Payce's Passions (15 page)

“Bull-fucking-shit. You were all that I wanted, Braxton. That I still want.”

I climb out of the bed to stretch for a minute to let out some tension, then come back and sit on the side. “Brax, I thought I was helping you. Yes, I made a rash decision, a really messed up one. It seems that I took fucking up things to new heights, but it was just instincts kicking in. When I got to you that night at the warehouse, I thought I needed to show you how I felt. It wasn’t fair and I’m sorry. Once I got arrested that’s when I knew exactly how I felt about you too, but everything had changed. I had to keep you away from me.”

“How?”

“Being caught up with me from that point on would have had you down at a police station and involved, I wasn’t doing that to you. They were going to throw the book at me this time, or so I thought. I was afraid they would question you, even try to implicate you somehow. You didn’t deserve any of that behind me, you still had a chance. We were legal adults then, you didn’t need the shit following you around. I told Aaron to have you to contact the demo guy when we parted at the creek. My mistake was not resisting you that night. It’s why I finally took the chance and kissed you and…well, one thing led to another and we became a part of each other. That’s something I’ve never been able to forgive myself for.” I look off to the side, remembering the night so clearly in my head, then shake it loose, and take him by the hand. “Because of my selfishness, I allowed us to go somewhere we had no business going. God, Brax, you were the only thing that mattered at that point, and I didn’t want you to ever forget about us, but I was wrong in how I handled it. I’m so sorry for that. You were eighteen years old and it shouldn’t have happened at all.”

“That next morning I woke up and you were gone, Payce. I barreled down the stairs and that’s when I saw you getting tossed on the hood of the cop car, getting arrested. Why did you leave without me, where were you going?”

He wants to know everything, I had no idea this affected him the way it does. I thought I was the only one still holding on to it like this.

“I had a bad feeling when I woke up. No one had come to get us yet, Brax, and I was pissed. I knew there wasn’t much time left for me, I felt it in my gut and my instincts are always right about stuff like that. I wanted you in the hotel before it all happened though. When I walked outside the cops were already there, they’d been looking for me. Honestly, we weren’t that hard to find. We were the little hoodlums of the neighborhood and they’d found us plenty of times before. When the cop spotted me, sure I could have run for it and probably made it, but it would have only kept bringing heat down on us. It was just time to grow up.”

Brax cups his hand over his mouth for a few minutes before saying anything. “Payce, I’m sorry that you thought you had to go through that all alone.”

“Don’t be. We were fifteen years old when we first started on the streets together, we were alone except for each other. I’m sorry things twisted up right at the end. When you came to visit me at the jail, the night before I went to court, I had to do what I could for you. That meant letting you go.”

“No!” He raises his voice.

“Yes, Brax, that’s when everything clicked. I’d have done anything for you then, still would, but it wasn’t fair to ask you to wait for me when I had no idea what was going to happen.” I want to beg him for forgiveness, but it’s unfair to him.

“It never crossed your mind to even ask me what I wanted.”

“I knew you’d try to stand by me, and I didn’t want you waiting around like that. I didn’t know how many years I’d be gone.”

The whole reality of it is out and coming into Brax’s view for the very first time. The ball is in his court and no matter where it bounces, I have to be okay with it.
Shit, I can still read him like a book and it’s not good.
Brax trace his fingers across his chin, and without saying a word, he slides past me on the bed, pulling a cigarette from the pack. He walks out to the back balcony.

I know he’s hurt, it shows all over his face, but at least now he knows everything. I hope he’ll at least give some thought to it over time. Before we jumped into attacking each other in the hall, we should have talked first.
It seems I still fuck up things where he’s involved. 

“Braxton?” I call out his name. “Look, this was too much too soon. I’m going to go and let you get back to your life. I hope I’ve answered everything for you.”

He never responds.

You’d think after all these years I’d quit fucking up, but it just seems to be in my nature.

