Royally Screwed: British Monarchy Revealed (4 page)

HIStory: Monarchy vs. We the People

(A history of Tyranny and of us being screwed)

Before the American Constitution, 'We the People' did not exist, there was only the King and his relatives, and you existed only for their benefit.

If one was fortunate enough to be born Royal, then this is the pecking order of importance in your world:

At the bottom of the food chain were the serfs, peasants, and subjects (British citizen - YOU). 

Above you were Mayors, Civic dignitaries and judges. 

Then there came Sirs (Knights of the Realm) and Dames (lowest rung of nobility). 

After that came Lords and Ladies.

Following them came Barons, Earls, Viscounts and Dukes. 

Above them are Princes and then top of the heap, the King. The only thing above him is God.  God is the only person a King is answerable to and, let’s face it, only when it suits.

So should you be fortunate enough to be born Royal, although, fortunate might not be the correct term  because you  could have been born or married into the English Royal family and far too often for comfort been unceremoniously ‘bumped off’! 

Above is the Bayeux Tapestry depicting the Battle
of Hastings in 1066 when Harold got an arrow in
the eye – which must have hurt a lot.

Let’s begin at the beginning.  The last Anglo Saxon King, King Harold, got an arrow in the eye at the battle of Hastings in 1066.

Edward II got a red hot poker up the… courtesy of his wife Eleanor in 1327.  After him came King Richard II, who nobody seemed to like much and he was taken away to a castle in Wales, where he seems to have conveniently starved himself to death; perhaps because they forgot to deliver him FOOD… just a thought.

The country of England began as a Feudal system, or I could call it a feuding system.  All the power in the country, the wealth and the land was divided between 5 families. These families would raise armies and fight to choose who from their family would become King.

The house of Plantagenet gave us our first rulers, Ethelred, Egbert and Edmund to name but a few, (why didn’t those names make it to the 21
^st
century?) most came from Normandy in France, where they seemed to have more wealth and power and therefore could raise larger armies, which was the only thing a peasant was good for, to be used to fight a second cousin and to be taxed. Marvelous.

After the death of the unpopular King Richard II, who died ‘mysteriously’, how death by starvation is mysterious is beyond me, but maybe it was mysterious in 1400, who knows. After he was removed, the House of Lancaster took power. Just a quick note, Richard married his 9 year old cousin Isabelle.  So it seems pedophilia is okay if you are King!

Henry IV
(he of the House of Lancaster)
replaced Richard.  His son Henry V, died of natural causes at the ripe old age of 33, and his son, Henry VI died mysteriously, by being stabbed to death in the Tower of London.  I think that’s now called murder, and the throne was seized by Edward IV (
he of the House of York)
Edward IV becomes King, and dies at the ripe ol’ age of 40, leaving his 12 year old son on the throne for four whole months, after which he disappears with his younger brother, Richard, age nine, and is never seen again.

Both boys seem to have died in ‘mysterious circumstances’, suffocation is now mysterious?  The Perpetrator of this mystery seems to have been Edward VI’s younger brother, Richard, who soon grabbed the throne for himself and became King Richard III. 

It is unbelievable, that his two young nephews (aged just nine and 12 years) were placed into his ‘care’, when all he was after was the throne and to grab power in any way he could, so these poor little chaps didn’t really stand a chance. So either this man is as guilty as you know what, or just extremely unfortunate with his relatives.  History will never tell us, so you make the call.

As there was no-one else, this man, allegedly responsible for killing, or at best ‘losing’, at least two relatives that we KNOW of HAD to become King.  Why you ask?  That’s because he is in LINE to the throne, so it really doesn’t matter how many people you may or may not have dispatched or conveniently lost, it is YOUR DIVINE RIGHT to take this ‘top job’ and let’s face it, as long as the same family stayed in power what does it matter?  Although, it is sad for me to report that he only had the spot for two years before he kicked the bucket on the battlefield, ever heard of the battle of Bosworth?  He left his crown on a bush, lost his horse and was ambushed by the enemy.  Not a good day for Uncle Dick.

