Authors: Tessa Bailey
Tags: #police, #Romantic Suspense, #brazen, #line of duty, #erotic, #new york, #Contemporary Romance
so young that acting out only made things
worse for herself. Well, right about now,
things were about as worse as they could
get, so she might as well go for broke.
Bowen had just gotten finished telling
her how
good
she was. How he wanted
to absorb all the bad. This was her way
of telling him she didn’t need it.
Before she could take her third drag
from the cigarette, Bowen tossed his
own into the sink and advanced on her.
The cigarette was plucked from her
fingers on the way to her lips and held
up between his fingertips. “If that’s the
case, I’ll never touch another one in my
goddamn life.”
Having his vibrating intensity so close
heated her head to toe. She tried to back
up but her hips hit the counter. “Right.”
Her laughter sounded breathless. “I
doubt it’s that easy.”
“You don’t think so?” He lifted the
edge of his shirt so she could see his
ridged abdomen, the smooth skin
interrupted by scars every few inches. A
now-familiar feeling of dread kicked up
a fuss in her stomach. “You want to
know how important it is to me that
nothing bad touches you? This’ll be my
reminder.”
He ground out the lit cigarette on his
stomach.
Sera screamed a denial, making a
frantic attempt to stop him, but it was too
late. His hand fell away and she could
see the charred ring of flesh just above
the waistband of his jeans. She slumped
against the counter, watching in disbelief
as he flicked the cigarette butt into the
sink without taking his eyes off her. Not
once. He hadn’t even flinched once.
Suddenly furious, she shoved against
his chest, but he didn’t budge. “Stop
using me as an excuse to hurt yourself,
dammit
. What is wrong with you?”
“That’s the million-dollar question,
isn’t it?”
The black smoking hole on his
stomach, the blood on his face, it
became insufferable. She needed it gone,
now
. Whether or not his behavior had
been
rational,
she
needed
every
reminder of what she’d driven him to do
gone. Seeing him in pain when she could
stop it went against everything in her
nature. With a groan of frustration, she
took his hand and dragged him toward
the bathroom, making a valiant attempt to
ignore the victory that flashed in his
eyes. It made her question his sanity,
yes, but she was also grateful for that
look. It would give her a reason to resist
him. Today, in this moment, she would
not give in. No matter how much
willpower it took.
She flipped on the light as they entered
the small bathroom, having to tug her
hand away when he didn’t let her go
immediately. Seeing them in the mirror,
his taller, more muscular frame inches
behind her, watching her as if his heart
were
in
his
throat,
made
her
determination waver all too soon.
Closing herself off to the emotions, she
turned on the shower taps and found a
lukewarm temperature in deference to
his fresh wound.
A glance in the mirror showed him
stripping his shirt over his head and
tossing it on the floor. His hands went to
the fly of his jeans then, but she refused
to turn around completely, as if watching
him disrobe in the mirror would
somehow affect her less. How he could
make every pulse point in her body
pound while covered in blood and a
self-inflicted wound staring her in the
face, she had no idea. But if the power
he had over her body continued to be
this potent, after everything they’d faced
since last night, it would never go away.
Doesn’t change anything.
“Get in,”
she instructed, cringing inwardly over
the huskiness in her voice. Behind her,
Bowen pushed his jeans and boxer
briefs down in one quick movement and
stepped out of them, revealing his too-
beautiful body. Despite all the scars, the
bruises, the blood, she’d never seen
anyone so magnificent. “I’m not going to
stand here all day.”
One edge of his lips tugged up, but it
looked unnatural thanks to his cuts. “I
thought you were a nurse, Seraphina.
Where’s your bedside manner?”
“Do
you
think
it’s
funny?”
Swallowing her nerves, she turned.
“Throwing these things you knew all
along about my life in my face?”
“No.” His expression went from
playful to fierce. “Nothing about this shit
show is funny. Your life being in danger
isn’t funny. Knowing you’re leaving.
Isn’t. Funny
.”
His passionate speech sent her back a
step, much to her irritation. “You’re
right, it’s not. But it’s reality.”
Her words seemed to set him off.
“And let’s not forget you knew every
gritty detail of my life, too, Sera. I saw
the disgust in your eyes the second you
found out my name. Found out whose
hips you’d had your legs wrapped
around, whose mouth your hot little
tongue had been inside.” He grabbed the
shower curtain and yanked it aside.
“You must hate wanting me. That should
make me happy. All that bad I want to
protect you from? I’m the fucking worst
of it.”
No, you’re not!
She wanted to shout
and stomp and rail at him for having
such a low, distorted opinion of himself,
but she held back. Encouraging him
would be a mistake because if he saw a
crack in her resolve, he’d hammer away
at it until she broke. She couldn’t allow
it. Someday soon, when this was over,
she would break. That eventuality
couldn’t be avoided, but she could put it
off. She could do it without him
watching, dying to pick up her pieces.
