Personal Experiences (21 page)

I looked back at the person coming towards me and noticed that they were closing in on me now, they weren't close enough for me to recognize yet but I could see they were waving their hand at me as to come to them. I could feel the feeling of being hesitant on whether to run to them or to just stay where I was.

The flowers began to grow thicker there as the feeling of serenity became stronger and I now yearned for it. I looked down to see where I was going to lay down at when I lifted my head and the person was even closer and they were waving both hands at me to come and join them but again I hesitated. I then heard a voice. "I'm here; with you. Come. Come now. Run to me as fast as you can don't lay down, baby!" At hearing that voice, I instantly ran to him…it was TJ. I ran faster and faster, I couldn't get to him fast enough. I began to feel that I had wasted so much time by standing there in the flowers while he was doing all the running when I could have been running towards him and have been in his arms already. I didn't want to waste one more single second. This made me run even faster.

I was speeding towards him. This was a grueling race that I needed to run as fast as I could. The feeling of peace and serenity were now fleeing and deep down inside me I was frantic to get it back but yet I kept here his voice telling me that I was almost to him and that he was going to love me forever and always, speaking the words that I would give my life to hear once more, I refused to stop my track to him. I felt breathless but I didn't care. I was running on bare feet and I could feel them running over pebbles and shards of sharp objects but it didn't matter, I was running to TJ.

"That's it my love, come to me." I was running my heart out but all the sudden It didn't seem like I was going to reach him. He seemed so close, I couldn't see his face but I could see him waving his arms and I could hear his voice as though he was whispering it in my ear.

"Trevor" I spoke.

"Yes babe, come to me. I'm right here"

Running and running I couldn't reach him. I was sweating and crying and breathing so rapidly I felt like my heart was going to burst … that's when I woke up.

What the fuck!

I was in the back of an ambulance; soaked in sweat, I heard a voice I didn't recognize

"Good of you to join the living again, Mrs. Jackson"

Chapter Ten

Present Day

All the way to Rachel's I kept thinking about this offer that TJ had offered me. I really wasn't sure how I felt about it. I didn't want to put myself in a precarious situation because I didn't trust myself…and Rachel knew that, she proved that with her text, I would totally fuck him. This was why the situation at hand had to be handled with extreme caution. Just because I wanted to, didn't mean I would allow it to happen.

I kept hearing soft bells playing. I looked out my window to see if I was near a church, maybe they were ringing the bells. I looked around the scenery to see if maybe a train track was nearby….nothing.

"Where the fuck is that noise coming from" I asked myself.

I didn't hear it anymore so I continued to drive, and of course talk to myself.

"Think Elle, triple your salary, that's a good thing. The kids could stay with Rachel, I don't think she would mind. I know Bear wouldn't have an issue, with this he can stay with whoever his weekly whore is…Shit, speaking of whore."

I reached for the phone button on the car's info screen and spoke my doctor's name and waited for the phone to start ringing. Hearing the automated introduction I spoke operator and was transferred to a human being.

"This is April" I heard April's voice, she was my age but her voice sounded like a teenager. It was so cute.

"Hey April, it's Elleny. Look, I have to leave town tomorrow afternoon and I'm getting ready to pass your office, is there any way I can swing by and have that blood drawn today?"

"Sure Elle, come on in, I'll do it myself."

"Thanks April, I owe you a beer" giggling in her little Tinkerbelle voice she replied "Oh don't tempt me, I will hold you to it."

I chuckle-responded; "Please do."

I said my goodbye and headed for the doctor's office but on my way I called Rachel.

The greeting I got made me snicker

"Well…did you scream my name?"

I knew she was dying inside to know every little piece of info I was willing to give her so I thought I would make her wait in suspense with an awesome cliffhanger; "Oh my god girl, you are not going to believe what I yelled and how many times I yelled it. I will tell you all about it when I get there, I'm on my way by the doctor's for some blood to be taken. I'm not taking a chance getting something from that douche. So, give me ten and I will be there. What time will Lilly be there?"

