Seaside Secrets (8 page)

I think I already have
.

AMY SPENT THE afternoon at Duck Harbor, reading a romance novel. She didn’t care that the sun had long ago set, or that she had goose bumps all over her body. She was lost in the love of two fictional people, which was a heck of a lot better than thinking about her own broken heart. She decided to revel in the fictional world for a while longer. What did she have to rush home to? There was a barbecue tonight in the quad, and she knew exactly how that would go, didn’t she? She’d gotten a nice little preview of things to come at the hotel. The girls loved her and they loved Tony, but their loyalty to her was thick as tar. Sticky, mucky tar that she counted on to pull her through. But the thought of them being mad at Tony for not wanting her made her a little queasy. She knew Tony’s friendships with the girls were treasured as much as hers was. She didn’t want to be the cause of trouble between any of them.

She was also clued in to herself to realize that she sure as heck wasn’t experienced enough in love to figure it all out on her own. Her heart knew and loved Tony. Beyond that, not much made sense. Would she ever be able to tuck away those feelings and allow another man to replace him? She wasn’t sure, but she had to go back to her cottage and face the music. Tony and the girls were her friends, and she needed to fix things between them.

On her way back to Seaside, she stopped at the Wellfleet Market to pick up wine, chicken for the barbecue, and to check out the new books they had on the shelves. She read through each title, but she’d sort of had her fill of romance for the day, and mysteries were too intense. She was more a romance or literary-fiction girl. But today even literary fiction wasn’t piquing her interest. She didn’t want to read about anything too heavy. She turned toward the register and spotted a rack of greeting cards. She loved cards. A cute picture and a few words could change someone’s whole day. Maybe she’d find something funny for the girls and surprise them with it. She turned the rack away from the birthday section and read a few of the Girlfriend cards.
Ugh
. The cards were all about men and relationships. Couldn’t she escape that for just one day? Her friends had guys. Perfect, romantic, loving guys who would do anything for them.

She gave the rack another spin and plucked a card from the thin wire shelf. There was a picture of a little boy and girl sitting on a stoop; the boy was whispering in the girl’s ear.
Cute
. She flipped it open and read the inscription.
My life’s just better with you in it.
She shoved it back in the rack and tried to block the thoughts of Tony that stupid card conjured up. She should have known better than to pick it up. She snagged a card that had a picture of a bottle of wine and an unattractive man on the front and flipped it open.
Drink up. He’ll look good by the time you finish.

When had greeting cards become so lame? She nixed the card idea, and her eyes caught on a little surfboard key chain hanging from a display next to the card rack. She unhooked it from the display and ran her fingers over the inscription,
#1 Surfer Dude
. She felt herself smile and then chided herself for thinking of Tony.

Yeah, right. Don’t think of Tony. Like that has a chance of happening
.

She took the key chain and her other groceries and headed for the cashier.

The barbecue was in full swing when she arrived at Seaside. The bonfire was lit, Tony, Kurt, and Bella were manning the barbecue on Leanna’s deck, and Pete and Caden were carrying a table from Bella and Caden’s deck into the quad. Jenna and Bella followed, each carrying a deck chair. Leanna was on her way up from the pool, walking Pepper along the side of the road. Within seconds of Amy reaching her driveway, Jenna, Leanna, and Bella were there to greet her.

“We’ve been wondering when you’d get here.” Bella took the grocery bag from Amy’s arms while Amy grabbed her beach bag and towel from the trunk.

“I told you I was going to Duck Harbor to chill.” Amy willed herself not to turn around and look at Tony. She hurried up the steps to her cottage with the girls following behind her.

“Have you talked to Tony?” Jenna asked as they walked inside.

“No, why?”
Did he say something?
As quickly as the thought formed, she pushed it away.

“Just wondering.” Jenna emptied Amy’s groceries while Amy went to hang her beach towel over the railing of her deck. Okay, so maybe it was an excuse to get a glimpse of Tony. She
was
only human. He lived in his board shorts, and sweet mother of hot and sexy, did he fill them out nicely. Tonight he was wearing a gray tank top, giving Amy a lovely view of his bulging biceps and his sculpted lats.

Had he thought about her at all today? Or was she alone in her agony?

“Hey, honey.” Leanna joined her on the deck. “You okay? Jenna wanted to know if that chicken was for tonight.”

