Resilient (2) (4 page)

“Okay, I’m not sure how I feel about it. I know how I
should
feel…happy for him. But I can’t seem to drum up that emotion, at least not authentically.” She huffed and took a drink. “Why is it when someone becomes unavailable it ups their desirability? I thought I was above such shallowness. Well, just call me puddle, because apparently I’m shallow after all.”

“Well, puddles, that must make me water in a thimble…but really I don’t think it’s shallow as much as human nature. We want what we can’t have. Plus I think you’ve liked him all along,…you were just fighting it for some reason. And I think you liked having him as a back up. A safety net, in a way. Am I right?”

She swallowed a warm spoon full of broth and sighed, grabbing her chopsticks. “Yes, you’re right. I’m ashamed to admit it, but it’s true. I guess I’ll find out how I really feel when I see them together at Charlie’s party.”

“Oh, now I’m really sorry I’m missing it!” he said with overt enthusiasm.

She shot him a look. “Why are you and Maddie so amused at the prospect of my discomfort?”

“It’s not that, you just do funny things while under duress and I want to see which Katrine will show up. The cool as a cucumber Katrine, or the ball-smashing, f-bomb dropping Katrine. Oooh, I love that one.” He grinned and plopped a plump shrimp into his mouth.

“Well, I’m praying for cucumber, but we shall see. We shall see.”

That night after she tucked Teddy in, she was trying to figure out what to wear to Charlie’s party.
 
She wanted to look amazing, she had to. Her pride had been bruised, although no one knew it but her. Her feelings for Ian had changed and she finally let herself admit that fact. The shift had occurred over the last few months and it had been subtle. So much so that she hadn’t even realized it until recent events.

 
Events named Amber.
 

But would she have completely turned the corner if Ian hadn’t been seeing someone else? Katrine couldn’t answer that question and that bothered her most of all. She’d been keeping him in a box. That box was safe and comforting. Outside the box was scary and unknown.

I’m a selfish person. I don’t deserve him if I don’t even know my own mind.

Once again Katrine found herself doing the closet tango. Up the row then back again…nothing. Her bed was also covered with a pile of discarded options.

“Well, when in doubt, go shopping.”

Grabbing her phone, she sent a quick text to Maddie and Izzie.

SHOPPING TOMORROW. BACK UP NEEDED

They all agreed to meet at their favorite outdoor shopping center. They could brave the elements in the name of fashion.

“I like that one best, Trine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Uh, yes, you look effing hot. Back me up, Iz.”

“Yes, that one’s the best, but my second choice would be the red dress.”

Katrine turned sideways and then turned so her back was towards the mirrors. She looked over her shoulder to get a backside view.

“You don’t think I’ll be cold?”

“You’re going to wear a jacket, right? Then when you’re inside, the heater will be on. It’s from their new winter line, so obviously you’re okay.”

“What are you guys wearing?” Katrine asked as she went back into the dressing room.

“I bought a black wrap around dress. I think I’ll wear high black boots with it,” Izzie said.

“I’ll probably go naked…Don’t worry, I’ll wear a jacket,” Maddie added.

“Really, what are you gonna wear?” Katrine asked again as she wrapped her Burberry scarf around her neck.

“I don’t know. I’ll throw something together at the last minute, you know me.”

“Yes, you will. And you’ll look ten times better than me, even though I picked out my outfit last week and you’ll have picked yours out from the pile of clothes on your closet floor,” Izzie complained.

“Sorry, it’s a gift, I look good in anything.” She was kidding, but it was a fact nonetheless.

Bags in hand, they made their way over to a cafe for a warm drink and a snack.
 

“Where is my little man today?” Maddie asked.

Katrine gripped her large white mug in both hands and blew a soft breath into the cup. “He’s going to the hockey game with David tonight, so they made it a guys’ day.”

“Where is his blushing bitch, I mean bride, to be?” Izzie asked.

“I think he said she was with her mom doing wedding odds and ends. They get hitched in a few months, so I’m sure there’s a lot to get done.”

“You haven’t changed your mind about going, have you?” Maddie asked as she took a bite of her cranberry scone.

