Royally Screwed: British Monarchy Revealed (7 page)

George’s sexual to and fro-ing may have been known by the government but the general public was blissfully unaware. That was 1936.  In 2006, with the use of cell phones, electronic snooping and the ever pervasive ‘need to know’ Paparazzi, the public is no longer naïve.

We can only stand and marvel at the Herculean effort that the palace spin machine is making over the image management of ‘Millie’, second bride of Chucky.  How do you present a pair of treacherous adulterers, not to say, and may one add, highly unattractive and long past their ‘sell by’ date, as ‘Loves Young Dream’?  Romeo and Juliet with wrinkles and nose hair! 

We are asked to accept that they have a long lasting, enduring bond (which several have questioned) and are the epitome of an enduring love affair that England fantasists need to believe in.  Just as Henry VIII, defined his needs as England’s – England must obviously need Eyore and Mr. Ed. To represent them on the world’s stage. 

Like every fable there is a grain of truth to be found within but it is not that hard to connect the dots and see where the truth ends and the fantasy starts.

Spin story #1
– 1992, in front of an audience of over 30 million, Chucky openly admitted
(in his own words)
that he had a mistress but that the affair had only begun
AFTER
the marriage had irretrievably broken down!

Okay, does being with this mistress the night
BEFORE
the wedding ceremony count? If we can’t count that – then there’s
NO
spin there.

Buying that person jewelry and luvvy-duvvy phone calls before and during the honeymoon – does that count? 
NO!
  Well, no spin here either!

Having sex with your paramour in the same house whilst your wife is sleeping upstairs in the marital bed? 
(This was confirmed by Chucky’s valet of 15 years.) 
Does any of this count? 

Let’s just say, it all depends what ‘irretrievably broken down’ means.

And we can’t be specific about exactly what the term ‘Five years’ means either.  (Five years would be after the birth of Prince Harry.  Diana had done her duty – provided an heir and a spare.)

Is that five light years?  Is that Martian travel years?  Years according to sand dunes and tree rings?  So let’s just say that if we can’t really be sure that the affair ENDED
(whatever
ended
means)
then we really can’t be sure if and when it began - again?

And horrible ‘middle class morality’ simply does not apply to the FIRST family anyway.  But what do we know?  And when did we know it?! 

Did we forget to mention that Millie was married and had children?  Is that relevant?

Spin story # 2 –
Diana was ‘mad’.  I think the word missing here is ‘Driven’.

Chucky and Millie were diabolical in their determination to humiliate and destroy the power that became “Diana.” Her strength of character together with her isolation and intense vulnerability connected her to millions of people around the world who would never meet or know her.  The duo’s hatred and jealousy of this woman forged their union and kept them together.

Chucky would disappear at every opportunity to lie with his mistress.  The children were left alone with their mother constantly, on holidays and family trips, excuses were given but the truth was Chucky was off somewhere else with Millie.  The humiliation was constant and remorseless.  Unfortunately, Diana was in love with this hapless glump,
(nobody’s perfect)
and desperately wanted him to become a father so that they could be a family.  What a concept!  To someone who abhorred middle class morality, this was never going to happen.  Place all these factors together and it might be enough to drive you mad and you might start to behave in all manner of strange ways to get attention.

Spin story # 3 –
Diana was emotionally disturbed and paranoid.

Bulimia and suicide attempts are facts that cannot be ignored. These were attempts to get attention from the one person that was persistently ignoring her (her husband) whilst he made excuses to leave her alone so that he could run off to be with his mistress.

Paranoia!  This stemmed from the fact that the people who she was close to were either bumped off (her personal bodyguard, Barry Mannakee, died in a tragic accident in 1987, or like her former lover James Hewitt who was allegedly threatened; with the words, “watch it.  You could end up like Barry Mannakee”).

This might cause her to think she was next because she believed she was being spied on and that perhaps people would like to get rid of her now that she had outlived her usefulness and was just becoming a nuisance - a very popular, but expendable nuisance.

Spin story # 4 –
Diana was an empty headed glamour puss and Camilla is a deeply intelligent woman who loves to garden.

The truth was that Diana was tall – 5’10” – in stocking feet.

Over 6’ when she wore heels.  This meant she looked great in designer clothes and earned universal admiration when she walked into a room. So if we take this fact to its logical conclusion – tall, looks good in clothes and enjoys fashion – it is obvious to the spin factories that it could only mean she was an air headed, clothes horse who only lived to party.

So forget the numerous charities that she supported.  It could only be seen as just an excuse for her to get a new dress.

