Scars of the Present (18 page)

Chapter Twenty-Five

David and I both went back to work the following Monday, but to David’s dismay it was just to sit behind his desk indefinitely.

Even though I hadn’t actively been at work for almost two weeks, I wasn’t behind on anything when I walked through the hospital doors Monday. I had done so much work from David’s bedside that Mary was insanely impressed, telling me that one day I would have her job if she wasn’t careful.

Monday after work, I stopped by the apartment to replenish my overnight bag and I grinned when I saw both of my roommates home.

“Hey ladies,” I said brightly as I walked through the door.

Maddie looked up from a box she was taping shut and returned my smile. “Hey Syd.”

Amanda was sitting on the couch near where Maddie was and she scoffed at me. “So much for coming home the next day, liar.”

I fell onto the couch next to her and laid my head in her lap. “I’m sorry. It’s just hard to pull myself away.”

She laughed and pat my cheek softly. “It’s really okay. There’s something I want to talk to you two about anyway.”

I sat up with a concerned look on my face and Maddie put the tape dispenser down. “What’s wrong?”

Amanda shook her head. “Nothing is wrong, I just wanted to run something by you both, but it more directly affects you, Syd.”

When neither of us responded she rolled her eyes and went on. “I was going to sell mom’s house, but after thinking about it I have decided I want to move into it myself. I know I originally said I didn’t want to because of all the memories, but that’s exactly why I’ve decided I want to. It needs some work and between Matt, Josh, and Sean I have enough offers for help. Syd, I know you love this apartment, but there’s plenty of room in my mom’s house for both of us if you don’t want to stay here alone.”

I stared at Amanda silently and sadness filtered through me at the thought of leaving the apartment. I glanced around the room and sighed. “I think you moving into your mom’s house is a fantastic idea, Amanda. It’s exactly what she wanted too, isn’t it?”

Amanda nodded and moved over so Maddie could sit on the other side of her. “It really is.”

I gave her a tight hug and shook my head. “I think I’ll keep this apartment until the lease is up in December and then decide what to do from there.” Amanda opened her mouth and I cut her off. “I can afford the rent by myself, so close your mouth if that’s what you were going to say.”

Amanda snapped her mouth closed, but a laugh escaped as she shook her head. “I don’t want you to be alone.”

“You guys don’t need to worry about that anymore. Even if David and I didn’t work out, which makes my stomach hurt to think about, I have figured out that the loneliness I’ve fought for so long is all in my head. I’d like to think I’m all grown and semi-mature now. Besides, it’s not like I will be a stranger at either of your houses.” I smiled at my best friends and the love I felt for both of them was almost just too much.

“I’m not worried,” Maddie chimed in from the other side of Amanda. “You really are different. Even before David was in the hospital I could see the change.”

We stayed cuddled on the couch for a couple of hours and finally I replenished my bag before leaving for the night.

On my way back to David’s I decided to make a detour by my parents’ home and I realized I hadn’t been by since before the 4
th
of July.

I rang the doorbell and Carol answered with a smile on her face that I immediately returned. “Hi Carol.”

“Hi Ms. Sydney, you look great.” She stepped aside so I could move through the door and she squeezed my hand gently.

“I feel great, Carol. Thanks. Are my mom and dad here?”

She nodded and gestured towards the back of the house. “Your father just made it home and I believe they’re out on the patio.”

I thanked her before moving towards the backyard and found both of my parents sitting at a patio table near the pool speaking to each other softly. My dad was still in hit suit, but his tie had been loosened and his jacket was missing. Mom was more surprising though, her graying-blonde hair was not in a bun and instead fell about three quarters down her back. The pinched looked I was used to seeing on her face was gone and instead she just looked unsure of herself.

They glanced up when I stepped through the door and my father stood immediately, a smile on his face. “Sydney.”

“Hi daddy.” I moved into his waiting arms and gave him a hug. “Hi mom.”

My mom didn’t stand, but the corners of her lips upturned into a small smile. “Hello Sydney.”

I sat in an empty chair and looked at my parents with a smile on my face. That had been the most pleasant greeting I’d received from both of them for as long as I could remember.

“I just wanted to stop by and say ‘hi’.”

“We’re glad you did,” my dad said, reaching over to take my mom’s hand. “We all should probably talk.” He glanced at my mom and gave her a nod.

