Never Be Lied to Again (7 page)

PR I M ER 3

It's Amazing, Isn't It?

With this primer, you still bring up the subject, but in a general way. Casually broaching the subject in this manner provides great insight into the person's innocence or guilt.

SUSPICION: You think a student has cheated on her exam.

QUESTION: "Isn't it amazing how someone can cheat on a test and not realize that I was standing behind her the entire time?"

SUSPICION: YOU suspect a co-worker of bad-mouthing you to your boss.

QUESTION: "It's amazing all the backstabbing that goes on around here, isn't it? And these people doing it think that it won't get back to the person involved."

SUSPICION: YOU think that your girlfriend may be two-timing you.

QUESTION: "It's amazing how someone can be unfaithful and expect not to get caught."

Again, any answers that prompt a response such as "Why do you ask?" Or "Where did you hear that?" show that your question concerns him.

Sometimes there's no need to confront someone who we feel has lied. We just want to know for ourselves. In instances like these, it's not necessary to finish the attack sequence. Just use the primers to satisfy your own curiosity, or use the techniques in Part 3, which allow you to discreetly gather information.

Note:
Two other responses are possible for primers 2 and 3. The person may begin to talk generically about the subject or change it completely. A change in subject is highly indicative of guilt. However, if he finds your question interesting and he's innocent, he might begin a conversation about it. This is a strong indication of his innocence, because he's unafraid to discuss the subject and hasn't probed why you have even brought it up.

PHASE 2

E L E V E N A T T A C K S E Q U E N C E S

It's 8:00 A.M. on a Sunday morning. You're resting in bed when the doorbell rings. Mumbling incoherently, you get up, put on your robe, and stagger to the door. Upon open-ing it you're greeted by a smiling, energetic young women waving a glossy pamphlet in your face and asking for thirty seconds of your time. Ten minutes later you close the door, stumble back to bed, and ask yourself, "Why did I give that woman ten dollars to save the red-spotted frog from extinction? I don't even like frogs." Obviously there was something involved that made you exchange something you like-—your money—for something you don't particularly care about—frogs. You can see from this transaction that sometimes it's the context of a request, not the request itself, that determines a person's willingness to cooperate or resist.

AT T AC K S E Q U E N C E 1

Direct Questioning

Sometimes the direct approach is best. The only drawback to asking a question outright is that you then can't use any of the other sequences unless you let a considerable amount of time pass.

Stage 1. Ask your question directly.
When you talk with the person you want to get information from, to maximize the amount you learn, follow these six guidelines.

1. Give no advance warning of the subject you're about to bring up or of any feelings of mistrust you may have.

Unsolicited questions are the toughest for him to answer, so if he brings up the subject, make sure that you ask your question
after
any statements that he may make. His deceit will be harder to detect if:

• He has responded to the same statement before. When you ask your question, phrase it in a new way. Don't keep asking the same question over and over again. He gets entrenched in his position and good at convincing you.

By varying how you ask your question, you have more opportunities to detect deceit.

• He knows that he will be asked the question. Give no warning of what's on your mind.

• He knows what he's going to say, like an actor reading his lines. You know they are not his words; he's just following a script. Give him some time and you'll be crying and laughing along with him. No matter how trained he is, once he gets beyond the script, he's unrehearsed and unprepared, and that's right where you want him.

• He thinks he's justified in lying. This removes all guilt-oriented clues. When people believe
in
what they are saying—even if they don't believe
it
—they say it with conviction.

• He feels there's little or nothing at stake, so he probably won't appear nervous, which means you can't use those clues as an indicator. Most of the other clues will still be available for you to observe.

• He has a severe mental disorder. Such a person does not have a concept of right and wrong.

2. Never reveal what you know first. Ask questions to gather information to see if it's consistent with what you already know. During World War II, England had cracked Enigma, the secret code used by the Germans.

England learned of an impending attack by the Germans on the town of Coventry. However, if Churchill evacuated the people, the Germans would know that England had broken the code and would change it. This left Churchill with an obvious conundrum. Weighing the lives of those who lived in Coventry against the enormous possible future gain of being privy to all Germany's war plans, Chur chill decided not to tell the townspeople, and hundreds died. With any luck you'll never be in such a predicament, but you can see that sometimes it's better not to reveal your position—even if it means suffering great short-term losses.

The greater objective must be kept in mind. This makes it possible for him to slip up and reveal information you know to be contradictory to the truth. If he knows what you know, then he can tailor his story to be consistent with the information that you already know.

3.

The way you present yourself can greatly influence the attitude of the other person. Simple things such as unbuttoning your coat or uncrossing your arms can make the other person feel less defensive. When you have a rapport with someone, he is much more likely to feel comfortable and open up. Rapport creates trust, allowing you to build a psychological bridge to the person. The conversation is likely to be more positive and you will be much more persuasive. Three powerful tips for establishing and building rapport are:

•
Matching posture and movements:
If he has one hand in his pocket, you put your hand in yours. If he makes a gesture with his hand, after a moment, you casually make the same gesture.

•
Matching speech:
Try to match his rate of speech. If he's speaking in a slow, relaxed tone, you do the same. If he's speaking quickly, then you speak quickly.

