Reasons Mommy Drinks (34 page)

INGREDIENTS

1 ounce light rum

2 ounces orange juice

½ ounce simple syrup

Splash of lime juice

Dash of grenadine

Fresh mint leaves

INSTRUCTIONS

Combine the rum, orange juice, simple syrup, lime juice, and grenadine in a shaker with ice. Shake well and strain into a tall ice-filled glass. Garnish with mint and a mini-umbrella. Crank up the heat and stay home.

HOW BADLY YOU NEED THIS DRINK

You’re eighteen months old. You’re healthy, happy, and, by some miracle of miracles, Mommy and Daddy managed not to break you. Though you do have a few bumps and bruises from learning to walk and whacking your head every time you crawl under the coffee table, all and all Mommy is pretty impressed that you’ve reached the toddler stage relatively unscathed. You’ve got a big toothy grin, you’re saying a few key words (unfortunately,
no
is becoming your favorite), and your heartfelt belly laugh makes Mommy’s heart explode. Although Mommy does have a pit of fear in her stomach for what lies ahead, like potty training and the terrible twos, she’s truly in love with this stage you’re in now. Could she do it again? As she looks back on your 298,076 baby pictures (actual number), her ovaries clang with nostalgia for the sweet smell of milk on your breath and those wriggling little toes. Nature has a magical way of erasing the sleepless nights, the colicky screams, and nipple pain from a mother’s memory. And it would be pretty special to watch you become a role model to a little brother or sister. Maybe Mommy and Daddy should crack open a bottle of wine and throw caution, and condoms, to the wind. That is, after all, how they ended up here in the first place.

NOTE

Go ahead and drink it. Being a Mommy is the best.

HOW BADLY YOU NEED THIS DRINK

LYRANDA MARTIN EVANS:

To my parents, who after five kids and more than forty years of marriage are still very much in love. You’ve set the benchmark for outstanding parenting—always loving us unconditionally, pushing us to reach our full potential, and never picking a favorite (
cough
). To my brothers and sisters, you inspire me every day to be The Beast. And finally, to Paul Constable, who helped push the comedy of this book like a magic frog without a byline, you gave me PJMC and I am eternally grateful.

FIONA STEVENSON:

Thank you to my husband, Hadley, who is the best friend/partner/co-parent I could ever begin to imagine. I can’t believe I get to wake up every day to someone so generous, compassionate, hilarious, and fun. Thank you to my incredible mom and siblings for constantly motivating me, for surrounding my new family and me with unconditional love, and for being an endless source of inspiration, support, and laughter. You are the best!

LYRANDA AND FIONA:

Carolyn Forde at Westwood Creative Artists. Anna Thompson at Three Rivers Press. Moira Stevenson. Charlotte Empey and Metro News.

To our insanely awesome friends, who supported us through our Red and Grey high school years, our Very Special Shoes: Remount, our Tricolor university days, our critically acclaimed (by the four people in the audience) Math is Hard sketch shows, our Schmooze glory days, new parenthood, and this Le Café III project.

Tina Constable, Mauro DiPreta, Campbell Wharton, Tammy Blake, Meredith McGinnis, Linda Kaplan, Sigi Nacson, Elizabeth Rendfleisch, Maria Elias, and Travis Cowdy.

And every person who read our blog and shared, commented, tweeted, and laughed in solidarity with every mushy pea flung on the floor.

LYRANDA MARTIN EVANS is an award-winning advertising copywriter who is currently a creative director at one of Canada’s top advertising agencies. She writes and performs sketch comedy, and her former life as a bartender informs the book’s delicious drink recipes. FIONA STEVENSON is an award-winning brand marketer and innovation consultant who is also frequently leveraged as a corporate host. She is a trained improviser, and writes and performs sketch comedy. TOGETHER, they are the creators of the popular blog
Reasons Mommy Drinks
.

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