Risking it All (33 page)

of others’ loss would be over.

Bowen’s face appeared in her mind,

bringing with it stinging pain where the

relief should have been. No, that

couldn’t be it. She wouldn’t allow him

to be the reason this accomplishment felt

so hollow. So…nothing. This was her

brother’s murderer, and she had the tool

with which to bring him down.

At the base of the stairs, she came to a

dead stop. Using the dim bulb above her

for light, she flipped open to the page

where she’d seen her brother’s name, the

notations that indicated he’d been taking

payouts. Taking a deep breath, she sat

down on the bottom step and stared hard

at the numbers, something she hadn’t had

the opportunity to do before. Colin had

taken three thousand dollars a week for

six months. A lot of money to a rookie

cop. She could imagine him being

tempted, but not actually taking it. But he

had, for six whole months. Sera squinted

down at the messy handwriting. At six

months, the payments had stopped,

indicated by a series of zeroes. She

checked the dates. He’d stopped taking

the payouts two months before he’d been

killed.

Hope fluttered to life in her chest. Had

he seen the error of his ways and

changed course? It appeared so.

Furthermore, it gave Hogan the motive to

take out her brother. It wasn’t much, but

it gave her a jumping-off point.

Finally, she felt something akin to

victory come to life inside her, but not as

strongly as it should have. Bowen sat at

the bar, right above her head. Now that

the moment had arrived to walk away

from him, she had no choice but to admit

it felt horribly, painfully wrong. As if

she would be leaving a piece of herself

behind when she walked into that alley.

The same alley where they’d listened to

Mrs. Petricelli sing opera that first night.

Right before he’d kissed her.

Digging deep, she found the will to

secure the ledger book into the

waistband of her skirt, tucking her shirt

in over it. As she dragged herself up the

stairs, her legs felt like they weighed a

thousand pounds. She spotted the car as

soon as she walked outside, down at the

end of the alley, out of view of the

residential buildings. As she made her

way over at a quick jog, the tall, familiar

figure huddled beside it brought her up

short.

“Uncle?”

“Sera.” His smile was brisk, but his

eyes warmed. “Did you get what you

were looking for?”

She nodded once, still reeling that he

was the one to come get her. As a highly

recognizable figure, he’d taken a huge,

unnecessary risk. Why? A shiver moved

up her spine as she continued toward the

black sedan. “Yes, I got it.”

“Good. Let me have it.”

The ledger disappeared into the inside

pocket of his overcoat the second she

handed it over. For some odd reason she

couldn’t explain, she held on to the hard

drive in her back pocket, some inner

warning telling her not to give it up just

yet.

He indicated the passenger side door.

“Let’s go home.”

“Home?” Sera shook her head. “Don’t

you mean the precinct? It’s protocol to

debrief me immediately after—”

“It can wait until the morning.” He

shot a look down the alley. “Sera, it’s

very important you don’t mention this

book to anyone. Not until I’ve had a

chance to look at it.”

No, this was all wrong. They had to

do this by the book or none of the

evidence would be admissible in court.

Not to mention, his edgy behavior was

so unlike him. He shouldn’t have come

on his own when his niece had been

involved in the investigation. How could

he be objective? Nothing about this felt

right.

The answer hit her with the force of a

battering ram.

“You knew.” Her voice rang in her

ears. “About Colin. Are you trying to

cover it up?” She sucked in a breath. “Is

that why you refused to reopen the

official investigation? You didn’t want

anyone to find out?”

He started to deny it, but whatever he

read on her face prevented him. “We

will talk about this later when I get you

somewhere safe.”

“I’ve been safe my whole life,” she

shot back. “So he took a few payouts. I

didn’t expect it of him, but he stopped.

We could have kept it quiet.”

“No. No, we couldn’t.” He sighed

long and loud, pinching the bridge of his

nose. “Those payouts trace back to me,

Sera. This book…they’re proof Hogan

has been holding over my head for years.

The information contained in here is the

leverage I need to keep him from

blackmailing me, again and again.”

Her mind reeled. “Why take payouts?

You don’t need the money. I don’t

understand.”

“Your brother kept the money, but I

looked the other way. His partner came

to me with a complaint and I swept it

under the mat. Even found a way to get

your brother’s partner reassigned.” Her

uncle’s face looked suddenly ancient,

etched with regret. “Everything came to

Colin too easy. He didn’t understand the

concept of consequences, and it finally

caught up with him. I was wrong about

which of you two was the cop in the

family. I’m sorry, Sera.”

Sera wanted to dwell on the apology,

wanted to bask in her uncle’s rare

approval. It had been so damn long in

coming, from him, from
anyone
. But she

couldn’t. Her brain had zeroed in on one

thing he’d said, and with it the

implications made her vision waver.
It

finally caught up with him.
“The trial,”

she rasped. “Did you get him off because

he had dirt on you? Evidence that you

knew about the payouts?”