Amy shook her head to clear the lust from her brain. “Yeah, I’m good.”

“Is this going to be too awkward? We can eat here if you want. Let the guys eat together over there.”

“No, Lea, it’s okay. I want to talk to Tony and clear the air.” She stole one more glance at him just as he looked over his shoulder. Their eyes connected, and for a brief second Amy’s mind tried to go down the
maybe tonight
trail again...And then she remembered. There was never going to be a
tonight
in that sense for them.

She held his gaze, unable to look away. She knew Tony well enough to read the clench of his jaw.
Worry
. The widening of his eyes.
You want to tell me something.
And then he lifted his chin, his lips quirked up in a semi-smile, and he raised his hand and waved, confusing and elating her all at once.

“Aren’t you going to wave?” Leanna whispered.

Amy felt herself swallowing past the thickening in her throat. She told her arm to move, but it didn’t budge. Her body had betrayed her enough times by now that she was getting used to it. She forced a shaky, nervous,
are we okay
smile that earned her a furrowed brow and a nod from Tony.

She breathed a little easier. Maybe she could survive the summer with their friendship intact. It might not be what she’d hoped for, but it was better than nothing.

Amy went back inside with Leanna. “I need to shower. Can you guys take the chicken over for me?” She went into her bedroom to grab clean clothes and called out to them, “Don’t forget the teriyaki sauce. The one Tony likes is on the door of the fridge.” She clutched her clothes to her chest. “Fudgenuggets.”

Bella stuck her head in the bedroom. “Fudgenuggets?”

Amy rolled her eyes. “I need to stop thinking about him.”

Bella handed her a glass of wine. “Here. This will help.”

Amy sucked the wine down in one gulp. “I think I’m gonna need the whole bottle.”

BY TEN O’CLOCK Kurt and Leanna had already called it a night. Tony sat on the bench beside Amy in their usual spot, only he didn’t put his arm around her. He wanted to, ached to, had to fight the urge not to, but she’d been acting distant all evening, and he didn’t want to cause any more of a fissure between them by overstepping his own very clearly defined boundaries.

“We’re going into Chatham tomorrow.” Bella snuggled in closer to Caden, and it magnified the emptiness beneath Tony’s arm—the spot where Amy should have been. “Anyone want to join us?”

Jenna rested her head on Peter’s shoulder. “Pete? We could go to the Chatham Pier Fish Market and pick up lobsters for dinner.”

“Whatever you want, babe. I’ve got to work on the boat at some point, but if we take two cars, I can head home around two and you can hang with Bella if you want.” Pete was refitting a thirty-foot Bristol sailboat. He kissed Jenna’s cheek and whispered something in her ear, causing her to giggle.

The fire crackled in the breeze. Amy folded her arms across her belly and curled her legs beneath her.  “I was thinking about hitting the beach tomorrow. It’s supposed to be eighty and sunny.” She shifted again beside Tony and pulled her sweatshirt down over her knees.

“I’m hitting the surf early tomorrow, but thanks, Bella.” Tony saw Amy’s arms press in to her body with a shiver. He gave in to his feelings and did what he would have done if they’d never had the love-you-like-a-friend conversation. He pulled her against him and wrapped his arms around hers. She stiffened against him and it felt like a kick to the gut, but he didn’t relent. He held her until she gave in and at least some of the tension in her shoulders eased.

A few minutes later Bella and Jenna pulled Caden and Pete to their feet.

“We’re calling it a night,” Jenna said with a mischievous grin aimed at Pete.

“Us too,” Bella said.

“We’ll catch you tomorrow, man,” Caden said to Tony.

“Sure thing.” Tony felt Amy lean forward. “Stay,” he whispered to her, and damn if her body didn’t tense up again. He had to clear the air and save their friendship. He might not be able to be the man she needed, but he sure as hell could be a friend. Even if it killed him.

After the others left, Tony sat with Amy, trying to figure out how to break the uncomfortable silence that had settled in around them like an unwanted guest.

“I have to go.” Amy moved from under his arm.

“Don’t you want to talk about this?” He held her steady gaze as emotions washed over her face. Worry filled her eyes, then morphed to sadness, drawing her lips downward. Her eyes followed.

“I’m sorry, Amy. I never wanted to hurt you.”