As an aside, it might be interesting to note at this point that some believe Richard III just got a bad rap from history.  He is the only King, right now, who has his own following and a club! “The Richard III Club”.  But as of 2010 there are 2 other people who seem to have found a huge following, Chairman Mao (systematic murderer of millions) and Che Guevara (mass murderer of hundreds of thousands)!  I rest my case.

Let’s all breathe a sigh of relief that wicked ‘ol Dickie bit the dust on the battlefield and the King responsible for ‘dispatching’ him, was Henry VII. He solved the Lancaster and York issue by marrying Elizabeth of York, daughter of Edward IV and uniting the country. Henry VII had two sons, Arthur and Henry.  Arthur died young and Henry became the most famous and recognizable King in history, Henry VIII.  He was also famous for marrying six women.  Killing two of them for committing high treason; one was guilty, the other was not. One died in childbirth, one was sent to a convent and died of cancer, one was accused of witchcraft and he had a death warrant drawn up for his last wife, but died before he could sign it.  So he ‘legally’ dispatched all six women, because if you are King, you get to change the law. 

Let’s face it; you ARE the law!  And people will stand trial and say pretty much ‘anything’ if they are tortured, threatened or promised wealth and titles.  So he ‘legally’ decapitated two of his wives; was responsible for the deaths of another two and tried to murder the 4
^th
and 6
^th
- but tragically died before he could sign their death warrants. Whilst this was going on, he also found a moment to send another 17,000 people that he wasn’t married to, to the chopping block!  Just don’t get on the wrong side of this Tyrant.

King Edward VI, the sole surviving son of Henry VIII, was dispatched in his sick bed at 15 years old. YES, we know he was sick but as he was attempting to install a new Protestant religion at the time and we have a feeling that his demise was ‘helped along’ because he was replaced, very quickly, by his sister, Mary, a fervently, devout Catholic!

She died in her bed, after making several attempts to kill her sister, Elizabeth (also a Protestant).  She didn’t succeed and Elizabeth became Queen.  Elizabeth was the daughter of Henry VIII and Ann Boleyn, (the first British Queen to be beheaded).

Elizabeth I did eventually behead her cousin Mary (another Catholic working with Spain) because she was caught trying to bump her off and take the throne.  Elizabeth I was replaced by Mary’s son, King James, a devout Protestant who hated his mother.  He eventually died in his bed, again under mysterious circumstances.  (Yes we know he was old and unwell, so is there anything wrong with ’speeding up’ the inevitable in order to hasten in the reign of his son Charles I?)  This man was the only English King ever to be beheaded, the word for killing a King is Regicide, most people have never heard of it because it only happened once in British History, there is no special word for beheading a Queen. Chopped? Snipped?

The demise of many Royals have often been hastened to conveniently make the morning papers, or consequently, to avoid them.  And what of these deaths, occurring under mysterious circumstances - can we yell murder?  Who can we interview?  Who will testify - His Royal Majesty?  It’s not blooming likely!!  Would they allow Colombo to wander around the palace with his notebook and pick up clues? 

No one will testify – no one will dare. It seems if you are Royal, you can, and often do, get away with murder.

None of these people would have come to this unpleasant and miserable end had they not been Royal, and there were many more, and it’s doubtful any of them would have considered themselves ‘fortunate’.

But lucky or unlucky, one is still born with MORE.  More power! More homes! More jewelry! More boats! More planes! More trains! More cars! More horses! More servants! More clothes! More shoes! And, don’t forget MUCH more SEX!  Whatever a person has, they just have MORE of it.

How does this entitlement that appears to simply continue, always and forever, regardless and without great effort, based entirely on lineage, genetics and the fact that your family bumped off more people than any other family… okay, so it just seems effortless?  But is there ever a point when your subjects turn around and say, “Now just hang on a minute…”  Understand that the relationship between a Sovereign and his Peeps has always been a fine and balanced one. Usually it’s a mixture of mortal fear and terror combined with feelings of awe, admiration and mistrust.