Sacred Waters (24 page)

“I know.” Nor did he want her to go. “But Sammy, I can’t take you. People would talk.”

“Do you think once you become a priest you’ll never dine in restaurants, Colin?”

“No, but…my family…they’ll want to know why I’m taking you instead of Braydon. It’ll stir questions. It’s bad enough Kelly and Bray already have an idea about what’s going on, but if the women were to find out…”

He shook his head.

The women finding out would definitely not be good.

* * * *

Sam tried not to wince at his words. She’d been away for only a matter of minutes and it seemed every time he opened his mouth he crushed her heart a little more. She’d always be second choice to the first man she ever loved. She would never be more than a dirty little secret. She was the Hester Prynne, the mistress to his first love—The Church—while Colin was the noble unwavering one.

She was fighting tears and a nagging headache thanks to Kelly’s flask full of whiskey. Sighing, she rolled away from him. At first she didn’t think he’d allow her to get up, his hands tightened on her hip, but then he released her, just as he would tomorrow.

“I should probably shower,” she said, trying not to look at him. Then, because for some reason she wanted to hurt him she said, “So I can get ready for my
date.”

“Samantha,” he implored, but she ignored him.

“Do you mind going so that I can get changed?”

Silently he watched her and then stood. He walked up to her as if to kiss her or perhaps simply lay a hand on her, but did neither. “It’s for the best, Sammy.”

“Maybe I don’t really feel like being the best right now, Colin. Maybe I’m a little tired of always trying to get everything right.”

He looked down, and she knew she was bullying him. Stupid man. He was going to let her just disappear. He couldn’t be satisfied with knowing they had no chance at a future. No, he had to squander their last opportunity to spend time together. She walked to the bathroom door, towel in her hand, and waited for him to leave.

 Without making eye contact her gaze followed his slow steps to his room and she shut the door. This time she was the one to lock it.

Chapter Seventeen

Dinner was nice. It was good for Sam to get away from the others with Braydon. If not her boyfriend, he was still her friend. They talked about school, her graduating, and his senior year. They referenced many inside jokes that only a Villanova student would understand. It was a very pleasant evening.

When Sam and Braydon returned home, the house was settled. Maureen and Frank were watching Antiques Road Show in the den. Kelly was working. Sheilagh was out with Patrick and friends. And Finn—Maureen was displeased to state—was out on a date with his ex, Erin.

Sam never asked where Colin was. He’d made it clear that even their last night together was not worth the others' suspicions. She was at first angry, then sad, then resigned. This was what she had agreed to, two weeks, nothing more. She’d known all along nothing would change his path. She told herself not to take it personally and was really trying hard not to.

These past two weeks Sam had learned things about herself that she never knew. She learned how to kiss a man properly. She learned what it was to truly be intimate with someone, the incredibly freeing sense of letting go in those lost moments of time. She faced her fear of water.

Once she returned home her fears would likely return. It had been Colin’s presence, his gentle coaxing and pride, which had encouraged her to face down her demons. No matter what, he would not let her sink.

Sam sat in the den for a while chatting with Maureen. She was really going to miss the woman.  Maureen had packed a basket of homemade bread and a cooler of several loafs that were frozen so Sam would have decent food when she returned to school. She also washed and folded all of her clothes and had Frank purchase her train ticket. Sam was overwhelmed with gratitude for this woman who was perhaps the greatest matriarch of this amazing family she’d come to love.

When the two parents went to bed she sat quietly on the couch a seat away from Braydon. She wanted to trap the scent of this home and keep in with her for all time. Braydon watched her thoughtfully.

“You okay?”

She took a long slow breath. “I’ll be fine.”

“We have to be at the station by twelve tomorrow. We should probably leave here around eleven-thirty at the latest.”

“Okay.”

“You know you're welcome to come back anytime, Sam. My family loves you.”

She made non-committal sound, because that would never happen.

