Passion and Pain (Dancers and Divas) (42 page)

Fifty-t
hree

It was Sunday and Elena was at one of their last hip hop rehearsals before Nationals. She tried to keep focused knowing she was the weakest link. There were only five days to go.  As they went through their flip exercise, she tried to forget about Sebastien and the way he’d treated her. They went through their warm-ups and Elena tried to stop counting the hours till she saw Jay again.
Seventy-two of them.
Why hadn’t Jay called her? He had promised!

“Lift and throw. Elena!
Focus!”
Darius yelled as she fell to the floor. “You almost lost an arm then!”

“I’m so sorry. Today is just one of those days. My head’s not right.”

“Okay everyone, let’s take a break and we’ll come back and work on some of our timing on the dance parts.”

Everyone nodded so Elena wiped her sweat with a towel and checked her phone
-
a 911 message from Veronika.

“Hey Darius, I got an urgent call from Veronika. Know what that’s about?”

He shook his head. “No idea. You better check everything’s
all right
.”

Elena ran outside and called Veronika. “What’s wrong? Are you okay? Why are you crying?”

“
You
need to sit down for a minute.”

“What’s wrong? Is it my mom? Veronika, please tell me.”

“It’s Jay.” Elena’s heart stopped. No it couldn’t be.

“What?”

“Um, there’s been an accident.”

“Is he in hospital?
Which one?”

“He’s dead.” 

Elena dropped the phone and inhaled. No, no, no. She fell to her knees, hyperventilating. No, no, no. It couldn’t be. Elena thought her entire insides had been cut with a knife. She was on all fours, crying, no, no, no, please God no, just a little more time.
Noooooooooooooo
!

“Elena? Elena?” Veronika’s voice could be heard through the phone.

Darius rushed out to see her curling up on the ground.  He saw the phone, and picked it up.
“Veronika?
What happened?”

“Hello?
Darius?
Is she okay?”

“No man, what did you tell her?”

Veronika sniffed and inhaled deeply. “Jay’s dead. He was shot during a convenience store hold-up near the Bronx late last night. I didn’t know how to tell her.” Veronika was weeping.

“It’s fine Veronika. I’ll get her home.”

Elena was motionless as Darius picked her up off the ground and carried her to his car. She didn’t say a word the whole way home. She just looked out the window weeping uncontrollably. By the time they got to her building, she was no longer crying but simply had tears rolling down her cheeks. She sat there for a moment, unable to move.

“Do you want me to come up with you?”

She shook her head and got out of the car, walking silently into her apartment.

Darius wasn’t sure what to do. He picked up his phone to answer Veronika.

“I’m on my way Darius. Is she home?

“Yeah, but she’s not good. I’m not sure what she needs.”

“Thank you for getting her home. I’ve texted Anya and Sebastien as well so they know and I’ve also called Elena’s mom.”

“Great, thanks Veronika. Let me know if you need anything.”

Darius shut the phone and held it in his hand.
Barely eighteen and dead.
Just starting his career.
  It could have been him or Anya or any one of them. He sighed and decided to cancel the rest of the rehearsal and go and see Anya
-
while he still could.

Back in the apartment, Elena simply curled up in her bed and cried to herself, picturing Jay’s smile. He was supposed to call. They
were supposed to have
one last goodbye. She’d known it would be the end for them but she didn’t know it was going to be like this.

Why hadn’t he called her? She wept from the depth of her soul for the closure she never had but desperately needed.

Veronika and Elena’s mom arrived about the same time. Elena was still in bed. She didn’t say anything when they came
in
. Veronika simply curled around her on top of the duvet. Her mom sat by the bed and stroked her hair. Their concern and affection made Elena cry all over again.

“What happened,
Roni
?” Elena whispered.

“He was on his own, picking up something from a convenience store last night. He was in the Bronx. No one knows why. He was just at the wrong place at the wrong time. The store was held up and he was accidentally shot. He died on the way to the hospital.”

Elena said nothing else. He must have been coming to see her. Jay would never have been in the Bronx otherwise. He
’d been coming to see her
.
She was sure of it.
It
gave her some comfort that he hadn’t forgotten her but it was also made her feel guilty
-
he would never have been shot if he had been elsewhere.
Wrong place, wrong time.

She closed her eyes again and let sleep take over. When she woke up it was dark and she could hear her voices in the other room.

She didn’t want to but she figured she had to get up. As she walked into her kitchen, she was surpri
sed to see everyone was
there  -
Veronika, Sebastien, Darius, Anya and Leon. She looked at all their faces, full of concern and lost it again. They all reached for her and hugged her, while she cried.

She finally settled down as they all worked hard to distract her. Her mom prepared snacks for everyone while they played games. Elena couldn’t bring herself to participate
,
but at least her mind had something else to focus on. She even managed the odd smile when Sebastien tried to talk his way out of a loss. She hadn’t said a word to anyone. She couldn’t and no one asked her to. Sometimes she would remember something about Jay and a tear
would trickle
down her face
,
but her friends let her be.

At about ten, each of them gave her a big hug and left.

“Do you want something to eat, honey?” her mom asked.

Elena shook her head and went back to bed, feeling lifeless. Empty. Like there was nothing inside her but tears. How long would this last?