"You're a bitch! I can't believe you'd make me wait; she'll be here in about thirty"

"Sounds good….oh yeah, by the way, I will totally explain when I get there but it looks like I'm going to have to go out of town for about two weeks, do you think you can keep the kids? You'd have to take them to school and do the momma thing…can you handle that?"

I knew Rachel didn't do the mommy thing, I knew that my kids would be on their own but I knew she had Kevin and a state of the art alarm system and it would be a cold day in hell before Bear got his hands on my kids while in Rachel's care. I didn't doubt Lilly at all but Curtis was now a detective with the sheriff's office and they had Austin and my three kids would just be in the way and I really didn't want Curt in on what was going on. That's not to say I didn't love Curtis because God knew I did, but nothing was going to stand in my way when it came to my kids.

"Fuck that, I'll give Lucas my Mustang and he can do the big brother thing, I'll make sure they eat."

Laughing, I admitted that she spoils her nieces and nephew. But I am so grateful that she will do this.

I hung up with her when I pulled up at the office, grabbed my purse and began to head on in. I heard the bells again. It was coming from my purse. I stopped in front of my truck and dug to where I heard the noise.

Shit, it was my blackberry and it was playing…

SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!

"Alone" by Heart???

How in the hell…Trevor!

I didn't recognize the number but when I looked above and saw the caller ID my blood started to boil. How in the fuck did he get my personal cell number.

Your Destiny; really????

He must've grabbed my phone off the table when I went to the powder room and programmed his number, that jackass!

Not wanting to give him any ammunition I answered minus the last name.

"This is Elleny."

I hear silence for a second then I hear a deep throaty stern voice.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

He sounded like he was out of breath.

Not in the mood to deal with his shit I needed to nip this in the bud…now.

"Mr. McHale, I'm sorry but this is not a good time."

"I have been calling and calling you" still the stern voice. "Do you know how fucking worried I've been?"

Whoa! Hold the phone, did he just say he's been worried? Ok, now I'm picturing him in my head pacing the floor in front of his huge king size bed that is made out of pure gold, that is in his all white, with gold adornments everywhere fancy hotel room, windows open and the billowy curtains are flowing all over the room.

I rolled my eyes because I couldn't believe I was picturing this and that I'm having to listen to him scold me like I'm twelve years old….again.

"I'm sorry Mr. McHale, I believe I told you I had another appointment that was on my schedule for this afternoon."

"Cut the bullshit, Elle!"

Well, that caught me a little off guard. I was expecting something more along the lines of smartass, but dickhead, nope didn't see that one coming.

"I'm sorry Mr. McHale, I don't know what you're talking about."

Here was the throaty, stern voice again but this time he's whispering.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about, you running out on me; that was totally uncalled for. You were distraught when you left, that concerned me. Then you not answering your phone, I'm not a happy person here, Miss Barker-Jackson."

Did he just call me MISS???? What was he not understanding about this alpha-male bullshit not doing it for me.

Throwing my purse on the hood of my truck, I leaned up against the side of it since I figured I was going to be here for a moment.

In as professional a voice as I could muster I began; "I apologize Mr. McHale; Trevor!" I corrected myself quickly and sarcastically. "I meant no disregard on leaving so suddenly. As you can see, I am perfectly fine since I answered my phone and as for you not being happy right now, that really sounds like more of a personal problem then something that concerns me. Now if you will excuse my rudeness I have to go have some blood drawn. I will speak with you later, oh by the way since you decided to be a dick concerning the contracts, I will expect you to have them couriered over by late morning tomorrow, signed and you're picking up the bill for the courier service ."

I don't know if he didn't hear the ending because again, I was expecting some smartass remark but that didn't leave his mouth. What left his mouth made me roll my eyes because for some reason he couldn't get it in his thick skull that I was none of his business.

"Blood work…you're having blood taken? What for… are you sick?"

