Seek Me With All Your Heart (30 page)

“I was sent to let you know that the men are starting on the schoolhouse Saturday. I told Arnold I’d stop by and let you know
.
.
. even though I haven’t heard from Arnold in a couple of days.” Martha scowled before she turned toward Lil ian and Samuel’s house. “I knocked on the door over there, but no one is at home. Can you let your kinfolks know too?”

“Of course.” Katie Ann grabbed at her stomach.

Martha folded her arms across her chest and frowned. “What’s wrong with you?”

“
Ach
, I’m fine. I just seem to have a stomach bug that won’t go away.” Katie Ann grimaced as the nauseated feeling settled in the pit of her stomach.

Martha stared at her for a moment before she said, “Anyway, we’re al going to be there, and we’re planning it like your people do a barn raising—frame it al in one day, put the roof on that evening, then spend the next few Saturdays working on the inside.” Martha took a breath. “Al the womenfolk are going to bring food and tea at noon. Even me.” She cackled. “Though history dictates that I should leave the cooking to the others. I’l just bring the tea.”

“That sounds nice. And
ya
, I’l be happy to bring something.” She grimaced again. “I’m sorry, Martha. I hope I’m not being rude, but my stomach is getting worse. I think I best excuse myself.”

Katie Ann didn’t even have time to close the door; she just turned and darted to the bathroom. She barely made it this time, and when she was done, she wiped her mouth, took a deep breath, and promised herself she would make an appointment with the doctor the fol owing day if the nausea didn’t stop by then. When she walked out of the bathroom, Martha was standing in the den with her arms stil folded across her chest and a frown on her face.

“Wel , that didn’t sound good at al .” Martha walked closer to Katie Ann. “You got fever?”

Katie Ann jumped a bit when Martha roughly slapped her hand to Katie Ann’s forehead. “I don’t think so,” she said. “Just feeling sick to my stomach. Not al the time. Just in the mornings, and sometimes after I eat supper.”

A grin spread across Martha’s face. “Honey, that ain’t no virus.” Martha tipped her head at an angle, then squinted one eye. “How long since your husband’s been gone, and how long since you’ve had your womanly visit?”

“What?”

Martha slapped her hands to her hips. “You know . . . how long since—”

“
Ach
, that.” Katie Ann stopped Martha before the woman embarrassed her further. “No, I’m not pregnant. Ivan and I tried for many years to have a baby.”

She shook her head. “It never happened.”

“You didn’t answer my question.” Martha tilted her head to the side and looked up at the ceiling. “He’s been gone about three or four months, that husband of yours.” She scowled at Katie Ann. “Who I think needs a good lashing for what he did to you.” Martha waved a hand in the air. “Anyway, how long has it been since—”

“I don’t know. But I’m sure I’m not pregnant.” Katie Ann tried to recal the last time she’d had a menstrual period. She couldn’t. She’d stopped keeping track of it a long time ago, when she’d reconciled the fact that children were not in her future.

Martha pressed her lips together for a moment. “You’re a bit young to be going through the change.”

This conversation was inappropriate, and Katie Ann felt her cheeks blushing. “I’m sure I’l be fine, Martha. Tomorrow I’l go to the doctor, and—” She gasped as she bent at the waist.

A sharp pain jabbed at her abdomen. This felt different than the nausea, and it frightened her.

“Let’s go,” Martha barked. “Whatever is wrong with you, pregnant or otherwise, I’m hauling you to a doctor. So get what you need and let’s go.”

Katie Ann didn’t argue as another pain stabbed at her stomach.
Dear Lord, haven’t I been through enough?

IT WAS TWO hours later when the doctor was final y able to see Katie Ann. He gave her a complete examination, drew some blood, and asked her to urinate in a cup. As she waited for someone to return to the smal room she was in, the clock ticked loudly on the wal and the sterile surroundings and smel of ammonia made her anxious. But at least her stomach wasn’t cramping any more.

Martha was waiting in the reception area down the hal . Katie Ann was grateful to Martha for bringing her to the doctor, but she felt badly that the woman was spending her afternoon this way. Martha didn’t seem to mind, though. “When else can I catch up on my reading?” she’d said, holding up a magazine.

