Royally Screwed: British Monarchy Revealed (8 page)

Much later in his life, Mountbatten himself admitted ’Edwina and I spent most of our married lives getting into other people’s beds.  Both were openly bisexual as was quite the norm for people of their line and class, (at the risk of repeating myself - nothing changes much!) although at the time homosexuality was still a criminal offense in England, so his behavior was certainly kept away from the general public.  Though, having said that, he was quite an active bisexual because he had relationships with Noel Coward, and Edward VIII's, younger brother Prince George (NOT King George because his name was Albert) but the third son of King George V whose actual name WAS George.  I know it’s confusing but wait for it.  When Charles eventually becomes King he wants to change his name to… George. 

I digress… back to Mountbatten… Uncle Dickie had a constant companion, Peter Murphy, who he lived with until his death in 1966.  Nobody quite knew what exactly Murphy ‘did’. But he was one of the elite Cambridge homosexual communists, who convinced Mountbatten that National Socialism and communism would eventually win the day in Europe and destroy the evil of American capitalism.

Uncle Dickie had a huge influence on today’s Royal family.  This was partly due to him being the real uncle of the current Prince Phillip; husband and consort to Queen Elizabeth.

Phillip was relatively abandoned by his parents - his father left the family to live the life of a gambler with his mistress in Monte-Carlo.  His mother, Princess Alice of Athlone was profoundly deaf from birth, suffered from severe mental illness, or did she?  As all Royals have to maintain this image of perfection, her handicap was misunderstood as mental illness and she was sent away and was institutionalized in Switzerland. A truly fascinating person, she became a Nun and started her own order in Greece.

She died in Buckingham Palace having lived her last two years with her son, the Duke of Edinbutgh and the Queen. Even though she died in England, twenty years after her death (on her own instructions) she was dug up by the Israeli government and buried in Jerusalem as a ‘righteous gentile’ because she risked her life saving Jews from the Nazis by hiding them in her convent and helping them escape. 

She may have been a wonderful Nun and a Princess, but as she was institutionalized for many years and her husband had disappeared, it left, the young Phillip, an orphan and virtually penniless. He was passed from family to family. He lived with relatives in Paris, Romania and eventually came to live in England at the age of nine and moved in with Mountbatten’s brother, the Marquis of Milford-Haven.  A man famous for having the most expansive collection of extreme pornography; later bought by the British Museum(!) of which he was terribly proud.  His wife, Nada, was having a relationship with Gloria Vanderbilt at the same time the young Phillip was living there. 

Phillip couldn’t help but be aware of their truly uninhibited lifestyle!  He was sent away to be educated abroad and then came back to England to spend five years at the military-style school of Gordonstoun.

At the age of 17, Milford-Haven died and Mountbatten became Phillip’s official guardian. His brother’s early death, though tragic, played into his ambitious plans perfectly.  If he wasn’t going to be King he could certainly be a ‘Kingmaker’.  His greatest adversary to that plan was the Queen Mother herself – often called the ‘marshmallow with the arsenic centre’.  She was the true power behind the throne and wielded her own personal control over the British Royal Family. But once Mountbatten introduced his nephew Phillip to the young Elizabeth, his plan became successful beyond his wildest dreams. 

Elizabeth was instantly smitten and Phillip (a genuine Prince but poor as a church mouse) was part of the German-Danish-Greek Royal family, and even though her parents thought she was too young and unworldly in these matters (which she was), Elizabeth dug her heels in and became extremely determined.  The name she would acquire as a married woman posed a little problem.  She would be ‘Mrs.
Schleswig
-Holstein-Sonderberg-Gluksburg’, Queen of England!  Notwithstanding it would be a tough one to get on a drivers license or checking account.  England had just finished fighting a war against Germany! So again, no problem!  Change it.  How about we call ourselves Mountbatten! (Another fake made-up name but hey, it sounded good and quite British) and if you can’t actually BE King, what could be the next best thing? How about if the Royal family takes your name!  Which Elizabeth did, after her marriage she became Windsor-Mountbatten.

Chucky says that once he becomes King, he will drop the Windsor completely and decree that the Royal family become the House of Mountbatten. Uncle Dickie will be thrilled.  That’s everything he ever wished for!

Mountbatten’s influence over Chucky can never be underestimated. 