“Sydney, your father told me he explained some of the past to you and I just want to elaborate on it a bit more. But before I do, I also want to tell you that I’m in therapy and it’s been so helpful. I started taking an anti-depressant about four weeks ago, and it’s made a world of difference.” She took a deep breath and I saw shame cross her face.

“In my attempts to keep us both safe emotionally, I’ve ruined our relationship and done severe damage to your life. For that I am truly sorry. I know it might not seem like it, but I love you so much that it hurts. I thought that if I didn’t show the universe how much I loved you, that maybe you wouldn’t be taken from me. That plan obviously backfired because in trying to keep you at arm’s length, I lost you anyway. But more than that, I made you miserable and that wasn’t fair.”

She leaned across the table, and grasped my hand tightly as tears fell down her face.

“I am so sorry. Sorrier than I can ever put into words. All I can hope is that I haven’t done irreversible damage and that you can have the life and the love that you deserve. I really want to have a relationship with you and I know it’s going to take time before we can even get to that point, but that’s my greatest wish.”

I just stared at her, letting her words wash over me, and after about five minutes of silence I stood up. Silent tears fell down my face as I looked down at her in her chair and finally, I moved forward and wrapped my arms around her.

She returned my hug earnestly, holding me so tightly that it hurt, and she began to sob loudly. When we finally parted, she looked more human that I’d ever seen her.

Mom pat my hand and gave me a tearful smile. “Tell me about your life. Tell me about the girls, your job at the hospital, and about this boy.” She didn’t let me speak before she gave a small laugh. “I should have known that you and he would be together. When I saw you two dancing at the Officer’s Ball, I could tell he was smitten with you then.”

I blushed, but smiled at the memory, and proceeded to tell my mom as much as I could about my life.

–––

I made it back to David’s house that evening, later than I had meant to, and knocked on the front door lightly. When he opened it, his expression was amused but he didn’t say anything as he pulled me into a long kiss.

“Hey Tink.”

“Hey babe. I’m sorry I’m so late. The stop by my parents’ house took longer than I thought.” I stepped back and gave him a once over. His arm was out of the sling, and if you hadn’t known he’d just had open heart surgery, you never would have guessed.

“Everything go okay?” He led me into the living room where Claire was sitting on the floor coloring. She jumped up when she saw me and gave me a tight hug.

“Sydney, Daddy says that we can go out for pizza tonight!” The expression on her face was so cute that I couldn’t help but laugh.

“That sounds fantastic. You better clean up your stuff then so we can go.”

Claire nodded and immediately started to pick up her coloring items before running them upstairs to her room.

I turned back and looked at David. “It was enlightening. My mom wants a relationship with me, and as stupid as it sounds, that excites me.”

“Oh baby, it’s not stupid at all.” He pulled me close again and kissed the top of my head. “Every girl deserves a relationship with her mom.”

“They want to officially meet you, too. I told them maybe once you were feeling up to it we could revisit the idea.”

“I’ll go whenever you want me to. I can’t promise your mom and I will be best friends, but I will make an effort for you.” His fingers skimmed the side of my head slowly and my body responded to his touch. I pushed up on my toes to fuse my lips to his and we kissed slowly, his hands gripping my ass. The sound of Claire running down the stairs had us pulling apart and he gave me a look that said we weren’t done.

Later on that night I kissed his bare shoulder as I snuggled into his naked body and released a content sigh. David’s hand trailed down my ribcage and his breathing steadily slowed down.

“I keep waiting for the connection between us between us to normalize or maybe dilute. But every time I’m near you I feel it and it’s just as strong as that night in the bar, maybe stronger.” His voice was almost a whisper and I smiled against his skin.

“Me too. I love you so much.”

After about twenty minutes, we both put on pajamas and I went to check on Claire. She was snoring softly in her bed, about six stuffed animals off to her side. I pulled the blanket up a bit higher, covering her completely, before kissing her forehead and turning to walk out of the room.

David was standing in her doorway, watching me intently, and when I moved into the hallway he shut the door behind me.

“I love how you love Claire. Seeing you with her makes me feel insanely whole.”

I kissed his neck and led him back to his room. “Being with you two makes me feel the same way. You are both everything I never knew I wanted, but I can’t imagine it being any different.”

Chapter Twenty-Six

“I’m pretty sure if you don’t say he can be removed from light duty that he’ll cry.”

David turned his head slightly and gave me a dirty look before turning back to look at Dr. Malloy.