He stepped under the spray, letting the
water course down his chest, abdomen,
legs. She waited for him to move the
shower curtain back into place, but he
didn’t, giving her an up close view of
him showering, lathering soap in his
hands and scrubbing the blood from his
face and neck. Moving lower to give
attention to the cut muscles of his chest,
soapy water flowing in patterns between
the hard ridges. She tried to watch with
the professional detachment of her past
nurse self, but it failed miserably, slick
heat settling between her legs instead. It
was turning him on. Whatever he saw on
her face, he liked it. He liked her
witnessing this private ritual; she could
see the excitement in his heavy-lidded
gaze. Trying to maintain an impassive
expression, she watched him move
lower, lower, until he reached his
aroused length. Until now, she’d kept
herself from staring, but when he took it
in his hand, she could no longer avoid
looking. His eyes challenged her to look
away as he braced a hand on the shower
wall and started stroking himself.
“I might be bad for you, but I make
you feel good, don’t I, baby?”
Inside her bra, her nipples puckered
so tight, she knew they were visible
against her tank top. Her palms itched to
run up her thighs, over her belly, to end
at her breasts. She wanted to squeeze the
sensitive buds, feel the answering tug
between her legs.
He bit down on his bottom lip and
hummed in his throat. “Tell you what I’m
thinking about right now. I’m thinking
about the way you leaned back last night
and bucked those hips like a fucking
pro.” His eyes closed on a groan. “I
have no idea how I held back so long…
needed to come so bad inside my tight
girl.”
She shot her hand out to brace herself
on the sink. His growled words were
making her knees shake right along with
her willpower. “Stop,” she whispered,
but could barely hear herself over the
pounding shower spray. Her body
willed her to climb into the shower and
let him take her, hard enough to shake the
memories of this morning loose.
“It’s a good thing we wore that
condom, Sera. It might have been the
only thing keeping you off your back.”
His hand worked faster over his rigid
flesh. “You know what I’m thinking
about now, don’t you? No barriers. Just
me, buried deep and fucking you hard.
I’d block those screams with my mouth
until they had nowhere to go and you’d
just have to work your motherfucking
hips faster to make up for it. I saw you,
baby. I saw how dirty you’d let me give
it to you.”
Her back hit the wall, chest rising and
falling with shallow breaths. The urge to
touch herself had never been so strong. It
nearly overwhelmed her. She closed her
eyes to block his image before she lost
control, forgot why she’d decided to
resist him in the first place. When the
shower spray shut off, panic loomed.
She heard him climb out, his wet
footsteps stopping right in front of her.
So close. Too close. Resolutely, she
kept her eyes squeezed tightly shut, even
as his body heat enveloped her, the fresh
scent of his soap invaded her head.
Above everything, she heard the slap of
his hand working his erection, his raspy
moans driving her toward insanity.
“That’s how it’s going to be, baby?
You want it, but you’re not going to take
it?” Against her lips, she felt his tongue,
licking slowly, sensually, across the
slightly parted seam of her mouth.
Nothing could stop her head from tipping
back, seeking more contact. Damp air
kissed her belly, telling her he’d lifted
her shirt to bare her midriff. Smooth, wet
flesh dragged over her belly and his
uneven groan told her it had been his
hard arousal. The hand holding the sink
to keep her steady shook with the effort.
Never in her life had she wanted
anything more than she wanted Bowen in
that moment. She wanted to climb his
body and let him sink deep inside her,
turning his words into reality. Just when
she thought she would cave to the desire,
he drew his lower body away from her.
“You want to call this a win when we’re
both aching for it? That’s just fine,
Sera.” His mouth grazed her ear. “Just
remember one thing. No matter what
happens or where you go, I had you first.
I took up every tight inch of you. I
watched you get off while you called me
your man. Nothing,
nothing
, will ever
change that. You might not want me, but
I’ll be your man until I die.”
Her eyes flew open at his words, heart
beating so out of control it was a wonder
it stayed inside her rib cage. Jaw set,
gaze on fire, he was a glowing brand
burning his words into her skin where
they’d be for all time. He seemed taller,
broader in that moment, filling her entire
vision. Inescapable.
Real
. Part of her,
the part she’d let fall for him so fast,
begged her to launch herself at him and
return the promise. Yet even in her
overwrought state, she knew she would
regret it. It would be a promise she
wouldn’t keep and that would hurt even
more.
His face grew shuttered the longer she
stayed quiet, earnestness replaced by
bitter acceptance. With a final once-over
of her shuddering body, he whipped a
towel off the metal rack and wrapped it
around his waist.
“Tell you what, baby, I’m going to
keep it hard for you. I want you to know
it’s there waiting.”
He left the bathroom without a
backward glance.
CHAPTER TWENTY
Bowen stared at Sera over the rim of his
nonalcoholic beer. It tasted like shit, but
what didn’t taste like shit lately? On top
of the slight hangover he was still
nursing from last night, he didn’t want