Never Be Lied to Again (11 page)

You can obtain maximum leverage by explaining how the ramifications of his deceit will be something that the suspect has never known before. Even if he believes that you are limited in what you can do to him and in what the penalty will be, the severity of the penalty can be manipulated in two major ways to make it appear much more severe. The two factors are time and impact.

Time:
Give no indication of when the penalty will occur.

When things happen unexpectedly, the degree of anguish is more potent. If he knows he won't get a chance to mentally prepare and brace himself, the anxiety is greatly heightened.

Impact:
Convey that his entire life will be disrupted and drastically altered for the worse. He needs to see that this event is not isolated and will instead have a ripple effect.

When bad things happen we are often comforted in knowing that it will soon be over and the rest of our life will remain intact and unaffected. But if these things are not assured, we become increasingly fearful and concerned.

Scenario

You suspect an employee of stealing. You can threaten to fire him, in which case he may weigh his options and decide that you may never find out the truth. However, if you said . . .

Sample question formation:
"Smith, at any time should I discover that you've been lying to me about this, I will have your desk cleaned out and security escort you to your car. There will be no good-byes. I'll march you right out of here in the middle of the day. And this is a small business community—try getting a job with this hanging over your head. You'll be completely through."

You then ask him to come clean now and offer him the option of a transfer to another part of the company so you can both put this behind you. This last sentence is called an easy-out clause and is talked about more in part 6.

S I L V E R BULLET 11

I Couldn't Care Less

A primary law governing human nature is that we all have a need to feel significant. Nobody wants to be thought of as unimportant, or feel that his ideas and thinking is irrelevant.

Take away a person's belief that he has value and he'll do just about anything to reassert his sense of importance. If he feels that you don't care that he's lying to you, he will want to know—better, he needs to know—why you're so cavalier and dispassionate. Did you expect something like this from him? Do you know something that he doesn't?

Are you uninterested in his opinion or feelings for you? Do you plan on seeking retribution or revenge? When you show emotion, you show that you care. Your apathy toward the situation will unnerve him immensely. He will begin to crave recognition and acceptance, in any form. He needs to know you care what happens, and if talking about his misdeeds is the only way he can find out, he will. Some examples of what you can say are as follows:
Sample question formation A:
"I know and I just don't care. This is not for me."

Sample question formation B:
"I've got other things to think about. Maybe we'll talk some other time."

Sample question formation C:
"You do what you have to do, that's fine with me."

When you ignore a person you usually do not make eye contact. However, in this situation, you want to make an instant impact, and engaging him in direct eye contact does this best. To make this even more powerful, stare at him. In our culture, as in most, staring is often dehumanizing. We stare at things that are on display, such as caged animals. When you stare at someone he often feels less significant and will seek to reassert his value.

These attack sequences should do the job quite nicely.

However, if you're still not getting the answers you want, it's time for the advanced techniques in part 5.

Remember to read this section through carefully before using any of these techniques.

P A R T

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T A C T I C S F O R D E T E C T I N G

D E C E I T A N D G A T H E R I N G

I N F O R M A T I O N IN C A S U A L

C O N V E R S A T I O N S

"Truth is the first casualty of civil discourse." —

DAVID J. LIEBERMAN

Now what about those times when you're not quite sure if someone is lying to you, but a full-fledged interrogation is out of the question? Here are some excellent ways to gather more information without being obvious.

GENERAL CONVERSATIONS

1 . A s k - a - F a c t

During the conversation simply ask general, clear questions pertaining to your suspicion. This causes the person you are questioning to recall information. If he spoke the truth, then he will answer you quickly and effortlessly. If he was lying, your clues to deceit will let you know. Most important, note how long it takes him to call up the information. If he's lying, he'll take a while to answer because he first has to check his response mentally to be sure it makes sense. Made-up stories do not have details because they never happened!

Ask questions that will give you an objective, not a subjective, response. For instance, if you think an employee was home when he said he would be away on vacation, don't ask him how he enjoyed the weather in Florida. People generally take longer to respond to these type of questions. Instead, ask one such as "Did you rent a car?" Casually ask more questions in the same vein. Once he answers yes to any question, ask for more detail. If he's lying, he'll try to keep the facts straight and will take his time answering fur ther questions. People love to talk about themselves. The only way that someone would want to change the subject is if he's uncomfortable with the questions. If you're asking simple, innocuous questions you should expect that he would want to extend the conversation, not end it.

Most people will love to go on endlessly about the new restaurant they went to, the trip they took or the job they turned down . . . unless of course they're lying and you keep asking questions.

2. Add-a-False Fact

In this sequence you add a fact and ask the person to comment on it. This fact is one that you've made up, but one that sounds perfectly reasonable. For instance, let's say that while you are at a party someone proclaims that he has just returned from an East African safari. You could tell him that you heard that East Africa had had record hot tem-peratures. This is a fact that he might be able to confirm or deny regardless of whether he had actually been there. Furthermore, he could just plead ignorance of the fact and proclaim that it was very, very hot. Either way you're unable to detect deceit.

Here's how you can detect it. You can mention that your uncle who works as a customs officer at the Nairobi airport told you that everyone going to Africa was given special instructions on how to avoid malaria. As soon as he validates your claim in an attempt to back up his assertion that he has gone to Africa, you know that his story is untrue. Otherwise he would simply say that he doesn't know what your uncle is talking about.

