Ryan's Love (7 page)

“
Ye..
yes,
”
I stutter.

She
smiles and helps me up and out of my dress. I should be embarrassed
about being naked in front of her, but I
’
m not. She makes
me feel like a mother should, loved. Then she helps me into the
shower and turns it on.

“
I
’
ll be back with your clothes,
”
she says and walks out
the room leaving me alone.

All I could do was wonder what Ryan
wanted to talk about.

Chapter 5 (Ryan)

What am I going to do?

Ryan,
damn near burned the skin off of her face because I was so careless
about her feelings. I should have told her about Rachel. She and I
broke up while I was away in Iraq. She told me that she
couldn
’
t wait around for me. So we parted ways and I was okay
with that. I never really loved her. I mean we grew up together and
everyone thought we
’
d be together, but I
never was in love with her. Although I did have love for her. When
her and her mother interrupted me and Ryan
’
s sweet moment
together, I reacted the wrong way. I didn
’
t want
Ryan
’
s and my first time together to be tainted with my ex-
girlfriend being around. I know I should have been a lot more
gentle with Ryan; and by the look on her face earlier, I know that
I hurt her so deep. Maybe even beyond repair. I just hope that she
hears me out when I explain everything to her. I really want a
chance to get to know her. I like her, a lot.

“
Ryan, what did you do to that sweet young
lady,
”
my mom said bringing me out of my deep thinking, pointing
towards the bathroom.

“
Mom,
please,
”
I
beg.

I know once my mom gets started it
will be a long time before she stops.

“
Don
’
t please me Ryan. That girl is in there broken. I
have grown to love her over the years that she
’
s worked
for us. I can
’
t have you hurting
her like you are. I thought I raised you to be more respectful than
that,
”
my mom says then stands there with her hands on her hips
waiting for me to reply.

“
Mom,
I
’
m telling you it was all a big
misunderstanding,
”
I say sheepishly.

“
Fix
it Ryan, please. She
’
s a sweet sweet girl
who needs love. Please don
’
t hurt her anymore
than you already have,
”
my mom says then kisses be on my cheek and goes
and gets Ryan a pair of pajamas and fuzzy socks from the
closet.

“
I
’
m going to give these to Ryan. When
she
’
s done help her put the medicine on her face and
hands, wrap her hands up also; then set things straight,
ok,
”
my mom
says.

“
Ok,
”
I reply then plop back on the bed, closing my
eyes.

