Scars of the Present (12 page)

“Okay Claire, I have to go, but the doctor will be in to take care of you soon, okay?”

She looked up from her coloring, and a look of concern crossed her face. “When are you going to come play again?”

I closed my eyes briefly, the pain of her simple words bleeding into me, before I forced a smile back on my face. “I don’t know, sweetie, but we’ll figure something out, okay?”

She nodded, seemingly satisfied with my vague answer, and smiled at me. “Okay.”

I cupped her cheek for a moment and smiled at her beautiful little face. “Bye Claire.”

“Bye Sydney!”

I glanced at David for a second, and he was watching me intently. I didn’t say anything, but just turned and walked through the curtain. I made it back to the desk and grabbed my bag, rushing out to my car as quick as I could.

Chapter Seventeen

I climbed the stairs to my childhood home and rang the doorbell. While I waited for Carol to answer I thought briefly to Maddie and all the times we went to Linda’s. Up until Maddie’s mom remarried, I had never seen Maddie knock on the door to her mother’s home. Even after the nuptials she only knocked when her mom left a sign that she might be ‘occupied’.

Carol opened the door and greeted me with a warm smile before stepping aside to let me in.

“Hello Ms. Sydney. Were your parents expecting you?”

Carol’s extremely formal tone told me that my mother was somewhere close.

“No, I just wanted to talk with them really quick.”

“They’re just sitting down to dinner, would you like me to set you a place?

I hesitated, not wanting to spend the time with my parents, but Carol’s food was always delicious. She saw my reluctance and smiled at me.

“I’ll make you a plate to take home,” she whispered. I reached out and squeezed her hand quickly before walking ahead of her into the dining room.

My mom and dad were seated across from each other, but it was obvious they were eating in silence. I dropped in a chair at the end of the table, and they both looked up at me.

“Hello Sydney. Did you drop by for dinner?” My father put down his fork and looked at me expectantly.

I shook my head. “I just wanted to stop by and let you both know that I’m not going to be able to make it to the 4
th
of July party.”

My mom scowled and slammed her fork down forcefully. “The 4
th
is Friday, Sydney Rae. That is just two days away. This is not proper notice.”

I rolled my eyes and just stared at her. If possible, she looked even older today than she had Saturday night. I just wondered what had happened in her life to make her such a miserable person.

“Mom, I don’t want to go. You won’t even notice that I’m not there.”

“You will go, and that’s the end of it.”

I shot my dad a pleading look, but his salad had apparently become very interesting because he was staring at it. I shook my head at him bitterly. He was some big ruthless CEO, but yet his wife called every single shot of his life.

“And if I don’t?” I challenged stubbornly.

“You don’t want to go down this road, young lady. You think you’re so independent and clever, but see how quickly that would end once we stopped supporting you.”

I just stared at her passively, not fazed by her threats. “Hasn’t anyone ever told you, mother, that money won’t make you happy? It certainly hasn’t made us a happy little family. And even with my trusty bank account, you’ve so generously have provided me with, I’m not happy either.”

I stood up and glared at both of my parents. “Please don’t expect me Friday and do whatever you feel you need to do. I’ll understand.”

I walked out of the dining room and moved to the front door. Before I could make it all the way through, Carol pulled me into a big hug.

“I’m proud of you, Sydney.”

I hugged her back before moving quietly out the door.

“So, will you still do the graduate program if your mom makes good on her threats?” Amanda asked, handing me the take out container of rice. We had decided to put our pajamas on and order late night Chinese food delivery for the evening.

I shook my head. “No, probably not. There wouldn’t be a lot of reason to, honestly.” I finished dishing up my plate of food and moved to the couch. Amanda sat next to me and we ate in silence.

“Have you heard from David?” Amanda’s voice was hesitant. I glanced up and she was looking at me with cautious eyes.

I hadn’t told anyone about what happened in the living room, just that he had come by to get the letter. “No. Both times I’ve seen him since that night have been awkward accidental run-ins.”

She nodded. “So what will you do for the 4
th
now that you’re not occupied?”

