Rules of the Game (27 page)

Wait a minute, you may be thinking, what about disqualification? Doesn't it seem to contradict the idea of making people feel good about themselves?

Think again.

When you give a generic compliment to a woman who's often hit on, she'll usually ignore the remark—or assume you're saying it because you want to sleep with her. So instead you tease her, show her you're unaffected by her beauty, and demonstrate that you're out of her league. When she works to win
you
over, and you ultimately reward her with your approval, she will leave that night or the next morning feeling good about herself—like something special has happened and she's connected with somebody who appreciates her for who she really is.

In short, a teasing disqualification will buy you the credibility you need to sincerely compliment her later.

So today we're going to let go of our need for approval and we're going to make people feel good about themselves. Don't go to bars looking for approachable groups or cafés looking for lone women. Just go about your daily life. But three times during the day, go out of your way to make someone feel good about himself or herself.

That is your mission.

This might include telling a parent how much you appreciate him or her; making an awkward guest at a party feel wanted and included; telling a person who just blew a lot of money on a new outfit or haircut that it looks good; giving a homeless person eye contact, smiling, and handing over five dollars; or asking someone in a rush if they'd like to cut ahead of you in a checkout line.

Be sure to look for what people need when you do this exercise. Don't just give random compliments. And don't be concerned with whether you're raising or lowering your relative status. For example, if you see someone getting out of a new yellow Lamborghini with the dealer plates still on, instead of thinking he's an asshole and a show-off, consider that he spent a lot of money because he wants your approval. So give it to him: “Hey man, cool car. I'm jealous.”

Of the three people you make feel good about themselves today, only one interaction can occur on the phone. And at least one of the people you interact with must be a stranger.

The goal is to stop worrying about what other people think of you, and start developing an instinct for what they need to feel good about themselves and their choices. You'll be amazed by the results.

After spending the weekend in L.A. and discussing these ideas, the student with the former Achilles' heel sent me the following email: “The other night, it was my twenty-sixth birthday. I was chatting up a four-set using the positive ideas we'd discussed, and one of them started groping me. Next thing you know, hardcore tongue-down makeout. First time ever!”

So get out of your head and start mastering the most intelligent and evolved emotion there is: empathy.

We've covered a lot of ground in the last sixteen days.

So let's pause and make sure you're up to speed.

Welcome to review day.

Your first task is to go over the Day 17 Briefing, which covers the eleven most common mistakes guys make when opening.

Make sure you're no longer doing any of them.

Look over the previous eight days and review each mission.

Make a list of the skills you don't feel you've mastered yet.

Your assignment is to redo each and every task you don't feel competent in.

At this point, you should be able to walk up to a woman or group, deliver an opener successfully, and transition smoothly into a value demonstration such as the rings routine. In addition, make sure you haven't slacked in your attention to your body language, speech, and appearance.

Your final review mission is to go out, approach a woman or group, and perform the rings routine again.

Take your time with the delivery and incorporate the cold-reading information you learned on Day 15. Try to get a feel for the personality and self-image of the person you're talking to. Add at least one of the cold-reading scripts you
heard or read on Day 15 as well as an original line based on your own assessment of the person. Notice her responses to the material.

Your mission is complete once you've successfully demonstrated the rings routine, with additional cold reading, for two different women or groups.

1.	Don't wait to approach her until she's alone. Even if she likes you, her friends will soon drag her away.
2.	Don't stare at her for more than three seconds before approaching. Hesitate, and you'll either creep her out or psych yourself out.
3.	Don't be afraid to approach just because there are men in the group. Chances are she's with family, friends, or coworkers, not a love interest.
4.	Don't open a conversation by apologizing. Phrases like “Excuse me,” “Pardon me,” and “I'm sorry” make you sound like a beggar.
5.	Don't hit on her or give her a generic compliment. Instead, start a conversation with an entertaining anecdote or question, such as asking the group to suggest names for a three-legged cat or a store that sells 1970s memorabilia. Everyone loves to give an opinion.
6.	Don't buy her a drink. You shouldn't have to pay for her attention.
7.	Don't touch or grab her right away. If she touches you, say, with a smile, “Hey now, hands off the merchandise.”
8.	Don't lean in or hover over her. Stand up straight and, if the music's too loud or she's seated, simply speak up.
9.	Don't initially ask what her name is, what she does for a living, or where she's from. She's bored of talking about the same things with every new guy she meets.
10.	Don't focus all your attention on her when she's with other people. If you win over her friends, you'll win her.
11.	Don't be afraid to violate any of these guidelines once you understand them and why they exist.

So far, you've learned a sequence of things to say and do when meeting a woman. It's now time to find out how to stitch it all together and leave her wanting more.

Your mission: Read the Day 18 Briefing on the four secrets of compelling conversation before moving on to the next assignment.

In improvisational comedy, there's an exercise called the herald. To begin a herald, an actor asks the audience to suggest a word. As soon as an audience member offers one, the actor tells a true story from his life based on that random suggestion.

The story doesn't literally have to be about the word: It can simply be something that the word suggests or reminds him of. For example, if the audience member says “clown,” the monologist can share a memory about his first time visiting the circus, about acting like a class clown in high school, or even about something that made him extremely happy or sad one day.

Afterward, the rest of the actors onstage improvise scenes based on his story; words or details in his story; or ideas his story suggests.

Your assignment is to try something similar at home: Practice spontaneously sharing true stories from your life based on one-word suggestions.

There are two ways to do this:

Practice this exercise until you feel confident spinning a story on the spot, with a definite beginning, middle, and end, based on an arbitrary word. If you're having trouble, reread your storytelling tips from Day 12.