Reason to Breathe (32 page)

When we stood up to leave, my legs were weak
and my head was spinning. Evan kept his hand on my waist, holding
me next to him while we made our way up the crowded aisle. I placed
my hand over his, securing him to me. As soon as we were in the
main hall, Sara caught my arm.

“We’ll be right back,” she announced, pulling
me away from Evan’s wrap and toward the bathroom.

As soon as we entered, Sara whipped around to
face me, demanding, “What are you doing?” She didn’t pause to let
me answer. “If you tell me one more time that you’re just friends,
I’m going to kill you. Do you want this? Because all you have to do
is tell me and I’ll leave you alone. But you were the one who
convinced
me
this couldn’t happen, and now look at you – you
can barely see straight.

“Just think about it clearly for one minute
and let me know if you want more from Evan than just a friendship.
Forget about what you’re
feeling
–
think
about it.
Think about Carol.”

I shuddered at the mention of her name.

I stood there for a minute, taking in her
passionate expression and was overwhelmed with the situation. I
couldn’t think. My body was so mesmerized by the trance of his
touch that my mind wasn’t working. I couldn’t answer her.

“I don’t know what to do,” I confessed
quietly, “but don’t worry about me Sara; it will be okay. I
promise.”

“You know you can’t promise that.”

I shrugged.

“Do you want me to interfere, so you can
decide what to do?”

“Maybe,” I agreed. I recognized her logic,
but the swirling in my head was not allowing the rational thought
to penetrate. “But don’t be so invasive, okay? You and I can sit in
the backseat together, but let me sit next to him in the
restaurant, alright?”

“I can do that.”

The guys were waiting for us patiently. I
took Evan’s hand and walked to the parking lot.

“I’m going to sit in back with Sara, okay?” I
whispered as we neared the car.

“Sure,” he said pausing to look at me. “Are
you okay?”

“Yeah.” I smiled back, putting him at ease.
“It’s a girl thing.” He raised his eyebrows and nodded to indicate
that he understood. I wished I did.

After a talkative dinner, we headed back to
Sara’s, still in the agreed upon seating arrangement. I was
intoxicated by him as I gazed at the back of his neatly trimmed
hairline and the linear muscles that ran down his neck to his back.
I wasn’t fighting against the pull of him anymore, and it felt so
invigorating. I didn’t want to pretend I didn’t feel my pulse
quicken every time I was near him. I wanted to feel it – I deserved
that much, right?

“Sara, would you be okay with Jared if Evan
and I watched a movie in your room?” I whispered in her ear. Her
mouth dropped open, and for the first time, Sara was
speechless.

“Are you sure?” she asked cautiously.

“Yeah, I’m sure.” I smiled, the glow
radiating from my cheeks.

She smiled back and whispered, “Okay.” Then
quickly added, “I want details.” I laughed and Evan turned to find
out what was so funny.

I looked at him and smiled, biting my lower
lip. “Nothing,” I assured him. Then I heard Sara gasp.

My eyes followed hers, looking past Evan, and
froze, seeing exactly what had caused her to breathe in so
sharply.

“Oh no, Sara… it’s
her
.” In that one
breath, the ledge disintegrated from under my feet.

22.
Revealed

“Get
down,” Sara instructed fervently, pulling me onto the seat.

“What’s wrong?” Evan inspected our sunken
silhouettes with concern.

“Evan, turn around,” Sara demanded. He
recognized the terror on my face and did.

Still facing forward, he asked, “What is
going on?”

Before she could redirect him, Jared pulled
into her driveway. Sara unfastened our seatbelts so we could slide
to the floor behind the front seats.

“Shit,” she whispered and pulled out her
phone. “Jared, shut off the car. Hi mom. Listen, Jared – please
listen to this Jared – is going to come to the front door and
you’re going to answer. He’s going to look like he’s asking if
we’re home, and you’re going to shake your head and look like
you’re telling him we’ve already gone to bed.

“Jared, please go.”

Jared, definitely perplexed by the situation,
obeyed as directed.

Anna said something to Sara. I clutched my
knees, staring at her as my body shook and my stomach turned.

