Royally Screwed: British Monarchy Revealed (3 page)

With the glorious advent of Kate and Williams impending nuptials scheduled for 29
^th
April 2011, a knife in the heart of the Tampon and Tyrant dynasty can be felt.  Cries of frustration are heard from the Prince of Wales’ Palaces, as Charles and Camilla, see Charles grasp on the Throne become even more tenuous. Maybe, there is justice in the world?

Get ready for a “game” of musical chairs…

I wonder who will win?

Prince William proposes to Kate Middleton with his Mother’s

(Princes Diana) Engagement Ring

“
I had been carrying it around with me in my rucksack for about three weeks before that and I literally would not let it gom” Prince William said.  “Everywhere I went I was keeping hold of it because I knew this thing, if it disappeared I would be in a lot of trouble and because I’d planned it, it went fine.  I was really pleased she said yes.  It’s my mother’s engagement ring so I thought it was quite nice because obviously she’s not going to be around to share any of the fun and excitement of it all – this was my way of keeping her close to it all.”

Just like London transport bus.  You wait years for a royal wedding and two come along at once.

Princess Anne’s daughter, Zara Phillips & England Rugby player Mike Tindall have also just announced their engagement to be married.  Being Anne’s daughter, Zara, remained true to style and arranged her photo shoot straight after she had been mucking out the stables.  The photographer’s need to capture her engagement ring also revealed her dirty finger nails…….

FIRST GREAT GRAND-CHILD FOR THE QUEEN

12th in line to the throne:  The baby is the first child for Mr. and Mrs. Phillips - pictured here in Scotland last year - the first grandchild for Princess Anne and the first great-grandchild for the Queen and the Duke of Edinburgh.

That’s not my ambitious expression… it’s just wind

Forward kindly provided by the person formerly known as Prince, Glukstein, Holstein, Schlesswig, Battenburg ~ better known to his friends as Phil the Greek.

When I was approached by the Author to write the Forward, I had great misgivings about such a project as this book.  

However, despite my reservations and the heightened chill emanating from ‘HER’ (my HRH wife’s) side of the Palace, I eventually decided that this book may be an appropriate response to my boy’s many critics.

I do not want there to be any misunderstanding here.  My appreciation of this book is completely unbridled, and as much as we might say of my boy's wife that “a full snaffle and a saddle on her back with a long pair of spurs”, would not go amiss.

Please remember that I myself am often misunderstood.  Slitty eyed’ as a descriptive statement is no more derogatory then suggesting that my son’s favorite sanitary towel, is the ugliest woman in the world.  Artistic license, please note.

Jacalynne’s exhaustive research and unbiased opinions are only outweighed by sensationalism and a desire to make as much cash as possible.  I really appreciate her courage and opportunism in writing this book.

In 1981, the Windsors gained a really nice piece of female for once. She had a good body and was definitely worth one, unlike the Dragon Whore who now graces the family stoop. And happily I can see that William is adding to those decent genes with the advent of his new bride so that will help maintain some semblance of an attractive feminine human in the lineage, as thankfully the old nag, The Duchess of Cornball, is beyond child bearing age.  Actually, she is beyond just about anything.

This book doesn’t explain what Charles sees in the old whor(s)e, but Jacalynne, a very capable researcher and analyst who could even answer the mystery of the Marie Celeste, attempts to explain why Charlie boy fancies that old tampon with historical stories and facts. So, even though, it will always remain a baffling mystery, we could always blame insanity, a Royal trait from George III onwards, but that would be too easy.  So what other factors play a formable part?

I do hope you enjoy reading this wondrous piece... I didn't much, but you might.