I pray
that the right words come to me when I do talk to Ryan. I
don
’
t want to make things worse with
her.

~~~

“
Um,
I didn
’
t think that you
’
d still be
here,
”
Ryan says waking me from my nap.

“
Yeah, I wanted to talk with you. But my mom wants me to
help you first,
”
I say reaching for then holding up the medicine I was
to use on her.

She glanced at the medicine then at
me.

“
I
can do it myself,
”
she says shyly walking over to me and takes it from my
hands. But I grab her wrist before she could get to far away from
me. She gasps.

“
What
are you doing,
”
she asks softly?

“
I
told my mom I would help you.
”

Her face shows disappointment at
what I said.

“
Plus
I want to be as close to you as I possibly can,
”
I say caressing her
thigh.

She shivers under my touch and
shakes her head, no.

“
But
you, you left me after we..., you were so hurtful to me. I never
let anyone get that close to me before; and after what happened
with us, I will never let that happen again. I
can
’
t,
”
she says sinking down on the bed next to
me.

I grab
onto her shoulders and say,
“
I promise you that if
you let me explain, you well know that I really do want you.
Rachael and I broke up while I was in Iraq. I
haven
’
t spoken to her in 8 months. Now when you and I were
together earlier and I rushed you out of the
room.
”

She pales and squeezes her eyes shut
like she was thinking of what happened, but I rubbed her shoulders
and kept going.

“
I
didn
’
t want the special moment we were sharing together be
tainted with my ex bursting in the room or something.
I
’
m sorry. I should have been more attentive to your
needs. I should have explained the situation better. It
won
’
t ever happen again. Please give us another
chance,
”
I plead.

She was peeking up at me thru my
whole little speech. I meant every word. I truly am sorry for how
things happened between us. I hate that our special time together
is somehow tainted. If she gives us another chance to get to know
each other, I will spend all that time showing her how special she
is.

“
We
can see how everything goes,
”
she says, but when she sees me
smiling she also says,
“
As friends. I mistakenly tried things the wrong
way with you and got burned. So friends will have to do for
now.
”

I wanted to say we started off
things in just the right way. I was just stupid in how I reacted.
She did everything right.

“
Ok
friends it is. Can a friend help another friend
heal,
”
I ask hold the medicine up?

She
grinned and nodded yes. I then proceeded to gently put the medicine
on her face. We were looking at each other, but when I got close to
her lips she closed her eyes and didn
’
t open them back up.
I wonder if she was thinking about our time together. I so want to
kiss these soft juicy lips of hers. I know we agreed on being
friends, and I
’
m sure friends
don
’
t kiss like I want to kiss her. I can feel myself
going in to kiss her. I hope she doesn
’
t get too upset at
what I
’
m about to do. I gently brush my lips across hers at
first. Her eyes instantly pop open and she looks as if she was
about to say something; I don
’
t give her the
chance. I go in for another kiss, but this time I suck her bottom
lip into my mouth. Gently nibbling on it, trying to coax a moan out
of her. When she did moan, I slid my hands into the back of her
hair and held her tight; as I caressed her sweet mouth with mine.
She didn
’
t protest but she wasn
’
t exactly
responsive. I sit back and look into her sweet innocent eyes. She
looks excited but scared. Scared of what though?

“
What
’
s wrong, Honey, did I
do something you didn
’
t
like,
”
I ask, her hair still in my hands.

She shook her head no.

“
Then
what is it?
”

She looks down, but I bring her head
back up.

“
It
’
s just that I
’
ve never
really been kissed before,
”
she says, but tears are
starting to form in her eyes.

There
is no way that this sexy woman hasn
’
t been kissed. I mean
look at her. She is a ten.

“
Really,
”
I say a little bit shocked.

“
Yes,
”
she whispers.

“
Why,
”
I
ask?

She
shrugs and says,
“
I don
’
t know.
I
’
ve always been afraid to fall in love because of what
happened to my mom.
”

“
What
happened to your mom?
”

When I
asked that the tears she was holding at bay began to fall fast and
heavy. Oh what must have happened to this woman for her to cry like
this. I don
’
t like it. I
don
’
t like that I also made tears fall from her eyes. I
vow to never be the cause of any tear she sheds.

“
She
’
s dead,
”
is all Ryan said.

I drew her up into my arms and held
her.

“
Its
ok, love. I
’
m sorry that you had
to go thru that. Where is your father?
”
She cried even more,
but now she was shaking.

“
He
left us when I was younger. My mom she...my mom she um was so
distraught at his leaving that she soon became depressed. She um,
well she um killed herself,
”
she cried.

Oh no.
Please tell me she didn
’
t find
her.

“
I
was coming home from school one day and found her. Ryan she was so
pale looking. My sweet warm loving mother was dead because she
loved a man too much. I can
’
t. I
don
’
t want to end up like her, all
alone,
”
she says.

“
I
’
m here. I
’
d never leave
you,
”
I
say.

“
How
could you possibly know that. We just met and you already kicked me
out from around you. How do I know you won
’
t do it
again,
”
she inquires?

I lean
back away from her, look into those warm buttery eyes of hers and
say,
“
I know because I feel something for you that
I
’
ve never felt before. The first time I saw you I felt
it. When I saw you fall outside today, my heart near ripped out of
my chest. I know its just the beginning for us, but I want you to
give us a chance to get to know each other. Please
don
’
t shut me out.
”

“
I
don
’
t know,
”
she says.

“
Well
how about you let me take care of you while you
decide,
”
I say then grab her hands and tenderly rub medicine on her
hands and wrap them up.

Her
eyes are on me the whole time. She never says a word, as she
watches me; and I can
’
t help but smile as I
pull back the covers, lay her down, and tuck her in. I dim the
lights and kiss her forehead.

“
I
’
ll be right back,
”
I say then quietly leave out of the
room.

I go into the kitchen and grab a
bottle of water and a few other things, then ease my way back to
the room. Careful to not bother anyone else. Really I just want to
get back to Ryan. I want her to know that she is important. Right
as I walked back into the room and was walking over to a smiling
but sleepy looking Ryan, the door to the bedroom opens and Rachel
sticks her head in the door. Oh Lord, what is it now?