“He won’t always be here, Sam. After summer is over he’ll go wherever they tell him. He may not even stay in the U.S. I know he really enjoyed himself when he was in Ireland.”

She smiled sorrowfully. “Like the rest of you, his presence is written into the bones of this house, Braydon. His absence won’t erase the memory of him, not here or in my mind once I go home. It’ll be hard enough never truly knowing where he is or what he’s doing. To come here and wonder if he may pass through or if he’d recently held a cup, touched the banister where my fingers land, or sat in a seat now empty…that would just be too hard.”

“You could always write him.”

She shook her head. “No. There’s no point drawing out what can never be more. What your brother and I shared was here, in this moment in time, on this mountain, and will never survive anywhere else. Once he makes his vows there will be no undoing them. I wouldn’t want to do that to him, remind him of what can never be again.”

It was surprising that Braydon could discuss such things with her. She appreciated his friendship, saying certain things out loud to him made her reality easier to accept, as if with each spoken word she was making her own vows to let Colin go.

Braydon eventually stood and stretched. He kissed her on the cheek and told her he would see her in the morning.

It wasn’t long before Sam was shutting out the downstairs lights and climbing the steps herself. When she reached her door she paused. The yellow glow of light fanned out onto the wood planked floor from below Colin’s door. He was so capable in so many matters, yet with love he was just a boy.

* * * *

A few hours later Sam awoke to someone touching her shoulder.

“Sammy, wake up.”

She grumbled and slowly lifted her lashes. It was still dark. Her eyes squinted as her vision cleared from blurry to merely fuzzy and she saw Colin standing over her.

“Colin? What time is it?”

“Four. Come on,” he whispered.

“Where are we going?”

“To the lake.”

“It’s the middle of the night.”

“I know, but I promised you I’d teach you how to swim before you left.”

Disappointment flooded her sleep-addled brain. “I don’t want to swim.”

He pulled her out of bed anyway. “We have to. It’s the one thing I can give you. Now come on, put some pants on. Where are your shoes?”

She groggily stood in place and watched him shuffle around her room searching for her things. He handed her a pair of pants and she tossed them on the bed.

“What are you doing? Put them on.”

“I have to pee,” she grumbled and shut the bathroom door.

The florescent lights of the bathroom helped her wake up painfully fast. Washing the sleep out of her eyes at the sink, she proceeded to brush her teeth. She probably wouldn’t get a chance to go back to bed, but she could sleep on the train.

When she entered the bedroom again Colin sat on the bed holding her flip-flops. She climbed into her jeans and buttoned the snap. Colin handed her the sandals and she slipped them onto her feet. Gazing at him, she sent him a pointed look that said, at this hour this was as ready as she was going to get.

It didn’t occur to her until they reached the lake that she’d forgotten to slip into her suit. As Colin pulled off his shirt she stilled, mesmerized by the way the moon glinted against his abs and shoulders. He tossed his shirt to the sand and faced her.

“I forgot my suit.”

He looked at her for a moment appearing to consider their options. Without a word he walked to her and lifted her tank top over her arms and tossed it to the ground. She had been sleeping so she was braless. The cool night air tickled her flesh and her nipples tightened. He stepped closer and the hard nubs pressed into his chest.

Head lowering, his eyes reflected the light thrown by the moon. His soft lips grazed hers and she sucked in a breath. Pulling her flush to his front, a thousand butterflies released in her belly as he kissed her.

He did not kiss her as a holy man or as a friend saying goodbye, but as a lover kissing his woman before embarking on a journey that he knew left little chance of his return. He tasted her and savored her, drank from her. Her body bent back as he tipped her head farther to take more of her. Her fervor rivaled his as she kissed him back.

They broke away from each other breathless. Fingers unbuttoned her jeans and slid them down her legs leaving her bare and standing before him in only her plain cotton panties. He took her hand and her soul anchored itself to his. Safe.