“I was going to work a shift at the hospital for the day and then probably just hang out here. What are you doing?”

“The nursing home that mom’s moving into is having a party. I thought I’d take her so she can kind of acclimate into it all slowly.” Amanda frowned. “I’m still so nervous about putting her in there, but I think it will be better for her.”

“I do too, honestly.” I said in agreement. “She’ll have a more social routine, more people to help if needed, and plenty of activities to do.”

“Yeah. It’s just going to be a tough transition for both of us.”

We turned on a hilarious Sandra Bullock movie and about halfway through Amanda jumped up and ran to the bathroom. After a few minutes I stood and walked down the hallway towards Amanda and Maddie’s room, and knocked on the door softly.

“You okay, babe?” I listened for a second and heard Amanda retching. I ducked into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water before moving back to the bathroom door. A moment later she opened it looking miserable.

“Oh, that Chinese food did not sit very well.” She took the bottle of water and sipped it gratefully.

I raised my hand to her clammy forehead and frowned. “You feel a tad warm. I think the thermometer is in Maddie’s room.”

I pushed open Maddie’s door and let out a little gasp. I knew she was moving out, but the reality was terrible. Her walls were bare and boxes filled up a lot of the space.

Amanda peaked over my shoulder and sighed. “I forget how little you come on this side of the apartment. Every time I see her room, it’s a little more packed.”

“I can’t believe she’s really moving in with Josh.” I sat on her bed and glanced around. “How many nights did all three of us sleep in this room?”

Amanda sat down next to me and grinned. “Too many to count. She has the most comfortable pillows.” She laid back on one and sighed.

I imitated her movements and we laid there quietly, just reminiscing in silence.

When I woke up the next morning, Amanda and I were in Maddie’s bed. I looked over at her, and Amanda looked clammy and pale. She had both the blanket and sheet over her, so I pulled back the heavy blanket hoping that would help cool her off.

I tiptoed out of the room, and Maddie was sitting on the couch watching TV.

“Morning,” I yawned as I sat next to her.

She smiled. “Barely. It’s almost eleven. I’m honestly surprised Amanda is still sleeping.”

I frowned, not remembering the last time Amanda slept so late. “She isn’t feeling very good. She fell asleep early too.”

“In my bed.” Maddie chuckled. “What’s up with that? And shouldn’t you be at the hospital?”

“They gave me today off since I’m volunteering to work the holiday.” I yawned again. “We just missed you. I saw how packed your room was when I went to find the thermometer and we just ended up in your bed.”

“It’s hard on me too,” she said quietly. “I love Josh, but I never dreamed leaving you two would be so hard.”

“We’ll all be okay. Growing up doesn’t mean growing apart.” I went to the kitchen and poured myself a mug of coffee, sticking it into the microwave to reheat it. “What are you and Josh doing tomorrow?”

A grin filled Maddie’s face. “We’re going to stay the night in San Francisco and watch the fireworks show they do over the bridge. It’s amazing. You girls should come.”

Maddie had some weird San Francisco love, and I knew Josh probably would have some romantic things planned for her while they were there. The thought of being a third wheel to their party wasn’t very enticing.

“Thanks, but you two have fun.”

Someone knocked on the door, and I let Maddie answer it because she was fully clothed.

I sat on the counter in the kitchen, sipping my coffee, and Maddie stood back to let both Detective Wilson and David in. I silently cursed whatever force kept throwing us together, but I didn’t move from my spot.

“Do you guys want something to drink?” Maddie asked, gesturing to the kitchen. Both Detectives shook their heads and Detective Wilson smiled at me.

“Hi Sydney.”

“Good morning, Detectives.” I looked at David, but immediately chose to maintain the eye contact with his partner. “Or afternoon, I guess.”

Detective Wilson chuckled and turned to look at Maddie. “The civil harassment restraining order has officially been filed. We’re just waiting for approval by a judge, and then he won’t be legally allowed to contact you.”

“But we don’t think he’ll stop,” David said quietly. “So if you get anymore letters you just need to let us know and we’ll submit them to the judge.”

