Authors: T.S. MCKINNEY
Jagger pulled from years of experience of hiding and lying. “Eh, just a bad habit of mine. I pick and bite at my lips—don’t even realize I’m doing it most of the time. Gross, huh?”
Colton’s eyes narrowed but thankfully he let it drop. “I’m supposed to be the only one to make those lips swell up. If anybody bites, it needs to be me.” He dropped a kiss on Jagger’s
lips and swiped at the blood with his tongue. “Don’t damage my goods, babe,” he reprimanded playfully.
“You are awfully bossy. Are you into that BDSM stuff like Landry?”
Where the hell had that come from? His fantasies, maybe?
Colton shrugged and plopped down next to Jagger on the towel. “Let’s shuck these swim trunks. Tan lines are so
yesterday
,” he joked. Well, at least Jagger had thought he was joking but then his trunks were whipped down his muscled legs and tossed aside. An eyebrow quirked upward, daring Jagger to follow the leader.
When he didn’t move fast enough to suit Colton, the next words sent dirty waves washing over him.
“Don’t make me take them off you, Wildcat,” Colton warned, his voice deeper and darker than usual. His eyes glittered a dare. “And to answer your question, eh, yeah, maybe on the Landry stuff. I’ve dabbled a few times but would love to do more than dabble with
you
.”
Oh, shit, his cock stiffened obediently.
Colton smiled when he noticed. “Good; at least you’re willing to give it a try, right?”
“We’ll see.” Jagger was so embarrassed by his body’s response. He wanted to look away from Colton, hide from the challenge in his eyes but he didn’t possess the strength. “Maybe we visit his club first? Let me see what goes on.” Landry had gone straight to the bank yesterday evening after he’d finished his corrections and had gotten a verbal approval on the loan. He still probably had weeks to wait before everything was clear, but they were confident it was going to happen. For the first time in his life, Jagger had felt pretty damned proud of himself. His college education had paid off for more than padding his own pocket—he’d helped someone achieve their own dream.
“Definitely! He’ll get pissed that we want to go before he makes all his changes, but I’ll find a way to shut him up. He plans to open up in early October, so I’ll make sure we are on the list to get in. He went ahead and started ordering some of that raunchy sex furniture yesterday. That stuff is fucking hot, yeah?” Colton’s hand had made its way to his thigh, massaging and teasing. Some of his touches light and flirty, followed by a firm squeeze that would make Jagger gasp. “He’s planning on taking a trip to visit a couple of other BDSM clubs in Miami next week. Maybe we can tag along and just check things out? See what there is to see.”
Next week? He would be gone next week. There wouldn’t be any trips to the BDSM club…any Colton. How the hell was he going to do it? Did he have to do it? His job was the old Jagger’s plan. Maybe he could make a new plan?
“Sounds fun,” he lied. Well, it did sound fun but he wouldn’t be here.
“Hey, eh, it looks like I’ve got to do some work tomorrow—that’s what the phone call was about. Rory will need to go with me. I was thinking maybe you and Riley could do some touring shit? I’ll book you guys on the Dry Tortuga boat trip. It’ll take most of the day, but I’m sure you’ll love it.”
Where was he going? What was so important that he would suggest Jagger spend the day with Riley—the man he loved to hate?
His fingers twitched. His skin itched. If he closed his eyes, he could see the dark line of blood decorating his skin as the razor slid slowly over his thighs.
“Whatever you’re thinking, babe, don’t go there, okay?” Colton was so close, his breath tickled Jagger’s face. He hadn’t even known when Colton had moved.
How long had he been lost in his thoughts?
“Wh-
what do you mean?” His cock was no longer hard so he must have been visiting depression land longer than he’d realized.
Colton stroked the side of his face. “The look on your face, Jagger. It was dark…scary. I don’t like it.” His lips touched Jagger’s forehead, each cheek, the tip of his nose, and then his lips. “It makes me think of when we were younger. You always had that dark look in your eyes.” Colton’s forehead was resting against his now; his eyes blinking slowly. “When I first saw you, I thought it made you look dangerous and I wanted to be a part of that shit. It didn’t take long, though, for me to realize it was something far more sad than dangerous.” He bumped their foreheads together. “Don’t let your mind go back there, Jagger. Stay here with me. I love you and I’ll never let that dark shit touch your life again.”