“Mom, I promise I’ll explain when I get home.
Keep the back door unlocked. Bye.”

She hung up the phone and watched the
exchange at the door from between the seats. From my position on
the floor behind the passenger seat, I was unable to see what
happened, but it was brief. Jared was back in the car within a
minute, awaiting further instructions.

“Pull out of the driveway and drive back to
the main road at the end of my street,” Sara guided him. “Take a
right on the road, and then the first road on the right. Jared, let
me know if that Jeep follows you.”

After a stomach wrenching eternity, he said,
“No, it’s still parked across from your house.”

Sara let out a sigh for the both of us. I
couldn’t tell if I was actually breathing.

“Are you going to tell me what’s going on?”
Evan demanded, growing more frustrated.

I couldn’t bring myself to talk. I could only
stare at Sara and shake my head.

“Who’s in the Jeep?” Evan inquired.

“My aunt,” I whispered, finding my voice. The
admission of her presence made me feel faint. What was she doing
here?

“Are we on the other street yet?” Sara
asked.

“Yeah,” Jared answered.

Sara sat back up on the seat, but I couldn’t
bring myself to move.

“It’ll be okay,” Sara consoled, pulling me up
by my hands and urging me to sit on the seat. I slid onto the
leather and sat with my head in my shaking hands. “There’s no way
she saw us. We noticed her from the top of the hill, before she
could see in the car.”

Evan turned around. “Are you not supposed to
be out?”

“I’m
never
supposed to be out,” I
quivered. I couldn’t look at him. I leaned against the window and
nervously pulled at my lower lip with my fingers.

“Stop at the blue house that’s still under
construction.” Sara leaned over the seat to point it out to Jared.
“Do you have a flashlight that I can borrow?”

“Sure, it’s in the trunk.”

They got out of the car, leaving Evan and I
alone.

“What’s going to happen?”

“I don’t know,” I whispered, shaking my
head.

“You’re going to be okay, right?” he asked,
the concern resounding in his voice.

Before I could answer, Sara opened my door
and pulled me out by my hand. Evan opened his door to follow. I
fought to find my feet beneath me, and leaned into Sara for
support.

“Sara, what’s going to happen?” Evan
questioned.

“We have to go. I’ll talk to you later,” Sara
blurted over her shoulder, escorting me along the dirt path that
would eventually be a driveway, heading towards the construction
site.

“Emma,” Evan yelled. But I didn’t turn
around. I allowed Sara to hurry me along into the darkness.

I didn’t remember our trek through the woods
from the back of the unfinished property, to Sara’s expansive
backyard. Fear had a way of making time disappear, and the images
came in flashes. I remembered walking through the downstairs door,
the sight of Anna’s concerned face, and Sara laying me in the bed.
I couldn’t close my eyes, and stared blankly at the dark sky
through her skylights.

My head spun rapidly, trying to figure out
how she knew. Had she followed us all night? Eventually, the fear
subsided into a manageable place. I sensed Sara sitting next to me,
watching me nervously.

“Did she leave?” I whispered.

“Right before we came into the house, my mom
said.”

“Do you think she knows?”

“I can’t see how. My mom said that she called
around seven and asked to speak with you. She told Carol we went to
get something to eat and asked if you should call her when you got
back. Carol said no. My mom doesn’t remember when the car showed up
across the street, but noticed it about fifteen minutes before I
called her.”

“What does your mom think?”

“She knows, Em. She doesn’t know everything,
but she knows how impossible they are. She would never say
anything, I swear.”

I believed her.

“Does
he
know?”

“He’s called a couple of times. All he knows
is that you’re really freaked. I wouldn’t tell him why, and he got
angry with me. He wanted to come back over, but I told him he
couldn’t, so he asked to come by in the morning. I convinced him
that there wasn’t enough time since I had to get you home by
eight.

“She won’t do anything will she?” For the
first time since we saw Carol’s car, Sara sounded scared.

“No, I’m sure she’ll just accuse me of
whatever lie she decides on, insult me a lot, and send me to my
room.” I looked up at Sara and realized I couldn’t let her know how
truly terrified I was to go home. I pushed the fear away so I could
put on a reassuring face for Sara’s sake.

