No Longer Mine (17 page)
Authors: Shiloh Walker
Tags: #Fiction, #Romance, #Contemporary, #Contemporary Romance
Hell.
Wade turned his truck up the drive, grimly refusing to think about how much he might have to crawl.
Damn it, she’d probably call the cops and have him thrown off her property, and wouldn’t that cap things off nicely?
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Shiloh Walker
But he had to try. Wade had to try to make her understand how sorry he was. And with a whole lot of wishful thinking on his part, he was hoping she would let the sorry incident at her house go. He had to try to smooth things out, apologize and get her to understand.
His life wasn’t worth a whole hell of a lot without her in it.
And the man who had sworn to himself he wasn’t going to beg was ironically aware that begging was exactly what he intended to do, in front of God and everybody if that was what it took.
Gravel crunched under his tires as he pulled the truck to a stop. The overcast sky promised more rain before the day was out. As he climbed out of the truck, he caught the cool scent of the coming fall on the air. He helped Abby out of the booster seat in the back of the extended cab before turning to the silent house.
Her jacket buttoned up against the faint chill in the night air, Abby snuggled against his chest as they both looked at the empty house before them. Curtains drawn and secured, windows dark. “Daddy, Nikki’s not here, is she?” Abby asked, her face puckering in a slight pout.
“No, baby. It doesn’t look like she is,” he answered gruffly. And from the looks of things, he had a feeling she wouldn’t be back any time soon. The house had the vacant air to it of one that was going to be empty for some time.
“She’ll be home soon, right? We could wait,” Abby said, her eyes hopeful. “We could sit on the swing again and wait like we did last time.”
“Angel, I don’t think she’s coming home any time soon.” He turned away, helped Abby back into the car and strapped her into her child seat. He paused by the driver’s door, looking back at the house. Where in the hell had she gone?
As the days turned into weeks, and weeks into a month, the house on the hill outside of town remained empty. The questions he started asking of her family went unanswered. Her dad was cool and polite, Shawn taunting and insulting. Dylan was simply silent, staring at Wade with flat hazel eyes that saw too much.
Wade finally heard a rumor she had moved to New York.
No. He told himself she wouldn’t just up and leave. Not for good. But all too soon Halloween was over and the holidays were looming on the horizon and he had yet to hear anything more about her.
As his regret died, it gave way to anger. T the apologies he had been rehearsing turned to ashes on his tongue. So he had meant that much. After one fight she had just given up and turned away, walking out of his life, not giving him a chance to try to heal the wounds before they festered.
Wade spent several weeks in that mindset, stewing and steaming over it. The anger certainly felt better than the guilt and he was able to function a little better.
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No Longer Mine
After Thanksgiving dinner with his parents Wade returned to Monticello, wondering if he should move back home.
At least Abby would have her grandparents close by and her old friends. And he wouldn’t have to live day by day, wondering when she would come back.
If she would come back.
Abby was lonely. Two of her closest friends had started kindergarten and in the careless manner of children, had decided Abby was too young for them play with anymore. And she was unhappy, probably sensing her father’s state of mind. It was wearing on both of them.
At least twice a week, he made the long drive to Nikki’s house outside of town, up that winding road to see if she had returned. He would prowl the woods behind her home and slowly go out of his mind while he wondered.
Pacing the floors at night, the four walls of his house threatening to close in on him, Wade worried and wondered. The anger was giving way to desperation and dismay. Something wasn’t right. The woman who had fled from him wasn’t the girl he had known.
Nikki would have stood her ground, dug in her heels and lifted that arrogant chin. Damn it, she would have laid into him, teeth bared. Where had that girl disappeared to? How had Nikki changed so much?
And why had Wade done that? Acted that way? Handed out ultimatums he had no right to hand out?
Why had she let him? Why hadn’t she fought back the way she would have before? She had stood there, letting him pile it on her and rage away. She should have torn into him, but she hadn’t. She had just taken it.
It was like there wasn’t much fight left in her.
And so December dawned, cold and gray, an echo of the grief he carried inside.