•
Matching key words:
If she is prone to using certain words or phrases, employ them when you speak. For instance, if she says, "The offer is designed for incredible gain for both parties," later in the conversation you might say something like, "I like that the offer is designed to offer incredible gain . . ." Make sure that you don't seem to be mimicking her. Obvious copying of another's movements is unproductive. A simple reflection of aspects of the per son's behaviour or speech is enough. This can be a very powerful skill for you, once you become good at it.

Later in the questioning you'll move to stage four. This will make your target person nervous, enabling you to shift strategies. But initially you don't want to make him nervous.

You want to create an environment in which the only reason he has to be nervous is if he's done something wrong. This way any anxiety-based responses or actions are the product of his deceit, not his environment.

4. Lie detectors use what is called a baseline, which corresponds to the person's normal level of anxiety. It's a good idea, if possible, to do something similar. Ask a question that you know will produce a response similar to how you expect him to react. You need to know whether certain pat terns of behaviour are part of this person's usual repertoire.

You want to establish how he responds to a question that can be answered easily and use that as a benchmark if you don't know the person well. In other words, if he waves his arms around no matter what he's talking about, you want to know this.

5. Although your posture should be relaxed and non-threatening, see if you can square off so that you're facing each other. This allows you to use several of the detection clues having to do with body language (see part 1, section 1 and 2).

6. Never, ever interrupt. You can't learn anything new while you're talking. Also ask open-ended questions. This gives you the opportunity to hear longer answers.

If you don't get the answer you're looking for, continue
to the next stage.

Stage 2. Silence.
First, don't respond at all. This will usually make him continue talking. The guilty abhor silence. It makes them uncomfortable. It also gives you a chance to observe other clues such as changes of subject, uncomfortable laughter, nervousness, etc.

If you don't get the answer you're looking for, continue
to the next stage.

Stage 3. Really?
At the end of his answer respond with

"Really?" This one simple word gives you two shots at assessing the same answer. He doesn't know how you feel about his answer yet, so it doesn't tip your hand. But it forces him to repeat his response. Here, you'll look for clues such as if his voice goes up at the end of the sentence (see clue 25), indicating he may be unconsciously looking for confirmation.

If you don't get the answer you're looking for, continue
to the next stage.

Stage 4. Sudden death.
Follow with "Is there anything you want to get off your chest?" This puts him on the defensive. Now you can watch for those clues that come out when the person is more nervous than before you challenged his credibility. This question really confuses people because the answer is going to be no, regardless. But now that you've changed the tone of the conversation, he's thrown for a loop.

If you don't get the answer you're looking for, continue
to phase three.

A T T A C K S E Q U E N C E 2

Lead and Confine

Stage 1. Ask a leading question.
Ask a question that restricts his answer to something he feels is positive, a question he doesn't mind answering truthfully. This technique is called lead and confine. For example, if you want to know if your boyfriend went out last night, an outright question might make him lie if he feels you will be upset. Instead, your question is "You were back by two A.M. last night, weren't you?" If he didn't go out, he would be free to tell you. But if he did, he feels comfortable agreeing with you because you make it sound okay. Whether he was or wasn't back by two A.M. isn't the point. You've got the answer to your real question.

Let's take another example. If you want know if your fiancé ever cheated on you, the question you would ask is

"You were only with other people
before
we got engaged, right?" Again, she feels that she's comforting you by answering the way you've indicated is okay. Even though she answers yes, she still could have cheated on you
after
you got engaged as well. So if you want to know that, too, make that the focus of your next attack. After some time has passed, you might ask, "I know that you've had to get some things out of your system, but when we get married, I want to know that I can trust you. You will give up these ways once we're married, won't you?"

If you don't get the answer you're looking for, continue
to the next stage.

Stage 2. Reverse course: You've got be kidding!
Now you throw her completely off balance, putting her in a situation where she won't know how she should answer. Here you sound disappointed that she answered that way. This forces her to rethink her answer and become comfortable telling you the truth. You would say something like "I was hoping you did, so you would have gotten it out of your system. Please tell me that you've done it, so I know that it's over with."

If you don't get the answer you're looking for, continue
to the next stage.

Stage 3. This is not going to work.
This is where you let her know that everything you've ever thought about her may be wrong. The only way she can show you that she is the person you thought she was is to confess. "I thought you were somebody who had a sense of adventure. Someone who knows how to live a little."

If you don't get the answer you're looking for, continue
to phase three.

A T T A C K S E Q U E N C E 3

Time Line Distortion

This sequence combines several psychological principles and produces truly remarkable results. To explain, we'll use the following example. Let's say that your wife calls you up at work and informs you that your fifteen-year-old son took the family car for a joy ride and was just brought back by the police. You might be understandably upset. However, let's take the same set of circumstances, except for one thing. In a different conversation, your wife casually mentions that this mischievous deed was done by your now twenty-five-year-old son
ten years earlier.
Your reaction is likely to be considerably more mild. Why? Because time has passed.

Let's look at the flip side of this example. If a couple's son borrowed their car without permission ten years earlier, he would probably feel that he could mention it with full impunity—it might even be amusing at this point—and he certainly doesn't have to worry about being punished. It's doubtful, though, that he would feel so comfortable telling his parents if he had taken the car the night before.

Time is a powerful psychological tool that can shift our perspective dramatically. The two factors affecting time are when the event occurred and when you became aware of it.

If either or both of these factors are moved into the past, the event is no longer timely. This greatly reduces its perceived significance.

Scenario A

In this example, you suspect your spouse of having an affair.