They walked with slow silent steps to the water and there was no apprehension, no fear of how this part of the earth could swallow her whole. She understood that there were greater things to fear, less physical pains. Drowning emotionally was a demon she now knew that made her old fears look like child’s play. She was foolish enough to follow him for the simple joy of it, the same as she had followed Meghan that wintry day they had lusted for an adventure.

There would always be different landmarks in her memory. This lake, this evening, would mark her time with Colin. It would represent her wordless farewell to the first man she ever loved. She pushed all mutinous thoughts away so that she could purely embrace the now.

The slumbering water jostled and rippled as they stepped down the bank. The depthless forests across the lake was only an inky backdrop to the majestic waters. Stars reflected on the surface winking with little ripples. The moon spilled into a wide silver puddle that danced with each step they took.

The water crested her knees and her body shivered. Colin held her close and never lessened his grip on her hand.

By the time her lower belly was wet she was anxious to move in up to her shoulders to slow the chill of the night air upon her flesh.

Colin moved her in front of him and held her back flush against his heated body as he guided them deeper. She had a moment of panic when her feet lost contact with the ground, the picturesque lake suddenly a deep abyss, but Colin didn’t let her thoughts take over.

His hands caressed her under the fluid weight of the water. His touch never moved beyond her stomach or shoulders, but her body awakened nonetheless.

When they reached the point they had gone to previously, Colin turned her to face him. He expected her to try to float on her own.

He widened his arms and held her by the hands as her body coasted away from his. Her legs instinctively kicked and swirled beneath her, working to keep her head above water.

She found it easiest to work in a pattern of swirl- swirl-kick, the swirls using less energy than the kicks. Her fingers gripped his hands tightly. They were her training wheels. Colin smiled and gently instructed her on ways to move her body.

When she noticed that he too was floating and no longer had his feet on the ground her concentration broke and she lost her pattern. The break in her momentum caused Sam to sink slightly. The moment the water touched her jaw she panicked and sputtered and instinctively reached for Colin’s body and tried to climb up his broad shoulders.

He laughed softly. “It’s okay. You’re doing fine. I got you.”

It took him being insistent and heavy-handed, but he somehow managed to pry her off of him.

“That’s it. Just keep kicking.” His left hand released her right hand. “Now swirl your arm around. Don’t panic or move too fast. It’s like peddling a bike. Sometimes a long slow stroke’s all you need.”

Sam was breathing fast, but more from nerves than exertion. She held his right hand tightly in her left and swirled sideways figure eights with her right on the other side of her. Her feet found their pattern again, his larger feet acting as their rudder.

When they faced the little floating dock in the distance she saw they were moving forward. Her legs now hung slightly behind her rather than below and with each kick she propelled herself closer to the dock. Understanding what she was doing she smiled.

“I’m doing it! I’m swimming!”

“Yes you are!” Colin laughed, finding as much joy in her achievement as she. “Come on. Let’s see if we can make it to the dock.”

She mentally measured the distance and refused to let her mind see it as daunting. It was a goal she needed to accomplish, a right of passage that would say more about her self-preservation and resolve than anything else could. Steeling herself for the crossing, she took a good deep breath and kicked long and hard.

They swam in silence, Samantha’s focus never leaving the prize. Colin held her hand and they became one, united, unsinkable. Faster than she thought possible the small dock loomed before her, much bigger than it had appeared from the beach.

Her movements became uncoordinated as her muscles began to quit a moment too soon and her mind tried to figure out what to do now. Needing her right arm to continue swirling to keep her afloat, she did the only thing she could. Her survival instincts took over and she released Colin’s hand and slapped her palm onto the cool weathered wood of the floating dock.

His hands caught the wood and they each slowed to catch their breath and give their muscles a moment to revive. He grinned at her, shimmering blue eyes flecked with green glittered like the two deep pools of water. She could drown in those eyes.

He pointed out a ladder she hadn’t noticed and instructed her to climb out so they could take a rest. Although her legs shook, her mind was wide-awake, adrenaline pumping through her at her major accomplishment.