Reckless Mind (5 page)

I wasn't going to tell her those men didn't rape me. I wouldn't tell her I did enough other things, enough that I didn't feel innocent, even though I'm a virgin. I left my heart out of everything a long time ago, and trusting people was hard. Emma had opened me up some, but I was still afraid of losing her if she knew it all. So I'd wait until she knew me better, knew the type of person I really was, not who
they
made me be.

Then, for the first time in almost 4 years, I cried. Breaking down, sobs wrecked my body, and I felt dizzy. Emma noticed and helped me back out to the couch. She would put most of the  pieces together on her own, I was sure. She didn't need to know Helen used the heel of her stilletto to hit me, or how Chuck took off his belt and whipped me until I bled. I didn't want to tell her specifically what they made me do with those men. How I was forced to put my lips and mouth all over their bodies. And how, miraculously, I always got out of the room before the men took it any further.

She whispered my name under her breath, letting me off the hook for now it seemed, then wrapped her arms around me and held me. Someone was treating me like they actually cared for me, and knowing that about Emma made me cry even harder.

I'm not sure when it happened, but I fell asleep on Emma's lap. When I started to wake up I heard her on the phone. “Well, are you going to keep being a complete fuckwad or can I at least see if she wants to come too? Though I doubt she will, considering.” I didn't move because I didn't want to interrupt her, and because I half assumed she was talking to Brandon about me and wanted to see if I could pick anything out. “What do you mean, what did she say about you? Conceited much?”

Brandon was responding but I heard her cut him off, “She didn't say shit about you Brandon, get over yourself. And I swear to you, if you are rude to her the next time she is around you I'll punch you in your fucking throat.” Emma hung up on him and slammed the phone down on the couch. I figured that'd be good enough reason to wake me up, so I sat up slowly.

“Hey, sorry about falling asleep on you,” I felt so dumb, but she only smiled, not seeming to mind at all.

“So look, I know Brandon is kind of an ass.” I raised my eye brows at her in mock disbelief which made her laugh. “But he and his roommate, Jax, are having a party at their place tonight, like a back to school type of thing and he wants us to come.”

“Who wants us to come?” I questioned only because I knew she couldn't mean Brandon.

“Jax does. When I was at their place last night I told Jax about how Brandon acted toward you, and he smacked Brandon in the back of the head and said they were having a party to properly welcome you.”

“I don't know, Emma,” I stuttered. Any kind of party always took me back into the flashbacks. There were too many people, touching always happened even if it was just someone bumping into me on the way to the bathroom. I ran my fingertip over the cuts in the palm of one of my hands as I thought. “I don't do well around a lot of people, I wouldn't want,” I paused not really knowing what to say. “My mind is a little messed up, I just don't know if I want to deal with it all.”

“Brandon isn't one to talk or pass judgment on anyone else, and he promised he would leave you alone. Everything will be fine, Kahlen, I swear I'll stay by you all night if you want me to, and we'll get to meet new people, some will be upper classmen.” She wiggled her eyebrows like she was planning on getting to know some of those guys better than I ever wanted to.

“I can't promise anything, but I will try Em, I need to at least try.” Pushing myself, however slow as long as it was steady, is what I needed to move on. “Do you think we could go back over to your place today though? I don't have much in regards to clothes, and I really was appreciative when you offered.”

A smile that could have lit the whole town was plastered on her face. “I thought you'd never ask! Let me run to Brandon's and grab my purse and we can head over. Wait, why don't you just come with me that way when we show up tonight it won't be the first time you've seen the place, or met Jax. Hopefully that might help a little with the nerves?” She was trying her best in a very different, awkward situation.

“Yeah, that might help.” I grabbed my purse ready to follow her out the door when I realized I was still in my pajamas. “Crap, can you give me like ten minutes to at least throw on some actual clothes and brush my teeth?” Rolling my eyes at myself, Emma giggled and followed me to my room.

