Royally Screwed: British Monarchy Revealed (12 page)

If the result of this very public confession left the GBP shaking their heads with disgust (those that actually gave a damn) - the Church’s reaction was a universal unequivocal condemnation of their future Monarch.

Every Holy Roller in the Queen’s Church was suffering from shock at the blatant confession of adultery and the complete lack of guilt! He was making a confession but there was no begging for forgiveness! (Hmmm.)  Didn’t he realize that if he was ever going to get back into their good books he needed to make a lifetime commitment to celibacy and good works and apologize for past diabolical behavior? Basically, they needed him to eat crow and be contrite.  This may shock you (better sit down before you read this next bit) Chucky did neither. 

The Archdeacon of York, the Bishop of Sodor and Man, the Bishop of Kensington, the Bishop of Birmingham were part of a large group of Bishops, Priests and various members of clergy, that asked the questions that were on everyone’s lips.

‘Does he have the right to be trusted with the role of King, when his attitude towards matrimony is so cavalier?’ (Good Question). “The Prince took a solemn vow before God in church, when he married Diana, which he appeared to have broken immediately” (NOT EVEN!)

“The Prince shows an indication of a moral flaw which is most worrying”
(NO KIDDING!)

This attack on a future King by the most senior members of the Church was unprecedented in 400 years of British History!  The general consensus was that he really wasn’t fit for the job. (YA THINK?!)

But our Chucky was wholeheartedly committed to the idea of alienating his wife and having a ‘closer relationship’ with Millie
. (Closer than a Tampon?)
To the Church, this made his position untenable and he should simply ‘renounce’ the Crown. But to Chucky and Millie and all their ‘bum sniffing’ advisers and courtiers, the real criminal here was of course, Diana,
(makes perfect sense to me- ?!)
and they hated her for it. 

If one was to point an accusing finger,
which this Author NEVER would,
we might even jump to the crazy conclusion that they wanted her… gone.  Call me irresponsible.  I’m probably the only person alive today who would have thought of that dreadful.

So it goes without saying, that if there were any faults in this matter and any place to lay blame, it was obviously at the foot of his wife, the Monarchy, the Constitution and quite clearly, the Church.

Moses Eats His Tablets

Approximately four thousand years ago, Moses led 680 thousand Jews (that’s a lot of Jews! Not that many Jews in the whole of Britain in 2007) out of Egypt, where they were slaves, to their promised land.  Unfortunately for him, and them, they wandered in the desert for 40 years before they actually got there and during that time, it was a very long time, society went to hell in a hand basket. In despair, Moses called upon a higher power, the Big Kuhuna, The Ganza Muchah
(Yiddish for Big Cheese)
for help and advice upon how to deal with the mayhem and madness. 

He returned from his meeting, with the Almighty, with the Two Tablets. On one tablet was five Commandments that dealt with man’s relationship with his God and on the other tablet were five Commandments that concerned man’s relationship with man.

Four thousand years later, these very same 10 Commandments are the basis of every Judeo-Christian culture in the world today.  Whether a person is religious or not, these same Commandments are the fundamentals of all moral codes that most people aspire to live by and pass on to their children.

These laws are as follows.

1.)     I am the Lord your God.
You shall have no other God but me. (I’m the one that came up with these laws, if you want to buy the Package - I am the package!)

2.)     Thou shalt not Worship Idols.

          (I’m the real deal - Don’t pray to a variety of animals, vegetables, or minerals - won’t get you anywhere)

3.)     Thou shalt not take my name in vain.

          (For God’s sake - stop swearing!)

4.)     Remember the Sabbath and keep it Holy.

          (Take one day out your busy schedule, to rest and remember your Relationship with me)

5.)     Honour Thy Father and Thy Mother.

          (Respect your parents! Respect your spiritual father - me!)

6.)     Thou shalt not murder.

          (YOU have no right to take the life of another human being,

          That’s MY job!)

7.)     Thou shalt not commit adultery.

          (Stay faithful in thought and deed. Keep it in your pants)

8.)     Thou shalt not steal

          (If things don’t belong to you, HANDS OFF IT!)

9.)     Thou shalt not bear false witness.

          (Tell the truth!)

10.)   Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s house/wife/ass.

          Wife’s ass…..

          (Keep your big green eyes to yourself and don’t give in to the big green monster - Jealousy!)

These 10 laws have worked pretty well for millions of people throughout many centuries. But, hey, so what, they are not for everybody and if you are the Head of a Church and a religion, quite frankly - why bother?  Why don’t you just scrap them and make ten of your own. 

Here are ‘The Ten Commandments’ according to the future King of England, Chucky III
(or possibly George VII if he changes his name). [Chucky is a big admirer of George III.  This particular king, who went mad, lost the colonies, was very interested in alternative medicine and talked to trees.  We could also mention this king loved his wife and had a large brood of children.]

1.)     I am my own God and I answer to no-one.

2.)     You can worship my sacred cow and her stupid hats, but don’t feed her without my permission.

3.)     Don’t take my name in vain - Chuck, Up-Chuck, Chip, Chippy, Chip away, Chip ahoy, the Chipster.

4.)     Remember to pay your taxes and maintain my lifestyle and extravagance; and remember to show up and cheer whenever I appear in public with the sacred cow.

5.)     Only commit murder if you KNOW you can get away with it and no one will ever find the smoking gun or better still, blame someone else.

6.)     Don’t commit adultery if you think you might get caught.  I did it because it was my divine entitlement, doesn’t mean you can, remember I am my own God and answer to no one.

7.)     Do not steal - I NEVER did!  But then I had everything I needed so I NEVER had to.

8.)     Resist the green-eyed monster!  If you can’t resist it then simply get ‘rid of’ the thing that makes you jealous! Then you’ll feel all better again.

9.)              Honor thy father and mother but only if you feel like it – I NEVER DID!

10.)   ONLY tell the truth if you have to!  I NEVER bothered.  I’m not sure what the point is.

(If you can’t laugh at the idea of this man becoming the Head of a Church (or defender of multiple faiths) then you might just as well stick a knitting needle in your eye!)  At least THAT has a point!)

Chucky of course will be the Head of the Church of England and they don’t just adhere to the Laws of the Old Testament - they observe the laws of the New Testament as well. This is an excerpt, written by the 12th apostle Paul with relevance to the behavior of Kings and those who inherit a high station.

Timothy Chapter: 3 Verse 5

“5. If a man does not know how to preside over his own household, how will he take care of God’s congregation?”

I think that says it all.

The Duchess with the D. T.’s - (Allegedly)