Ryan's Love (10 page)

How much I was looking forward to
seeing him today. My clit started twitching at the thought of
him.

As much as I was enjoying how warm
he made me feel, I started to get a sick, nauseating feeling in my
stomach.

“
Oh
no,
”
I
say clutching my stomach.

Mrs
Callahan rushed to my side then asked,
“
Honey whats
wrong?
”

“
I
think I
’
m about to be sick,
”
is all I could say
before the vomit started overflowing from my
mouth.

I barely made it to the wastebasket
before it shot from my mouth.

Mrs. Callahan was there beside me
holding my hair back as I emptied my stomach.

“
I
’
m sorry for messing up your office,
”
I say sheepishly as I
stand up and smooth myself out.

“
Don
’
t worry about it. I
’
ll get maintenance up
here to clean this up in no time,
”
she said motioning to the floor as
she squeezed my shoulder gently.

I nod, but I look around at the mess
I made and I still felt guilty.

“
Darling, can I ask you something?
”

“
Yes,
you may,
”
I say eyeing her, curiously cause I
’
m not knowing
what it could be.

“
How
long have you been feeling sick like this?
”

“
I
don
’
t know. Maybe a couple times a week. I think that I
must be allergic to something, because its not all the
time,
”
I say sitting back on my heels.

“
Um
huh,
”
she says nodding to herself. Her hand goes up to her
forehead like she was thinking hard about
something.

“
What? What is it,
”
I ask; starting to get nervous at the
look on her face.

“
Well
I was thinking that you may be pregnant?
”

“
No, I
can
’
t
be,
”
I
gasp.

She
wraps her arm around my waist and looks my in the eye and
says,
“
Yes. I think we should go to that pharmacy a few doors down
and get a test.
”

I swayed where I stood. Her grip
tightened on me and she helped me sit down in a chair.

She
was saying something to me, but I couldn
’
t quite hear
her. All I could think about was me being pregnant and how Ryan was
going to react. He has never said he wanted anything permanent with
me. We have just been enjoying each others company. How could he
possibly be happy about me being pregnant. Oh how stupid I have
been. First for giving my body to someone and not being married to
them, two for maybe being pregnant and not married, and three for
being deeply in love with someone who I don
’
t know if he
wants to marry me or not. I don
’
t know what
I
’
m going to do if he isn
’
t happy about
this.

I
begin bawling out of control. I was sobbing so loud and hard that I
didn
’
t even know that Mrs. Callahan had left and came back,
until I felt her hands touch my legs. I look up and she was
kneeling down in front of me and looking up at me all scared and
concerned.

“
It
will be ok,
”
she says trying to soothe me.

“
No
it won
’
t. I
’
m pregnant and unmarried. I feel so
ashamed,
”
I say crying into her shoulder.

“
You
don
’
t even know if your pregnant yet. So stop worrying so
much, and go take this test,
”
she says holding up a small gray
plastic bag.

I at first looked at the bag like it
was going explode, or grow feet and walk away. But finally I grab
the bag from her hands as she ushered me into the bathroom that was
in her office. After she set me up in there, she kissed my forehead
and told me that she would be right outside. Then she walked out,
closing the door behind her.

My hands shook something terrible as
I tried to wrestle the pregnancy test out of the bag. Finally
getting it free, I opened the box and took everything thing out,
set it up on the counter, and then I read the directions. When I
was satisfied that I knew how to take it properly, I peed on the
little stick; then I sat it up on the counter as I waited. The
directions said to wait three minutes or so before the test was
done. So I did everything that I could to keep myself from
stressing over it. I washed and re-washed my hands. I fixed my
nonexistant makeup more than once. I brushed my hair up into a
tight bun, only to take it back down and shake my hair out; causing
it to flow freely down my back. After all the fiddling around, I
look at my watch and see that 10 minutes have passed.

“
If
the test isn
’
t done now, I
don
’
t think it will ever be,
”
I say to myself as I
creep over to the test, picking it up.

I see
two pink lines and immediately collapse into the toilet seat and
start crying all over again. Oh no, pregnant! I
can
’
t be pregnant. What am I going to do? What am I going
to do?

