

Stage 2. The irony is . . .
"We're looking for someone who knows how it's done. Now don't worry, you're not going to get in trouble. As a matter of fact we've known about it for some time. We were more interested in seeing how efficient you were. Quite impressive. Anyway, we feel that since you know how it's done, you'll know how to prevent it. Granted, it's pretty unusual, but this is an unusual instance."

He now feels comfortable with his previous actions. His new position is even dependent upon his misdeeds. Denying what he's done will cost him his big promotion. If you tell your story convincingly, he will even boast about his misdeeds.

If you don't get the answer you're looking for, continue
to the next stage.

Stage 3. I told them so.
"You know, I told them that you would be too afraid to have an open discussion about this. [Notice how disarming the phrase "open discussion"

is; it's much better than "confess" or "stop lying."] They were wrong, I was right."

This works because he now feels that whoever "they" are, they're on his side. He's going to be hesitant about letting

"them" down. Look for hesitation on his part. If he's guilty he will be weighing his options. This takes time. An innocent person has nothing to think about. Only the guilty have the option of confessing or not.

If you don't get the answer you're looking for, continue
to phase three.

ATTACK S E Q U E N C E 10

The Missing Link

This sequence is used when you have some idea about what's going on, but you don't have the full story. You offer the information you do have so that he believes the rest of what you say. This is also used with one magic key phrase, and if he takes the bait, he's guilty.

Scenario

You think that your mother-in-law may have hired a private investigator to follow you around.

Stage 1. List facts.
Tell her something that you know to be true. "I know you're not very fond of me, and that you objected to the wedding, but this time you've gone too far."

Stage 2. State your assumption.
"I know all about the investigator. Why did you think that was necessary?"

Stage 3. The magic phrase.
"You know what, I'm too upset to talk about this now."

If she becomes quiet she's probably guilty. If she has no idea what you're talking about, you can be sure that she doesn't care if you're too upset to talk about it—because you have no reason to be upset.

The guilty person will honour your request because she won't want to anger you further. An innocent person will be mad at you for accusing her of something that she hasn't done and will want to discuss it
now.

If you don't get the answer you're looking for, continue
to phase three.

A T T A C K S E Q U E N C E 11

Condemn or Concern

Stage I. I'm just letting you know.
The key with this sequence is not to accuse, just to inform. The response of your suspect will let you know if he's innocent or guilty.

This sequence explores a person's frame of mind when he or she is presented with new information. Pamela has a routine physical, and when her doctor gets the blood test results, he calls to inform her that she has contracted the herpes virus. Thinking back over her recent sexual partners, she is convinced that it must have been either Mike or Steven who gave her the disease. Merely asking her two "suspects"

if they knowingly gave her herpes would probably prove futile, as a denial by both would be likely. Fortunately Pamela is skilled in the art of detecting deceit and decides on a different course of action.

She calls both guys up and casually informs them that she just found out that she has herpes. The responses she got led her straight to the culprit. After hearing the news the two men responded as follows:

MlKE: Well, don't look at me. I didn't give it to you! I'm clean.

STEVEN: You what! How long have you had it for? You might have given it to me! I can't believe this. Are you sure?

Which one is likely to be the guilty party? If you guessed Mike, you're right. On hearing that his previous sexual partner has an incurable, easily transmissible disease, he goes on the defensive—assuming that he is being accused of giving it to her. He is unconcerned about his own health because he already
knows
he is infected. Steven, in contrast, assumes that the call is to inform him that she might have infected
him.
Thus, he gets angry because he is concerned about his health. Mike simply wants to make Pamela believe he is not guilty.

Here's another example. Let's say that you're working in the customer service department of a computer store. A customer brings back a nonworking printer for an exchange, claiming that he bought it just few days before. He has the all-important receipt and the printer is packed neatly in the original box. Upon inspecting the contents you find that a necessary, expensive, and easily removable component of the machine is missing, a clear indication of why the machine was not functioning properly. Here are two possible responses you might get after informing the customer of your discovery.

Response 1. "I didn't take it out. That's how it was
when I bought it.
"
(Defensive)
Response 2. "What? You sold me a printer that has a
missing part? I wasted two hours trying to get that
thing to work.
"
(Offensive)
Do you see how effective this is? The person who utters Response 2 has every right to be annoyed; it never crosses his mind that he's being accused of anything. The person who gives Response 1 knows he never even
tried
to get the printer to work because he took the part out. It doesn't occur to him to become angry. He assumes that he's being accused of removing the part and becomes defensive when you inform him the part is missing.

If you don't get the answer you're looking for, continue to
phase three.

P H A S E 3

E L E V E N S I L V E R B U L L E T S : H O W TO G E T

T H E T R U T H W I T H O U T B E A T I N G I T

O U T O F T H E M

The following eleven bullets can be used independently or in order, one after another, until you get the answer you're looking for. They are designed to get the person to confess.