I propped myself up to sit against the
headboard.

“I really freaked out, huh?” I tried to let
out a laugh, but it sounded wrong.

“Em, you were so pale, I was afraid you might
pass out.”

“I thought for sure that she saw us, that’s
all. I was expecting her to confront me and didn’t know if I could
face her.” I was hoping to downplay my paralyzed reaction in the
car.

“My mom offered to try talking to her,” Sara
stated half-heartedly.

“You know that won’t work,” I replied, trying
to control the panic in my voice.

“I know,” Sara agreed with a defeated
breath.

“I can’t believe I reacted like that,” I
blurted, replaying my horrified reaction in my head. “Evan’s
probably wondering what the hell’s wrong with me.”

“He’s just worried,” Sara tried to soothe me.
“He doesn’t think any less of you, honestly.”

I took a deep breath, trying to regain
control over my quivering body before Sara noticed. What I couldn’t
tell her was that if her mom called, it would be the worst thing
that could happen. What I couldn’t show her was that I was
petrified and didn’t know how I was going to walk into that house
in the morning. I knew Carol didn’t need proof that I disobeyed
her. She just had to believe I did.

~~~~~

I sat straight up, heaving and covered in
sweat. I looked around the room, trying to place where I was. I
recognized Sara and eased my fists from their white knuckled grip
of the blanket.

“You sounded like you couldn’t breathe.”

“Just a nightmare,” I explained, trying to
relax my erected posture. “What time is it?”

“Six-thirty,” she reported, still concerned
by my appearance. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I really don’t remember it,” I lied. “You
should get some more sleep. I’m going to take a shower, okay?”

The smell of the earth still lingered in my
nose as did the burn in my lungs from the weight of the dirt on my
body, pressing the air out of my chest. I shivered and pushed the
nightmare away.

Sara didn’t go back to sleep. She was on her
bed, waiting for me with a silver box in her lap.

“This was supposed to be a Christmas gift,
but I can’t wait another month.” Her face was too serious to be
presenting a gift.

“It’s not as big of a deal as you think, but
I really need you to have it before you go home today.”

Her choice of words struck me. I glanced at
the silver package with apprehension. Sara handed it to me with a
stiff smile.

“Thanks.” I tried to smile back, but couldn’t
get past her odd behavior.

I opened the box and unwrapped the tissue
paper, and a silver cell phone fell onto my hand. Why was Sara so
uncomfortable giving it to me?

“Thank you, Sara. This is so great. Is this a
prepaid phone?” I asked, trying to sound as happy with the gift as
I was.

“It’s actually on my family’s plan. Don’t
worry; it didn’t cost anything to add you.”

“Wow, that’s perfect. I’m not sure how often
I’ll be able to use it, but this is so great.” I was genuinely
appreciative, but her cautious tone kept me from being able to
express it. Then I found out why.

“You have to promise to call me when you get
home and let me know that you’re okay,” she requested delicately.
“If I don’t hear from you by the end of the day, I’m calling the
police.”

“Sara,” I implored, “don’t do that. I promise
you, I’ll be fine.”

“Then call me,” she pleaded. “I have phone
numbers already programmed.” She showed me how to quick dial her
cell and her home phone. There were two other numbers set in the
memory as well.

“911, really Sara?” I questioned
incredulously. “You don’t think I could manage that one on my
own?”

“One button is faster than four,” she
explained with a slight grin. I pulled up the fourth number and
looked up at Sara in disbelief. She shrugged with a small
smile.

“I set the ringer to vibrate so no one will
hear it in your room. There’s a charger in the box too.”

“Sara, I’m not having it on in my house,” I
stated emphatically.

“You have to. I swear I won’t call you, and
no one else has the number. You have to promise me that you’ll have
it on.” Her request sounded so desperate, I couldn’t argue.

“Okay, I promise.” I decided to keep it in
the inner pocket of my jacket so it wouldn’t be accidentally
discovered. “We should get going.”

I didn’t know how I convinced my body to
cooperate and walk down the stairs with my bag in my hand. But my
legs failed to move when I opened the front door and saw the Jeep
parked on the side of the street.