The land mines were obviously just an excuse to travel (to the luxurious destination of Angola) and to wear stylish new sporty casual outfits.

The work she did for AIDS was just another opportunity to meet gay designers who could make her fabulous new clothes.  Why else would she bother?

Spin Story #5 –
Deeply intelligent Millie (but of course), left school without a qualification, and was sent to finishing school in Switzerland where she excelled in… ‘fencing’ - a deeply intelligent sport.  She returned, went to her ‘coming out’ debutante parties and lived off the 500,000 pounds that she inherited in 1967 (equivalent to $5,000,000 today).

Spin Story #6 –
‘An earthy woman who loves to garden’ means… She will hump anywhere. If you want to hump in the garden, she’ll hump in the garden.  A woman of the earth - she looks like a farmer.  Not big on charity work, she joined her first charity - The National Osteoporosis Society in April 1997 – four months before Diana died tragically in Paris. Since the wedding Millie has been on the Board of other charities. It has been documented that she often fails to show due to ‘illness’.  She has no concept of duty – how could she – she has never had a job.  How comforting that the first and ONLY job, she feels entitled to is Queen of England!

Spin story # 7 –
Millie will never be the Princess of Wales.  Just because she calls herself ‘Duchess’, it is complete nonsense and spin that she’s not the Princess – she’s married to the Prince so she already is the Princess. She just daren’t use the title ‘Princess of Wales’; this was and always will be associated with the late Diana and she knows she will be lynched! And the egg and flour throwers will be out in force!

Spin story #8 –
’Millie will never be Queen. She will be known as Consort’ Buuuuullllsheeyittt!  If she is married to the King, she IS the Queen.  No Spin.  That’s fact!  In 2005, before the wedding, the public was given this spin:  “She will never be Queen”.  In 2006, Chucky gave the British papers this quote:  “She will be Queen.”  In 2007, he repeated it:  “She will be Queen.

”
Spin story #9
– The boys (William and Harry) ‘love her to bits’.  Of course they do… Why wouldn’t they?

Fairies In The Castle

During the reign of Henry VIII the act of homosexuality was considered high treason and therefore punishable by a visit to the chopping block and off with your head!  OUCH!  Let’s face it… as long as there have been kings, there have been “queens”.  I am no expert but as I look back on the Royal history there was probably a reason that Edward II was killed the way he was (remember the red hot poker 'up the you-know-what' from the previous chapter “HIStory”?) 

Some of the accusations levied at Henry VIII second wife, Anne Boleyn, involved sleeping with her homosexual brother, George. She maintained her innocence throughout her trial and agreed to be exiled to a nunnery in order to save the life of her three-year-old daughter, Elizabeth.  But that was not enough for her enemies or her husband who wanted her gone.  She was forced to face the axe and was executed with six other men.  All of whom were associates of her brother George and they were all documented pleading for forgiveness for the crime of homosexuality as they faced their execution.

Elizabeth did eventually follow her father to the throne but the ‘Virgin’ Queen, never married.  After the way her mother was treated, can you blame her? Without an heir, the throne eventually passed to her nephew, James VI of Scotland the son of her much detested cousin Mary. This man, incidentally, hated his Mummy.  Life’s a bitch, especially when you’re a ‘Queen’ and so is Mummy!

This new King was allegedly bi-sexual and had an open relationship at court with another man, the Duke of Buckingham, which, unbeknownst to him, he shared with his youngest son, the future King Charles I. This Royal threesome was unearthed by the internationally acclaimed best-selling author of Royal fiction and fact, Phillippa Gregory.

In her novel ‘Earthly Joys’, she recounts at great lengths, the thought processes inside the minds of the great and the mighty.  ‘If it feels good, do it' ‘If it feels good, and you THINK you can get away with it, even BETTER’ attitude of those who hold power and control over our lives! Lucky us!  Lives with apparent little moral consequence from 16
^th
century London to 20
^th
century Westminster - dates and places may differ but nothing ever changes that much. Who voted for that by the way?  

So let’s fast forward several hundred years to the Royal family of today that we all know and can relate to. The biggest fairy in the castle was of German/Greek stock who went by many names: Hesse-Darmstadt, Prince of Battenburg, 'The Battenburg Buggerer’ (to his friends) Earl Mountbatten of Burma and most importantly, 'Uncle Dickie’.  Blessed with more titles that he knew what to do with and an immense arrogance and conceit, some would say gargantuan, he actually had very little cash but he soon solved that minor problem when he married well to the fantastically wealthy heiress, Edwina Ashley.