Colton said the words so easily.
I love you
. Nobody had ever said the words to Jagger before Colton. Probably nobody ever would after Colton.
“I’m fine, Colton.” He wanted to shove him away, put some safe distance between the two of them but something kept him firmly plastered to the deck of the boat, allowing Colton to caress his heart with his very closeness. “I’m dark - it happens. It’s just me,” he said softly.
At least that wasn’t a lie.
“Are you worried about tonight?” Colton asked quietly. “You know we don’t have to do anything you aren’t ready for. Don’t you dare do something you might not be ready to try, okay? I swear to you, Jagger, this is enough for me until you are ready for more. You have no idea how much I enjoy just looking and touching you. If we rush it, you might…”
“Stop it, Colton. I’m not nervous about tonight.” Jagger smiled, finding nervous Colton very adorable. “Well, I guess I am a little nervous because I’m pretty sure, regardless of how many times you say differently, it’s
gonna
hurt like a mother-fucker, but there is no doubt in my mind of what I want to do.” When they’d gotten home from Rory’s house last night, he’d expected Colton to jump on him and fuck him senseless. He hadn’t. He’d simply worshipped his body from head to foot, slowly, methodically, and gloriously. He’d sucked him off two more times, swallowing every drop and licking his lips like it was the sweetest taste in the world. After that, they’d simply curled up together and drifted off to slip. Jagger had felt cherished and he realized it was a pretty damned good feeling, one he could get used to.
While he might be slightly worried about tonight, it wasn’t a worry about whether it was something he wanted to do or not. He knew he wanted Colton—wanted Colton more than anything in this world. He wanted to belong to Colton that way. He was pretty sure he was leaving and he wanted to take as many parts of Colton with him as he could. He had a feeling it would have to last him a lifetime.
“Why the darky-dark, then? Don’t lie to me, okay?”
One hand stroked the side of Jagger’s face while the other one cupped the back of his neck, cradling him like he was precious.
“It creeps up on me sometimes, making me worry about things I probably don’t need to spend time worrying about. It’s who I am, Colton. I don’t trust people. Hell, I don’t trust myself half the time.” He couldn’t believe he was being this honest with another living human being but it felt right to share with Colton. He wasn’t sure what caused it, figuring it couldn’t be love because he probably wasn’t capable of that emotion, but whenever Colton touched, held him tenderly like he was now, Jagger felt himself melt against the other man.
“You can trust me, Jagger,” Colton whispered. “You can always trust me. I will never intentionally hurt you and, if you’ll let me, I’ll spend every day for the rest of my life making up for what you missed when you were younger.”
It wasn’t possible. Colton couldn’t possibly love him after only a couple days together. Colton couldn’t possibly love him because he wasn’t lovable.
“I don’t need you to make up for the past, Colton. It is what it is.” He forced his eyes upward so he met Colton’s intense gaze head-on. “What I need is for you to take me below deck and fuck me,” he whispered. “I’ve waited on this for over four years. Don’t make me wait any longer,” he pleaded. He knew he would be much better at fucking than at sharing emotional baggage so he pushed Colton. His numbness might be starting to tingle with unfamiliar feelings. His frozen heart might be trying to thaw, but he still knew how to run and hide.
“Are you sure, babe? We don’t have to rush anything,” Colton murmured between kisses.
Jagger smiled and felt some of the darkness start to slip away. If he stayed in Colton’s arms, he might be able to keep it at bay forever. “Your cock doesn’t agree with you,” he joked, nudging Colton’s hardness with his knee. “I don’t think waiting is what this monster has in mind.” His own teeth tugged at Colton’s lips, catching a mouthful of luscious softness and holding tightly. “It’s not what I had in mind, either,” he whispered.
Colton smiled softly. “Are you doing okay with the touching thing, Jag? I feel you tense up every time I reach for you, but you loosen up pretty quickly. I don’t want to rush something or put you in a situation that’s going to force you to your dark place.”