Katie Ann took a deep breath, blew it out slowly, then folded her hands in her lap. She wasn’t sure whether to go sit in the chair nearby or stay seated at the end of the long examining table. She decided to stay where she was and hoped the doctor would be back soon. Normal y, she would seek out a natural doctor, hoping for herbs or a homemade treatment to cure what ailed her, but Martha was insistent that Katie Ann go to an
Englisch
doctor. And Katie Ann suspected Martha was right in this case. Whatever was going on was more than a common cold or virus.

Katie Ann suspected Martha was right in this case. Whatever was going on was more than a common cold or virus.

She heard shuffling outside the closed door and looked up when the doctor walked into the room. He was an older man with gray hair and smal green eyes, but when he smiled, his kind features put Katie Ann’s mind at ease.

“Katie Ann, you’re about three and a half or four months pregnant.” His smile grew broader, then he sat down on a smal stool and began writing something on a pad of paper. “I want you to take these vitamins I’m prescribing, something a little better than what you can get over the counter.”

He kept writing, but Katie Ann couldn’t breathe. She unfolded her hands and pressed them against her bel y. Dr. Morgan raised his brows to her.

“This is your first baby, right? You must be very excited.”

Katie Ann opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out for a few seconds. “Are you sure?” she final y asked.

“Absolutely. And that cramping was due to the stretching of the ligaments in your pelvis. It’s something that happens sometimes—usual y during the first trimester—but you’re not too far past that. We’re going to keep a close eye on you, though.”

A baby?
She couldn’t wait to tel Ivan as soon as—

Her heart sank, knowing that she’d dreamed of this moment her entire life and fantasized about the look on Ivan’s face when he heard her speak the words,
Ivan, we’re going to have a baby
.

But no one would be home to hear the news. And her husband was sharing his life with another woman.

“I want you to come back next week.” The doctor handed her the slip of paper. “Just to make sure everything is al right, and we’l do an ultrasound at that time.” He paused. “Do you know what that is?”

Katie Ann nodded. She was with Lil ian when the doctor suggested her sister-in-law have an ultrasound during her second pregnancy.

“Do you have any questions?” Dr. Morgan stood up from the stool and walked closer.

Ya, I have a million questions
. “No,” she answered.

The doctor congratulated her before he left the room. Katie Ann sat there for a few moments, fighting the urge to question God’s timing. She touched her stomach again with both hands and wondered how she was going to do this alone, at her age.

Ting a child on her own. Martha was hesitant to leave Katie Ann, but when Lil ian showed up, she headed back to her house. Martha recal ed her own desire to have children, but she’d lost one in miscarriage and was never able to conceive again. And she’d had Herbert back then. Poor Katie Ann was al by herself. Martha folded her arms across her chest as she thought about her own life.HAT EVENING MARTHA kicked her shoes off and poured herself into her recliner. She was relieved that Katie Ann was going to be al right, but the poor woman was a mess—thril ed to be pregnant a little late in life and scared to death to be rais

She was more than a little peeved that she hadn’t heard from Arnold for the past two days. They always ate dinner together on Wednesday nights.

She’d slap something frozen in one of her own casserole dishes, heat it up, and Arnold would go on and on about how great it was, even though they both knew it originated from a box in the freezer section of the grocery store. She’d cal ed him several times, and each time she’d gotten his answering machine. And today was Wednesday.

She glanced over at Elvis’s cage, knowing she needed to move it out of the living room, but sometimes she could almost see and hear her precious Elvis singing and talking to her, and she just wasn’t quite ready yet. She settled into the chair, crossed her legs, and thought about the money she’d given Vera. It had been impulsive, and she real y hadn’t a clue if Vera and her family needed any money, but Martha sure didn’t need it. She was at a loss that day about what to give the Detweilers for Christmas, so she figured a quarter mil ion bucks oughta do it. She’d about fal en over when Herbert died and the attorney said they had mil ions in the bank.

Martha had given away a lot of it over the years, but she’d about run out of good causes in the area, so she thought maybe the Amish might put some to good use. She smiled, knowing she’d been right. Katie Ann told Martha about a mysterious box of money showing up at her front door.

“Who would do such a thing?” Katie Ann had asked on the way home from the doctor’s office.