“Um, hell no. Besides they’re getting married in Hawaii. They planned it around Teddy’s spring break so he wouldn’t miss out on anything. I was hoping to take him skiing, but we can go next year,” she said, feeling a bit sorry for herself.

Izzie squeezed her hand. “You are my hero. You’ve been so strong about this whole thing, I really am in awe. I’d be going crazy if my ex was getting remarried less than a year after the divorce was final. I mean, ouch! Dry shaving with a rusty razor ouch, no offense.”

“No, it’s okay. It sucks, but I don’t want to be married to him anymore, so why begrudge her the underwhelming pleasure.” She smiled at them and winked. “No worries, chicas. I’m fine.”

“Speaking of things that suck, I went to the gyno yesterday,” Maddie said with an eye roll. “I was in the waiting room for an hour. Then when they finally called my name, I went back into a stark white room and was in that awesome paper thin gown for another hour. Freezing my bush off by the way, while gazing at a picture of babies dressed as angels and reading three month old
Us
magazines. When the doctor finally graced me with his presence, he shoved that metal thing up my v-who, touched my boobs, and was gone in less than ten minutes. I totally had a flash back to the night I lost my virginity.” Katrine and Izzie laughed and nodded their heads. It was so true.
 

“Speaking of the vaginal region, I’m thinking of getting electrolysis down there,” Katrine whispered, pointing downward as she said it.

“Why? Don’t you wax and all of that mess?” Maddie asked.

“Yes, it’s a pain, literally, and sometimes I can’t get it done. Five o’clock shadows look good on men, not on my girl parts.”

“Yeah, that does suck. The worst is when you put on a swim suit and you’ve forgotten to shave. Then you take off your shorts and… duh dah da da! Bikini beard!” Maddie said loudly, making the girls crack up and people look over at them.

“No thank you on the bikini beard. That’s when you slip your shorts right back on, hoping no one noticed,” Katrine said.

“I think I would rather have bikini beard than the dreaded string peak-a-boo. You know the string I’m talking about. I’m always paranoid about that,”Izzie said, tucking a piece of short blond hair behind her ear. “But no one’s seen your bush in forever, Katrine, so I say, who cares.,” Izzie pointed out.

“She’s right. I say until you have sex again, grow a muff-fro.” Maddie suggested.

“A what?” Izzie asked

“A muff afro,” Katrine explained, knowing exactly how her sister’s twisted mind worked. “You’re probably right. Until then, who the hell cares. Here’s to rockin’ the muff-fro.” They all clinked mugs.

Sitting in front of her bathroom mirror, Katrine put the finishing touches on her makeup. Eyes lined in black pencil and lips glossed. Her face was framed by a tawny curtain of hair which she wore straight as a board. Tristan always gave her a darker color in the winter. The outfit they had chosen was a one piece pants suit. The legs flowed and the top was strapless. She wore a necklace with four strands of delicate crimson beads, the fourth hit just above the neck line. The red popped on her smooth, pale neck. Her thin belt and shoes were in the same hue. She always liked to look well put together. It was just the way she was. But tonight she really wanted to look good. Not that she wanted to make him sorry he was with someone else, but perhaps to appreciate his alternatives.
 

Her phone buzzed and the text let her know that Jane was outside. She put on her long black coat and was on her way.

“Thanks for giving me a ride, guys.”

“I love having a car full of good looking ladies,” Jane’s husband Marcus joked. And he was going to have a car full once Izzie and Maddie added to the entourage.

“Well, it’s so nice of you to chauffeur the single ladies out to the ‘burbs. You’re the best.” Katrine squeezed his shoulder from the back seat. “And you, sweet Jane, how are you doing tonight, friend?”
 

“I’m okay, I guess.” She was looking out the window.

“What’s wrong?”
 

Jane turned toward Katrine. She hated to see that sad look on her friend’s usually smiling face.

“I started my period.”

“Oh. Ooooooh.” Realization setting in. “Oh sweetie, I’m sorry,” Katrine said as she reached for Jane’s hand.

“I was so sure this time. Ask Marcus.” A lone tear slipped down her cheek.

“Jane, it isn’t always easy, but don’t lose heart. Sometimes you just need a little help.”