While the bullets can be fired in any order, some of them negate subsequent ones, so see which ones are appropriate for your particular situation and then arrange them in the appropriate sequence.

You want to convey enthusiasm and truthfulness when you use these bullets. They are most effective when you convey complete honesty in what you're saying. So don't "give yourself away" by making the same mistakes revealed in the clues. You see, the clues to deceit work in reverse as well. If you do not commit any of them, the person you are speaking to will at both the conscious and the unconscious level perceive you as truthful. Don't forget that this person must believe what you're saying is true. If you threaten to do something, it has to be a believable threat or he won't take the bait. To convey honesty and truthfulness in your message, use the following techniques:

• Look the person directly in the eyes.

• Use hand movements to emphasize your message.

• Use animated gestures that are fluid and consistent with the conversation.

Stand or sit upright—no slouching. Don't start off with any statements such as "To tell you the truth . . ."or "To be perfectly honest with you . . . " Face the person straight on. Don't back away.

A N D D O N ' T F O R G E T T H E C A R R O T !

"And there goes Lucky . . ." This is the announcer's familiar line at the dog track at the start of the race. Lucky refers to a stuffed rabbit that moves around the track just in front of the lead dog, an incentive that keeps all the dogs running faster. Liars are a lot like dogs. They need an incentive to confess. And an incentive is much more powerful if it's offered in a specific way. The payoff for confessing needs to be immediate, clear, specific, and compelling. You can't just tell a person what he'll gain by being truthful or lose by continuing to lie; you must make it real for him—so real, in fact, that he can feel, taste, touch, see, and hear it. Make it his reality. Let him experience fully the pleasure of being honest and the pain of continuing the lie. Involve as many of the senses as you can, particularly visual, auditory, and kinaesthetic. Create images for the person to see, sounds for him to hear, and sensations that he can almost feel. You want to make this experience as real as possible.

The best way to do it is to first state the positives, then state the negatives, and then present the choice. You want to use this type of imagery with the silver bullets.

For example, suppose you are a boss investigating the possibility that your employee is embezzling money from the company. Here's how you might talk to him: "Bill, you need to tell me the whole story* so we can put this behind us. Look, I've got big plans for you. You know that corner office with the green marble floors and mirrored bar? Well, pretty soon you'll be sitting behind that solid oak desk and running your own division. Of course you'll have your own assistant—probably Cathy. And when you drive to work each morning you'll be able to park in one of the reserved spaces. The monthly executive dinner meetings as well as use of the company vacation home in Hawaii will be yours as well."

Do you see how imagery helped Bill imagine himself in his new position? His "logical" promotion has been trans-formed into an emotional experience.

Now you, as Bill's boss, pause, sigh, and in your best parental tone finish your statement. "Unfortunately, none of this will ever be possible if we don't clear the air about the missing money. Taking it is one thing—we all make mistakes. I have, you have, we all have. But I can't have a liar working here. If you wait for accounting to tell me, as tough as it will be for me to do, you'll be out of here real fast. And unfortunately you know how these things can get around. Getting another job will be very difficult for you.

As you pound the pavement each day looking for work you'll find one door after another slamming shut in front of you. I sure wouldn't want to face your wife every night when you tell her that you had no luck finding a new job.

So what's it going to be? The corner office and the bright future, or the disgrace and pain of losing everything?"

*The phrase "whole story" is more effective than asking someone to confess or tell the truth. By asking for the whole story you're not implying that he's been lying to you and you're giving him credit for being partially honest. Now he just has to go a little further and be completely honest.

Asking someone to tell the truth is asking him to reverse his original position, the lie. And this is more difficult to bring about.

Above all, be consistent

Keep your message consistent. Remember that we all communicate on two levels: verbal and nonverbal. For instance, when you give an ultimatum, make sure that your nonverbal communication is consistent with your words. If you tell someone that you have "had enough and are through being lied to" only to remain where you are, you're not going to be very convincing. In this instance you would need to get up and walk toward the exit. You can always come back with another strategy later. Your behaviour must always reflect the intensity and passion of your message.

Quick Tip:
Always use the person's name when you're speaking. People tend to listen more closely and respond more compliantly when they hear their name.

S I L V E R B U L L E T 1

If You Think That's Bad,

Wait Until You Hear This!

This bullet works well because it forces the liar into thinking emotionally instead of logically. It alleviates his guilt by making him feel that he's not alone, and it throws him off by creating a little anger and/or curiosity. Plus he thinks that you and he are exchanging information, instead of his giving you something for nothing.

Sample question formation:
"The reason I'm asking you these questions is that I've done some things that I'm not too proud of, either. I can understand why you might have . . . In a way I'm almost relieved. Now I don't feel too bad." At this point he will ask you to get more specific about your actions. But insist that he tell you first. Hold out and he'll come clean.

S I L V E R B U L L E T 2