Seek Me With All Your Heart (25 page)

“Emily, sit with me.” Her father put down the newspaper he was reading and took off his glasses. “I’ve been meaning to tel you what a
gut
thing it was that you did for your
bruder
and Beth Ann, giving them the wringer. A fine wedding present.”

There was nothing Emily liked more than pleasing her father. “I was happy to do it. Martha paid
gut
money.” She smiled as she sat down in the other rocker.

They were quiet for a few moments as her father stroked his beard. “I’ve been thinking, Emily . . . I’m going to carve out some time to build you a cedar chest.” He glanced in her direction. “One like your mother has.”

Emily loved her mother’s cedar chest. She knew her father had made it for her when they were first married. “I’d love that,
Daed
.”

“Every
maedel
should have a special place to store things for her future, and I regret that I haven’t made you one sooner.” He angled his body slightly to face her. “I know your
mamm
has mentioned several things that she wants you to have.”

Emily didn’t know how to respond. Surely, he suspected that, after everything that had happened, she wouldn’t be getting married. She forced a smile. “I better go help
Mamm
in the kitchen.” She stood up and was walking to the door when her father cal ed her name.

She turned to face him.
“Ya, Daed?”

Her father stood up from the chair and walked toward her. “You wil make a fine
fraa
someday, and any young man who wins your heart wil indeed be blessed by God.”

Emily blinked back tears. It wasn’t true, but what a wonderful thing for her father to say. “
Danki, Daed.
”

Then her father did the unexpected. He walked closer and embraced her. “I love you,
mei maedel
.”

“I love you too,
Daed
.”

Emily al owed herself a few extra moments in the safety and warmth of her father’s arms, knowing that she would disappoint him again. Then she eased away and went into the kitchen to help her mother. She picked up a dishrag and started drying the plates in the rack, but her father’s words lingered in her mind—and in her heart. As much as she wanted to believe him, she knew her dreams of becoming a wife and mother were gone. She thought of Katie Ann again and wondered how she was coping with her husband’s abandonment of their life together.

“
Mamm
, do you think Katie Ann wil be coming with the rest of the Stoltzfuses today?” She opened the cabinet to her right and stacked a plate on top of the others.

Her mother pul ed a tub of butter from the refrigerator and began buttering slices of bread. “I don’t know. I hope so.” She shook her head. “Poor dear. I just can’t imagine.”
Mamm
went back to the bread, then said, “
Ach
, I forgot to tel you that the Kauffmans wil be coming for the noon meal today also, so after you dry those plates, can you go ask Levi to put the fold-up table in the den for the little ones?”

Emily abruptly stopped drying the plate in her hand as she recal ed the way Hannah had flirted with David at the singing a few weeks ago. It was as wrong as wrong could be, but if Emily couldn’t have David, she didn’t want Hannah to have him either.

“Emily, move along,”
Mamm
said, cutting her eyes at Emily. “Finish those plates and go find Levi, please.”

An hour later everything was ready, and everyone seemed to pul in the driveway at once. Hannah had three brothers, so they were arriving in two buggies. Emily could see David and his family also arriving in two buggies. David was carting one of the girls, although Emily couldn’t tel which one from this distance.

“They’re here! They’re here!” Betsy jumped up and down.

“Betsy!”
Mamm
stomped her foot. “No screaming!”

Emily tried not to laugh, since her mother had actual y just screamed much louder than Betsy.

Before everyone had tethered their horses, Emily saw Mr.

Becker’s old truck come up the driveway. He parked near the barn and slowly made his way across the yard until he met up with the others. Folks started heading to the house, and Emily greeted them as they came through the door.

“Emily, that’s a lovely dress,” Hannah said as she came into the den. David was behind her. Right behind her.

“
Danki
, Hannah.” She paused while Hannah passed, then she raised her chin and folded her arms across her chest as David came in. “Hel o, David.”

“Hi, Emily.”

Don’t speak to me in that tone
. His tenderness was what had put her in this state of mind in the first place. She liked him better when he was gruff, like the first day she’d met him. From now on, that’s how she would think of David Stoltzfus—rude and gruff. She sighed, knowing that it would be a chal enge to think of him in any way other than sweet, handsome, smart, and everything she’d ever wanted in a husband. She swal owed back a knot in her throat.