“I know. We decided to see a specialist next week. Just to get us both checked out. It’s just so frustrating! We’ve been trying for over six months. If I was an un-wed teen, I would have been knocked-up months ago. I guess that’s just Murphy’s law.”

“I never got that saying. Who the hell is Murphy? And why is he such an asshole?” Katrine asked, earning a weak smile from Jane. “But, I know. It isn’t fair, it is? You want a baby so bad and when you’re having trouble, it seems as though the ones that don’t want or need one get them the easiest. That’s how I always felt about it. But I know I was lucky to have had Teddy. To have wanted more just seems selfish.”

“It isn’t. When you can’t get pregnant and want to, it’s devastating. No matter how many you have already. And you had the miscarriage on top of everything. I haven’t had to deal with that, thank goodness.” Jane gave Katrine a loving smile. It had been seven years, but it still hurt. She knew first hand about the heartbreak and helplessness. The feeling that there is something wrong with you and you had somehow failed as a woman. Unexplained infertility was the diagnosis she and David were given. So when there was no precise blame to be laid, she blamed herself. She knew now that was unfair, but that was how it felt at the time. After one failed in vitro attempt, they decided to hang it up.

“I told Janie we would try everything we could, adopt even. But as long as I have her, I’m the luckiest man alive.” Marcus touched Jane’s cheek and the love radiating in his eyes warmed Katrine’s heart. Jane was just that special. Izzie broke the tender moment when she slid inside the car and yelled, “Shit! It’s colder than a witch’s tit out there.”
 

Marcus was going to have his hands full tonight. He shook his head as he pulled the car out of the driveway in front of Izzie’s townhouse. They were off to collect their final passenger.

Chapter 5

Charlie was in full on drill sergeant mode. She was barking orders and rushing from room to room making sure everything was perfect. When Charlie threw a soirée, she didn’t mess around. The bar was stocked and manned by two people. The kitchen was spotless and every inch of her enormous granite island sparkled. She made her way into her large formal dining area, where the thick rectangular table was laden with food. Four oblong glass hurricanes stuffed with white and green flowers stretched across the center of the table. Scanning from one end to the other, she took in the culinary menagerie.
 

A clear bowl held an enormous mound of crushed ice, where voluptuous shrimp nestled. She gently adjusted the tray where three types of melon were delicately wrapped in thin strips of prosciutto. Then she passed the fluffy wild mushroom tarts and the chilled asparagus with lemon butter sauce on the side. Sweet pecan jelly and thick wheat toast points accompanied the
brie en croute
. A huge silver platter covered in gourmet cheeses and seasonal fruit was the last stop on that particular side of the table. She lifted the shiny lids of the chaffing dishes. As the steam cleared she found the first was filled with the marinated tenderloin on crusty sourdough crostini, covered with a rich
beurre blanc
sauce. The second held triangular pastry with a creamy crab filling. The other side was designated for desserts, a variety of petit fours, custard tarts, and a small chocolate fountain by a tray of huge strawberries. She was satisfied.
 

“It looks beautiful. But not as beautiful as you,” her husband whispered in her ear as he wrapped his arms around her waist. Charlie smiled and leaned back into his embrace.
 

“Happy anniversary, my love.”

“Happy Anniversary.”

The doorbell rang signaling that the first guests had arrived.

“Damn. It always amazes me how big the houses are out here,” Maddie said with her nose pressed to the window. This gated neighborhood happened to be particularly grand. Charlie’s husband Michael was a real state developer and had done very well for himself, even when the market took a nose dive a few years prior. He was very smart and knew when to stay in and when to get the hell out.
 

As they pulled into the circular cobblestone driveway of
 
Charlie’s large home, Izzie said, “The sad thing is, for the same price you would get a small fixer upper in the city.” They all agreed. Izzie thought about how much she’d paid for her town home. It was a far cry from her tiny dilapidated childhood home out in West Texas. Having grown up in the sticks, she vowed never to leave the city. Neither would the others getting out of the car. Size or location, you usually had to make the choice. It was just one of those things. Some, like Katrine’s ex, make that exes, didn’t have to make the choice. But, they could keep their money and their posh accommodations as far as she was concerned.

I’ll take a small place, independence, and an asshole-free existence any day of the week.

Katrine discreetly scoped out the cars lining the streets, no jeep.