Read Real Vampires Hate Their Thighs Online

Authors: Gerry Bartlett

Tags: #Horror & Ghost Stories

Real Vampires Hate Their Thighs (12 page)

BOOK: Real Vampires Hate Their Thighs
13Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads
“I feel terribly underdressed. You look very handsome, Jeremiah.” I leaned forward and took his hand as he sat across from me. I was telling the simple truth. He wore a soft sweater, probably cashmere, in a forest green that complemented his dark eyes and hair. It certainly hugged his broad shoulders nicely. He was much more strongly built than Ray, with a warrior’s muscles. This warrior had been tested in battle before he’d been turned. Gulp. I suddenly remembered that some of those battles he’d told me about had been against Clan MacDonald.
“Florence has been shopping for me again. She insisted that Richard and I needed to update our wardrobes.” Jerry shrugged and looked slightly embarrassed. “If it pleases you, then I’m okay with it.”
I grinned and leaned across the table to kiss him thoroughly. I ran my hands over the soft wool, exploring those hard shoulders. Mmm. How could I ever be tempted by anyone else? He tasted clean and delicious and all mine. I sighed and leaned back. Was I stalling? Probably. No, definitely.
“Don’t stop now.” Jerry stood and walked around the table. “Come here and do that again.”
“No, we need to talk.” I hated to say it. Hated even more to follow through on it.
“Talk. Yes, I guess we should. Occasionally. It’s what couples are supposed to do, Florence says. She’s been watching some show on TV. She’s got Richard promising to go to couples therapy if he doesn’t ‘open up’ about his past.” Jerry laughed. “Trust me. Flo doesn’t want to hear about that man’s past. He’s killed more wrong-headed vampires than anyone I know.”
I shuddered. I liked Richard. And my best friend loved him. I didn’t want to picture him as a cold-blooded killer. “How does he decide who’s ‘wrong-headed’?”
“Ask him some night.” Jerry pulled me up and into his arms. “I’m not getting involved in their love life. You wanted to talk. Let’s stick to our own topics. What do you want to talk about? Why did you go to Malibu? Caine have business there?”
Uh-oh. Here it comes.
I glanced toward the darkened restaurant, but Valdez was nowhere to be seen. Not that he’d help me. He would just make matters worse. Chime in that he’d warned me not to go out there. Blah, blah, blah.
“No, I had business out there. I went to see a man about a new product.” I eased out of Jerry’s arms and sat again. I took a sip of the synthetic, then set the glass down. Would this add more weight? Maybe I should only drink what Ian prescribed. I frowned and pushed it away.
“What’s wrong? Is the synthetic off? That’s the brand you like, the type.” Jerry picked up the glass and sniffed, then took a sip. “Seems okay to me.”
“No, it’s fine. But I’m on a diet.” I waited for his reaction. I didn’t have long to wait.
He laughed. Yep, you heard me. A hearty, full-out, “isn’t Glory a hoot” laugh. Oh, it was a real knee-slapper. The idea that a vampire would go on a diet. Because if it wasn’t a joke, it was pathetic, right? I just waited it out. Until Jerry realized I wasn’t smiling, just staring at him and still not sipping the expensive brew he’d poured for my enjoyment.
“All right. What’s this, then? You seem serious. Haven’t we been through this before?” He took my hand. “When you deny yourself nourishment, Gloriana, you become weak. It’s dangerous.” He lifted my hand to his lips and pressed a kiss to my palm. “I don’t want you to risk it for a few measly ounces. Which, as I remember, is all this practice ever bought you.”
Yes, I’d tried the starvation bit before. The first time had been before meeting his parents. Well, you try heading for Castle Campbell and facing a laird and his lady when you’re nothing but a commoner. Back in those days stuff like that had mattered. And in Lady Campbell’s tiny brain, believe me, it still did. The fact that I’d been an actress had also branded me a whore in her eyes. And then I’d refused to marry Jerry. Oh, yeah, I keep my scarlet
A
handy when I’m around Mag Campbell. I just paste it on my forehead to save her the trouble of screaming it in my face.
“I’m not starving myself, Jerry. This is different. I’m on a special program. I fed from a mortal earlier. A runner. You wouldn’t believe the effect!” I squeezed his hand. “And I just weighed. I’ve already lost over two pounds!”
Jerry pulled me up and looked me over. He even turned me around and checked out my backside. “I can see that.” He ran his hand down my rump. “Much as I love this curve, I know you fash yourself about it. So if this makes you happy, have at it.”
I threw my arms around his neck and gave him a kiss guaranteed to melt his Prada belt buckle. But I carefully blocked my thoughts. The bad news was yet to come. I was going to have to spill the MacDonald beans before Valdez did. When I pulled back, we were both breathing hard.