“Where’s Martha?” Emily asked Mr. Becker as he came into the den.

Arnold lowered his head. “She won’t be coming.” He looked back up at Emily. “I don’t know what’s wrong. I cal ed her to say I was on my way to pick her up, and she told me she didn’t want to go anywhere.” Arnold’s lip almost looked like it quivered when he spoke. “Then she hung up on me.”

“What? I thought the two of you were getting along so nicely.” Emily touched Mr. Becker’s arm.

Mr. Becker shrugged as his mouth turned down. “So did I.”

THEY’D ONLY BEEN at the Detweilers’ about an hour when David started to feel guilty about his behavior. He’d flirted with Hannah, and al owed her to flirt with him, since he’d arrived, and he could tel that Emily was fit to be tied, jealous as al get out, and nothing could have pleased him more.

I am a bad man
. He’d made it perfectly clear to Emily that he didn’t want to be anything more than friends, yet he was getting a thril out of seeing her jealous. Maybe he just needed confirmation that she real y cared about him
.
.
. and her snippy behavior seemed confirmation enough.

“Here’s the tea you asked for.” Emily handed him a glass of tea, her cheeks red, her eyes fil ed with rage.

“
Danki
,” he said with a smile. Then he turned back to Hannah, even though he wasn’t hearing a thing she said. He saw Emily slip out the back door, swiping at her eyes as she went.
Did I make her cry?
“I’l be back,” he said to Hannah without even looking at her. He headed toward the back door.

It took him awhile to find Emily, out in the barn by herself crying.

“Emily?” He approached her slowly.

She quickly swiped at her eyes with both hands. “Leave me alone. Get out of here.”

David kept moving toward her until he was only a few inches away. “Why are you crying?”

“I said, just leave me alone.” She leaned forward, her face fil ed with anger . . . or hurt? Hurt that he had caused in his effort to affirm her feelings for him.

He stood there, questioning his intentions. His original plan had been to not get close to her, so he wouldn’t hurt her. Clearly, he’d done just that.

He reached for her arms and tried to pul her to him. “Emily, don’t cry.”

She pushed him away. “I said, leave me alone. Go back inside to Hannah. You two make a cute couple.”

“I’m not interested in Hannah, if that’s what has you so upset.”

She snickered as she tossed her head back. “I don’t care what you do, or who you’re interested in, David Stoltzfus.”

“Oh . . . but I think you do.”

Emily held her position. “Wel , you’re wrong. We’re friends, and I don’t care who you choose to court.”

“Is that what you think, that I’m going to court Hannah?” David pushed back the rim of his black hat.

Emily shrugged. “I don’t care.”

“Then why are you crying?”

She blew out a deep breath. “Did it ever occur to you that I might be crying about something that has nothing to do with you? My life and my emotions don’t revolve around you. I’m upset about something else.”

“What then? What are you upset about?”

“I—I
.
.
. I don’t have to tel you.”

David grunted. “’Cause it’s about me and Hannah.”

“No, it’s not!”

“You’re yel ing.” David raised his brows and waited.

“It’s—it’s about Martha. I’m upset about Martha.”

David cocked his head to one side, puzzled. “Martha? Why are you upset about Martha?”

“Wel , because
.
.
.” She folded her arms across her chest. “Because she hung up on Mr. Becker, and Mr. Becker is sad, and wel
.
.
. I figure there must be something wrong. And Martha seemed so happy lately. I just feel sad.”

David’s brows furrowed. “Enough to make you cry about it when you have al these people here?”

She edged past him and mumbled, “Just leave me alone.”

“Let’s go see her then!”

Emily spun around. “What?”

“When everyone leaves, let’s go check on her.”

Emily walked back up to him and glared at him. “Oh no. We can’t be alone together. I wil go check on Martha later. By myself!”

She stormed out of the barn and left David with his mouth hung open.

WHEN EVERYONE LEFT that afternoon, Emily knew she needed to go upstairs and bury herself in prayer for at least a couple of hours. She’d been rude to Hannah, yel ed at David, and even barked at poor little Betsy for no reason. But she needed to see Martha first. She was sincerely concerned about her friend, and even her mother had pul ed her aside and asked if Emily would go check on her.