93
Chapter Thirteen
Wade glanced up as his partner dropped down on the chair across from him. His face was grim, his eyes shadowed and dark. “The boy didn’t make it,” J.D. rasped, his voice raw and strained.
“Damn,” Wade whispered, useless anger curling within him. “Damn it.”
“Massive head trauma. If he’d lived he would have been a damned vegetable. The mother is still in surgery, but they think she’ll pull through. Hell of a piece of news for her to have to hear while she’s fighting for her life.” J.D. slouched in his chair and rubbed his eyes.
Their shift had ended well over two hours earlier, but neither had been able to leave until they heard the news. Wade was now wishing he had left. He wanted to rip something apart with his bare hands.
Knowing he didn’t want to know, but unable to keep from asking, he gave in. “The driver?”
“Mild concussion. Mild lacerations. A few bruised ribs from his impact against the safety harness,” J.D. said, his voice flat. “Ain’t that justice?”
“You boys need to head home.”
Wade looked up as one of the ER nurses came into the lounge. A soft, comforting smile on her familiar face, Leanne Winslow settled into a chair next to Wade and took his hand. “You’ve had a rough night. You need to get some rest. This isn’t even your normal shift.”
“Saving money for Christmas,” he muttered, folding his cold hand around hers. “Any more news about the mother?”
“Some. And it could be good news. She’s about four and half months pregnant and the baby is hanging in there. She hasn’t spontaneously aborted yet, so that is definitely a good sign. If all goes well…” Wade grimaced and shook his head. “Too many things can go wrong, especially that early in the pregnancy.”
“If she’d been much further along, much bigger, the baby’s chances wouldn’t be as good. As it is, the little girl is small enough that her mother’s body sustained much of the damage. She pulled through surgery but… Well, the pain meds and antibiotics, those are what’s worrying her OB right now. At least she’s past the first trimester. We’ve located her husband.”
A soft hand stroked over his brow and he fought off the urge to shrug it away. Wade never should have accepted her offer to dinner few weeks ago. But now any time he decided to call things off, he was struck with a bout of loneliness so strong he lost his resolve.
No Longer Mine
Leanne was sweet, gentle and unassuming. She looked at Wade as though she thought he was some type of god and made him feel like he wasn’t a walking disaster.
And Abby liked her. She hardly even mentioned Nikki anymore. The past three weeks had been easier, but he didn’t know if that was because Leanne was there or because he was adjusting to the fact that Nikki was gone.
“Wade, you need to go home,” Leanne ordered softly, gazing up at him with concerned blue eyes.
“Get some rest before that little girl of yours comes home from daycare. With Christmas coming you’re going to need that rest.”
Rest. That had become a precious commodity in his world. On the rare nights Wade slept for more than four or five hours, he always dreamed of Nicole.
The tasks of working two extra shifts of a week, trying to get Christmas shopping done and dealing with a rambunctious four-year-old were an exhausting combination enough, but when the father couldn’t sleep, it made it even worse.
Rest?
he thought cynically. Yeah, right. Not in this century. But Wade gave her a tired smile and nodded. “You’ll let me know about the mother?” he asked as he stretched his arms over his head and forced his stiff body out of the chair.
“Yes. But she’s going to pull though. She’s stable and she’s young. I just hope her baby makes it.
Losing one child is hard enough,” Leanne murmured, rising gracefully to her feet. The baggy blue uniform rustled softly as she leaned close enough to peck him on the cheek. “I’ll call tonight once you’ve had a chance to get some rest. You too, J.D. Get some sleep.” She smiled sweetly at him and left the lounge on silent feet. Her ebony hair, wound in an intricate braid, swayed as she walked away. That girl moved like a dancer. She was beautiful, sweet and intelligent, a perfect dream. She was happiest when she was fussing over people.
And, more often than not, two hours after leaving her, Wade could hardly remember what she looked like. Certainly couldn’t pull up her image in his mind, couldn’t remember how she felt against him, or smelled, or tasted.
“That is a fine piece of work,” J.D. murmured as he rose, sliding his rumpled jacket on as they headed out the lounge. “You two serious?”