Chapter Fifteen

My phone starts ringing at the ass crack of dawn or at least it feels like it to me. Another messed up night. Brax is really beginning to fuck with my head and I don’t know how to make it stop. He must still be really upset with me, he’s not calling and I don’t know if I should try first or leave it alone.
Goddammit!
Things were so much simpler when I didn’t worry about shit like this. I need to find a way to get out of my own head a while before it drives me crazy.

I grab the phone, but it goes to voicemail. Didn’t recognize the number anyway.
Fuck, its ten o’clock in the morning.
Sitting up on the couch, I remember I’m off for a couple days. There’s several things I need to take care of before working on my bike, Damien’s situation topping them all.

I haven’t had time to go over a solid plan since Brax came into the picture, and now it’s going to be tough getting my hands on Aaron. I’ll need to find another way.

After I get a cup of coffee down, I listen to the voicemail.
Hell, I’m going to need a pot full for this.
It’s Sparky, as chipper as ever. I pour another cup and call him back.

He answers. “You’re ignoring me aren’t you? You told me to call anytime.”

“Nope, not ignoring you, just didn’t catch the phone in time. I’m glad you called.” I actually am, I need to meet up with him somehow, he’s the key to this all.

“I knew you would be. Are you coming to Braxton’s today?” Sparky asks.

“Not sure yet. I think it’ll look a little suspicious coming three days in a row, to your boss anyway.”

“Then, honey, it’s all easy peasy lemon squeezy. He’s not coming in for a couple days. Ash is covering for him, he called and said he needed a few days off. Besides, you know you want to see him, I saw the way you looked at him. It was soooo obvious, you were all fanboying over the big boss. Anyone could see it.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Sparky.” I play dumb with him. “Fine, I’ll try to stop by, you wanted me to check out Ash anyway, see if he was quality manager material or not.”

“Yes, something like that, but keep you grub snatchers off of him, that man is mine. One day.”

“Yes, Serge, see you later.”

“Later, hombrecito.”  He hangs up.

I think he just called me a little man in Spanish.

That couldn’t have worked out any better if I’d planned it myself. It’ll give me time to work on my baby a bit, then head up there and find out what’s going on with this Ash dude.

***

As I arrive, people are packing the place full. I head for the stairs. One way or another, I’m finding out something today. Sparky stands off to the side, a hand on his hip, and his foot tapping ninety to nothing. He looks back and forth from his watch to me. “Ahem, it’s about time you brought your sweet hiney in here, now plop it down at your normal spot.” He points to the chair I’ve been in every day.

“Sorry, I got distracted.” I grin at him.

“Mmmm…huh. Doing what precisely?” He makes a quick Linda Blair scan of the place.

“Working on a motorcycle, if you must know.” I cross my arms.

“Oh, you ride, like a bad ass biker? That just made you yummier than an ice cream sundae. So if I ever need help you could handle it for me, right?” He gives me a big wink, scrunching the whole side of his face up.

“Possibly. Well, what are you waiting for? Where is Ash?”

“You know I don’t really need him checked out right? He’s going to be mine one day, so it won’t matter who manages here. It’ll all be covered. Now Mister Payce, I’m going to go get you a drink, then we’re going to talk. I’m not near as out of touch with reality as everyone thinks I am, you know?” He does a pirouette, then spins off to the bar.

Wonder what the hell that means? I watch Sparky get the drink and return. He puts the glass down on the table and leans over the railing, looking for something or someone.

“I’ll be right back,” he’s very serious all of a sudden.

“You okay, Serge?”

“I don’t know yet. They said someone was here for Ash, and I want to know who it is.” He stands straight up and walks off like a normal person does.

I see the general direction he goes, but can’t see what’s going on. After thirty minutes he still hasn’t returned. I’m not walking out tonight without the information. I toss a twenty on the table and walk downstairs. Heading toward the back, I ask one of the other waiters where Serge went and they point me through a door leading to the back and tell me last office on the right.
Shit, I hope Brax doesn’t watch the security tapes and see this.