“I will not cry. Sniffle and hiccup, maybe, but I won’t cry.”

Dr. Malloy just laughed as he prodded David with the ultrasound wand for a few more minutes. After he was finished, he put pushed the ultrasound machine from the bed and let out a sigh.

“Everything looks fantastic, David. You haven’t had any chest pains or heart palpitations?”

David shook his head quickly and sat up, pulling his t-shirt back over his head. “Not a thing.”

We had just entered September and it had been five weeks since David had taken the bullet to his chest. He had been doing desk duty since that first day we went back and he did his job without complaining, but I could tell he wanted to get back to his normal duties. Patty had come by his house a few times for dinner and she complained about the temporary partner she’d been assigned. She would be just as happy as David if he was cleared today.

“Well, in that case I’m going to go ahead and sign off releasing you back to your normal life. I want to see you again in five months, and if you have any chest pains at all I need to see you immediately.” Dr. Malloy gave him a thump on the back and David smiled broadly.

“That is fantastic news, Doc. Thank you so much.”

We made it to the elevator after saying goodbye to the doctor and the second the doors closed David lifted me until my legs wrapped around his waist. We kissed feverishly in the corner of the elevator car and when it dinged to let us know we were at the bottom floor, he let me down quickly. The doors opened and I didn’t move for a moment as I tried to catch my breath. David grinned before grabbing my hand and pulling me out.

We didn’t speak the whole way back to his house, but that grin remained plastered to his face and I squirmed in anticipation.

As the weeks had gone by, David slowly regained his strength and the physical therapist had given him the go-ahead to resume normal sexual activities two weeks prior. Even with that approval, however, I knew David was holding back for my sake. I tried not to worry about him as much as I had been, but it wasn’t as easy as it sounds. He was being forced to attend weekly sessions with a therapist to ensure he didn’t have any PTSD, and I was glad he was taking that seriously. Whether it was because his sister was in the field or because he’d seen it in other people, he dutifully went every week. The therapist had given him the all-clear to return to duty a week ago.

I had been nervous to leave him when I went to Oregon with the girls, but he had rolled his eyes and told me he’d be fine. Amanda, Maddie, and I had spent three carefree days along the pacific coast doing everything we could together. We had done wine tasting, the concert, and even hiking had been fun despite my initial complaints. When we returned home, we finished packing both Amanda and Maddie and they both had successfully moved out of the apartment.

My stuff still remained there, although I hadn’t slept in my own bed in weeks. I’d brought a lot of my things to David’s house, but I refused to proclaim myself moved in. He tried to get me to give up the apartment on a daily basis, but I told him I would when I was ready. He, Claire, and I had fallen into a good routine, and I was still amazed at how well I fit into their family. Claire had started first grade and loved it more than you could imagine. Every day she came home with more tales for us and every day she had learned something new.

Maddie and Amanda had both started their new jobs and Maddie absolutely loved teaching. We all knew she’d be an amazing teacher from the start, but I don’t think she realized it until she was actually in the moment. Amanda’s internship was going well, although I could tell there was something she was hiding. Even during our trip to Oregon she just seemed off, although she refused to acknowledge or admit it. She still spent a great deal of time with her mom, but her mom had befriended a few people in the home and Amanda said she seemed happier than she had been in a long time.

  David pulled his SVU into the garage next to where my car was parked and turned off the engine.

“Claire will be at school for two more hours,” he said, turning to smile at me.

“That’s just enough time for me to do a load of laundry,” I teased, wiggling my eyebrows at him as I climbed out of the car.

I met him at the door to go into the house and he narrowed his eyes at me. “We are not doing laundry.”

He ducked down and wrapped his arms around my thighs, picking me up so I was heaved over his shoulder. I let out a surprised scream and he immediately moved through the door into the kitchen.

“I’ve been waiting a long time for this, Tink.” I felt David’s hand smack against my ass in a playful manner. I laughed as he flipped me back around and sat me on the dining room table, my legs dangling off the side. He pushed his lips against mine and our tongues met urgently as I tugged on his shirt. We broke the kiss briefly to pull both of our shirts off, but we slammed back together immediately. David unhooked my bra, tossing it to the side, and his hands moved to my pants.