Martha had merely shrugged. A true gift is one that comes from the heart, one you don’t need credit for. She’d learned that from going to church with Arnold.
“Matthew 6:3–4 (NIV), But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in
secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you
.
”

She sure hoped nothing had happened to Arnold. That old man made her want to be a better person. And while Wednesday was frozen food night, Mondays had been the nights that Arnold talked to her about God and His Son, Jesus.

“Jesus listens to us, Martha,” he said over and over again. “Just talk to Him like you would a friend.”

It frightened her at first, these conversations she seemed to be having with herself. But when she started to real y listen, she could hear a voice in her head. She was pretty sure that’s how she knew to give Vera the box of money, that she’d do the right thing.

Seek Me with all your heart
.

She’d been hearing that in her head for months, and with each day, she felt like she was growing in the Lord’s love, gaining faith. “I want to spend the rest of my life living the way You want me to live, God,” she’d recently said to Him. “Give me a chance, and I’l make You proud.”

Her thoughts were interrupted by the phone ringing.

She rose from the recliner and walked to the phone a few feet away. “This better be Arnold Becker cal ing to explain to me where he’s been and why he isn’t at my house tonight for supper,” she said before she picked up the receiver and said hel o, noticing that there was no number on her cal er ID.

“Martha, Martha. I’m so sorry.”

Relief flooded over her at the sound of Arnold’s voice. “Where in the world are you? I’ve tried cal ing, but your machine picks up.”

“I’m in Georgia.”

Martha was quiet for a few moments. “Arnold . . . are you in another state when you are supposed to be in Canaan, Colorado, having lasagna with me tonight?” She kept her voice as calm as a windless sea with enough turbulence hidden below the surface to erupt into a tidal wave if he wasn’t real careful about what he said next.

“I’m sorry, Martha. I hate missing our dinner night.”

Martha scratched her head so hard she knocked her butterfly clip to the floor. “You gonna tel me what you’re doing in Georgia?”

“I’m with my son.”

Martha folded herself back into her recliner. “What son? I thought you didn’t have any children.”

She heard a heavy sigh on the other end of the line. “No, I do. Just one son. Benny.”

“I heard you say that you didn’t have any family to speak of that first day I met you.”

“Right—to speak of. I haven’t spoken to Benny for years, since he was a boy. But his wife cal ed me, Martha.” She heard only silence for a few moments; then Arnold spoke. “Benny is sick, and I need to be here right now.”

“Oh. Of course you do.” She thought for a moment. “What’s wrong with him?”

“Pancreatic cancer.”

Martha was quiet. “I’m sorry, Arnold. Is there anything I can do?”

“No. But thank you.” He paused. “I’ve enjoyed our time together, Martha, but I feel a strong cal ing to stay here and help take care of my son, and to try to make things right between us while I stil can.”

There was such sadness in Arnold’s voice that Martha hesitated to ask a question she already knew the answer to. “How long wil you be there?”

“I’ve been invited to stay indefinitely, for better or worse. I won’t be coming back. I couldn’t tel you in person. I just couldn’t.”

Martha fought the bitterness rising to the surface, but how could she fault the man for wanting to be with his sick child? “I hope that things go wel for you and your son, Arnold.”

“Thank you, Martha.”

They chatted for a few more minutes, and Arnold said he was going to speak with David about completely taking over the schoolhouse project, and he’d already made arrangements to have his things shipped to Georgia. They had just said good-bye when Martha quickly spoke into the receiver.

“Arnold? Are you stil there?”

But he’d already hung up. “I’l be praying for you and your boy,” she whispered to herself as she hung up the phone.

“Lord, I’m trying. I real y am,” she said as she walked to the kitchen, then pul ed out an almost-burnt container fil ed with store-bought lasagna. “You said,

‘Seek Me,’ and I did. I’ve opened my heart, and I’ve given money to those in need, like I heard you’re supposed to do. I’ve tried to clean up my act and not be so cranky al the time.” She looked toward the ceiling. “But You took Herbert. Elvis is gone. And now my friend, Arnold.” A tear rol ed down her cheek. “I don’t understand what it is You want from me.” She sat down at the kitchen table and stared at the pan of food. It seemed fine eating it with Arnold, but right now, it was the most unappealing thing she’d ever laid eyes on.