Amy lifted cold eyes to him. Her mouth closed tight. But her determined mask faded fast, unlike the night in her hotel room, when it had threatened to slaughter him. She was putting on a brave face, and he respected her for it, but of all times, did she have to pick this moment to be strong? He’d selfishly hoped that she’d look at him like she used to and maybe his resolve would melt.

“You did me a favor.” She rose to her feet. “God, Tony. I could have spent the next ten years pining over you.” She laughed, a sad little laugh that drove his pain even deeper.

A favor
. That’s exactly what he had thought he was doing when he’d told her to take the job, but now he wasn’t so sure. Was he doing himself a favor by making her move so far away that a relationship would be impossible? She might be out of sight, but Amy Maples was never far from his mind. Why did it take the threat of her leaving the country for him to realize how much he didn’t want to lose her?

“Would it have been so bad to keep liking me?” he said lightly. He rose and draped an arm over her shoulder, intending to walk her home.

She shrugged him off and took a step away. “Honestly? Yeah, probably.”

“I’m sorry.” He reached for her hand. “I’ll walk you home.”

“It’s okay. I need to get used to this.” She shoved her hands in her pockets and headed across the grassy quad toward her cottage.

He almost wished she’d had too much to drink so he could carry her back to her cottage and put her to bed. How was it possible to miss someone who was right there in front of him? And how could it hurt so much? It hadn’t exactly been easy all these years to keep his feelings for Amy at bay, but it had been doable. He’d dated enough women to satisfy his carnal needs, and Amy had always been right there during the summers, across the gravel road. The possibility of her not being there was beginning to settle in, and it felt wrong and painful.

On the way to his cottage he passed Leanna’s bedroom window and heard Leanna giggling.
Damn windows
. Listening to Leanna and Kurt make love was a running joke around Seaside. They always forgot to close their damn windows. Usually he could laugh it off or ignore it. Tonight, as Leanna’s giggle turned to a low moan, it only made him miss Amy more.

MIDNIGHT CAME AND went, and Amy was tired of staring at her stupid clock. She’d wanted to climb into Tony’s arms and fall back into the closeness they’d had before her seduction-gone-bad, when he’d revealed his true feelings for her. But there was no going back. She was in love with an incredibly smart, handsome man who was a dumbass for not seeing her for who she was. She tossed off her blankets, stripped off her favorite pajama top—the one with a kitty lying on its side like Marilyn Monroe, propped up on one elbow, legs crossed, with the words
Let me show you what purrfect feels like
—and peeled off her underwear. She stomped into the bathroom, grabbed a towel, and secured it around her naked body, then headed outside to her deck. The cold air sent shivers up her body. She didn’t care. It was a dark, moonless night, and she needed dark. She felt dark. The water would be cold, but that was okay, too. She needed to shock her system to rid it of Tony again.

She stepped off her deck and onto the driveway. Darn it. She’d forgotten her flip-flops. Oh well. Bare feet beware, because Amy Maples was on a mission. She walked on her tiptoes across the gravel road to Leanna’s bedroom window and prayed she and Kurt were done with their frisk-fest. All was quiet on the bedroom front, but Amy wasn’t tall enough to see in, and she worried about waking Pepper, so she tiptoed over to Jenna’s back deck and went to her bedroom window instead. The inside of Jenna’s cottage was always immaculately organized, as was the house on the bay where she and Pete spent half their time. The interior was painted white with orange, black, and
rock
accents. Jenna had a wicked rock obsession, and she kept rocks she’d hand selected from the beaches over the years in every room. A quick glance inside confirmed that she and Pete were sleeping. Pete was lying on his back with the sheets bunched around his waist—
thank God
—and Jenna was draped over his chest, naked as a jaybird. Joey, their female golden retriever, was sprawled across her doggy bed in the corner of the room.

“Jenna,” Amy whispered.

Jenna didn’t budge. Joey lifted her fuzzy head.

“Jenna,” she whispered louder. Joey yawned, put her head back down, and closed her eyes.

“Amy.”

Startled, Amy squealed. Bella covered Amy’s mouth and they dropped to the deck like lead.

“Shut up.” Bella was also wearing a towel and she’d remembered her flip-flops. Her tangled and messy hair had that just-been-fucked look.