Wade shrugged. “We’ve gone out a few times.”
“About time. That girl’s been practically begging you ever since you moved here. Nice to know you finally developed a brain.”
Wade shot his partner a dour look. “That’s not a brain you’re thinking of, buddy.” His steps slowed as he passed by a man being wheeled outside with an armed escort. He was sobbing theatrically and waving his arms in the air as he begged and pleaded with the officers.
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Shiloh Walker
“Damned murdering son of a bitch,” J.D. whispered under his breath as the two men slowed to a halt.
“Listen to him, saying he wasn’t drunk at all. That bastard had empty beer cans all over the back seat.” The bastard in reference had kept trying to grab his treating paramedic the entire time she was with him. He had been singing loudly and begging for “a special performance” while Wade and J.D had been laboring over a tiny three-year-old boy, trying to pump life back into him. Bastard was so damned drunk he hadn’t really realized he had been in a wreck.
As he sang merrily, unaware of what was really happening, Wade and J.D. had struggled to make that boy live.
They had succeeded only to have the boy die in the ER.
“What’s likely to happen to him? In Louisville, some fancy-ass lawyer would get him off with a suspended sentence and community time.”
J.D. grunted and raised his shoulders. “He’ll be tried for manslaughter. And unless his family is rich, he won’t get a lawyer fancy enough to even try to talk down a thing like this. Even then, folks around here don’t take too kindly to bastards like that. This isn’t his first offense either. Multiple DUIs. He’ll do time.
But that won’t bring that little boy back,” J.D. finished savagely, glaring in the direction of the cruiser.
“But maybe it will save another one,” Wade said, holding onto that thought. That helped. Not a whole hell of a lot, but it did help. “You have to remember that. If he got away with a slap on the wrist, this would be a hell of a lot harder to handle.” He cast a glance up at the cold winter sky as they resumed walking to the ambulance. “Hell of a Christmas that family is going to have.” Once home, Wade shed his clothes on the way to the bathroom and turned the water to as hot as he could stand it. His uniform was saturated with blood and he felt as though his skin was as well. So much blood for such a small child. Sharp needles of water pounded his face and chest as he scrubbed at his flesh.
How was that poor boy’s family going to make it? If he lost Abby…
His little girl was all he had. Losing her would kill him.
No parent should ever have to bury a child.
Exhaustion kept him from dwelling too long on that thought. Stepping out of the shower, water sluicing off his body, Wade forced his mind not to go down that road.
He fell face first on the bed without even drying off. Wrapping up in the comforter, he prayed for oblivion.
Waking shortly before Abby was due home, Wade climbed out of bed, his stiff muscles protesting as he stretched. The dull ache of grief resided in his chest but he pushed it aside. His little girl was on her way.
And with Christmas only four days away, she was becoming more and more hyper and required every bit of his energy.
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No Longer Mine
Every other word out of her mouth was “Christmas”. “Have I been good?” ran a close second. Even without the extra hours he was putting in she would have worn him down. And in two days his parents were coming in to spend the holidays with him and Abby. Which meant he had to clean the damn house.
To top that all off, he couldn’t get Nikki out of his mind.
Is she home yet?
He hadn’t gone up the mountain in two weeks, and he’d finally stopped hounding her family.
How much longer was she going to stay away?
Not that it mattered. Wade had finally given up waiting. He had accepted that this was her way of making a clean break. It was over for her.
But not for him. And that was the most pathetic part of it. Because he was the reason she had decided to make that break. Him and his damned pride. If he had been a little more patient he would have had her back.
And then he had gone and screwed it up.
Again.
Later that night, Abby sat scrubbed clean and dressed in pink and blue flannel pajamas, her eyes focused on the Christmas special on the television.
The Small One
, Wade thought. It was a sweet cartoon, and Abby was enamored with the donkey.
Her reached blindly for the phone when it rang, knowing automatically who it was. Leanne’s slow southern drawl sounded in his ear and he tuned out the television as he listened. The mother was fine. The baby was hanging in there. He sent a silent prayer heavenward and thanked Leanne for letting him know.