Here are the criteria:

a. Your statement has to be untrue. If he merely confirms something that's actually true, you haven't learned anything new.

b. It has to sound reasonable. Otherwise the person you are questioning might think it's a joke.

c. Your assertion has to be something that would directly affect the person, so he would have firsthand knowledge of this "fact." In other words, in the above scenario you wouldn't say you heard that the tilt of the earth's axis made for exceptional viewing of the night sky.

3. Support-a-Fact

In this sequence you take what the person says and request proof, but in a very non-threatening manner. For example, in the case of the person who claimed he had gone on safari, you might let him know that you would love to see pictures of the trip. If he offers up a reason why you can't see the pictures—didn't take any, didn't come out right, left lens cap on—then this should arouse some suspicion.

Let's say you're a talk-show producer and you want to check the credibility of a guest. You might say, "Your story about this government conspiracy is fascinating. Since you worked in the building, it would be great if you would show us your security access card."

4. Expand-a-Fact

Use this clue to determine how far someone is willing to go to get what she wants. All you do is expand on a fact that she has already offered. If she just goes on without correcting you, then you know that she may be lying about what she's said so far and/or is willing to lie to get you to see her point. Let's say that you and your friend are deciding on what movie to see. You suggest
Lost in
Paradise,
but your friend, who doesn't want to see this, offers as evidence a co-worker who has already seen it and didn't like it. You then say, "Oh, well, if no one in your office liked it, I guess it's probably no good." If she lets it go at that—not correcting your false assertion—then you know that she either lied initially about her co-worker or will lie in this situation. Let's take another example. Your secretary asks you for the rest of the day off because she's not feeling well. You might say, "Oh, of course, if you've got a fever and a bad headache, by all means take off." She never claimed to have these symptoms. You merely expanded on her statement. Again, if she does not correct you, she is clearly either lying about being ill or willing to agree to anything to go home. Of course she may simply be sick and eager to get home. However, her not correcting your statement indicates that she does not mind being deceitful to get what she wants.

S P E C I A L OCCASIONS

These strategies are used when a person is reluctant to reveal information for unselfish reasons. Or the situation is such that you have to be very delicate in your approach. These people are coming from a different psychological position, so the situation must be addressed uniquely. The strategies usually fall into one of the following ten categories.

Third-Party Protection

This tactic is a little different in that it is used if someone is reluctant to tell you something that involves another person. You have to appeal to his ego and let him forget that he's telling tales out of school.

Scenario A

Your attorney is telling you about a case that a fellow attorney screwed up on. Simply asking, "What did he do wrong?" would probably get you nowhere. However, by turning it around you create an incentive for him to tell you.

Sample question formation:
"Had you handled the case, what would you have done differently?" This magic phrase opens the floodgates of conversation.

Scenario B

While chatting with Brad, one of your salespeople, you would like to find out why Susan's sales figures are low. But simply asking him why she's not doing well might prove fruitless. Out of loyalty to her, he may be reluctant to say anything. So you turn the question around and he becomes completely forthcoming.

Sample question formation:
"What areas do you think Susan can improve in?"

In both of these scenarios the conversation is positive.

The other person feels as if he's doing a good thing by answering your question. And in fact he is. Had you asked it the other way around, you would likely have met with great reluctance to speak.

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The Power Play

Sometimes the person reluctant to tell the truth is in a position of power. In these situations it's usually inappropriate and futile to become argumentative. In these instances you want to bring the conversation to a personal level. Here are two examples of how this is done.

Scenario A

You're trying to sell to a buyer who doesn't want to buy and is not giving you a reason that you truly believe. Your objective will be to get to the real objection.

Sample question formation:
"I do this for a living. My family relies on me to support them. Clearly we have a fine product and you're a reasonable man. Would you mind telling me what I did to offend you?"

Now your buyer is caught off guard and will undoubtedly follow with "Oh, you didn't offend me. It's just that. . ."

Offend
is a powerful word. Now you'll get the real objection because he figures that telling you the truth is the only way to show you that you haven't offended him.

Scenario B

Your boss is reluctant to tell you exactly why you were passed up for the promotion.

Sample question formation:
"Ms. Smith, I understand where you're coming from, and I respect your thoughts.

Someday I hope to be as successful in this company as you are today. Let me ask you one question, if I may? If you were me, sitting in this chair now, do you think that you would have a better chance of moving up in the company if you were aware of your shortcomings?"

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Hurt Feelings

In this situation someone is lying to you to protect your feelings—perhaps one of those little white lies. You're interested in getting at the truth. A touch of guilt makes the other person re-evaluate his approach.

Scenario

You feel that the truth is being withheld from you for your own benefit.

Sample question formation I:
"I know you don't want to offend me, but you're hurting me more by not being perfectly honest." Using the word
perfectly
here serves a purpose. It gives the person credit for being partially honest with you.

Sample question formation II:
"If you don't tell me, no one else will. If I can't count on you for this, I don't know what I would do. "

It's a Matter of Opinion

Trying to detect deceit in a person's opinion is hard. You can't exactly call someone a liar, arguing that she doesn't really believe what she is saying to be the truth. The following is an excellent method for revealing a person's true feelings in any situation.

Scenario A

You're not sure if your boss really likes your idea for a new advertising campaign, even though she says she does.