He didn’t waste any time and as soon as my pants were on the floor, he pushed me down on the table before undoing his own shorts. He tugged on my knees until my hips were at the edge of the table, and he slid into me quickly as I locked my ankles behind his back. David had a determined look on his face and his thrusts were so intense that he had to keep ahold of my hip so I wouldn’t get pushed off the table. I reached both of my hands up until they were on my own breasts and I squeezed my nipples gently.

“Fuck,” he growled, slamming into me harder than before. “That’s so fucking hot.”

Minutes passed as I basked in the pleasure and eventually my back arched off the table. I moaned loudly as waves of pleasure filled me from head to toe. David pushed into me a few more times before a deep rumble sounded from his chest and his eyes closed. He stood there completely still for a moment and when his eyes opened a smile came over his face. I sat up, kissing him slowly, and instead of letting me down he picked me up, still connected to me. I ran my hand down his front, over the long scar where they’d cut his chest open, and I let my lips linger at the puckering scar on his shoulder.

“I have another ninety minutes, Sydney, and I plan to spend most of that inside of you.” I leaned forward and kissed his neck as he carried me up the stairs to his room, my legs still wrapped around him.

–––

David and Claire became a part of the riffraff that Linda had adopted and Claire had stolen the heart of every single person in the family. Linda was probably the most smitten with her, insisting that she call her ‘Grandma’. We spent a lot of time at Linda and Craig’s house as the wedding neared, nailing down the final arrangements.

A week before the wedding I took Claire over there on a Saturday while David was working, and I sat in the backyard with everyone as Claire and Matt jumped on the trampoline together. Claire had drawn to ‘Uncle Matt’ the most and he was a natural with her. I watched them together with a smile on my face and Linda laughed beside me.

“Who would have thought, that out of the three of you, Sydney would be the mother first?”

I turned my head to look at her and smiled. “She already has a fantastic mom. I’m just the substitute when Alicia is out of town.”

Linda shook her head and gave me knowing look. “She has two amazing moms, Sydney, and you are one of them.”

“I never thought I’d be anything close to a mom, but Claire makes it easy.” I watched as Matt helped her off the trampoline and she came running towards me.

“Grandma, Uncle Matt said that there’s dessert hidden in the kitchen!”

Linda gave Matt a look before taking Claire by the hand. “Matthew, we haven’t even eaten dinner yet.” She gave Claire an affectionate look. “Oh, we might be able to find something.”

I watched them walk through the door and Sean nudged me. “Linda’s right. You’re great with her.”

Sean and I had fallen into an easy friendship and he had started dating someone else. His girlfriend seemed sweet so far and I just hoped that Sean found what he deserved. David was still a bit uneasy with me around Sean, just the lingering jealousy shining through, but he was getting over it.

“Well, someone else better start popping out babies so Claire has someone to play with.” I gave a look to Josh and Maddie and they both laughed.

“Eventually,” Maddie said, peeking up at Josh. “But not right away.”

My eyes moved to Amanda and she looked lost in thought, something she did a lot lately, and I glanced over at Maddie who was noticing too. She just gave me a shrug and looked back at our friend.

Craig walked back out on the patio talking to someone and I saw David appear behind him. His eyes found me as he replied to something Craig said and he smiled.

“You made it,” I said quietly as he leaned down to give me a soft kiss. His dark blue eyes twinkled happily and I gave him a once over. He was back in his suit and tie, the badge and gun hanging at his hip, and I suddenly wanted to rip his clothes off.

“Tink…” David said quietly, his lips near my ear. “I know what you’re thinking and so will everyone else if you don’t stop.”

I gave him a wicked grin and stood up so he could have my seat. He sat, pulling me into his lap, and greeted Sean.

Eventually the sun went down and people started to leave slowly. Matt handed David a sleeping Claire and he laughed quietly.

“I love this kid. She’s so much fun.”

“She’s also exhausting,” David replied with a grin. “Thanks for being so good with her, Matt. She just loves you.”

Matt shook his head. “No thanks necessary. She’s my best girl and she knows it.”

I walked David to his car and stood next to the door as he strapped his sleeping daughter into her booster seat. Once she was in securely, he shut the back door and leaned against the car to look at me.

“Are you going to stay a little bit longer?”

I nodded as I took a step forward to grab his tie. “Just a few more minutes and then I need to run by my place to grab a few things.”

I tugged lightly on his tie and he bent down to capture my lips with his own.

“You should just move it all into my place, Sydney,” he mumbled as his hands wrapped around my back to pull me closer.