Neither of his parents came close to understanding him.  He would never be the kind of machismo he-man his father wanted. Phillip clearly excelled at the tough military school of Gordonstoun, so he believed his eldest son would as well.   Unfortunately, Chucky positively wilted and died there.  This was NOT the place for a quasi-depressive, soul searching, sensitive, painfully shy man, who desperately needed a mother’s warmth and affection ~
like that was ever going to happen!
His parents nicknamed him ’windy’, because he had such a problem speaking to them, he found it so difficult to communicate with then and spoke so quietly that nothing came out but…. wind!

But he WAS the future King and if his parents had little time for him, there were two other people who were very interested in his well being, Grandma and Uncle Dickie!  Uncle Dickie whose real name was Louis Francis Albert Victor Nicholas Battenberg (like the cake)… all those names and not a Dickie in sight.  Official title:  1st Earl Mountbatten of Burma,
KG
,
GCB
,
OM
,
GCSI
,
GCIE
,
GCVO
,
DSO
, PC, (W.H.A.T… A... J.O.K.E.).

Chucky called Mountbatten his “honorary Grandfather” and beloved mentor.

What was he mentoring him in???! Does it even bear thinking about?  This was a man who in later life was known to enjoy what homosexuals call the “rough trade”.  This is sex with young ‘working-class’ youths in their teens.  After he retired he became very involved in prison reform and he sat on the board of directors of boys orphanages in Ireland where he had a summer property.  Very fine and admirable work, which led him to become involved (allegedly) in a rather unwholesome little coterie of prominent men who indulged themselves in sexual encounters with boys. 

One of the unfortunate children died, (not sure what happened exactly) and which is how the whole unpleasant affair was brought to the attention of the Police.  Of course the whole crime was quickly hushed up.  But today, thanks to the internet you can “read all about it”.

It was Mountbatten that insisted Chucky go into the navy – where else? It was Mountbatten who insisted he leave Millie and go to sea.  Good idea!  He didn’t see Millie as anything special – just a passing fling and certainly not marriage material. He really wanted Chucky to marry his granddaughter, Amanda Knatchbull, and Chucky did propose, but sadly she turned him down, (smart girl) and let’s face it, the Queen Mother would never have allowed it anyway!

Is it because of Mountbatten that Chucky has always shown a deep interest in the Fabian socialism movement, which was very popular with intellectuals and elites at the turn of the last century, a precursor to the Progressive movement in America.  One of the leaders of this movement was the world famous Irish playwright, George Bernard Shaw, who was a big fan of eugenics.  He wished he could create a virus in a lab whereby he could wipe out millions of people, thus eliminating the expanding world population. This is interesting because the current Prince Phillip has often echoed the same sentiment stating that after his death he wishes to return as a virus and accomplish the same goal.

If you are confused about why the wealthiest amongst us love the idea of communism, it has little to do with sharing what they have and everything to do with hanging on to their power and wealth, and making sure you get nowhere near it.

Mountbatten would have also encouraged his nephew to have mistresses, a swinging lifestyle and no respect for marriage. That was a way of life created for the small people not for the likes of him.

Was it Mountbatten that inspired Chucky’s love of magic and introduced him to the Magic Circle (an accredited organization of magicians of which he is the most famous member)?  He started small with disappearing cups and rabbits.  When he perfected that he moved on to the disappearing wife trick!

O.K. So I'm a sick woman, what can I do?

August 27, 1979, Mountbatten at age 79, was killed instantly by a bomb in his boat at
Mullaghmore, County Sligo
in the
Republic of Ireland
, whilst on a fishing holiday with his family.  His grandson, Nicholas, aged 14, and a 17 year old boatman also died in the blast.  The Irish Republican Army (IRA) claimed responsibility and called it an act of war.  This was a very convenient assassination for the Royal spin machine.

I use the word convenient here because, Mountbatten’s flagrant homosexual behavior, the scandal concerning the orphanage at
Kincora
, and the fact that he wandered out at night in search of rough trade without the protection of bodyguards, was well known to the secret service and obviously to the IRA.  He had become a soft target.  He was without protection and now a liability to the royal family.  Ergo, the IRA did them a “booming” favor.

Chucky was completely devastated at the sudden death of his favorite family member and having lost his closest confidante and mentor he turned to the one person who could possibly replace him, someone who was capable of listening to him and understands his whining and moaning about his terrible lot and how he was so misunderstood by everyone.  Who could it be???? Who??!!!  Of course, who else!!!  

Wallis & Millie
(Subtitle:  The Old Crock and the Old Mare)