“Serge, it’s me, are you back here?” I holler on my walk back to the office.

“Yes. Get in here, please.” Sparky’s voice is shaky, but I follow it and push the door open. “Hurry.”

As I enter the office, a man around the same age as Sparky, is sitting on a desk. His nose is bleeding and his cheek is swollen up. Sparky has a wet rag holding it on his nose.

“This doesn’t work if you don’t hold your head back, Ash,” Sparky tells him.
So we finally meet.

“Is it broken?” Ash asks him, but Sparky turns to me.

“Payce?” Serge asks me.

I step up and have a look. “Nah, you’ll be okay. I don’t think it’s broken, but you might want to have it checked out. What happened?” I ask Ash.

He just shakes his head, not saying a word and Serge jumps in. “The Mister.” Sparky arches an eyebrow, he’s upset obviously.

“Where is he?” Ash looks at me wondering why I want to know. “Look, I’ll tell you everything in a minute, but where is he. Now!”

“He left. Who the hell are you?” Ash cops an attitude with me about it.

“Where was he going? And I’m Payce.” I reach out to shake his hand, but he retracts his as fast as he stuck it out.

“Oh, wait, I know that name. You-you’re the one? I know exactly who you are, you fucking bastard.” Ash stands up off the desk and I take a step back.

Sparky looks from me to Ash wondering what the hell is going on, I’m kind of wondering too. Brax must have mentioned my name to him.
Great. If he’ll give me time, I can explain it all.

“I can fill you in.” I hold my hand out in the stop position.

“How dare you show your face here of all places. Do you know what you did to him? Do you?” Ash yells at me.

“What are you talking about, Ash?” Sparky asks him, looking at me confused.

“That asshole!” He points at me. “He’s the one from boss’ past. The one who hurt him, and the one who is still hurting him. Brax called me this morning, I know all about you, Payce.” Ash shakes his head. “You need to carry your ass right out of here.”

“Oh, Ash, shut up and plant your ass on the desk, and stay quiet, I got this.”
Damn, Sparky jumped right in and took over. Ash sits down as told.

“Payce, I told you he did the no drama with the boss thing right? Okay, you might as well tell us. I knew there was more to it.” Sparky puts his hand on Ash’s back, stroking up and down him.

“Sit down and I’ll tell you everything.”

Maybe if these two hear the whole story from me, about Brax and Aaron, then Ash will loosen up and tell me something useful. They listen as I give them the cliff notes version of things, neither says a word. Sparky is about to burst at the joints from the news. Especially the part about me still caring about Brax.

“I knew it.” He does a little dance then sits back down. “I told you earlier I saw how you ogled his goodies, I knew it. Why are you here and not trying to kiss and make up, make things better with boss man?” Sparky asks.

“He needs time right now. It’s a lot to take in.”

“It’s horrible.” Sparky almost looks like he wants to cry now. “I’m sure you had a good reason though, right? For pushing him away?”

“I’m not sure it was a good reason, but it made sense then. I loved him, I thought it was best for him to move on.”

“That’s just lovey dovey, Payce.” Ash glares at me. “And when Brax tells me he’s happy, then I will be too. It still doesn’t explain my situation, does it?” He pulls the towel away from his nose.

Sparky checks it and gives him a thumbs up.

Ash stands and rounds on me. “How does this have anything to do with Aaron?”

“Damn you’re impatient. He’s an old acquaintance.”

“I don’t believe you. No one knows who he is,” Ash fires back at me.

“Look, Ash, I know it’s Aaron. Like I said, he’s an old running buddy of mine and Braxton’s. We grew up together,” I explain, but he opens his mouth to say something. “Wait, let me finish. Ash, he is dangerous. Did you know he broke in to someone’s house a few nights ago? Does the name Damien ring a bell with you?”