“A runner, eh. Seems a simple concept. Who thought of it?” Jerry ran his hands down my back but kept me pressed against him.
“A vampire I met at the club last night. Damian introduced us. That’s who Ray and I met out at Malibu.” I pushed back, deciding I needed some space for this story.
“I thought I smelled another vampire.” Jerry frowned and looked around the roof. “Guess it was his scent on you.” He shook his head. “Tell me more. How is he going to keep this weight from disappearing after you sleep?”
“He has that all figured out. But, Jerry!” I grabbed his hand. “Drinking from the runner was incredible. Not only did I lose weight, but I felt powerful. And high on something.”
“Endorphins.” Jerry picked up his glass from the table and drank. “I’ve read about it. It’s the endorphins mortals generate when they exercise. This seems like something we could do on our own.” He grinned and set the glass down again. “You and I could chase down night runners in the park in Austin. I’d do it for the power and you’d do it for the”—he snagged me around the waist and jerked me to him again—“health benefits.”
“I don’t want to turn into a predator again. Like in the old days.” I ran my hands up to his shoulders. “And I’d hate for you to lose weight. Seems that could happen too.”
“True enough.” He leaned down and nibbled my earlobe, causing me to shiver. “So we scratch that bit of foreplay. I’ll just keep you company if you need to chase down a donor.”
“Foreplay. Yes, all those endorphins
were
kind of a turn-on.” I ran my fangs up his throat. Maybe if I gave Jerry a treat, he’d take the news about who I was dealing with better. But that was a pretty cowardly approach. And just putting off the inevitable. I had to have plenty of time to calm him down and make sure he wasn’t going to interfere with this before the sun rose. The treat could come after the news. As a parting gift.
I sighed and pushed back again. “There’s something else you need to know about this weight-loss thing.”
“What?” Jerry took my hand and pulled me to the edge of the terrace. “Look at the city lights, Gloriana. I brought you up here because I did think this was a romantic setting.”
“Oh, really?” I glanced at him. “Worried I’m with Ray too much?” I slipped my arm around his waist. He was so solid, so much more mine than Ray could ever be. How could I forget that?
“You
are
with him too much. This phony engagement guarantees it.” He looked out at the city.
“You don’t have to set up romantic evenings to keep me, Jerry. Ray talks a good game, but you and I have history.” I leaned against him. “I love you. Ray knows that.”
“He’d better. Because as soon as you’re done playing his fiancée, you’d damn well better accept this, Gloriana.” Jerry pulled a small box out of his pocket. A special blue one that I recognized instantly. Tiffany. Oh, God.
He popped it open and I gasped. I’m a pretty good judge of diamonds, being in the antique business and all. He’d managed to top Ray’s offering by a good two carats. And, trust me, Ray’s had been a very sizable ring. He’d insisted I needed one to fool the paparazzi. I’d always intended to give it back to him when we called off our charade.
“Jerry! It’s—it’s beautiful.” I couldn’t help myself. You knew I was going to have to try it on. Before I could touch it, though, Jerry pulled the ring out of the box and slipped that sparkler on my third finger, left hand. It fit perfectly.
“I know how you feel about marriage, Gloriana. But I’m tired of these games. When we leave Los Angeles, you will be my woman or we’re done.” Jerry sounded serious, but his eyes were warm, his hands firm as he gripped mine.
“That sounds like an ultimatum.” I didn’t pull back, though. It wasn’t the ring that kept me close. It was the fact that Jerry knew everything about me, I mean
everything
, and yet he still wanted to claim me. He didn’t care that his mother thought I wasn’t good enough for the heir to Castle Campbell. He didn’t care that my vampire skills were inadequate to say the least. He sure didn’t care that my butt was too big or that I spent way too much time on my hair and makeup and not nearly enough on balancing my checkbook.
Jerry loved me, warts and all. And forgave me time and again when I did stupid things or said stupid things. And there had been plenty of those in four hundred plus years.
“I’m not forcing you to do something you don’t want.” Jerry put my hands on his shoulders and pulled me close. “I know you, Glory. You like your independence, but you also need someone you can count on. Me. You’ve always had me, haven’t you?”
I flushed, trying desperately to ignore the way the moonlight flashed off the diamond in that gorgeous ring. “Yes, I’ve always known you were there for me if I needed you. Your choice, Jerry. Maybe you should cut me loose and see how I do. Sink-or-swim time.”