Sebastien shut the door behind him as he left Elena’s apartment and leaned against it. He didn’t want to leave her. Their fight seemed forgotten. But he wasn’t sure. Elena wouldn’t speak, she just moved like a zombie. Her spirit was gone. And she hadn’t found out the half of it yet. Should he prepare her? No, it wouldn’t do any good. Her heart was already broken. He couldn’t be the one to cause more pain. He had already done enough.

Fifty-
four

On
Wednesday
Elena woke up feeling like she had slept for months. She felt heavy and sad. Something wasn’t right. And then she remembered. Jay was dead.
Her Jay.
She sighed. She would need to find out the funeral details. She had never been to a funeral before. She didn’t want to go to one now. Could this all be a bad dream? Would Jay suddenly walk in the door at last to be with her again? No, he was dead.
D E A D.
 

Her mom poked her head round the door tentatively. “How are you feeling?”

“Like someone has sucked the soul out of me.”

She came and sat by the bed and held her hand. “I know. It hurts. It will get better in time, but right now, you just have to get through one day at a time,” she said,
stroking her hair with her free hand.  “Let’s start by getting out of bed and having a shower, okay?”

Elena nodded. She was still wearing her training outfit. God, she was supposed to fly out to Vegas tomorrow. If she didn’t, the crew couldn’t compete or Darius wouldn’t be able to compete with Anya. Damn it! She could barely get out of bed. How on earth was she going to dance?

Her mom continued to speak to her. “The funeral isn’t until next week. They want to wait for some overseas relatives. Veronika said she would come down and you could go together. Darius and Anya flew to Los Angeles today to compete and apologized for not being here today.”

Elena cringed. They probably delayed their flights to be with her last night. She had some great friends. The tears started again.

“And Darius said not to worry about the hip hop championships. He already told the crew what happened so he said he would sort it out.”

That saddened Elena more. They had been working for six months solid and were hoping to make it to worlds. She just ruined everyone’s chance.
If she had just a little more time.

She let the hot water pour over her body and her hair. She felt so tired she wanted to go back to bed but knew she couldn’t stay there forever. But maybe she could for one more day? So she came out of the shower, wrapped herself in her flannel pajamas, and crawled back into bed, covering her head with her duvet to shut out the world. She vaguely remembered people opening her door and saying things but she didn’t recall what
. S
he just slept.

After sleeping for twenty-four hours straight, she woke up on Thursday morning with a furious energy she couldn’t control. She began cleaning her room and throwing out old clothes. She reorganized her shoes. She cleaned the bathroom and the kitchen cupboards and then started cooking. She made use of everything she could lay her hands on. She made a roast in the oven and some salads. She baked some cakes. And then when she had done all that, she decided to go and dance. She did three grueling hours of dance classes
, ’til
she could no longer move.

When she got home, her
mom
was there carving up the roast. She made no comment on the endless array of dirty dishes Elena had left after her cooking frenzy.

“There was a lot of food, so I told your friends to come over and help us finish it.”

“Whatever.” Elena didn’t want to see or speak to anyone. She had spilled the last of her energy and lay on the sofa sapped.

By the time her friends came over an hour later, Elena had managed to shower but was barely able to keep her eyes open. Why did she still feel so lifeless? She did everything possible that day to try and feel anything but the nagging pain inside of her chest. But it was still there.

She hadn’t said much during dinner, shuffling her food around her plate and barely listening to her friends. While Veronika was in mid-sentence, Elena interrupted. “I’m going to Vegas tomorrow.”

They turned to look at her, varying degrees of concern on their faces.

“Elena, I don’t think that’s a good idea,” her mom said.

“I can’t let all the crew down. We’ve worked too hard. And I just stay in bed all day. At least this way, I have something else to think about.”

Her friends looked at each other uncertainly.

“I already texted the guys to tell them I’m coming. They’re down there already as they had pre-booked their flights. Our heat is on at 4pm in the afternoon and we are having a run through at 2pm. My flight leaves at 9am.”

“Elena, I know you’re feeling pain right now, but the competition is intense. You may need more time,” Veronika said gently.

“Don’t tell me I need more time!” Elena yelled, slamming her hand on the table. “That’s it. There is no more time. You hear me? No more time. Time has run out.”

Veronika’s mouth formed a large O as she stared at Elena.

Elena’s mom patted Veronika’s hand. “Elena, I don’t think Veronika meant any harm.”

“I’m sorry
, I just want to go and dance. I will be fine!” she added in a slightly softer tone. “I don’t want to hear anyone else again telling me to wait. There is no more waiting, no more time, okay?” They all nodded. “Are you coming with me
,
Sebastien?”

Sebastien looked at Elena’s mom and then at Elena’s determined face, confused. “I haven’t changed my ticket.”

“I already changed it for you.  Up to you what you do now.”

“I guess so.”

“Great, see you at the airport at 8am.” With that she stomped off, went to her room and slammed the door.

“Do you really think she’s going to go?” Leon asked.

Sebastien looked at Veronika and Ms. Martinez. “Apparently, and I’m going too.”

“I think she’s starting to lose it,” Veronika said.

“If this is the way she needs to blow off some steam,
then
let her do it,” Leon said.

“Yeah I don’t think Ms. Martinez could afford to buy more food at the rate Elena was cooking today,” Sebastien said.  “Plus, I will be with her if anything happens.”