As she eased into Martha’s driveway, the sight in front of her made her want to spit nails. David stood beside his buggy right in front of Martha’s house.

She climbed out of her buggy and walked directly to him. “What are you doing here?”

David smiled. “Waiting on you.”

Emily pul ed her coat tight around her and locked eyes with him. She thought about her dreadful behavior al day and took a deep breath. “What are you doing, David?”

“I’m here to check on Martha, just like you.”

“No.” Emily tucked her chin and spoke softly. “I mean, what are you
doing
?” She looked up at him, knowing her eyes were beginning to tear. “You tel me that you just want to be friends with me, but we can’t spend any time alone together. David, you are sending me mixed signals. But I want to clear something up, so that maybe we
can
be friends, alone together or otherwise.”

“Okay . . .”

She took another deep breath. “I can never be anything more than friends with you. Never. I care about you, and I think you are a wonderful person. But if you are worried about leading me on, there is nothing to worry about. I don’t want to play games, though.” She pul ed her eyes from his. “I like you very much, but I’l never want to be anything more than your buddy. So you can stop trying to make me jealous with the likes of Hannah Kauffman. Because, honestly
.
.
. I think you can do much better than her.”

“Emily, you don’t understand. If you understood, then maybe—”

Emily held her palm toward him. “I don’t need to understand anything. I have my own reasons. Now, I’m going to check on Martha. You can come, or not come.” She turned around and walked up the porch steps. She could hear David fol owing her.

After several hard knocks and no answer, Emily turned to David. “Her car is here. Do you think she’s okay?”

“Maybe she’s napping.” David reached forward and gave another hard knock on the door.

Emily turned the knob. “It’s open. Should we go in and check on her?”

David shrugged. “I don’t know, Emily. She might just be busy, or down with a cold, or something else that ain’t none of our business.”

Emily twisted the knob anyway and slowly pushed the door open. Martha was sitting in her chair, looking like the old Martha but a more disheveled version of her—hair unfixed, matted curls barely held on top of her head with the butterfly clip, a dingy pink housecoat and worn slippers as her wardrobe.

She didn’t even look Emily’s way when the door opened. Emily stepped through the door, and David fol owed right behind.

“Martha?” Emily said softly. White lines ran from Martha’s eyes down through her pink blush.

Emily looked from Martha’s face to the blue blanket cradled in her arms. “Oh no,” she whispered. Elvis’s brightly-colored head lay tilted to one side, his eyes closed, his body unmoving under the blanket.

Emily was rooted in place, but David walked toward Martha. He slowly squatted down beside her, and with the familiar tenderness that Emily had grown to love, David lightly touched Martha’s arm. After a moment, she turned to face him, then she spoke softly.

“I went to church,” Martha said, sniffling. “I wanted to see what it was al about.” She looked down at Elvis, and another tear rol ed down her cheek. “I’ve even been praying.” Then Martha looked hard into David’s eyes and spoke in an even voice. “And this is how God rewards my good efforts? He takes my beloved Elvis. Why would He do that, David? Can you tel me that?” She smiled slightly as another tear rol ed down her cheek.

Martha’s calm demeanor was unnerving. Emily final y inched closer and squatted down beside David. But before either one of them could offer any words of comfort, Martha spoke again.

“Seek Me with al your heart.” Martha paused. She looked down at Elvis and stroked his head, then looked back up at David. “I’ve been hearing that in my head, and I thought maybe it was God, so I’ve been trying to connect, I guess you’d say.”

Emily didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know how to explain to an
Englisch
person that God’s wil is not to be questioned, even in the worst of times.

James flashed before her, and she clenched her eyes shut.
Not now. Martha needs our help
. She wasn’t sure how David’s hand became intertwined with hers. She looked down, and he gave her hand a squeeze but kept his eyes on Martha. Emily was wondering how long Martha had been sitting there with Elvis in her lap. It was the most heartbreaking scene, and Emily fought her own tears.

David stil had one hand on Martha’s arm. “What can we do, Martha?”