"Ah…Mr. McHale, I believe that would be a personal question. Have a wonderful evening."

Click

Aha!! High-five Elle!! Talk about leaving him hanging! That makes up for the cell phone ringtone bullshit.

I grabbed my purse, looked at my phone and shut the ringer off then drop it in my purse. I saunter into the doctor's office because I'm feeling pretty good, since I put Trevor McHale right in his place…below me.

 * * *

"Shut the front door!"

Lilly yelled as she heard the part of the story where he offered me triple my salary. Since she has had Austin she has tried not to swear so she's picking up little sayings here and there that mean swear words but are actually words that her three year old can repeat.

We kinda learned the hard way to not let Rachel watch Austin for long periods of time because he would come home with a rainbow of vocabulary. My favorite was when he was running through his house or any public place with his sword slashing everything yelling "Twat" at the top of his lungs. Yeah, that was a good one or the one time we were in the grocery store and everyone we passed he would wave and greet them "ha-whoa, pwick!"

That was when Curt made Lilly promise that the maximum time Austin could stay with Rachel unattended would be thirty minutes.

"Are you going to do it?" Lilly asked

I smiled "I think I am. But I'm doing it for the money."

Both Rachel and Lilly looked at each other and busted out laughing…"yeah right you're doing it for the money, you're gonna fuck him" Rachel said with an exhale of her cigarette.

"Really Rach??? I am not going to fuck TJ. Besides, I thought you didn't like talking about your cousin's sex life. But seriously, I am…I'm planning something"

Both the smiles left their faces and looked curious.

Rachel was curious…of course she knew I would never do anything without them or at least without her. "What are we planning?"

"We? Where did you hear "we" in any of the phrase I just spoke to you?"

At that moment Rachel was taking a drink of her wine and had to put her hand over her mouth to keep from spitting it everywhere "Elle, I have known you all your life, There isn't anything you wouldn't do without me."

I shrugged my shoulders and agreed because she was right…most of the time. This time she was incorrect. I wasn't able to tell her about my plan on getting the money, leaving town and changing me and the kid's names and living out our lives somewhere else, somewhere Bear couldn't find us. I couldn't tell her for the safety of her and Kevin and while I'm gone, the safety of my children.

I reassured her we would talk and I continued on with my story of my unforgettable lunch with TJ. I had to break down and tell them about the tattoo and what it meant. Lilly cried and Rachel rolled her eyes.

I told them about how I acted a fool and ran out on the luncheon. I was embarrassed now that I look back on it. It was stupid for me to act like a child over a tattoo that meant nothing to anyone other than me. I saw how he smiled at me when I got up quickly; he must've thought I was fucking stupid for permanently scribing a symbol onto my body that meant something seventeen years ago to two children. I didn't know how I was going to show my face around him again.

We finished up our evening and two bottles of wine. I brought Rachel up to speed on the kids; favorite foods and schedules. I told her that she needed to stick to the schedule because it was hard for them to get back into the normal routine once they returned home. She told me "Fuck you" they were her kids while at her house and she planned on feeding them junk food and that the maids were going to take care of everything…other than shopping. Lilly and I giggled because we knew they weren't going to want to come home.

I eventually looked at the clock and noticed it was 9:15. I needed to get home before Bear did so that I would know the kids were safe and he wasn't running his mouth. I was so burnt out on trying to maintain control, the stress was horrendous. Make sure Bear doesn't beat the shit out of me, make sure he won't start doing it to the kids because I knew deep down inside he loathed my children, even his own. When he talked to me about the kids he didn't call them by name they were the "Bastard children" even Harlee who was his child. His jealousy over TJ consumed him, for what I have no clue; Maybe because he was a high school all-star? Ok, well that was eighteen years ago, we were almost forty years old…get the fuck over it! Maybe because he was better looking? Maybe because he knew that he would never hold my heart because it did, still and always will belong to TJ? Bear didn't give a shit about me.