“But you’d still have Caine, wouldn’t you, Gloriana? That bastard would be happy to take my place.” Jerry jerked me closer. “Not going to happen. The time has passed to give you up. I can’t do it, damn it. I’ve tried. How many times? Dozens, even more. But I couldn’t. So I’d send you a bodyguard in the form of a dog. A Valdez. To make sure you were kept safe. Because the thought of a world without you was something I couldn’t handle.”
His eyes seared me and seemed to see into my soul. And I could see into his. He was telling the truth,
his
truth. And I couldn’t imagine how on earth I’d deserved such devotion. It stole my breath and stopped my heart. I knew I wasn’t worthy. That I was going to hurt him,
had
hurt him too many times.
“Jeremiah!” Tears filled my eyes and I leaned my head against his chest. I could hear the slow pump of his heart. This was probably the longest speech I’d ever gotten from him. And the most romantic. He was pulling out all the stops. Because he wanted a commitment from me. And I was about to ruin everything. I couldn’t do it. No way was I telling him about MacDonald tonight. Valdez would just have to deal with the delay.
I felt Jerry’s hand on my back, gently touching me. He was giving me time to think. Another unprecedented act. The man had obviously been talking to someone on how to proceed with our relationship. Flo? Richard? The former priest had managed to get my friend to the altar and she’d sworn never to marry. Richard must have some tricks up his sleeve.
Forget tricks. I had no doubt everything Jerry said came from his heart. My own was full. I was about to tell him how much this meant to me when there was a noise from the door into the restaurant.
“What the hell?” Jerry jerked away from me and ran toward the sound. He pulled open the door. Valdez was there, snarling as he faced off with two paparazzi, armed with cameras.
“Where is she? We heard Glory St. Clair was meeting another man here tonight. You the guy?”
I did the only thing I could do. I jumped off the roof. Good thing I was still feeling the effects of Trina’s juice, because I managed to shift into bat form in midair. Nice. I swooped over the roof and landed in the shadows to watch Jerry handle the two men. He had them by the shirts and not too gently. In plain language he let them know he was waiting for someone and he didn’t know who in the hell this St. Clair woman was, but she wasn’t
his
woman.
Valdez made himself useful by tearing a hole in the seat of one of the men’s pants. That seemed to cool off the Glory hunt even though they were sure that was Glory’s dog trying to eat them alive. Both the guys, after a quick look to make sure there was no woman in sight, decided to head out. Jerry’s shoe up their backsides sped them along.
“Glory?” Jerry turned around and spotted me as I left the shadows to soar above his head. “Well, would you look at you? Shifting like an old pro. That runner’s donation must have really pumped you up.”
“Sure did, boss. She tell you—”
Valdez yelped when I landed on his head and dug in my claws.
“Okay, I get the message. I’m outta here again. Back to my guard post. You know where to find me.”
I released him and settled on the concrete next to the table, concentrated for a moment and was my old Glory self again. Jerry was right. Trina’s donation had given me new confidence and the shifting had been easier than I could have imagined. The magic was wearing off, though, and I could feel the coming dawn in my bones. I wondered if I had time to run down and weigh again. Silly, but I was terrified that I felt the weight creeping back on.
I ran a hand through my hair, then surreptitiously stuck a finger in the waistband of my jeans. Yay! They still felt just the teeniest bit loose. But Jerry stood beside me again. I still wore his ring, but couldn’t take it with me back to Ray’s suite. The “engagement with Ray” charade had to go on until after the Grammy awards show. That was the deal I’d made with Ray. And it would give me some time to think. As Jerry had said, I’d avoided the commitment to him for all these years. And now I was lying to him by omission.
Well, I
would
tell him about MacDonald. But not now. Not when my heart was full and I wanted to hold him close and tell him how much his words earlier had meant to me.
“Hey, big guy. You really took care of those photographers.” I looked up at him.
“I hate those creeps. They hound you. Then they use pictures that I swear they’ve altered on a computer. And the things they say . . .” Jerry pulled me into his arms. “I should have killed both of them.”
BOOK: Real Vampires Hate Their Thighs
13Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads

Other books

With Good Behavior by Jennifer Lane
Nothing Is Impossible by Christopher Reeve
Bound (The Guardians) by M.J. Stevens
Labor of Love by Moira Weigel
Crazy Beautiful Love by J.S. Cooper
Falling From Grace by Ann Eriksson
The Last Private Eye by John Birkett