Pierced Love (7 page)

“No!” I snap.

Even though I know exactly what he’s referring to, there’s no way I can let him know that I’ve been thinking about him since the other day. Wait…has he been thinking about me. too?

The next few minutes are spent in complete silence. The only noise that can be heard is the clicking of gears and purr of the car’s engine.

I’m not so sure this was the best idea for me to go with him to the party. We’re already off to an awkward start and I don’t even want to think about what lies ahead for me once we get to our destination.

“Loudon, I don’t think this is such a good idea.”

“Why?” He asks, before I can finish my thought.

“Umm…we don’t seem to be getting along that well and I don’t think going to this party with you is such a good idea.”

“Why?” He asks again.

“Well, for one it was stupid of me to even say yes in the first place. I’m not the typical girl you are used to Loudon. You don’t even know me.”

“I don’t care if I don’t know you Zar. The only way I’ll get to know you is by spending time with you. And that is exactly what we are going to do tonight.”

“But….”

“No buts Zar, it’s gonna happen, whether you like it or not. I won’t take no for an answer and I don’t do anything by the book. We are going to this party together and we will be getting to know each other. So sit back, enjoy the ride and get ready to have some fun.”

I’m taken aback by his take charge personality. It’s definitely not something I’m used to from a guy….hell, from anyone. This night will be interesting to say the least, I don’t know what he has in store for me…for us, but having fun is not something I’m used to doing with other people. Over the past few years, my idea of a good time was sitting alone in my room watching a movie. I know its lame, but it’s all I really have to look forward to anymore.

“Ugh! Has anyone ever told you that you’re pushy and bossy?”

“Nope, not that I can recall. But I will say it’s how I always get my way…and Zar, whether you like it or not, I’ll always get my way. Get used to it now, doll; you’re stuck with me.”

His words are so smooth and make me feel weak in the knees.

I have no idea what Loudon is up to or what he’s got planned for us tonight. All I really know is that I’m riding in this car with this guy on the way to a party. The old Zar, that was once full of life, would love this attention, but for me…now, I’m scared as hell.

There are so many fears coursing through my veins right now that I’m not sure if I can handle these emotions.

What if something goes wrong?

What if someone calls me out on my outfit or worse, calls me a freak.

I don’t know what I’d do if I was treated that way in front of Loudon.

“Hey Zar, if you don’t stop squeezing your hands like that your fingers are gonna fall off. What’s got you so wound up? Don’t tell me you’re nervous about going to the party cause it’s not like that.”

I hear the words coming out of his mouth, but I’m still coming down from my near moment of panic.

We’re stopped at a red light. He reaches over for my hand and intertwines our fingers. I can feel that he’s watching me. I look over at him and see a smile start to spread across his face. That crazy dimple pops out and my eyes go from his smile, to his dimple, to his eyes.

“You good, Zar?”

“Yeah, I’m good.”

“Promise?”

I look down at our hands still entwined together. I give his a squeeze and look back up into his eyes.

“Right now, Loudon, I promise you I’m good. Actually, I’m better than good. Thank you for doing this with me tonight.”

He looks at me with a puzzled look. I see that he’s starting to say something and I stop him.

“Please, don’t ask…just let it be.”

I want to have fun tonight.

I want to be with Loudon and his friends in this new place.

No fears of the past.

No worries of what could be.

No more anxiety.

Tonight I told myself that this is my chance and I’m about to take on the biggest chance of all…I’m going to find my happiness.

Loudon and I sit in silence for the rest of the car ride.

At each stop light he finds the time to grab my hand and give it a gentle squeeze.

There’s something about him, and the fact that he wants to get to know me better that has me in a daze.

I need to get over the fact that a guy is paying attention to me.

He seems to be quite persistent, and gets what he wants, so it’s true that there’s no use fighting it.

The thing that boggles my mind is why me?

He could have just left the house and gone to the party by himself.

Why is it me that he wants to play as his pawn right now?

I don’t want to argue with him. He calms me and I’m actually happy being here with him, well at least for now while we’re still in the car. I don’t know what’s going to happen once we get to the party.

To be honest, that’s the part that scares me the most.

I haven’t been to a place surrounded by peers, let alone a school party, since that day. Every time I’m in a situation like it I find a way to back away or avoid it all together. But right now, I’ve made up my mind that I have to see things through and move forward. Tonight is exactly when I need to do it, too. No one will know me as Zar, the freak from Des Moines. Tonight I’ll just be Zar, Loudon’s friend….I mean we are friends, right.

Oh god, I’m such a hot mess…no, more like a complete nut case.

Why do I let my mind run rampant and pull me down?

I need to shake these feelings of negativity and move on. With Loudon tonight and the future that’s only a few months away; I can do it.

Watching out the window I can see that we’re pulling onto a long dirt road. I sit up tall in the seat and look around to see where we’re heading.

“We’re almost there. The barn is just down this road. You okay?” He asks, grabbing for my hand again.

I look over at him and give him a reassuring smile, “yeah I’m good, just watching where we’re going.”

“This is the Fogelman Family’s horse farm. Ande Fogelman is one of my good friends and we always hang out in the barn on Saturday nights. It’ll be fun, you’ll see.”