If I let her stay in here with me she would see the scars, she would know more than I was ready for her to know. Sensing my apprehension, she said she needed to use the bathroom, and I was left to dress alone. Pulling on my teal shorts and a plain white fitted tshirt, I headed out to meet her at the front door.

Making our way down the steps, Emma veered to the left and walked one building over. “Wait. He lives in the building
next
to mine? There are hundreds of apartments back in this area, I never would've thought,” my words trailed off. We could literally run into each other all the time that's how close we lived to one another.

Emma just giggled as she knocked once on the door and then opened it, walking in like she owned the place. Her confidence was something I hoped would rub off on me the longer I was around her. Holding my head up high I followed her into Brandon's apartment knowing full well I would see him, and anticipating the way his presence was going to make me feel.

I could picture those whiskey eyes drinking me in, pulling me in deeper to him. A small shiver ran up my spine just thinking about how he made me feel, and he wasn't even in the room yet. It wasn't something I understood, there was this magnetized energy between us when we were around each other. And the moment when his fingers brushed mine that night, I literally wanted to fall into his arms after. Brandon Lucas had a hold on me and I didn't know if I wanted to give in or fight like hell to break it.

Chapter 4

Walking into the apartment, my stomach churned nervously. I hadn't seen Brandon since I basically told him to get lost. He probably didn't want to have a conversation with me, but I felt I needed to apologize for the way I treated him. If I'd learned anything growing up, just because someone treated you poorly didn't justify the same treatment in return. Brandon had no idea about my issues, and I should have attempted to keep myself in check a little better than I had.

“Huh,” Emma said as she closed the door behind us. I walked into a man cave. The flat screen TV was huge and mounted on the wall. A couch, love seat, and a couple of chairs, all mismatched but solid colors and looked relatively clean, were placed haphazardly around the living room facing the TV. Behind those was enough room for the pool table sitting there.

A few nicely framed pictures of cars and beer logo's sat on the walls surrounding the pool table, and one of those cool stained glass hanging bar lights sat over the pool table inscribed with one of the more popular beer brands. I thought it was popular anyway since I had heard of it and I didn't even drink.

Their kitchen was set up the same as mine, with stools pulled up to the bar in lieu of a table and chairs, the hallway leading away from it identical to mine. Their apartment was clearly bigger though, so the hallway must lead to two bedrooms and bathrooms instead of my one.

“They must not be back from their run yet,” Emma shrugged, opened the fridge and grabbed the orange juice. “Have you eaten, Kahlen? They don't keep much in here, but there is some stuff.” I heard her shuffling things around, looking for what I'm not sure, then her head popped above the door.

“No, but I could put something together if you want. I'm not sure how your brother would feel about me rummaging through his kitchen though.” My eyebrows rose in question, but she just shrugged her shoulders and moved out of the way leaving the kitchen wide open for me.

She was right, they didn't have much which left me wondering how much of their meals consisted of fast food. I grabbed the eggs and salsa figuring I could settle on the most basic non
-fresh ingredient Spanish style omelet I could muster with what I had to work with. Wiping down the one frying pan I found, I set it on the stove to begin to heat as I mixed the eggs with a little bit of milk, and yes, I did check the dates on everything for expiration. Definitely wouldn't have surprised me if nothing in their apartment was edible.

I plated the first omelet and handed it over to Emma waiting to see her reaction. Over the years I had learned a thing or two to keep myself fed, but I was nowhere near fantastic. A huge grin turned up her lips and she devoured it. “That was fantastic Kahlen, thanks. Now get to cookin...I hear the way to a man's heart is through his dick, so you better feed Brandon and Jax well so they have their stamina built up. That way you have your pick of who you want to fu...”

“Emma!” I threw the dish rag at her face to get her to shut up. “There is no way I'm getting close enough to your brother to do anything like that, and I figured you and Jax...you know...were a thing.”