“I think those weird noises I make when your touching me should tell you I’m okay with it,” Jagger answered slowly. “I still don’t like anybody else’s hands on me, but obviously my body is willing to make an exception for you. Aren’t you the lucky little devil?”
“Yes, I am…and I’m about to show you what a lucky devil you are. Get your ass downstairs,” he growled as he pulled both of them to their feet. “I’ve got to have you, babe. It’s all I’ve ever wanted
but
all you have to do is say ‘no’ if you start getting uncomfortable, okay?”
Jagger rolled his eyes. “I’m not that big of a pussy, Colton. I can do this,” he vowed.
Holy shit, this was going to hurt.
****
Jagger lay on his back, knees spread wide, and watched as Colton settled between his opened legs, lifted his hips and settled his ass onto his lap. He felt stupidly exposed, nervous as hell, and as scared as a human could possibly be without losing complete control…and his entire
body burned with need. He wanted Colton; he’d always wanted Colton but had never been man enough to admit it. Just like Riley had told him—he’d hidden himself away, refusing to allow any happiness or satisfaction to creep into his well-planned future. Just like Colton had told him—he’d been afraid to accept what he what he was…who he was. That person—that coward—was gone…at least for tonight.
He hoped. Fuck, this was hard. He’d fought it for so long. His entire life, he’d been a fucking loser. How was he going to overcome
that
? Colton—that was how. Colton’s strength would guide him through all of his insecurities and dumb shit that floated around in his head on a regular basis.
“How you feeling, Wildcat? You still with me?” Colton whispered, his eyes hungrily devouring his lover so beautifully displayed before him. He’d loved Jagger Jameson for-fucking-ever. This moment—it had been a dream of his forever. He was excited, but at the same time, terrified that he wouldn’t be good enough for Jagger. He wanted this to be as beautiful for him as possible, forcing Jagger to realize that in Colton’s arms is right where he belonged for the rest of his life.
“I’m here,” Jagger answered just as softly. “Scared shitless, but still here.”
Colton smiled at Jagger’s honesty. “
Uhhhh
, well, that’s not exactly ideal pillow talk, but I guess it will do.” His hands caressed the rippled six pack of Jagger’s abs, loving how the muscles danced erotically beneath his fingertips, responding to his touch when he knew his Wildcat would
never
respond to another in such a beautiful way. Working his way up, he stroked muscled pecs. Golden skin was flushed with arousal, his breathing heavy and growing more labored with each passing second and every tantalizing touch. He was fucking beautiful…inside and outside. He tweaked both nipples and was rewarded by Jagger arching his back off the bed and letting a moan tumble from his lips. Unable to stop himself, he leaned over, causing his cock to nudge against Jagger’s own burning length, and took one pebbled nipple between his teeth, biting and sucking until his lover was writhing and hissing with the need for more…and more he would have.
“Shit, Colton, stop playing with me. You know how nervous I am; stop making me wait for it. You don’t have to worry with foreplay. You know I’m giving it up tonight.”
Jagger’s hands were fisting in the sheets and his head was tossing from side to side. It was erotically beautiful but nothing compared to the fact that his pretty blue eyes were wide open and
following Colton’s every move. He wasn’t hiding. He might be as nervous as hell, but he wasn’t hiding.
“Baby, if I took you right now, you’d never forgive me. Trust my experience on this one. You need some preparation first. Your body is about as tight as humanly possible. You need to loosen up and try to relax for me.”
“Ehhhh
…not going to happen. I’m too nervous. You’re wasting your time…just do it already. It’ll get better after the first time, right?”
Colton snorted. “Well, you’re not a girl. I’m not going to tear your hymen and then it’ll all be good after that, sweetheart.” He kissed the nipple he’d been working on, blew on it, and then moved to the other side. The nub felt wonderful against his tongue. His lover had an intoxicating taste. He felt dizzy as endorphins flowed through his blood. “You are going to relax for me, Wildcat, and this damn well isn’t going to be something we rush.”