He lets go of my hand to shift the gears and I place my hands back in my lap.

I take in a deep breath and keep an eye on the scenes that pass us by.

There’s a huge white farm house with a wraparound porch to the left; surrounded by acres of green pastures. To the right I can see the barn appear in the distance. Loudon continues to drive down the dirt road and eventually stops and parks beside the barn, near several other cars.

A feeling of nervousness starts to rush through my body. I can feel my hands begin to sweat and my skin tingle.

Loudon takes off his seat belt and turns to face me. I can sense him watching me, but I don’t have the strength to turn and face him. The way my emotions are kicking in right now scares me. I don’t want to have a panic attack in front of him….damn it, why can’t I just be normal.

He reaches out for my hands, but I have them balled into a fist in my lap.

“Hey. Look at me, Zar. I don’t know what’s going on right now or if you even want to tell me why you’re so nervous to go in there. My friends are cool as shit and they’re kinda expecting you. It’ll be okay, I promise.”

He takes my hands in his and a sense of calmness takes me once again. I have no clue what this guy has over me, but when we’re this close I feel so secure…I’m at peace with no fear or anxiety.

“They’re expecting me?” I ask in a whisper.

“Umm, well yeah, kinda.”

He looks away and stares over at the barn for a second.

“Now it’s my turn to get nervous.” He says while clearing his throat.

Without even realizing it, I let out a giggle, “You’re nervous? What the hell for, these are your friends, Loudon?”

“Zar, I don’t think you understand the pull I have toward you. Ever since the day at the pizzeria, I’ve been in a daze and I’m not the only one that’s caught on to my lack of attention lately.”

He looks back at me, his green eyes staring into mine. I don’t know how to process this. This guy, Loudon, thinks I’m a mystery he wants to solve. He’s been thinking about me as much as I’ve been thinking about him?

“Look, I don’t want this to be weird for us, okay? I’m glad you came here with me and I want us to have fun. I want to get to know you, Zar. I don’t do this kind of thing…ever. Believe me this is as crazy for me as it must seem for you. But can we just go in and see what happens? I won’t leave your side and I promise everyone will be totally cool that you’re here.”

He takes his hand and runs it along the side of my face. I ease my cheek into the palm of his hand and take in the overwhelming sensations he makes me feel.

“Come on doll; let’s go inside so you can meet the crew.”

He pulls his hands from me and gets out of the car. I watch as he crosses in front of his baby and comes to my side to open the door. He reaches his hand out for mine and I latch onto it as I get out. He slams the door shut and we walk hand and hand over to the giant red barn doors.

I take in one last deep breath before we go through the doors.

Loudon looks over at me as he feels my hesitation. I nod my head and give him a smile. He smiles back at me, showing that amazing dimple and my heart starts beating double.

Am I crazy to kind of like this guy?

The way he makes me feel is overwhelming….it’s so good.

I’ve missed this feeling.

I follow him into the barn, through the stalls of horses and up a set of wooden stairs. When we reach the top, I can’t believe my eyes. From the outside this just looks like a barn, the downstairs a home to a dozen horses, but up here…it’s like a whole different place. It’s amazing.

The far right wall is covered in purple and gold Palmer High School banners, jerseys and cases of basketballs with awards. The left side of the room is almost the same but filled with the colors of Iowa State in maroon and gold. There’s a bunch of people sitting around the loft on couches, chairs and a few are over at a bar that is set up along the back wall. Loudon keeps my hand tight in his and we begin to walk into the large room.

Everyone turns to look at us and, in the matter of seconds, I wait for the fear and panic to take over, but it doesn’t. I smile to myself thinking that Loudon is my bodyguard; keeping me free of my fears and insecurities. I don’t know why, how or what is happening, but tonight I’ll soak it all in and enjoy myself. It’s been far too long since I’ve been happy, since I could be me.

As we walk around the room I look at all the people that Loudon calls his friends. There are guys and girls here, all talking about the first week of school and how they can’t wait until the end of the year to go off to college. By the looks of it no one really cares that I’m even here. No one has given me a stare or started a rant about my appearance.

We make it to the back of the room where the bar and stools are set up. Loudon gives everyone a wave and says hello while walking around to the back side where he pulls out an extra stool.

“Take a seat here, doll. You want anything to eat or drink?” He asks, as he places his hand on my back.

“Umm, yeah sure I’ll take water.”

“Coming right up,” he says with a wink, “hey Ande, can you toss me two waters?”

I see a tall, dark haired guy come out of nowhere and hand Loudon two bottles of water.

“Hey there, you must be the pizza chick,” he says.

I look over to Loudon and he just shrugs his shoulders while smacking the guy in the back of the head.

Loudon comes and sits down next to me then pulls my stool closer to him.

“So, now that we’re here. Is it everything you had hoped it would be?” He says with a laugh.

Still confused from Ande’s comment, I’m not too sure what to say.

“How did Ande know I was the girl from the pizzeria?” I ask.

Loudon looks down at the floor and begins to peel at the label on the water bottle. The silence he’s giving me is starting to bother me, and I’m totally confused what’s going on right now.

“Loudon,” I say again, but still don’t get a response.