His silence was the only answer she

needed. Sera staggered back from the

car, feeling as if the fabric of her

existence had been ripped in half. The

standards she’d held herself to her entire

life were suddenly meaningless, a

crumbled foundation. Her uncle only

watched her, hands propped on hips,

looking ashamed. She’d never seen that

look on her uncle’s face before. It

brought another horrible realization to

the forefront of her mind.

“Did you…” she started in a small

voice. “Did you
know
I was going

undercover? Did you…
let
me so I’d do

your dirty work for you?”

Again, he couldn’t look directly at her.

Coffin? Meet nail. “Get in the car. We’ll

talk about this at home.” He jerked open

the driver’s side door. “Tomorrow

we’ll debrief you, then take you to a safe

house. You’ll stay there until this blows

over, then we’ll discuss more options.”

Her life was once again being planned

out for her, by a man she didn’t even

know. A man who’d let her brother’s

killer go free to save his own job, his

own reputation. A man who would

reassign an innocent officer to God-

knew-where instead of doing the right

thing. Worst of all, a man who would

use his niece to further his own ends.

No, she wasn’t going anywhere with

him. And suddenly, there was only one

place in the world she wanted to be. At

the thought of returning to Bowen, her

heart starting beating for what felt like

the first time that day. She’d judged him

on a scale her uncle had created. A

black-and-white scale that allowed for

no gray area, but her uncle lived in the

gray, just like Bowen. Only, one of them

did it by choice, one had never been

given a choice. Or a chance.

“Go without me. I’m not leaving.”

He snorted. “That’s not funny.”

“Good. It wasn’t a joke.” She started

walking backward toward Rush. “Leave

before someone sees you.”

“I’m not leaving without you.
Get in

the car
.” She kept walking, drawing a

vile curse she’d never expected to hear

from him. “It’s
him
, isn’t it? Sera, you

can’t be serious. He’s scum.”

She paused her footsteps. “And yet

you sent him in to babysit your niece?”

When he had no answer, she laughed

without humor. “That scum has taught me

more about myself since I met him than

you even bothered to do. You never gave

me a home. But I think he might have.”

He started to come after her, but

jumped back into the shadows when a

light came on in the apartment building,

illuminating the alley. No way could the

police commissioner be seen here,

talking to her. Anyone with a television

set would recognize him. With a final

disgusted look in her direction, he

tugged his jacket collar up around his

neck. “This isn’t over, Sera. I won’t let

you ruin your life like this. I owe your

father better than that.”

“I owe him better than to turn out a

liar.” This was it. No going back. “My

badge is at my apartment on my bedside

table. You can shove it up your ass.”

She had the satisfaction of watching

his face pale. “You’ll regret this.”

“I only regret one thing tonight.”

Leaving Bowen
. “You want my silence,

Uncle? Let me go. Let Bowen go.” She

was taking a gamble that Bowen would

want to disappear with her, but prayed

he would. “You won’t hear from us

again.”

He said nothing. Just clenched his jaw

and ducked into the car.

Hidden in the shadows, Sera watched

him drive down the alley and turn onto

the street, red taillights disappearing

around the corner. There should have

been more of a sense of apprehension, or

loss. She’d just chosen Bowen over

family. Over potential safety. She could

figure out the rest. They’d do it together.

I love him. Oh, God, I love him so

much.

When the kitchen door slammed open

and Bowen charged out, hands in his

hair, looking in every direction with raw

agony on his face, she knew she’d made

the right call. Her entire being gravitated

toward him
. Soothe him. Make him

better
.

She ran toward him.

CHAPTER

TWENTY-ONE

She’s really gone.

When Connor left the club, he thought

he might have had a chance to catch her.

What would he have said? Please stay?

I’m sorry I couldn’t be what you need?

He didn’t know, hadn’t been able to

formulate a plan beyond seeing her one

more time. But he hadn’t made it. The

alley was empty, except for a few stray

patches of light. Feeling the world sway

beneath his feet, he started to slide down

the brick wall, wondering when he’d

ever get the strength to stand again once

he hit the ground.

“Bowen.”

His heart lurched when Sera came into

view, white light falling around her

beautiful form, making him question if

she was real or just a figment of his

imagination.

Is this it? Insanity? If so, I could stay

here.

No, she was running toward him, her

mouth moving, saying his name. Standing

very slowly in case sudden movements

might send her away, he waited for her

to get closer before he allowed himself

to hope. Then she threw herself against

him. His back hit the brick wall in the

most welcome assurance of reality he

could remember. When her mouth made

contact with his, it brought everything

into sharp focus.
Sera is here, kissing

me. Make it last.

He reversed their positions, trapping

her against the wall with his hips, getting

as close to her as humanly possible,

groaning as her thighs wrapped around

his waist where they belonged. “I

thought

you’d

left

already,”

he

whispered at her lips. “I didn’t think