I sat
there rocking back and forth crying for what seemed like forever. I
ultimately got myself together, cleaned up all the remnants of my
test taking from the bathroom, then peered out of the bathroom so I
could tell Mrs. Callahan the good news. But to my surprise she
wasn
’
t in the office. I was almost hurt that she
wasn
’
t there, but then I realized that I took so long to
take the test that she probably had to run somewhere to take care
of a few things for work. So I carefully walk back out to my desk
and slide down in my seat. I looked around feeling extra nervous.
Like everyone knew what my secret was and were laughing at me. I
was momentarily brought out of my pity party by the phone
ringing.

Ring Ring Ring

“
Callahan & Callahan, how may I help you
today,
”
I say answering the phone.

“
Sunshine Honey, its me Marissa. Sorry I had to run out for
a brief second. My husband needed me to pick up something for
him.
”

“
Its
ok. I figured it was something like that,
”
I
answered.

“
So
are you going to tell me that what the test
said,
”
she said excitedly.

I peek
around my area and see no one is around to hear what
I
’
m about to say.

“
Well
the test said that I was pregnant.
”

“
Really! Oh Honey I
’
m so happy for you.
I
’
m so happy for my son. Are you going to tell him when
he comes for lunch today?
”

“
No
no. I can
’
t tell him. He is going to be so upset with
me,
”
I
cry into the phone.

“
No
he
’
s not. I know my son, and he loves you. Just tell him.
I
’
m sure that he will be just as happy as we
are,
”
she proclaims.

“
I
don
’
t know. I mean it was only a few times that we were
together like that. Will he truly be ok with it? Or will he hate me
for keeping this from him when I finally do tell
him,
”
I
ask?

“
It
will be ok. Just talk to him,
”
she says comforting
me.

“
You
’
re right. He has the right to know what my secret
is.
”

“
Call
me after you guys have lunch and tell me how things went.
Don
’
t forget that I love you Honey.
”

“
I
love you too. I
’
ll call you
later,
”
I say and hang up.

I was
happy with how things were going until I turned around and saw Ryan
with a look on his face that could kill anyone on sight. I wonder
how long he was standing there? Did he hear what was said? Is he
upset about me being pregnant? I hope he isn
’
t.

“
Rrryan, how are you,
”
I say nervously and get up to hug
him. I was halted by Ryan
’
s stiff hand on my
shoulder.

“
Don
’
t touch me. I heard your conversation. How could
you do this to me,
”
he spits out.

“
But
but I thought that you would be happy.
”

“
WHAT! Why would I be happy about that? I loved you. How
could I be with you now.
”

“
What
do you mean? Why are you acting like this,
”
I say reaching up to
grab ahold of his arms.

I pull him into me and hug him with
all that I have.

“
Ryan, I love you please don
’
t do this.
Please,
”
I
cry.

My
face is buried into his chest as I plead with him. I need him to be
here for me. I love him. I don
’
t know what I would
do without him.

He pried me from his arms and pushes
me away from him.

“
Don
’
t ever touch me again. I could never love someone
who would lie to me. Someone who would give their body to another
man. And to think that I was going to propose to you today. I
should have never been with you. I should have went with Rachel
that day instead of staying with you,
”
he
yelled.

As I sagged to the ground; I could
hear Ryan suck his teeth and walk away.

I was
crushed. I was crushed that he really thought so little of me that
he thought that I would be with anyone else intimately. I was hurt
that he said that he should never have been with me; and I am hurt
that he said that he was coming to ask me to marry him today, but
now he
’
s not. But the thing that hurts me the most is him
saying that he should have been with Rachel and not me. Oh that
hurt. It hurt so much that I didn
’
t even correct him on
him saying that I had sex with someone else. I just sank down into
the ground, my face in my hands, and start crying. I was crying so
hard that I felt myself getting sick to my stomach
again.

Oh no, please not now.

I was
too weak to get up. So I all could do was crawl to the bathroom,
that was right across from my desk. I hope that no one was around
to see me like this. Really, I don
’
t even care right now
who sees me. I
’
m just so hurt by
what Ryan just said, that I don
’
t care about anything
else.

Thankfully I made it to the toilet
before I emptied the water that was in my stomach. Since I vomited
earlier all I had in me was water. So me throwing up now, hurt more
now than before. After all the water came up, stomach acid started
coming up.

“
Oh
what am I going to do now,
”
I cry through the
bile.

When I
finished I tried to stand up so I could wash my face, but my legs
wouldn
’
t let me. I collapse back down into the floor, and
rest my head on the toilet seat. My eyes start to get heavy and my
head begins to pound. I couldn
’
t help but close my
eyes and drift off to sleep, hoping it will alleviate some of the
pain I was feeling.