Maddie nodded and let out a breath she had been holding. “Okay, thanks guys.” She paused for a moment and looked at David. “How’s your daughter, Detective Bradley? Sydney mentioned she saw her in the emergency room.”

I glanced at my toes, pretending to be very interested in the chipped polish.

“She’s okay. They ended up gluing her back together, so no stitches and she got a coloring book out of it. Claire basically considers it a win.” David, Maddie, and Detective Wilson all laughed quietly.

I hopped off the counter and deposited my mug into the sink before walking towards my room.

“Good seeing you guys,” I said as I passed by where they were standing. I shut the door to my bedroom and pulled my pajamas off before walking into my bathroom to turn on the shower. I went into my bedroom to pick my robe off my desk chair and froze when I saw David standing at the foot of my bed.

He was also frozen and just stared at my naked body. I moved my hands to my hips and cleared my throat. His gaze finally snapped to mine, and he gave me a sheepish grin.

“Sorry, I just wanted to, uh, thank you for how you handled Claire yesterday.” He stammered for a minute and then spotted my robe. He picked it up and handed it to me, but I just tucked it under my arm instead of putting it on.

“It was no big deal. She’s sweet and I didn’t want her to be scared.”

I looked at him expectantly and he just stared back at me, his eyes remaining on my face.

“I’m going to get in the shower.” I turned to walk into the bathroom and I heard him speak quietly.

“I miss you.”

I turned back around and he was looking at me sadly.

“Do you miss me because I’m naked at the moment?”

He scowled. “Stop.”

“Do you miss me enough to forgive me? To trust me?”

He paused for a moment. “Are you ready to be with me beyond just sex? To have a real relationship with me? To commit to having a future with me?”

I closed my eyes briefly and sighed. His deflection said it all- he didn’t forgive me. The reminder of how bad I had broken us had me blinking back tears.

“So it’s all or nothing?”

“Yeah, Tink, I think it is.”

“Well, I guess we’re at a stalemate then.” I used every ounce of willpower I had to turn away from him and walk into the bathroom.

I took a really long shower, and he was gone when I got out.

Amanda woke up a little before one, and even though she still didn’t look great, she claimed she felt better. Maddie immediately went and trashed the remaining Chinese leftovers, stating she didn’t want to take any chances.

“Okay, I’ve decided something.” Maddie said as she set some soup in front of Amanda, and sat next to me on the couch. “Before the wedding, I want to go away for a weekend, just us three.”

“I like that idea,” I leaned my head on her shoulder. “Where do you want to go?”

“I don’t know. Maybe Vegas?” Maddie shrugged.

Amanda shook her head. “No Vegas. Let’s do something that doesn’t involve having to get wasted to have fun.”

“Good point. We don’t have to decide now, but I want to do something soon. We need to go dress shopping by the end of the month, so let’s agree to have a destination picked by then.” Maddie reached into her purse and pulled out some magazines, tossing one to each of us.

“Flip through these and decide if there are any bridesmaid dresses you guys like the most. We’re going to go purple on your dresses, so anything that looks good in that.”

Amanda put her soup on the coffee table and picked up the magazine. “I was so sure you were going to put us in pink dresses, and I had visions of my hair clashing horribly with it.”

Maddie grinned. “If you didn’t have red hair, you’d both be in pink dresses. Purple is just second best.”

“Are we wearing flats or heels?” I thought about how I loved heels and Amanda loved flats. That was going to be a fun fight.

“Well, we found an amazing spot along the coast to have the wedding on the beach, so I thought sandals would be better because of sinking in the sand. But we have to reinforce the aisle anyway because Ben walks with a cane. So, Amanda’s with Ben, since he’s as tall as Josh, and Sydney with Sean. And you’re both in heels.” Maddie’s face was turned up into a brilliant smile, and I realized she was more excited about the wedding than she’d originally let on.

We spent a lot of the afternoon talking about the wedding, and Maddie’s excitement had turned out to be contagious. By the time we decided to go to bed, I realized that I hadn’t dwelled on David’s declaration all evening.  But after all the wedding talk had died down and I was lying in my quiet room, all I could think about was my earlier conversation with the good detective.