I just grinned and shook my head as I pulled my face away from his. “We’ve had this conversation, Bradley.”

“You’re so damn stubborn and it makes me nuts.” He placed another kiss on my lips before releasing me with a sigh.

I rolled my eyes as I took a step back. “Pot, meet kettle. You’re equally as stubborn, handsome.”

I stood on the sidewalk and watched as his taillights disappeared, a smile set on my face. It had been almost a year since the first time I had laid eyes on him in that bar and I couldn’t imagine my life without the Bradley family.

As I walked back into the house, Matt was just stepping off the porch to walk to his car and he smiled at me.

“Goodnight, Syd.”

I grabbed his hand to pull him into a hug and he let his arms squeeze me tightly.

“You’re a good man, Matt. I hope you know that.”

He pulled back and gave me a cocky grin. “I try my best. You are a good woman, Syd. You’ve changed over the past year and I hope you’re proud of yourself.”

I shrugged, still uncomfortable with praise. “I’m happy. I thought I was happy before, but I’m really happy now.”

“Good. Hold onto that happiness, Sydney. Trust me when I say it’s not easy to achieve.” Matt’s grin fell into a sad smile and he turned to walk to his car.

I stared at his retreating figure until he his car disappeared down the road, a sense of sadness blooming in my chest for my surrogate brother. I just hoped he would find the happiness he deserved, too.

Once I made it back inside, I walked into the family room and fell onto the couch next to Maddie who had her feet up in Josh’s lap. Amanda was asleep in the oversized chair next to the couch and I elbowed Maddie gently.

“What’s going on with her?” I looked pointedly at our exhausted friend.

Maddie shook her head and I saw worry creep onto her face. “I don’t know and she isn’t giving anything away. She hasn’t been the same since we got back from Oregon.”

“Leave her alone, guys,” Josh whispered quietly. “There’s been a lot going on these past few months with all of you. Of course she’s tired.”

Maddie scrunched her nose towards her soon-to-be husband and gave me a look that said we’d talk about it when we were alone.

I stood from the couch and hugged her and Josh softly before moving to where Amanda was. I attempted to wake her up gently, and finally her eyes fluttered open and she gave me a tired smile.

“I fell asleep.” It wasn’t a question but I nodded anyway.

“Yeah, I’m going to head back to the apartment for a moment and was going to see if you wanted to ride with me since you came with those two.” I gestured towards Maddie and Josh.

Amanda nodded and stood up slowly. “Yeah, thanks.”

We said goodnight to them before moving on to Linda and Craig and heading to my car.

After about three miles I broke the silence in the dark car. “What’s going on, Amanda? Don’t say nothing, either, because we all know something is going on.”

She let out a loud sigh and rest her head against the passenger window. “I don’t even know, Sydney. When I do, I promise I’ll explain it all, okay? I promise.”

I didn’t like her non-answer at all, but I didn’t push her. In our group it had always been that Maddie was the voice of reason, I was the wild one, and then Amanda was the solidly sure one. It unnerved me to see Amanda so unlike herself.

When we made it home, she gave me a swift hug and went right to bed. I didn’t linger and instead just grabbed a few more outfits that I had wanted to take over to David’s and checked in on Amanda before I left. She was already asleep in her bed, and I wanted to fix whatever was wrong in her life. Amanda was always there for me, and I felt like I was failing as a friend to her.

I finally pulled myself from my friend, leaving her a note on the counter that told her I loved her, and drove over to David’s house a little after midnight. I pulled into his driveway, grabbed my bag, and walked up the walkway to the front door. David had left the porch light on and I pushed through the door without knocking.

The house was dark as I locked the front door and moved up the stairs to David’s room. I stopped to check in on Claire on the way, and she was sleeping peacefully in her bed while surrounded by the usual stuffed animals. I pulled her door closed and walked quietly into the master bedroom. David was asleep in the middle of the bed and I took a moment to admire the sight of him. His face was completely relaxed in the moonlight that seeped in from almost-closed blinds. The sheet rested at his waist, leaving his bare chest on display. My heart swelled with love as I stared at this beautiful man who had changed my life so much just by loving me.

I changed into my sleep shorts and tank top before sliding into bed next to him, letting my lips graze his cheek softly before snuggling into his chest. He shifted underneath me and his arms wrapped around my back, holding me close to his body.

“I love you,” I whispered as I let my eyes close.

David’s lips grazed the top of my head softly. “I love you, too.”