Shaking her head adamantly no, it was safe to say my assumption of her and Jax was incorrect. “Oh, no. First of all, Brandon would kill him. Second, Jax is too, I don't know, pretty or nice, or
something
, for my taste. Plus, sometimes he disappears, for like days at a time. I mean, he may be here, but we'll go days without talking to him or anything.” Emma shrugged the thought off like she didn't care her access to Jax was nonexistent because of her brother. I wondered how someone could be too good looking or sweet, those qualities were few and far between with most of the guys I knew.

I finished putting the second omelet on a plate when the door opened. Someone, I'd assumed Jax, walked into the apartment first, but close on his heels was Brandon. If you asked me a million questions about Jax right now...hair color, height, shirt color, was he even wearing a shirt? I could answer zero correctly, because as soon as Brandon walked through the door I saw nothing. Nothing besides him.

His shaggy hair was damp from sweat. Every inch of smooth sculpted skin and muscle covering his chest and abs was on display, and several beads of sweat moved over his torso making their way to the top of his blue and white shorts. There was no way those shorts could have gotten any lower and still covered up the necessary areas of his gorgeous body, and the v of muscles leading further south was so sexy. I had an almost uncontrollable need to walk over to him and let my tongue follow the drops of sweat down his body. I licked my lips and a small sigh left them, and even though no one heard me, in that second it was loud enough to me for people living in the next county to hear.

Turning to go back to the stove and flip another omelet, forgetting I'd opened the cabinet there looking for seasoning, I smacked my face right into it. “Shit!” My hand immediately moved to cover the side of my face where it hurt the most, my face flared red.

“Crap, Kahlen,” Emma went to move over to me, but wasn't fast enough. I smelled him before I felt his touch. He removed my hands from my face, but I left my eyes closed because naturally if I couldn't see him that meant it didn't just happen. One smooth fingertip trailed down my temple where the cabinet hit the hardest, and my body responded automatically by taking a small step toward him with one foot. After taking my other hand securely in his, Brandon brushed the pad of his thumb back down my cheek.

The heat coming off his body made my knees weak. His breath brushed the side of my face Emma and Jax couldn't see, the same side with the injury. “Open your eyes, Kahlen.” His whispered command, and let's be honest, the heat from his body and his warm breath had my body leaning toward him, made my stomach tighten a little, but not in a bad way.

Those warm whiskey colored eyes looked straight into me. They flashed for a moment to where I had hit my head, then back to my eyes. I bit my bottom lip so the pain would keep me from pushing my lips against his, but when his eyes dropped to my mouth and then back up again he looked hungry. And not for food.

Emma cleared her throat, Brandon and I simultaneously looked in the direction of her and Jax. They were both staring at us, Jax's mouth was hanging open so far it was probably hitting the floor, and Emma had a smirk on her face as she nodded her head so minutely I almost missed it. We dropped each other's hand quickly and stepped away, me back to the stove and Brandon closer to where Emma sat at the bar.

“You didn't seriously walk into an open cabinet door,” Brandon used such a condescending tone when he spoke. “And what are you doing in my kitchen anyway. Just because she,” pointing to Emma. “Says you can be here, doesn't mean it is actually okay for you to be here.” His lips turned down, he looked mad at
me
, and I had no idea what I had done this time.

I went to grab the omelet I put on the plate right before I embarrassed myself, but it was gone. Shit! I needed something to explain what I was doing in his apartment. Noticing I searched for the missing food, I heard a much gentler voice, “Oh, sorry, I ate that when you two,” motioning between Brandon and I. “Well, when he made sure you were okay.” Jax stepped around the counter as he spoke, and when he came into my full eye line I was a little speechless.

I tried for an easy smile hoping my attempt at letting him know it didn't bother me at all was conveyed. With another plate and omelet left, I took it out of the pan, grabbed a fork, and turned back around. Brandon and Jax both stood staring, and I walked up directly in front of Brandon shoving the plate at him.